Joe Patrice

Posts by Joe Patrice

* A website has been set up to collect stories, videos, photos, memories, and more, to share with slain Professor Dan Markel’s young sons. His memorial is scheduled for next Tuesday. [Prawfsblawg]

* What would happen if lawyers gave out GPS directions? [Legal Cheek]

* George Mason Law is looking for a new dean. Brush off that résumé, Elie! [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Is it me, or do we need to buy Justice Kagan a new outfit? [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* The scion of a Biglaw bigwig (go ahead and guess which firm…) arrested for filming and distributing video of his sexual escapades with his girlfriend without her permission. It’s like revenge porn without the revenge element. [Law and More]

* Don’t bring creeps with you to a jury trial. [What About Clients?]

Yesterday, Elie lambasted the judicial system for failing to heed the video of Ray Rice punching his then-girlfriend, Janay Palmer, in a casino elevator. There is a natural reaction that the criminal justice system completely failed Palmer and women everywhere when it sentenced Rice to a pre-trial diversion program. How can there be justice if he’s not in jail?

The criminal justice system is failing when it comes to domestic violence, but not because Rice isn’t in jail.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “No, Ray Rice Should Not Be In Jail”

It’s all over. Finally. Some of you complained that this competition took to long. I ask, “What else were you doing with your Tuesday afternoons?” This segment, originally planned for three weeks, became a marathon when it became clear that too many of these letters had almost identical titles. But we certainly had fun revisiting these classics from the archives.

And now we have an all-time champion to measure all future letters against.

Who is it?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The Greatest Lawyer Letter Ever? — Champion”

* David Letterman and CBS got smacked with the latest internship class action. To think, poor Paul Shaffer’s been working for free all those years. [Deadline]

* Class action could be on the horizon over high-frequency trading. [Wall Street Journal]

* Frankly, I don’t know what the problem is. [Washington Post]

* You may have been following the story of Justice Ginsburg’s officiating a wedding in New York this weekend. Well, if so, here’s the Times write-up. [New York Times]

* The federal courts are looking at tightening the word limits on appellate briefs. How do you feel about this move? I’m with the author that “The number of cases where attorneys think they need a word extension is greater than the number of cases that actually warrant one.” [New Mexico Appellate Law Blog]

* Scott Brown, formerly of both Massachusetts and the Senate, is threatening to sue Harvard’s Larry Lessig after Lessig labeled the Nixon Peabody “advisor on governmental affairs” a “lobbyist.” Lessig asks if the campaign preferred he write the more technical, “sold his influence to a DC lobbying firm.” Ha. [Time]

* Fordham professor Susan Scafidi, founder of the Fashion Law Institute and designer Narciso Rodriguez make the case for strong legal protection for fashion designs. [Room for Debate / New York Times]

* On Friday, Keith Lee wrote about a lawyer who billed a client for sanctions. We’ve written before about lawyers billing for the time spent boning their clients. A law professor who teaches professional responsibility asks: “Is billing for sanctions better or worse than billing for sex. I say sanctions. Can we have a survey on this?” Of course you can. Poll after the jump….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 09.08.14″

There’s not really much to say here. There are just a few things to remember to avoid an embarrassing oral argument. Basically, don’t condescend to the judges on your appellate panel, and try to show up wearing pants (and maybe some socks). Pretty simple, right?

We’ve seen this kind of confrontational tone out of lawyers before, and it never ends well for the attorney. Like when Jones Day’s Matthew Kairis thought it wise to continuously interrupt Judge Posner in Notre Dame v. Sibelius. What happened next was… entirely predictable: Kairis ended up with an earful from Judge Posner about the proper role of an advocate before an appellate panel.

This poor fellow earns the same basic tongue-lashing, just with a different accent…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “How Not To Behave At Oral Argument”

Joe Freeman Britt won’t forgive murder. Or, apparently, people who DON’T commit murder.

Well, let’s say, if I was a bully, he is a pussy. How about that? I think Johnson Britt has been hanging around too much with the wine and cheese crowd.

– Former District Attorney Joe Freeman Britt, discussing his successor (and relative), current DA Johnson Britt, because the younger Britt had the audacity to support releasing men that Britt the Elder prosecuted for rape and murder just because the DNA evidence exonerated them. Britt the Younger blames his predecessor’s bullying and browbeating style for hindering the search for truth, such as ignoring the serial rapist living 100 yards from the crime scene. Joe Britt has no time for such cream puff notions. Will Justice Scalia follow Joe Britt’s lead?

