Attorney Misconduct

Still Seeking Holiday Party Scandal Stories

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champagne glasses.jpgWe have not forgotten our recent request for funny or embarrassing holiday party stories. If you’re disappointed with your bonus, the perfect way to strike back is by sending us stories of partner misbehavior at your firm’s December fête.
We’re still accepting submissions, by email (subject line: “Holiday Party Stories”). If we receive enough, we’ll have a contest in which you can vote for the most egregious one.
We were reminded of our dormant request when one of you emailed us this story (subject line: “Just in time for law firm Christmas parties”):

A solo practitioner has been censured by the Appellate Division, 1st Department, for twice pinching his secretary’s buttocks. New Jersey-based attorney Ronald M. Sims, a member of the New York Bar since 1974, was convicted in December 2003 in New Jersey of harassment.

This next part confused us:

“Respondent, a solo practitioner, has submitted a letter brief in lieu of a formal response,” the court wrote in its per curiam decision. “He states that he takes full responsibility for his wrongful conduct and explains that the matter came about as a result of his secretary getting mad at him.”

Ronald Sims’s defense: “My secretary got mad at me, so I pinched her butt.”
Shouldn’t that be the other way around?
Attorney Censured for Pinching Secretary [New York Law Journal]
Earlier: Holiday Party Scandal Stories, Please

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Holiday Party Scandal Stories, Please

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champagne glasses.jpgIt’s December, and you know what that means. In addition to law firm associate bonuses — which we’re still waiting for, with bated breath — we get to go to… Christmas HOLIDAY PARTIES!!!
As noted by Alan Kopit, hosting a holiday party is fraught with legal peril. If you’re planning to host such a party, protect yourself against civil liability: include this handy warning, courtesy of Dahlia Lithwick, with all your invitations.
Despite every precaution, people WILL make drunken fools of themselves at holiday parties this year. Bankruptcy lawyers will karaoke to Livin’ on a Prayer; senior associates will puke all over their $1,800 suits; and abundant paralegal ass, male and female, will be grabbed. Wildly inappropriate behavior and egregious forms of misconduct will occur.
Earlier this year, we requested embarrassing summer associate tales, and you obliged. Then we asked for interview horror stories, and you delivered — big-time. So given the time of year, you can guess what we want now: mortifying stories from holiday parties.
Yes, that’s right. If (or rather when) someone does something scandalous or embarrassing at your office holiday party, we want to hear about it. Stories from this year are preferred; but if you have a juicy story from a past year that hasn’t made the rounds yet, we’ll gladly consider it.
Please send such stories to us by email (subject line: “Holiday Party Stories”). We look forward to reading them!
P.S. While we’re asking you for stuff, would someone please send us the results of the NYU Law School hotties contest? Thanks.
Mistletoe or Legal Woes? [Lawyers.com]
Fa-la-la-la-lawsuit [Slate]

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Lawyer of the Day: Jay Gordon

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tax documents Above the Law Legal Blog.jpgLawyers are often criticized for lacking an entrepreneurial spirit. They say that risk-taking visionaries end up as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, while risk-averse weenies end up as their general counsels.
But this view of lawyers isn’t universally true. Some lawyers are willing to take a business opportunity when they see it.
Exhibit A: ATL’s Lawyer of the Day, Jay Gordon. From the New York Law Journal (via TaxProf Blog):

The former chairman of the tax practice at Greenberg Traurig has resigned from the bar for taking over $1.2 million in kickbacks on tax shelters he recommended to wealthy clients.

The incident is the latest ethical embarrassment for 1,600-lawyer Greenberg Traurig. Though largely not itself accused of wrongdoing, the Miami-based firm has recently dealt with the scandal surrounding lobbyist Jack Abramoff and has also seen some partners accused of self-dealing and other questionable conduct.

Between 1999 and 2002, Jay I. Gordon steered a number of clients, including real estate tycoon and Metropolitan Transportation Authority Chairman Peter S. Kalikow, to tax shelter sponsors who in turn directly paid Gordon more than $675,000 in “referral fees.”

