Elie Mystal

Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law. His first name is pronounced like Eliot without the “it,” and his last name is pronounced like Cristal (the champagne). Prior to winning the ATL Idol Contest, Elie wrote about politics and popular culture at City Hall News and the New York Press. Elie received a degree in Government from Harvard University and a J.D. from Harvard Law School. He still has a rash from all the poison ivy. He used to be a litigator at Debevoise & Plimpton but quit the legal profession in lieu of stripping naked and lighting himself on fire. Elie is a proud and basically competent husband. He is a contributor at True/Slant and enjoys the Mets, dogs, and arguing with strangers.

Posts by Elie Mystal

Law School Will Only Pay $12/hour for ‘Curriculum Development’

By

I wish U.S. News could come up with a data point that tells us how much money law schools invest in educating students and finding them employment, versus how much money they just pour into professorial salaries to people more interested in publishing than teaching.

Because really, this little Craigslist ad from a small law school in California seems to confirm what most people already believe to be true: when it comes the actual teaching of law, law schools are looking to save money.

Have you ever wondered who writes the “answers” to you law school exams? It very well could be out of work recent graduates who found that their legal training doesn’t translate into a full time job…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law School Will Only Pay $12/hour for ‘Curriculum Development’”

Kelley Drye Case Makes It Even Harder to Tell Old People to Go Away

By

It's a terrible thing when you have to wait too long for your chance to rule.

The entitlement reign of the really old will not end soon. With advances in modern medicine, advances that the Supreme Court will tell us how we’re allowed to pay for, today’s old people will live and work longer than any previous generation on Earth.

Or at least take up space.

While a family might be able to shove Grandpa into a nursing home, modern businesses are having a really tough time getting septuagenarian or even octogenarian partners to go away, and leave their clients behind. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission ruled that Kelley Drye owes one of its partners over half a million dollars for trying to push him into retirement, and it opens a wide door for old people to hang onto to their offices and their clients well after they can no longer chew the leather.

Maybe it’s the right thing to do, but it’s got to be annoying for the Prince Charles-esque 60-year-old “up and comer”….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Kelley Drye Case Makes It Even Harder to Tell Old People to Go Away”

Maybe King & Spalding Thinks There’s A Whole Country Of Gay People Somewhere?

By

King & Spalding has had fun times navigating the world of LGBT political correctness. The firm took some heat when one of its partners at the time, former U.S. Solicitor General Paul Clement, signed on to defend the Defense of Marriage Act. Then K&S took even more heat when it nixed Clement’s DOMA representation, causing Clement to resign.

You know that King & Spalding just wants to stay as far away as possible from any LGBT issue. The only thing they want to have sex with is fees.

But sometimes, attempts to be PC lead directly to hilarity…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Maybe King & Spalding Thinks There’s A Whole Country Of Gay People Somewhere?”

  • 11 Apr 2012 at 6:03 PM

Non-Sequiturs: 04.11.12

By

* I know a lot of people who would trust legal advice from a Nigerian pretending to be a lawyer at least as much as from a Cooley Law professor. [MSNBC]

* This would never have happened if Steve Jobs were still alive. [Huffington Post]

* Eating weed at a traffic stop seems less effective than keeping your weed out of your motor vehicle. [Legal Blitz]

* Jon Lovitz and Danzig got into it on Twitter about bullying bullies. Since I support bullies, I think I have to agree with both of them. [Gawker]

* Recruiters don’t spend a lot of time looking over your credentials. Based on my experience, it’s also possible that recruiters can’t read. [Lifehacker]

* Charles Manson was denied parole. I look back on the way he was then: a young, stupid kid who committed those terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone and that old man is all that’s left. [Slate]

George Zimmerman To Be Charged In Connection With The Death Of Trayvon Martin

By

With the media scrutiny, not charging George Zimmerman would have been the bigger surprise.

The Washington Post is reporting that special prosecutor Angela Corey will hold a press conference this afternoon charging Zimmerman with something arising out of the death of Trayvon Martin.

Just what he’ll be charged with is anyone’s guess, is he getting hit with murder, manslaughter, or the simple “hunting black teens without a license,” which I think is just a misdemeanor in Florida. Check back for updates as we learn more.

Of course, charging the man and finding him are two completely different things…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “George Zimmerman To Be Charged In Connection With The Death Of Trayvon Martin”

If You Are Still Applying to Law School, You Might Be an Idiot

By

I’m still trying to figure out the appropriate way to “take credit” for the decline in the number of people taking the LSAT. Currently, I’m consulting with a red-haired chick on the procedure for calling me Lightbringer.

But my work is clearly not done. The big news today is that the new numbers released by LSAC show that the decline in LSAT takers disproportionately affects top performers on the LSAT. Basically, fewer high scorers are taking the LSAT, while the number of people who can’t even break 145 remains strong.

Doesn’t that really match our anecdotal beliefs that people applying to law school in 2012, with all the data and the publicity about the bad deal you get at an American law school, are just dumber than those who came before?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “If You Are Still Applying to Law School, You Might Be an Idiot”

Non-Sequiturs: 04.06.12

By

Dear Google Images: Next time I do a search for 'Jewish Easter Bunny' I expect to find a blue and white bunny celebrating the diversity of faith. Not a collection of unfunny jokes.