* The Oakland Raiders have settled their cheerleader lawsuit for $1.25 million. Here’s to a season of crippling losses! [SF Gate]

* The death of law schools requires observing the 5 stages of grief. It’s DABDA right? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Debt, AGAIN! [TaxProf Blog]

* You don’t need permission to change careers… though many law firm hiring departments are giving their implicit permission to a bunch of applicants. [Forbes]

* Justice Kagan stopped in on her old stomping grounds at Harvard Law. [Harvard Gazette]

* LexisNexis went Hollywood with a shout out in the preview for the Veronica Mars movie. Hopefully they’ll remember the little people when they make it big. [Business of Law Blog / LexisNexis]

* So, law professors, how did you spend your summer vacation? Because this Stanford Law instructor spent it finding security flaws in an online educational platform. [Slate]

* A juror who wanted none of the jury process is ordered to serve a timeout. [Missouri Lawyers Weekly]

* It’s not as exciting as his Dating Game appearance, but here is a video of Chief Judge Alex Kozinski riding a carabao. Beyond the jump… [YouTube]

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 09.05.14″

Won’t somebody please think of the children?

That quote comes from the contemptible Helen Lovejoy and probably a bunch of other sanctimonious folks trying to dupe the public into backing some BS agenda armed with the logical fallacy of an emotional appeal. The devil of it is these empty emotional pleas are so convincing to a lot of people. Sadly, lawyers aren’t above pulling this card to snowjob judges and the media.[1]

After the Vergara v. California decision there was a brief volley of commentary before everyone moved on to the next big event. The decision struck California’s teacher tenure law as unconstitutional because granting tenure to experienced teachers could possibly, maybe mean that a “bad” teacher couldn’t be fired fast enough. The decision earned the praise of a bi-partisan peanut gallery from the dwindling posse of Republicans in California to Secretary of Education and NBA Celebrity All-Star MVP Arne Duncan.

Everyone seems to want in on the “education would be peachy if it weren’t for the teachers” movement — including a metric s**t ton of Biglaw bigwigs. Gibson Dunn’s Ted Boutrous and Randy Mastro spearheaded the Vergara case. Ted Olson advised. David Boies is the chair of the Partnership for Educational Justice, a group fronted by former CNN anchor Campbell Brown bringing a similar lawsuit in New York fronted by Kirkland’s Jay Lefkowitzpro bono, of course. Now even Professor Larry Tribe is in the mix.

Stop the sanctimonious love-in. They aren’t championing children, they’re either starstruck or shilling or both. I mean, the Republicans have always wanted to kill unions because it’s easier to gut public schools for fun and profit. Democrats have jumped on board more recently because they want to suck up to tech billionaires like Bill Gates who preach that fixing the public education system that they never really participated in themselves is as simple as building an internet browser (which it is, if you want Internet Explorer).[2]

And all these legal luminaries throwing their reputations behind this effort just highlights how flimsy it is, as a matter of law and policy….

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* Bob McDonnell, former governor of Virginia, guilty of 11 counts of corruption. Maureen McDonnell guilty of 8. If only they’d gotten that severance motion. [Wonkette]

* The best way to catch drunk drivers is to give them something to crash into. [Legal Juice]

* Chaumtoli Huq, a former general counsel to the New York Public Advocate, has filed a federal lawsuit alleging that NYPD officers arrested her for waiting on the sidewalk outside a restaurant. She says she was targeted for being Muslim. [Gawker]

* In somewhat related news, Prawfsblawg pointed me to this interesting Slate piece on the effect that body-worn cams — the en vogue solution to police misconduct pushed by many including Huq’s old boss — really have on policing. [Slate via Prawfsblawg]

* Google paying $19 million to settle the FTC suit over kids making in-app purchases. It was going to be a $5 million settlement, but the FTC told Google that they would let them skip level 410 in Candy Crush if they kicked in another $14 million. [Washington Post]

* Some people have a problem with duct-taping kids to force them to take naps. Kids are growing up soft these days. [Lowering the Bar]

* And guess what? The D.C. Circuit is hearing the Halbig case en banc. Nullifying any argument that the Supreme Court act immediately to resolve a circuit split. Seems like someone predicted this outcome while the mainstream media wet themselves over a Supreme Court showdown. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Adam Steinbaugh got a DMCA takedown notice for criticizing a company for… overactive DMCA takedown notices. He replies eloquently. [Adam Steinbaugh's Blog]

Ready for some adjudicatin’.

Remember that Snickers ad where Joe Pesci is an angry jerk because he hasn’t had a Snickers? Or more accurately, some normal guy is transformed into angry-jerk Joe Pesci because he hasn’t had a Snickers. It taught a couple of valuable lessons:

1) The cure to intemperance is nougat.
2) Don Rickles is still alive.

It seems that our judges could stand to learn the first point because research indicates that judges are the absolute worst when they’re hungry….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “That Jerk Of A Judge Just Needs A Snack Break”

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