Health / Wellness

When Work Makes You Feel Completely Miserable

Just because your current situation feels desperate doesn't mean this is permanent. Look how far you've come already.

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Jeena Cho

Jeena Cho

I used to believe work should be miserable. After all, it’s called “work” for a reason. It’s not playtime, there are no kittens or rainbows, especially in law firms. Words such as joy and happiness were strictly forbidden. In fact, to desire such things as a lawyer felt trite. Perhaps it’s my immigrant upbringing, but I always felt I should be grateful to even have a job, to have enough to eat, to have a shelter, to afford my student loan payments.

This theme that work should be miserable is surprisingly common in our profession. I’m not writing about the hard work and grind inherent in practicing law that actually carries a certain satisfaction; it is much deeper than that. I meet a lot of lawyers who absolutely loathe their jobs, but feel they have no options.

They’re are so used to feeling miserable that this sadly becomes the norm. They can’t recall the last time they felt a sense of contentment. What’s worse, these types of conversations about having a sense of meaning, joy, or purpose are rarely acceptable at the office.

I’m assuming if you’re still reading this, you can relate to this feeling. My friends, take heart. As the saying goes, “this too shall pass.”

Yes, I know. That may not be helpful advice (however true the advice may be) when you’re in the midst of misery, yet, having the insight to take a step back from your current situation and reevaluate with a bit of distance can be sanity preserving.

Reconnecting With Joy

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When we identify a problem, we obviously want a fix — immediately. The conversation I often have with lawyers goes something like this: I absolutely hate my job. I’m completely miserable. The few options I’ve considered aren’t viable. I don’t know what to do but I want this situation fixed yesterday.

This is a terrible mindset to make major life decisions from — when we feel we’re out of options, when we’re feeling cornered.

Here’s the thing. Chances are, you didn’t grow to hate your job overnight and fixing it won’t happen in an instant.

When I finally admitted to myself that the job I was at was completely wrong for me, I had been working so hard at it that I no longer had any sense of normalcy. I didn’t have any hobbies, few non-work friends, and I couldn’t answer a simple question — tell me something you do on a regular basis that gives you the feeling of joy.

Rather than struggling with huge questions, such as, “should I quit?” a better place to start is by reconnecting with yourself, your sense of joy and happiness.

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Think back to a time in your life where you felt a sense of wholeness. What activities did you engage in then? It can be something very small like listening to your favorite song on replay over and over, leisurely shopping for the ingredients and then making your favorite recipe, or snuggling with your significant other.

Start there.

Choose one simple activity that you once enjoyed and reincorporate it into your life for a period of time, say, 30 days. See how that changes your perspective.

Be Gentle With Yourself

It’s easy to fall into the cycle of negative self-talk, self-criticism, and blame yourself. You may regret your life decisions, or wonder what you were thinking when you decided to take the LSAT.

You can continue to flog yourself and engage in more negative thinking or you can choose to accept where you are. Forgive yourself.

Ask yourself, if someone I love very dearly were in my situation, what would I say? Pause to consider what you’ve learned from your experience. Did it give you some insight about ways to practice law differently? Did you gain additional self-knowledge?

Treat yourself kindly. Recognize that you’ve done the best that you can.

Trust Yourself

Think back to all the obstacles and challenges you’ve had to overcome to get to where you are right now. You know how to work hard, achieve what you set your mind on, to think critically, to endure hardship, and succeed.

It’s tempting to try to reason and logic your way out of a situation where you’re feeling discontent. Yet, this way of thinking can narrow our scope of vision and actually limit us from seeing the world of possibilities.

What I found to be most helpful is actually to take a more relaxed stance. To trust that life will unfold in its own timeline, that I don’t have to figure everything out in this moment. Also, trusting that there are options and possibilities that are unknown to me. A world of possibilities are waiting to be explored.

This isn’t to suggest you become a passive victim of your life. Quite the contrary. It’s recognizing that just because your current situation feels desperate doesn’t mean this is permanent. Look how far you’ve come already.

It takes courage to take these steps. To seek happiness, contentment, and meaning in your life. And it’s a journey — a path that will unfold over the course of your entire life.

P.S. If you’re a woman lawyer in the New York City area, join me for Shape the Law Unconference on October 28th. Our topic will be Wellness, Wealth, and Wisdom.

Jeena Cho is the author of The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Joyful and Satisfying Law Practice Through Mindfulness and Meditation (affiliate link). She is a contributor to Forbes and Bloomberg where she covers diversity/inclusion, resilience, work/life integration, and wellness in the workplace. She regularly speaks and offers training on women’s issues, diversity, wellness, stress management, mindfulness, and meditation. You can reach her athello@jeenacho.com or @jeena_cho on Twitter.

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