* If we could send David Attenborough into a law school library around finals time, he might well write something as accurate as this. [Drug Addicted Law Student]

* This is a more nuanced defense of affirmative action based on the Baylor numbers. You know, if you didn’t find “go f*** yourself” persuasive. [She Negotiates / Forbes]

* Banging chicks isn’t a hobby, it’s a business. [Dealbreaker]

* Native Americans getting probed. [Miami Herald]

* The name non-lawyer pundits need to get familiar with is “Lochner.” [Huffington Post]

* I think fewer law students are interested in politics because they realize the Supreme Court is the proper place to affect national policy. [LSAT Blog]

* Don’t forget to send in your Law Revue videos. Honestly, if I don’t get anything from NYU Law soon, I’m just going to go down there and start taping people at Off the Wagon. [Above the Law]

* Happy Passover. And Happy Easter. I think I’m supposed to pour wine on my door and wait for it to be transubstantiated into the blood of a lamb so that God knows to bring me chocolate and only hide the eggs of first born Muslim children, right? [The Atlantic]

Legal Jobs Dip In March

By

Well, the economy keeps getting better, so we’re sure to see the Presidential election start to take on a more absurdist flair. Romney will attack the president for listening to Romney’s ideas on health care. Obama will attack Romney for being marvelous. And somebody will write a big time article about how political discourse in the 24/7 cable news and blogging world has hit a new nadir (oh, please let it be me).

But as the economy steadily improves, the election will be more about framing than substance. We’re coming out of a terrible recession, we’re recovering slowly because of the changing nature of the global economy. It’ll continue like this for a while regardless of who is president — unless we take away a woman’s right to choose, because only then will God love us and bring all of our manufacturing jobs back from China.

Or something like that.

That’s how it’s going to be unless the lawyers get involved. Because while the economy is slowly recovering for the rest of America, it seems like the economy is still stagnantly sucking for a bunch of attorneys and people with legal skills….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Legal Jobs Dip In March”

The Baylor Law Data Dump, Now With Race and Scholarships

By

On Wednesday, we reported on Baylor Law School accidentally releasing personal academic information for its entire admitted class. It was a massive screw-up, and on Wednesday, we showed you the GPA and LSAT scores for Baylor’s admitted students (with the students’ names redacted, of course).

But there were other fields available in the accidentally released spreadsheet, including racial categorizations for each student and scholarship information. I didn’t include the race field earlier this week because, frankly, I didn’t want the entire news story (of the screw-up) to be overrun by a discussion about race and affirmative action.

But, look, I ain’t afraid of you people. Getting a complete racial breakdown of the class to go along with their grades and LSAT scores is a look inside the law school admissions process that we don’t often get to see.

So, let’s play our game. Looking at the Baylor numbers, you can see the affirmative action “bump” in LSAT scores, and to my eyes, it really shows how foolish the opponents of affirmative action really are….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The Baylor Law Data Dump, Now With Race and Scholarships”

Non-Sequiturs: 04.05.12

By

First of all, Eamonn Walker is just a bad-ass black actor that more people should know about. Second: Lord of War is an awesome movie.

* Being our most honest law school apparently doesn’t protect school administrators from the ire of Professor Paul Campos. [Inside the Law School Scam]

* You can’t will the death of your pets. [Chicago Tribune]

* Somebody needs to get these mutherf**king snakes off these mutherf**king planes. No, seriously, I’m not making a joke or anything. [Washington Post]

* Dirty secret time: Lord of War is one of my favorite Nic Cage movies. Even more dirty secret time: I have a list of favorite Nic Cage movies that has multiple entries. [International Business Times]

* My, it’s not just the Fifth Circuit that is engaging in breathless hyperbole about Obama’s admonishment to the Supreme Court. [Truth on the Market]

* Honestly, why are so many states afraid of having their own citizens vote? [Election Law Weekly]

* A fascinating look at how we access the web. [Ross's Law Marketing Blog]

Legacy Dewey Ballantine and Legacy LeBoeuf Lamb: Choose Your Weapon

By

We’ve been chronicling the troubles of Dewey & LeBoeuf, a top firm facing tough times. Today brings more bad news for Dewey: eight additional partners have jumped off the ship.

Of course, this one firm used to be two. In 2007, Dewey Ballantine merged with LeBoeuf Lamb to create Dewey & LeBoeuf. At the time it was the rare merger of two top firms.

Now that the firm is struggling, legacy Dewey people and legacy LeBoeuf people have been blaming each other for the firm’s troubles. Who didn’t bring the prestige, who didn’t bring the rain, who is responsible for post-merger decisions that have led to turmoil?

Oh, recriminations. Fun times. We’ve been corresponding with some people who were at the respective firms before and after the merger, and listening to them blame the other side has been highly entertaining. Take a look, and vote for yourself about who is to blame…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Legacy Dewey Ballantine and Legacy LeBoeuf Lamb: Choose Your Weapon”

Non-Sequiturs: 04.04.12

By

* The best part of this story isn’t how the company analogizes itself to a pack of hyenas, it’s how it fundamentally misconstrues the hunting habits of hyenas. [Dealbreaker]

* So this school bans a “Jesus is not a Homophobe” t-shirt because it’s indecent? Saying that the so-called Lord and Savior doesn’t hate people is indecent? Man, I love God, but the people working for him are a$$holes. [The Volokh Conspiracy]

* A sex offender’s probation banned him from Facebook, but he couldn’t stay away, and now he’s in jail for ten years. I don’t see why he couldn’t stay away, most of it is just pictures of babies and… oh man, that’s freaking sick! [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes]

* Was this a tip or drug money? I don’t see why it can’t be both. [Associate Press]

* This must be how Jones Day gets so many clients. [What About Clients?]

* Lat said he was on the fence about Judge Jerry Smith’s benchslap of the DOJ and President Obama. Ruth Marcus of the Washington Post has stronger opinions. [Washington Post]

* Between the Supreme Court authorizing strip searches and the ongoing travesty of the TSA, I’m pretty close to just walking around naked all the time to save everybody the trouble of disrobing the Big Sexy. [Borowitz Report]