Elie Mystal & Staci Zaretsky

Posts by Elie Mystal & Staci Zaretsky

Epic Departure Memo Follow-Up: A Five-Page Fax Says The Boss Is A Great Guy

By

Maybe a young Brando can play DeMayo in the movie.

Earlier this week, we shared an epic departure memo from the former marketing director at the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo LLP. In the memo, the woman (whom we nicknamed “Peggy Olson”) blasted her boss: “Of all the THOUSANDS of people I have met over the past 38 years, you are by far the most egotistical, self-absorbed, delusional, disrespectful and narcissistic person I have ever met.”

Well, it turns out that Michael A. DeMayo has some defenders in the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo. Or, at least one defender. Or maybe he’s defending himself?

Who knows. All we can tell you is that we received a fax (yes, not only do some people still use fax machines, but apparently Above the Law actually has one that we keep right next to our beepers and mercury-infused health drinks). It’s a full-throated defense of Michael DeMayo, replete with allegations that Peggy is going through a difficult situation that precipitated her departure memo meltdown.

Fun times….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Epic Departure Memo Follow-Up: A Five-Page Fax Says The Boss Is A Great Guy”

Non-Sequiturs: 01.13.12

By

Can somebody remind me why this person is famous?

* If you can ignore the fact that Ben Stein is suing over being discriminated against by global warming believers, he’s still a pretty smart guy. [Gawker]

* How long until we just conduct the entire Presidential election via Facebook? [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Judge Posner gets wonderful cases. [How Appealing]

* Eric Holder is a Democrat? YOU LIE! [Simple Justice]

* Orrick is suing Jon Huntsman’s campaign for unpaid rent. Silly Orrick, if they want to get any money out of Huntsman they have to sue his father and hope and promise to give sonny a job. [Washington City Paper]

* This is a terrible story about a soldier committing suicide. Not terrible enough to change my mind on whether bullies are legally responsible for people who make the tragic decision to take their own lives, but it’s still tragic. [Daily Mail]

* The FBI file of the late Old Dirty Bastard. I hope you like it raw. [The Daily Beast]

Quote of the Day: Wait, Who Should We Call?

By

I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY.

– Joe Amendola, attorney for accused child predator Jerry Sandusky, suggesting in a press conference held earlier today that a reality check was in order for anyone who believes Mike McQueary witnessed a rape, reported it, and nothing was done about it.

(So what is 1-800-REALITY? It’s pretty amazing, actually. Find out after the jump.)

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Quote of the Day: Wait, Who Should We Call?”

Non-Sequiturs: 10.28.11

By

I will not be in your porno!

* Maybe one of our readers can answer this dude’s question. Do you have any legal recourse if people keep trying to kidnap you and force you to film Saddam Hussein look-alike porn? [Legal Blawg Watch]

* Muslim students not allowed to form Muslim student group at Catholic University. Funny, you’d think the bigger story would be about how illiterate Muslims were tricked into going to a Catholic school. [Professor Bainbridge]

* The Georgia Bar Exam results are out. Congratulations to all those who passed. For those who didn’t, take comfort in the fact that you can eat a delicious peach. [Georgia Office of Bar Admissions]

* New Jersey: keeping Occupy Trenton protesters in the dark with their mouths shut since October 6. Like that’s such a bad thing. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Guys, if you’re going to cheat on your wife, at least do it with some integrity. [Daily Mail]

* If you scroll down far enough, you’ll see a funny bra ad about swaying a jury. But if you scroll too quickly you’ll miss all the other bra ads. [Retronaut via Overlawyered]

* And this one is called “stop lying” or, in the alternative, “don’t fall asleep on your porch while smoking a cigarette when you’re wasted and then wonder why you’re on fire.” [Legal Juice]

* The DOJ’s $16 muffin fiasco didn’t really happen. But that’s probably not how we’re all going to remember it. [TPM]

Non-Sequiturs: 10.06.11

By

Rover's last wish was to have his ashes sprinkled over a pile of money.

