Advertising

coolie cart puller Above the Law blog.jpgEvery now and then, we like to highlight super-crappy especially unappealing job opportunities. See, e.g., this one (perfect for those of you who think sleep is overrated).
A reader at the University of Texas Law School recently sent a great job posting our way. A teaser:

Where to begin? First, what the heck is “Associate Attorney II”? Second, workday commences at 8 AM, and work week is 50-60 hours, Monday through Friday (not including possible weekend and holiday work). Third, anyone who cannot sit for two hours, or requires use of any ADA accommodations, need not apply. Fourth, everything is at the partners’ discretion. Oh, and just in case you thought otherwise, “[t]his description is for recruitment purposes, only, and does not constitute a contract.”

We noticed a few other less-than-appealing aspects of the job:

1. Pay is $4K a month. (This is a lawyer’s job, right? At a law firm?)

2. The job requires a current Texas driver’s license and “the ability to drive long distances unaccompanied during daylight and nighttime hours.”

3. One of the practice areas is “water / wastewater / solid waste” law.

4. The job requires the ability to “carry[] loads of up to 35 pounds (such as books, binders, and files).” (To repeat: this is a lawyer’s job, right?)

5. Yes, there are bonuses — for associates who “produc[e] stellar work product and exceed[] billable hour goals,” and “at the discretion of the partners.”

Well, at least they’re honest. No pretending to match the Cravath bonus scale, while in reality giving market-level bonuses to only a handful of associates.
Read the full job listing, after the jump.

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gorilla lawyer ad advertisement advertising Above the Law blog.jpgThe ethical rules governing advertising by lawyers are designed in large part to protect the public from misleading pitches. But maybe it’s the lawyers who need protecting — from themselves.
If these lawyers scratch themselves inappropriately during meetings, or hog the cold cuts at lunch, don’t say they didn’t warn you.
Magilla Gorilla, Esq. [copyranter]
Earlier: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My — Is It a Law Firm Ad Campaign?

Here’s the latest Job of the Week, courtesy of ATL’s career partner, Lateral Link. If you’re not already a member of Lateral Link, you can sign up through their website. Membership, which is free and confidential, allows you to learn about new legal opportunities as they become available.
Position: Staff Counsel
Company: ActBlue
Location: Boston, MA
Position Description: Staff Counsel will report to Executive Director. Initial responsibilities will include:
• Research of campaign finance laws and regulations at the federal, state and local levels.
• Developing and implementing legal and lobbying strategies to expand ActBlue’s ability to operate at the state level.
• Ensuring compliance with all applicable campaign finance and privacy laws.
• Cultivating relationships with election offices and local campaign finance attorneys across the country.
• Responding to legal inquiries and complaints.
Additional information, after the jump.

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Here’s the latest Job of the Week, courtesy of ATL’s career partner, Lateral Link. Check out their new, redesigned website by clicking here.
(Since we didn’t post a Job of the Week last week, due to the abbreviated holiday publication schedule, we’ll give you two this week — one today, and one near the end of the week.)
Position: Transactional tax associate at international consulting firm
Location: New York
Description: International management consulting firm seeks associate to join its Transaction Tax Services group.
More details, after the jump.

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Hogan Hartson LLP Above the Law blog.JPGRemember those strange radio advertisements about Hogan & Hartson? We discussed them here and here. The ads went something like this:

Did you hire a Hogan and Hartson senior partner for bet the company liltigation? Was your case handled by a junior lawyer instead of the senior partner you thought you were paying for? Call 800-759-8611.

Well, Peter Lattman and the WSJ Law Blog have gotten to the bottom of this oddness. It turns out the ads, which ran in print as well as on the radio, were financed by a company called General Steel. Earlier this year, General Steel sued Hogan, alleging fraud, breach of fiduciary duty and breach of contract. From the Law Blog:

In July a judge in Denver dismissed all but one of the claims against Hogan and sent the remaining claim — essentially a fee dispute — to arbitration. Hogan says General Steel owes the firm around $300,000; General Steel wants its money back and more. Click here for the judge’s order; and here for the judge’s order denying General Steel’s motion for reconsideration. General Steel is also appealing the judge’s ruling.

Hogan & Hartson says it’s not surprised by the Times ad, which has also run in D.C. newspapers (and on the radio). During the settlement negotiations, Hogan says that Knight had threatened a “shock and awe” campaign against Hogan if it didn’t pay General Steel money to settle its claims.

We are “shock[ed] and awe[d]” — by the tackiness of General Steel. If we’re ever in the market for prefabricated commercial steel buildings, they’re definitely not getting our business.
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Dissatisfied Hogan & Hartson Client [WSJ Law Blog]
Earlier: Remember Those Weird Radio Ads Mentioning Hogan & Hartson?
Lawsuit of the Day: Have You Been Injured… By Hogan & Hartson?