We commend Mr. Gordon for thinking “outside the box.” Way to go.
For a laundry list of recent ethical issues faced by Greenberg Traurig, check out the NYLJ piece (click here, scroll down).
Former Chair of Greenberg Traurig’s Tax Department Resigns from Bar Following Kickbacks in Tax Shelter Cases [TaxProf Blog]
Ex-Greenberg Tax Chief Resigns Over Kickbacks [New York Law Journal]

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Lawyer of the Day: Seth Zimmerman

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box for mailing Above the Law Legal Blog.JPGWe’ve all done it: Use of office resources for personal purposes. Maybe you take the occasional personal call on your office telephone. Maybe you used the work fax machine to receive a one-page tax document from your accountant. Maybe you took some paperwork home with you one night, along with an office-issued ballpoint pen, and later used that pen to take down your mother’s chicken casserole recipe, as she read it to you over the phone.
If it’s de minimis use, then it’s okay. But this might have been, um, de maximus:

According to court records, while an attorney in the FTC’s Bureau of Competition, Seth Zimmerman used his office’s Federal Express account to send Redskins tickets to eBay bidders….

The FTC says he cost the federal government $1,938. FedEx also says it lost $3,880 due to the discount shipping rate given to the federal government. According to the plea agreement, Zimmerman also profited by charging each buyer an additional $12 fee for the FedEx delivery.

Two grand strikes us as a sizable sum. But there is room for argument. Zimmerman might respond: “Come on, feds, lighten up! Isn’t that just, like, three Pentagon toilet seats — not even the padded kind?”
So how was the fraud detected? Was an elaborate investigation required?

In August 2004, investigators at the Office of Inspector General for the FTC were contacted by people complaining that tickets they bought from Zimmerman on eBay were never delivered.

What could have been some difficult Internet sleuthing was made easier because Zimmerman used his FTC e-mail address to set up his eBay account. The inspector general subpoenaed records from eBay showing that Zimmerman had been buying and selling tickets on the site since 2001.

Seth, it’s called Gmail. Try it, you might like it.
(Yes, we know: even if Zimmerman had used Gmail, if he used it from his work computer, messages could still be traced back to him using his IP address. But at least then the investigators would have WORK a little to uncover his identity, instead of having it served up on a silver platter.)
Penalty Box: FTC Lawyer No ‘Overnight Sensation’ [Legal Times (pass-through link) via NYLawyer.com]

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Interview Horror Stories: The Curious Incident of the Dog That Loved To Hump

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dogs humping dog sex.jpgSome of you think we don’t give the West Coast enough love here at ATL. We’re happy to report that our next few interview anecdotes come from west of the Rockies.
Here’s the first:

Some years ago, I was a junior associate at a Big Firm in San Francisco. I was asked to take a young female law student out to lunch after her morning round of interviews. I grabbed another associate, and the three of us went off to a nearby expensive, formal, white-tablecloth restaurant.

Things were going fine. The conversation turned to family pets, which was okay because my wingman (wingwoman, actually) was a dog lover.

But then the law student brought up the male dog her family had when she was a child, who was a lovely dog — except for his propensity to hump everything, including legs, furniture, etc. At first this was okay, and made us all laugh.

But then, encouraged by the laughter, the interviewee proceeded to stand up from her seat at the table — in an expensive, formal, white-tablecloth restaurant — and physically pantomime the dog’s humping movements. All the while, she was describing the humping at the top of her lungs, and laughing hysterically.

Result: No offer.

Guess her pantomiming left something to be desired. Was she wearing a pantsuit or a skirt suit?
Earlier: Prior Interview Horror Stories (scroll down)

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Fun With Legal Ethics: The Anna Nicole Smith – Howard K. Stern Case

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anna nicole smith.jpgProfessor Laura Appleman, who teaches at Willamette University College of Law and blogs at Legal Ethics Forum, has just written a fascinating and fun piece about the Anna Nicole Smith saga. Appleman examines the relationship between Smith and her attorney-cum-paramour, Howard K. Stern, from a legal ethics perspective.
Even those of you whose recollections of legal ethics are fuzzy have probably thought there was something fishy about Stern’s conduct. Well, you thought right. Appleman offers a laundry list of legal ethics rules that Stern may have violated.
We commend the entire piece to you. But those of you who sitting for the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam on November 4 will especially appreciate this excerpt:

[H]ere’s our first problem: Assuming, as we are, that our fictional lawyer is sleeping with his fictional client, that said fictional lawyer has allegedly impregnated said client, and that there are some competing paternity claims, what is the best course for the lawyer to pursue?

