5 Tips On Getting Hired That Will Shock You

Alright… if the list makes you even raise an eyebrow, then I will be shocked.

I like lists. They simplify things. They break down complexities into swallow-able sound bites. And sometimes they even educate.

I did one in June called Want To Get Sued? A Self-Help Primer. I wrote that “I try to teach clients ‘prophylactic law’ — that is, how to use best practices to avoid problems in the first place, some of which will inevitably lead to lawsuits. But a lot of clients just don’t listen, or if they do, they do not follow this advice. I often wonder if, as with Freud’s ‘death wish,’ they harbor an unconscious desire or need to litigate. Maybe a need to sublimate violent urges into societally sanctioned ways of fighting. Or perhaps a dose of self-hatred.”

And then I provided my list.

Back in January I posted 10 Employment Law Tips For Small-Firm Lawyers, and gave my list for those who currently have or plan to open your own law firm, then you need to know how to be an employer.”

Today’s list is for everyone — everyone who is or will be looking for a job. It is not meant to be an exhaustive list, only little known tips that I’ve culled from 40 years in employment law. And from innumerable Above The Law articles I’ve posted because, hey, its Labor Day and I’m inherently lazy.

Ok, so you may not be shocked… Well, maybe a little surprised?

Alright… if the list makes you even raise an eyebrow, then I will be shocked.

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1.     Be very pretty.

That’s right. There is a well-known “beauty bias” at work — pretty (and tall) people are more likely to get hired, while the others frequently get “the short end of the stick.” This, according to Stanford law professor, Deborah Rhode, who authored a leading work on beauty bias:

“A Time article commented that ‘Women with above average looks reportedly made 8% more while below-average looking women had a 4% penalization. While an attractive man earned just 4% more, men who fell below average on the looks scale were docked 13%.’”

And the kicker: 

[A] phone survey found that almost three-quarters of working women believe that ‘appearance and youthful looks’ are important in hiring, promotion, and rainmaking, and almost one in five either already had a cosmetic procedure or would consider doing so because of this.”

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So the takeaway from Tip #1:  If you have a choice, opt for being good looking.

2.     Be thin.

You always knew this. And studies back you up.

I previously reported: 

“A study at Yale found that ‘overweight adults were 12 times more likely to report having experienced weight-based employment discrimination than thinner persons.’ As one of the study’s authors stated, ‘hiring professionals are less likely to hire an overweight candidate as opposed to a thinner candidate with the exact same qualifications.’”

3.     Be young. And the converse is also true:  Don’t be old.

We may all hope to become old someday — but not yet. At least if you are looking for a job, because, as I commented earlier, “the workplace has yet to become welcoming — or accepting. Quite the opposite. Ageism in the workplace is unabashedly rampant worldwide, with no sign of changing.”

“The rules of the job market aren’t the same for older workers,” commented Quoctrung Bui in the New York Times.  And he noted that a recent study found that “people over 55 are being ‘funneled’ into ‘old-person’ jobs: ‘a mix of high-skill service work (like managers, sales supervisors and accountants) and low-skill service work (like truck drivers, janitors and nursing aides).”

He also noted that “The social stigma for age discrimination is really weak.”

In fact, just today I read an article by Ruchika Tulshyan in The Seattle Times in which she, a superannuated millenial, covfefed about age discrimination and says that “while waiting for companies to see the light. … [r]emove all age identifiers from your résumé (and social media).”

4.     Don’t interview while pregnant.  (This is only for women).

Of course, the Pregnancy Discrimination Act forbids pregnancy discrimination, but many employers ignore this and will not hire women who are pregnant — for many different purported reasons. (Which leads to a bonus tip:  if already hired, don’t get pregnant).

For example, many employers claim to worry about the health of the fetus if pregnant women work, and thereby don’t hire then – or fire them – “for their own good.”

Not legal, says the EEOC, which just sued a Comfort Inn franchise owner in Michigan after it “fired a housekeeper shortly after it learned of her pregnancy. The company stated that it could not allow her to continue to work as a housekeeper because of the potential harm to the development of her baby.”

No, no, no — paternalism is out in the workplace, if that, indeed, was the motive.

An EEOC attorney said that “Pregnancy discrimination is rarely subtle.  Employers may not bar pregnant employees from work because of outdated myths or stereotypes.”

“Rarely subtle … “ 

Read about this EEOC lawsuit filed last year where a California wholesale distributer of orchids allegedly told female employees in staff meetings:

“not to get pregnant, that they have too many children, and the next person to get pregnant should stay home and consider herself fired. EEOC further asserts that pregnant employees were not reinstated or rehired when they attempted to return to work following the birth of their children but were discharged from the company.”

Yep — not so subtle.

5. The last tip is sort of a catch all– it subsumes some of the most important tips you will not find anywhere but here.  “Be male, white, under 50, and maintain an attractive appearance. Studies and innumerable court cases demonstrate that these characteristics … giv[e] you a yuge advantage in getting a job”

Overall takeaway

If you can, try to look like (a younger) Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. Can’t hurt.


richard-b-cohenRichard B. Cohen has litigated and arbitrated complex business and employment disputes for almost 40 years, and is a partner in the NYC office of the national “cloud” law firm FisherBroyles. He is the creator and author of his firm’s Employment Discrimination blog, and received an award from the American Bar Association for his blog posts. You can reach him at Richard.Cohen@fisherbroyles.com and follow him on Twitter at @richard09535496.