I Can't Be Bought For Some Cigars -- But For A Vacation To Bermuda…

Whether they like it or not, in-house lawyers must be holier than the Pope.

cigar burning humidor full of cigarsAs my first in-house boss used to say, “Whether we like it or not, we have got to be holier than the Pope.”

While our primary in-house function is to serve the general legal needs of our company, more than I would like it to, serving those general legal needs can include investigating your colleagues.

Thankfully most of those investigations turn up good-faith errors that necessitated legal’s involvement, but every once in a while you catch a bad actor. And in the times you uncover one, having a reputation beyond reproach is essential.

I was recently asked to look into a particular department director who had awarded a disproportionate amount of contracts to the same vendor despite each of the contracts receiving multiple bids. Furthermore, in many of the cases the vendor in question was not even the lowest bidder, nor were they necessarily the best suited for the job. In fact, had we selected the low bid each time, which I admit does not necessarily mean the best, we could have saved a significant amount of money.

After I spent several days reviewing the requests for proposals and their subsequent bids, I still could not find a business justification for using the same vendor each time and determined I needed to talk with the department’s director.

When I arrived at his office, we exchanged the normal pleasantries, but as I shifted the conversation to the contracts, he casually pointed to the humidor on his shelf and asked if I liked cigars.

After I acknowledged I had indulged in the past, he went on to explain how wonderful and expensive his latest batch was and offered that I take a couple with me as I leave — an offer I politely declined.

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As I again turned our conversation to the contracts, I was able to make it a couple of questions more before he abruptly shifted the conversation to a yearly trade organization meeting he was attending in the coming weeks.

He informed me a trade organization we belong to was hosting this year’s meeting in Bermuda. Not only was it in Bermuda, but the organization paid for the airfare, hotel, and conference fee for two individuals from each member organization. And that while he normally attends with his deputy director, he thought it would be a great opportunity for me to attend instead and meet some of the industry. Best of all, spouses were free to attend as well.

Cigars I once tried in college to seem cool were pretty easy to pass on, but an all-expenses-paid trip to Bermuda with my wife… well, I will admit that was a bit harder to turn down. However, after mustering a bit of strength and recalling my first boss’ words of wisdom, I politely declined and continued on with my questions.

At the end of my investigation, the worst the department director had done was to refer business to a friend of a friend. Something which called into question his judgment, but certainly nothing that rose to the level of illegality or a kickback. We were able to quickly address the issue, and the director readily relinquished control of awarding contracts. But if I had accepted one of his offers, I am not sure such a clean resolution would have been afforded to us.

Even if the department director did not mean for his generous offers to be interpreted as I did, I can assure you no good would have come of accepting them. In an in-house world where perception can be more important than reality, even if it is an unfair burden, sometimes being holier than the Pope is the best course of action.

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Stephen R. Williams is in-house counsel with a multi-facility hospital network in the Midwest. His column focuses on a little talked about area of the in-house life, management. You can reach Stephen at stephenwilliamsjd@gmail.com.