Is it (a) withdraw from the representation of the client and advise her to seek objective counsel; (b) withdraw from the representation and engage counsel of his own to litigate the paternity claim; (c) withdraw from the representation, engage his own counsel, and appoint a guardian pro tem for the child; or (d) all of the above, while also retaining complete confidentiality of the client’s information, including any client information that affects his personal interests?

Apparently, Stern instead chose (e) continued representation of the client, failure to retain counsel for himself or the child, and disregard for the confidentiality of the client’s information. Stern, an overachiever, decided to accomplish this last goal in most dramatic fashion by outing himself as the putative father on “Larry King Live.” And although there is no specific Rule 1.6 prohibition on “Larry King Live” appearances (not even in the Comments—trust me, I looked), I think we can safely assume that flaunting your client’s secrets on national television is verboten.

And you thought WE were snarky…
(Disclosure: We went to law school with Appleman. And yes, she was hilarious back then, too.)
Please Don’t Squeeze the Client [Law.com]

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If We Ever Get Arrested, Our One Phone Call Will Be to Orin Kerr

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naked man with keyboard.JPGWe’ve blogged a fair amount about Scott Blauvelt, the Ohio prosecutor charged with public indecency for walking around his office in the nude. His lawyer, Michael Gmoser, seems to be laying the groundwork for an insanity defense. In a statement issued yesterday, Gmoser said that his client was seriously injured in a 2005 car accident, suffers from mental illness, and is “an American with a disability.”*
But Orin Kerr, blogger and criminal law professor extraordinaire, offers a more persuasive defense:

Was Blauvelt’s conduct actually a crime? Let’s assume Blauvelt was conscious and not having some sort of seizure that might raise voluntary act or mens rea issues. Here’s what I gather is the relevant text of the Ohio public indency statute, R.C. § 2907.09(a):

No person shall recklessly do any of the following, under circumstances in which the person’s conduct is likely to be viewed by and affront others who are in the person’s physical proximity and who are not members of the person’s household . . . Expose his or her private parts.

There are some interesting ambiguities in the statute, but it seems to me that the key question is whether Blauvelt was naked “under circumstances in which the person’s conduct is likely to be viewed by and affront others who are in the person’s physical proximity.”

We don’t know a lot of the facts here, but based on the story it doesn’t seem like this element has been satisfied. As best we know, the only person who saw Blauvelt was the security guard, who saw him at night via a remote security camera. If the courthouse was closed and no one else was expected to be physically nearby, I would think that the statute probably wasn’t violated.

Good stuff. Professor Kerr is one academic who actually knows his way around the real world of law. (This should come as no surprise. Before joining the ranks of the Elect, by clerking for Justice Kennedy, he was an Honors Program trial attorney in the Justice Department’s Computer Crime and Intellectual Property section.)
We have offered some irreverent commentary on Scott Blauvelt’s case. But for the record, we are all in favor of working in the buff. Isn’t that one of the best aspects of working from home?
* Query: Might it be a “reasonable accommodation” under the ADA to let Blauvelt walk around naked?
The Strange Case of the Naked Prosecutor [Volokh Conspiracy]
Earlier: The Case of the Naked Prosecutor, and A Brief Note on Owning It
Scott Blauvelt Needs a New Office Chair

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The Case of the Naked Prosecutor, and A Brief Note on Owning It

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scott blauvelt 2.jpgEarlier today — at 7:30 this morning, actually — we wrote about Scott Blauvelt, the Ohio prosecutor who faces criminal charges of public indecency “for walking around the Government Services Center after business hours without clothing.” Now we learn, via CNN, the explanation he’s offering for his conduct:

Blauvelt’s lawyer, Michael Gmoser, said in a statement Tuesday that his client was seriously injured in a 2005 car accident, suffers from mental illness and is on medication for seizures.

“Scott Blauvelt is an American with a disability,” he said.

Now, we are the last people to take mental illness lightly. We know all too well the havoc it can wreak in people’s lives. But Gmoser’s statement did put us in mind of this post by DealBreaker’s Bess Levin, to which we commend you. Here’s an excerpt:

In light of the rampant levels of douchebaggery (in practice and in speech) these days, we’ve got something to say: it matters not whether you are of the douche bag variety or not, only that you f***ing man-up and OWN your female cleansing product status. Mark Foley: a douche bag, yes, but doubly a douche bag because he doesn’t own it. So you IM underage pages asking them if they’re made “horny” by your presence–who cares?! You like them young and boyish and all we have to say about that is, more power to ya, sister!