* Saying your dog ate something isn’t a creative enough excuse these days. Try this instead: “I kept the clients’ missing money in my car, which I left running in the parking lot to keep my dead dog’s ashes from freezing. Someone then stole the car, and now the missing client money is gone forever!” [Canadian Lawyer]

* Oh, to be a lawyer with the ability to tell opposing counsel that his client is a “spoiled, brainless twit.” It’s even better when opposing counsel’s client is Meghan McCain. [Spectacle Blog / American Spectator]

* Next time you feel like kicking the crap out of someone, make sure your twin is there, because there’s a high likelihood that you’ll both get off. [Legal Juice]

* A judge in Louisiana just threw a case out because he didn’t want to catch the flu from a witness. Elie was right: germaphobia is the real contagion! [Lowering the Bar]

* How would Jesus feel about guns in his church? He’d probably change them into dildos and tell the violence-bearers to go f**k themselves. [WSJ Law Blog]

* There’s been a lot of talk about personal branding for lawyers lately. This guy probably has the right idea, but you’ve got to wonder if he really wants to be known as the “Bald Lawyer” for the rest of his life. What happens if he decides to get plugs? [Legal Blog Watch]

* Here’s the best thing written about Steve Jobs today. [The Wirecutter]

* Here’s who the ACS is inviting to speak in Georgia. Take that George Mason Federalist Society. [ACS]

* Are you applying to law school (or do you know someone who is)? Have Lat review the application essay — and support a good cause at the same time. [Kickstarter]

Non-Sequiturs: 09.30.11

By

* Is this sexual harassment? Since when is deepthroating a popsicle sexual harassment? Looks like a case for the Association of Finnish Lawyers. [Copyranter]

* If Sarah Palin wants to sue somebody, it should be Michele Bachmann for copyright infringement. [The Legal Satyricon]

* Hey guys, next time you shoot a gay porn video, you can wear parts of your Marine uniform. Just make sure not to grunt “OOH-RAH,” when you climax, because that might be considered an endorsement. [Suits & Sentences / McClatchy]

* It’s like Democrats are just figuring out that the Supreme Court, not Congress, will decide what kind of health care we’re allowed to have. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Something tells me that calling the judge a “crazy ass mother f**ker” isn’t going to help you with your sentence. [Legal Juice]

* Radiohead will not be playing at the Occupy Wall Street thingy. When reached for comment, the band said: “It’s a fake plastic protest, man. In an economy based on rubber plans. That just crumbles. And burns.” [Slate]

* The right advice to this person is for her to major in something non-masturbatory so she graduates from college with some actual skills, and maybe doesn’t have to go to law school. [We Are The 99 Percent]

* Make sure you check out the final update on the Georgetown Law craziness from earlier today. [Above the Law]

Best Way to Brag About an Offer: Just Lay It Out And Bask In Your Own Glory

By

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily think that it’s wrong to brag about receiving an offer in front of your friends, family, and total strangers. I personally subscribe to the Major League theory that you don’t want to be dancing in front of somebody who just died, but I understand that most of the kids these days have never even seen the movie I just referenced.

For the millennials, bragging comes so naturally they don’t even realize when they’re doing it. It’s like their biological imperatives are to survive, reproduce, and post evidence of it on Facebook.

Which is fine. I mean, just because somebody is bragging doesn’t mean you have to care. For instance, today we’ve got a kid bragging about getting an offer from a particular Biglaw firm. Some people will be envious; other people are going to make jokes about coat hangers. To each his own….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Best Way to Brag About an Offer: Just Lay It Out And Bask In Your Own Glory”

Breaking: Georgetown Law Campus On Lockdown

By

News and tips are just starting to trickle in, but apparently the Georgetown University Law Center campus is on lockdown because of an armed man on campus.

Details are light, but the local ABC affiliate is reporting the news.

A GULC student — who seems fairly unconcerned — gchatted in to say: “The GW STUDENTS ARE COMING!!!” So at least somebody over there still has a sense of humor.

Stay safe everybody, and follow whatever instructions you are getting. We will update you as we have more news.

UPDATE: After the jump, we have the full bulletin issued to the GULC community….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Breaking: Georgetown Law Campus On Lockdown”

Non-Sequiturs: 09.26.11

By

Orange is a nice color on you.

