Bar Exams

How To Fail The Bar Exam With Style

Start preparing yourselves now for your impending doom.

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‘Oh my god, I failed the bar exam…’

Ed. note: A version of this post was originally published on July 16, 2013. We republish it today as a public service for everyone who will be taking the bar exam at the end of the month. Good luck!

The July 2017 bar exam is in less than two weeks from today. Some of you have been studying your asses off since graduation, and some of you have just started studying. In either case, no matter what you do, some of you will fail — perhaps miserably, or perhaps by just a point or two — but still, you’ll fail. But maybe it’s not so bad? Come on, even famous people have failed. No. Just no. It is that bad.

The experience will be absolutely mortifying because for the first time in your life, you’ve been beaten by a test. Maybe you studied the “wrong” way, maybe you had an anxiety attack halfway through the test and had to take a few crying breaks in the bathroom, maybe you skipped a bubble on the Scantron sheet and didn’t realize it until time was about to be called. Whatever happened, whatever bar exam horror story you experienced, you failed. You failed, and because you’re a Type-A person, it will haunt you for the rest of your life, even if you eventually pass. Being a gunner is a harrowing life experience.

This is a test you do not want to fail: you’ll be disappointed in yourself, and worse yet, even though they’ll say they aren’t, your parents will be disappointed in you. You do not want to fail this test. But if you think you’re going to fail, perhaps you should start preparing yourself for the worst before the exam.

For a great example of how to shrug off your impending bar exam failure with humor, keep reading. This is going to solve all of your problems.

Knowing how utterly shocked and disappointed your parents will be that their precious little angel somehow failed the bar exam, why not present them with an even worse failure to soften the blow?

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That’s exactly what this July 2013 bar examinee did. When he wrote this letter, he hadn’t even taken the test yet, but he had already prepared himself in epic fashion for his possible fall from grace. Here’s the letter he wrote to his parents:

Because when you’ve fathered a future basement baby with a girl whose parents farm cocaine in Colombia for a living, failing the bar exam should be the very least of your parents’ worries. Achievement unlocked. Excellent work!

We wish you all the very best of luck on the July 2017 bar exam. Hopefully you won’t have to use a letter like this one come November.

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Staci ZaretskyStaci Zaretsky has been an editor at Above the Law since 2011. She’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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