But the fact that you can’t just go, “Hey, Congress, I like them young and boyish and I don’t think I have to explain myself to anyone, let alone you people,” and insist on blaming your alcoholism, menstrual cycle, etc. really gets our goat; gets us angry, if you will. So much so that we’ve been popping blood vessels all afternoon thinking about how much we want to do something about it which means we’ll probably try and drink away our rage the second we get out of the DealBreaker Janitorial Closet tonight, pass out in a gutter and render ourselves unable to do anything about it; all your fault, for not owning it.

Good stuff. Read the rest of it here.
Another person who refuses to “own it”: former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey, who refused to acknowledge his own corruption, demonstrated by his giving a sensitive government security job to his paramour. Jim McGreevey instead tried to cloud the issues by declaring himself to be “a gay American.” Indeed, Gmoser’s statement — that his client “is an American with a disability” — appears to be modeled after the McGreevey declaration.
Authorities: Naked Prosecutor Caught on Camera [CNN]
Planespotting: Owning It [DealBreaker]

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Scott Blauvelt Needs a New Office Chair

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When you’re spending long hours at work, you want to be as comfortable as possible. Late at night or on weekends, we used to pad about our law firm office in socks. Eventually we brought in a pair of white fuzzy slippers, courtesy of the Ritz-Carlton in Chicago, for this purpose.*
But this may be taking things too far:

A top law-enforcement official in Hamilton, City Prosecutor Scott Blauvelt, is accused of “walking around the Government Services Center after business hours without clothing,” the Butler County Sheriff’s Office says.

Blauvelt, 35, who was charged with two counts of public indecency, was booked into the county jail and then released. He awaits a hearing in Hamilton Municipal Court, where Blauvelt usually works, said Sheriff’s Maj. Anthony Dwyer.

Calling the situation “an odd occurrence,” Dwyer said investigators don’t know what motivated Blauvelt to disrobe. He was alone at the time.

Right now you’re wondering exactly what we we were wondering: What does this guy look like? Would we WANT to see him strolling around buck naked?
As it is for pretty much every question within the law, the answer is: It depends.
scott blauvelt naked nude.jpg
The determination turns on which of these photographs is more accurate. In the picture on the left, Blauvelt looks kinda cute. In the photo on the right, less so.
(Blauvelt’s conduct was discovered by a security guard monitoring video footage. If by some miracle we can get our hands on this, we will happily upload it to YouTube.)
* We stayed at the Ritz-Carlton Chicago back in the days before the Peninsula opened. So don’t fault us for inadequate knowledge of hotels.
Prosecutor Naked at Work [Cincinnati Enquirer via How Appealing]

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The HP Debacle: Babies, Candy, Etc.

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hp logo revised.gifWe are guilty of dereliction of duty. We’ve neglected to write about the Hewlett-Packard leak investigation scandal, now unfolding in all of its glory before Congress. (Yes, that Congress: a body that knows all about unethical behavior, illegal conduct, and mind-blowing stupidity.)
We’ve been avoiding this scandal for two main reasons. First, it’s a story that Peter Lattman and the WSJ Law Blog have really owned from the get-go. In fact, today Lattman is hanging out in Washington — our usual base of operations — to cover the House committee hearings on Capitol Hill. (Guess we’ve traded places; we’re up here in New York, a few blocks away from Lattman’s office.)
Second, L’Affaire HP has been such a total s**t show — from the very start, but somehow managing to get worse each day — that blogging about it presents no challenge. There’s very little opportunity for us to add value. Reading wire reports about the scandal is already pretty mortifying (and entertaining). Do you really need a side order of obnoxious commentary when the entree itself is so rich?
But HP is the big news story of the day. It’s one that our big brother is covering extensively. And we’ve received a bunch of emails asking for our thoughts on it. So fine, we will write about the HP spying scandal.
Actually, guess what? We just did. Fancy that!
DealBreaker’s HP coverage
WSJ Law Blog’s HP coverage
House Pursues Inquiry as H.P. Counsel Quits [New York Times]

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