Great Job Opportunity For Caucasians Who Can't Proofread
The most perplexing job posting ever.
Is this the Caucasian you’re looking for?
Most Craigslist posts are dull, paint-by-numbers affairs repeating the same rote job qualifications that everyone seeking a hard-working self-starter plops onto a page. And then sometimes a Craigslist job posting screeches out of the sky like a grammatically challenged meteor of curious racism.
Does anyone want to work in the Denver area for a firm that may or may not have anyone on staff who speaks English? If so, we have the job listing for you.
Navigating Financial Success by Avoiding Common Pitfalls and Maximizing Firm Performance
Assuming you fit some of their more particular requirements.
Please read carefully prior to responding:
Truer words were never spoken.
Our company is seeking an attorney who would like to start up a firm. We prefer a seasoned attorney or a generational attorney. Meaning, their parent or forefather was an attorney.
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I understand the desire to hire the very best, but legal know-how isn’t spread congenitally. It’s spread venereally.
Seriously though, this may be a well-meaning effort to hire the very best attorney, but making hiring decisions based on some bulls**t feudal notion that the best talent stems from a sturdy bloodline only reinforces past prejudices because historically disadvantaged groups are less likely to have the “generational” ties. You wouldn’t want to reinforce racist industry patterns, would you?
A very proper attorney for our position will work side a Caucasian paralegal/master psychologist, and Caucasian Chilean translator.
Oh. Perhaps I spoke too soon.
I’m guessing they’re not trying to say that the applicant must be white, but that the new lawyer will be working with two white people, which is… only casually racist. “Just so you know, you won’t be working with any non-whites!” Yeah, that probably brings out some real winner applicants. Throw in the multi-generational attorney requirement, and it seems like this organization is going to remain lily-white for awhile.
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But if you can get over the firm’s demographic issues, there’s so much more to perplex a potential applicant.
We need an attorney who is open to handling court hearings, drafting paperwork after paralegal has written pre-draft notes.
For the future, maybe let that paralegal take a look at this listing first — maybe they could shore up some of the most glaring grammatical snafus. Assuming they are a “very proper paralegal.”
An ideal attorney for this position will know how to give authorization to staff and is not into discussing regulation and all problems with regulation. Someone who is not afraid to allow flow, and work product creation. Meaning again, we need a seasoned attorney who understands how to authorize work flow, does not abuse staff with their privilege, and truly enjoys allowing staff to work independently so everything comes together in end. We have had such attorneys and working with them was both a privilege and an honor. However, many have their hands to full to help. Not only that, none of them were ever in trouble with regulation, as they provided allowance.
Per prior instructions, I’ve read this carefully and I’m more confused than ever.
We also try to maintain a gym pass, so we would prefer an attorney who is not against physical activity, and hopefully would love to interact. However such activity is not required, but certainly makes us get along better.
I know I’m not supposed to “discuss regulation” and just “allow” things, but I’m not comfortable with this steam room idea…
The weather is not so good. Meaning, compensation is low right now, however should pick up when it does, no tellin’ when. If this is you, we would love to have you!
By “low,” the ad indicates $1000-$4000. That’s not ideal, but there may be a gym pass!
Contact this ad either by phone: Respond through a resume if you don’t mind, and you may also just give us a shout out through email. We do not discriminate.
Perhaps not intentionally….
(The full listing in all its glory is posted on the next page…)
Attorney for hire… Seasoned and/or Generational… (Denver and surrounding counties) [Craigslist]
Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.