* Being a wise Latina doesn’t appear to be paying off for Sonia Sotomayor. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Isn’t ending tax breaks the same as instituting tax hikes according to standard Republican logic? Well, whatever, if the power to tax is the power to destroy, let’s see if it works on Snooki. [TPM]

* Does the law need to be unlocked? Maybe, but we should still be careful about who gets to have a key. [Truth on the Market]

* Who are you going to believe: the NYPD or your lying eyes? [Dealbreaker]

* If you’ve got stage fright before a court appearance, follow these tips, or just imagine the judge in her underwear. (Although you wouldn’t need to imagine much for a certain judge in Canada.) [Underdog]

* The SEC might sue Standard & Poor’s. In response, the S&P board is considering a name change to “Standard & F**ked.” [WSJ Law Blog]

Non-Sequiturs: 09.21.11

By


* Eight Amish men were sent to jail because they refused to put bright orange safety triangles on the backs of their horse-drawn buggies, but the real crime here is THEIR HAIR. [Legal Blog Watch]

* Georgia seems eager to kill this guy without listening to any more pesky facts. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Our congratulations condolences go out to anyone with a clerkship offer. Bet you didn’t know that this was the seventh most hated job in America, did you? [D.C. Circuit Review]

* You know you’ve got a problem when the “important family items” your kid brings to school for show and tell are a bag full of meth and a crack pipe. [Legal Juice]

* The Galleon convictions have reached the “random men in tracksuits” stage. [Dealbreaker]

* Thanks to Paul Caron for a great round-up of articles on Obama’s new tax plan. You know, the one where the rich pay more taxes than they already do? [TaxProf Blog]

* Once the zombies get a whiff of that nitrous oxide, no law will stop them. [Brooklyn Vegan]

The UNOFFICIAL Utah Bar Exam Results

By

Is there anybody out in Above the Law land who took the bar in Utah this summer?

Anybody want to know if they passed?

Last year, the New York Board of Law Examiners accidentally released the results of the summer test earlier than they meant to. They tried to take the post down, but Above the Law caught them and posted the results. It crashed the site.

Hopefully, there aren’t enough prospective lawyers in Utah to do that to us. But it appears that the examiners in Utah have made a similar error.

And once again, an Above the Law tipster was watching….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The UNOFFICIAL Utah Bar Exam Results”

Non-Sequiturs: 09.06.11

By

Accepted in Utah.

* Prop 8 made an appearance today at the California Supreme Court before newly seated Justice Goodwin Liu. As suspected, the liberal Liu immediately made the proponents have sex with each other as he cackled “I hate families.” [Poliglot / Metro Weekly]

* Next time a TSA agent sticks her hand down your pants and cops a feel, try not to call it “rape” on your blog. Instead, maybe just admit that you were asking for it by showing up to the airport dressed in all them clothes. [Techdirt]

* After Labor Day, consider that “every day should be a day to care about working people.” And don’t forget that even though judges live in impenetrable fortresses of justice, they are people, too. [Underdog]

* Here’s a good one for the 1Ls. If you’re a grieving mother and your boss forces you to remove pictures of your dead daughter from your cubicle as if she never existed, is he intentionally inflicting emotional distress upon you? Nope, but he sure is a douchebag. [Courthouse News Service]

* “In my day, we used to walk 70 miles to school…” Next time grandpa forces you to hike the Grand Canyon and starts with this old codger rhetoric, give your mom a call. That’s not legal. [CBS News]

Grandpa's idea of fun.

* If you have time to read real books, maybe you should check some of these out from the library. Do those even exist anymore? Ugh, just download them to your Kindle. [Constitutional Daily]

* One is the loneliest number, especially if you’re supposed to be in a partnership. Professor Larry Ribstein has some ideas on what ought to happen post-breakup. [Truth on the Market]

* Ahoy, me matey. This law blogarrrr wants ya t’ know that if ya want t’ trade for booty usin’ yer gold doubloons, steer yer ship toward th’ land o’ many wives. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]