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Spooky CourtLaw enforcement, to say nothing of physics, is usually powerless in a horror movie. As the supernatural bad guy kills its way through the cast, the police turn out to be unreliable assholes.

In a world where horror villains could be brought to justice, most of them would end up in jail or in an insane asylum. Hell, many horror villains have escaped from jail or an insane asylum, and society would put them back there if it could.

Most, but not all. Everybody is entitled to due process, everybody is entitled to their day in court. Some horror villains have violated no laws. Some horror villains deserve their freedom.

I’d like to honor these law abiding bad guys, in order from absolutely least culpable to villains who probably would need to hire Alan Dershowitz just to make sure that their rights were protected. [VARIOUS SPOILERS FOLLOW]

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Michael Allen

Michael Allen

Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts Lateral Link’s team of expert contributors. Michael Allen is Managing Principal at Lateral Link, focusing exclusively on partner placements with Am Law 200 clients.

Seven years removed from the financial crisis, the Biglaw market as a whole looks stable with an optimistic future. Through the first three quarters, there has been a modest four percent increase in the amount of partner moves compared to the same period last year. However, the same period is down about 9% from two years ago — but this is largely due to an unexpectedly robust second quarter in 2012.

The beige book concurs with this assessment, noting that in most markets, legal demand rose. Over the next 20 years, the overall job market is expected to grow around 14%, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

For the legal industry, this number is closer to 10%. With law school applications down 37% from 2010, junior associates will realize their relative attractiveness on the lateral market. For more seasoned mid-levels, their demand has subsided after a sharp peak in 2012. There is an even more pronounced difference in quarter four, where junior associate hiring (1-3) burgeoned. (Note the data collected did not start recording laterals by JD year for junior associates until late 2012, and 2011 for mid-level associates.)

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file-cabinet1-300x299Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts from the ATL Career Center’s team of expert contributors. Today, Carrie Smith of Betterment offers reading recommendations for Biglaw associates interested in investing.

We believe investors are made, not born. And for even the most advanced financial whizzes, ongoing education remains a key part of managing money well.

Blogs, magazines, and newspapers are a good source of learning, but a word of warning: Be mindful of what you’re consuming — too much market news can lead to overconfidence bias and might compel you to try to time the market, which rarely leads to better outcomes, research shows.

So, whether you’re just out of law school and new to investing, or you’re getting close to retiring, consider these 10 popular reads to get you started on the path of good financial habits.

Continue reading at the ATL Career Center…


Aaron Hernandez CuffsI used to plagiarize the hell out of encyclopedia entries. If some weathered-old hag of a 6th grade teacher was going to ask me to write a report on the state bird of Kansas, you better believe that a Mr. Funk and Mr. Wagnall were going to be quoted heavily. And better than that, they weren’t going to be quoted at all! Because I was straight gaffling passages left and right out of those big, dusty volumes. Although the Sturnella neglecta eats grain, it also has a prodigious appetite for crop-damaging insects. That “prodigious appetite” bit? All me. A+!

So yeah, middle school was a breeze.

Yesterday, Aaron Hernandez’s defense team failed in its attempt to move Hernandez’s trial. As part of their argument before the court, they accused prosecutors of plagiarizing from their more accomplished brethren. In the process, they laid bare why the legal profession can, and will, soon be taken over by foreigners. Or robots.

Or foreign robots…

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Jonathan Dach

Jonathan Dach

I recently wrote a defense of Jonathan Dach, the Yale Law School graduate and State Department lawyer who was accused of patronizing a Colombian prostitute. Dach has forcefully denied the allegations, and people who know him find the idea of him hiring a prostitute in Colombia to be inconceivable.

Not everyone was persuaded by my defense, however. In conservative quarters, my argument — or at least my “he’s kinda cute” point, made somewhat tongue in cheek — was met with significant skepticism.

New revelations, however, make the case against Jonathan Dach look more shaky than ever — and even conservative outlets are raising questions….

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stat imageLess than three percent of applicants are accepted to Stuyvesant High School (Go Peglegs!). About three percent of Americans donate blood. Roughly three percent of U.S. citizens consider themselves agnostic. Three percent of us are allergic to bee stings.

Three percent is… not a lot. A new report published this week found that one fundamental failing of large law firms in this country could be expressed in the same terms. What is it?

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houdiniIn 1926, Harry Houdini did not have a happy Halloween. The world-famous magician and escape artist died on October 31, 1926, at the age of 52. The man who appeared to cheat death countless times died of peritonitis, the last in a month-long series of injuries and ailments that included a ruptured appendix — the result of surprise punches to his stomach from a McGill University student. This week, On Remand looks back at The Great Houdini and the cases of two magicians who used the legal system to try to take their secrets to the grave…

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Let’s get one thing out of the way right now: if you’ve never been to an ATL Trivia event, you may not realize what you’re missing. If you think it’s a bunch of nerdy law questions, well, you’re wrong. The law may come up — but if it does, it’ll be in the form of theme songs from legal TV shows or something. This is all about how smart you are, not how well you’re going to do on your exams (that’s where our sponsor Kaplan Bar Review comes in).

Maybe we should just call this thing “Are You Smarter Than a 0L.”

Anyway, come join us on Thursday, Washington, D.C. law students. We’ll get some booze and give out some prizes. Like mini iPads for the winning team (maximum of five per team).

Here are the details and the form to RSVP

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Slutty law school devil? Bravo.

Slutty law school devil? Bravo.

Happy Halloween! When we were younger, this holiday was about going trick or treating in relatively innocent-looking costumes to collect as much candy as possible. When we started getting older, the costumes grew up too, and our sense of decorum was thrown out the window.

Women now have the option of dressing as sexy professionals, sexy nursery-rhyme characters, sexy vampires, sexy witches, and this season, even sexy Ebola nurses. Men’s costumes usually run the gamut of witty to incredibly offensive — racially and otherwise — but sometimes women drop the slutty schtick to get in on the “fun.”

Believe it or not, even law students can get carried away with racially insensitive costumes. We bet some clueless white law school couple is totally excited about dressing in blackface as Ray Rice and Janay Rice with a bruised eye. You’re so funny and cool! Everyone wants to give your their outlines now! Yay!

One law school is here to remind you not to dress up like complete morons this Halloween…

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Kanye West

Kanye West

Kanye West says a whole bunch of stupid things. “Imma let you finish.” “God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God’s vessel.” “Let’s get married, Kim.” No less than the President of the United States dubbed him “a jackass.”

That’s why some genius out there decided to channel Kanye as a law student with the brilliant parody account @Kanye_WestLaw.

So what did this parodic College Dropout (affiliate link) have to say about law school….

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