Blawg Review 134 Eric Turkewitz Above the Law blog.jpg* So what are your legal remedies if she cheats on you anyway? [copyranter]
* While we’re visiting copyranter: another day, another animal kingdom law firm ad. [copyranter]
* Did the Fifth Circuit go easy on Judge Kent? There may be more here than meets the eye. [How Appealing]
* Eric Turkewitz delivers a New York City marathon-themed Blawg Review. Very cool! [New York Personal Injury Blog via Blawg Review]
P.S. Speaking of the NYC marathon, thanks to the many ATL readers who supported our efforts to raise funds for cancer research. Our fundraising goal was $2,500; thanks to you, we easily exceeded that goal. Our fundraising page will remain up through the end of the year, and your donations are still welcome. If you’re looking for more tax deductions after getting that big bonus check, just click here.
As for our performance in the marathon, we finished in 4:43:27 (good enough for inclusion in the New York Times marathon results supplement, which includes everyone who finishes in under five hours — sorry, Katie Holmes). We were slower this time around than when we ran it in 2005. But considering that we actually trained in 2005 — unlike this year, when the longest run we did before the marathon was a 10-mile run back in April — we were pleased.

* Seventh Circuit to lawyer: What is this, amateur hour? [TaxProf Blog]
* Some more full length attorney bio pics. [Groom Law Group]
* Speaking of the whole Mac-PC thing… [Choate Hall & Stewart LLP]
* Former Congressman blows by the cops while getting blown, then refuses to blow. [Times Union]
* Ah jeez, the nuns too? [New York Times]

Here is the latest Job of the Week — actually, make that Jobs of the Week — courtesy of ATL’s career partner, Lateral Link. Because Lateral Link does no cold-calling and is more efficient than traditional recruiting firms, successful candidates receive $10,000 upon placement.
Positions: Junior Corporate Counsel and Senior Corporate Counsel
Employer: Software Company
Location: Irvine, California
Description:

(1) A corporate counsel (3-6 years experience) that will take responsibility for all aspects of product support for the MAS and Accpac product lines.

(2) A senior corporate counsel (8+ years) with strong academics, prior in-house experience and advanced interpersonal skills. This person will provide counsel on business issues, negotiating and documenting a variety of transactions and dispute resolution as well as supporting the Company’s North American operation in mergers and acquisitions activity.

More details, after the jump.

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sex toy cornucopia pornucopia Above the Law blog.jpgYou can find the weirdest s**t on Craigslist:

I’m creating a proposal for a downtown performance art show based on US sex laws – the quirkier the better. There are many lists online of these laws, but it’s really hard to find the actual statute or case number. In some cases, they either don’t exist or are changed to sound funny but the actual law is not so strange. Like, if its illegal to bring an animal into a public space, you could say that porcupines are not allowed at the opera but then neither is a dog. So much for your funny porcupine law.

The strength of the show is based on the truth – like the real Texas law where having 7 or more sex toys in your possession is “intent to distribute”. I’m looking to see if some defunct laws ever existed – like the supposed Florida law that banned unmarried women from parachuting on Sundays.

If you even understand what I’m going for and have access to a law library (online or brick&mortar), please contact me.

Cheers,
Gabrielle

Our tipster writes: “I’d take it on myself, but I’m not sure how I’d bill it. I know Loyola 2L is pretty hard up; perhaps he could use the extra bucks. Plus, something tells me Gabrielle’s gotta be hot (Roissy would surely agree).”
Gabrielle: you might want to drop Howard Bashman a line. He is a recognized authority on sex toys (as a legal if not practical matter).
Update: A diligent associate at a bonus-bestowing firm recommends A Guide to America’s Sex Laws, by no less an authority than the eminent Judge Richard Posner.
But this sex law compendium might come with a big red flag over it, in the wake of Lawrence v. Texas. The diligent associate points out: “Note that it’s out of date, coming as it did in the Bowers era.”
RESEARCH – Strange Laws for Performance Piece (Lower East Side) [Craigslist]

Here is the latest Job of the Week, courtesy of ATL’s career partner, Lateral Link. To refresh your recollection:

“Because Lateral Link does no cold-calling and is more efficient than traditional recruiting firms, successful candidates receive $10,000 upon placement.”

Position Title: Trial Attorney
Position Description: An innovative, New York-based litigation boutique seeks a well-credentialed, mid-level litigation associate. This firm has 14 attorneys and is well-known for its select group of prestigious private and institutional clients, including celebrities, executives and directors at Fortune 100 companies, top-tier investment banks, and prominent private equity firms. The scope of the firm’s work includes complex civil litigation as well as regulatory and criminal investigations.
Requirements: Top 10 law school; law review and/or federal clerkship is a plus.
To apply for this position, or to learn about other career opportunities, please visit laterallink.com.
Earlier: Prior Job of the Week listings (scroll down)

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