* Chickens help us cope with “chronic anxiety” too. After they’re ground up and turned into McNuggets. [Nasty, Brutish & Short]
* “DO NOT put any person in this washing machine.” Unless they’re really smelly — and small. [Overlawyered; Associated Press]
* Eliot Spitzer has a man-date. In more ways than one. [New York Daily News]
* Joan Biskupic gets a book deal. For a bio that writes itself. [How Appealing]
* Judges should too. ‘Cause most of them couldn’t do their own Westlaw research if their lives depended on it. [TaxProf Blog]
Animal Law
- Animal Law, Breasts, Cyberlaw, Defamation, Free Speech, Hurricane Katrina, Media and Journalism, New Orleans, Non-Sequiturs, Sexual Harassment
Non-Sequiturs: 12.11.06
By Stella Q* I think I may be the only New Yorker who regularly watches local channel NY1 — I just can’t get enough of Pat Kiernan’s deadpan delivery, especially of the more frivolous items. What would he say (and too bad he can’t) about this doctored photo of his colleague “BBB”? [New York Post via Gothamist]
* Because monkeys are people too. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* The lesson learned is to move if you live near a dam. (I am amazed at my restraint in the face of such a punnable word, but hey, this is pretty serious.) [New Orleans City Business via Ernie the Attorney]
* Anyone who hasn’t been ripped on in cyberspace is either in a coma or hasn’t come out of his Y2K bomb shelter. I bet these guys would love to be able to claim a cause of action. [Findlaw]
* Jurors go wild… kind of. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* This could be your fate if you have sexual relations with any animal, dead or alive, regardless of law: you could be the posthumous star of a Sundance documentary. [Editor and Publisher]
* Do not think you can know go about suing the various characters in your dysfunctional family. [Seattle Times]
Bestiality-oriented necrophiliacs who live in Wisconsin, we bring you some potentially good news. In the next few weeks, a court could hold that you may have your way with whatever animals you please — as long as they’re dead.
From The Smoking Gun:
Meet Bryan James Hathaway, alleged venison lover. The Wisconsin man, 20, is facing charges that he had sex last month with a dead deer. Hathaway, who previously has served time for killing a horse he intended to sexually assault, allegedly found the deer in a ditch alongside a roadway.
Now Hathaway’s lawyer has filed a court motion (a copy of which you’ll find here) arguing that since the animal was already dead, Hathaway should not face a misdemeanor rap of sexual gratification with an animal. “The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” lawyer Fredric Anderson wrote in the motion filed in Douglas County Circuit Court.
Anderson isn’t trying to be a wise-ass; he has a plausible argument of statutory interpretation. Here’s an account of the court hearing on the motion, from The Daily Telegram:
The Webster’s dictionary defines “animal” as “any of a kingdom of living beings,” Anderson said. If you include carcasses in that definition, he said, “you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.”
Anderson argued: When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it is dead? When it is wrapped in plastic packaging in the freezer? When it is served, fully cooked?
Sounds persuasive to us. So how did the prosecution respond? Well, they got a little Platonic on defendant’s ass:
“The common and ordinary meaning of a word can be found in how people actually use the word,” Boughner wrote in his response to the motion.
When a person’s pet dog dies, [Assistant District Attorney James Boughner argued], the person still refers to the dog as his or her dog, not a carcass.
“It stays a dog for some time,” Boughner said…. “It did not lose its essence as a deer, an animal, when it died,” he said.
We hope the defendant prevails. ‘Cause we’re really looking forward to Thanksgiving.
Can You Get Dear With A Dead Deer? [The Smoking Gun]
Case Presents Unprecedented Challenge [The Daily Telegram]
- Animal Law, Books, Crime, Food, Immigration, Kids, Mafia, Non-Sequiturs, Tobacco / Smoking, Traffic Accidents
Non-Sequiturs: 11.16.06
By Stella Q* I’d rather go naked than eat foie gras. (Wait, is that how it goes? Like Pamela, I’ll find any excuse to show off my glorious rack.) [New York Sun]
* Would it have been a crime if the motive had been a little head-start on Thanksgiving preparations? Not everyone can be Rachel Ray. (Thank the F*&king Lord.) [Rutland Herald]
* You can still smoke in your detached, single-family residence, where the only victims will be you and anyone else likely to live in a detached, single-family residence. Like your kids. [San Mateo Daily Journal]
* If I had received this book as a stocking stuffer when I was 12, I actually would be sad I didn’t get socks instead. Let’s wait for the movie, and then only if it is narrated by Morgan Freeman. He’s just so kind and knowing. If you don’t just love him, well then, there is something seriously wrong with you. [Lowering the Bar]
* But you’ll still be able to gamble and pay someone for sex. [KTNV]
* May we recommend a theatrical adaptation of this instead? Cute, but not offensive. (We think.) [Chicago Tribune]
Clearly there are some very sick people out there:
A man pleaded guilty in the deaths of his ex-girlfriend’s four small kittens, which were tossed into a fire pit after the couple argued.
Robert Tomlin, 22, of Smithsburg was sentenced Monday to 1 1/2 years in jail for aggravated animal cruelty. Washington County Circuit Judge John McDowell suspended the sentence except for the 134 days Tomlin has served since his arrest….
“Taking defenseless animals as you have, and destroying them … there is no excuse for that,” McDowell told Tomlin.
If you cook them, at least have the decency to eat them.
Maryland Man Admits Burning Kittens to Death [Associated Press]
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