Joe Patrice

Joe Patrice joined Above the Law in 2013. Joe received a degree in Economics and Political Science from the University of Oregon and a J.D. from the NYU School of Law. From 2001, he worked as a litigator for both Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton and Lankler Siffert & Wohl, representing a variety of individuals, institutions, and foreign sovereigns in criminal and civil matters. Joe left legal practice in 2012 to pursue writing, contributing to numerous publications, including ATL, before joining the full-time staff.

Posts by Joe Patrice

  • sunbathing

    Lawyer Advertising

    High-Concept Lawyer Ad Involves Half-Naked Oil Rubs

    Your brain wants to see what pure advertising insanity looks like.

    15 Comments / / Dec 23, 2014 at 1:29 PM
  • 01-stick-em-up-kitty-kitten-cat-gun-e1286641024121

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.22.14

    * “Pay up or the cat gets it!” is an entirely acceptable means of collecting judgments in Russia. Because of course it is. [Lowering the Bar]

    * Conservative Teresa Wagner, the professor who sued the University of Iowa for discrimination, is now irked that she’s been relegated to the library pending retrial. [TaxProf Blog]

    * Mayonnaise manufacturer has dropped its stupid lawsuit over the definition of “mayonnaise.” Litigation dollars well spent. [Slate]

    * A new company, “Assholes on Demand,” threatens to undercut the primary service lawyers provide. [The Irreverent Lawyer]

    * North Korea hacks finally hit trend-chasing lawyers where it hurts. [Twitter]

    * The California bar exam pass rate took a big hit. But big shifts in bar passage are not new in California historically. [Bar Exam Stats]

    * Number crunchers conclude that in the UK, people hire expensive lawyers more than successful lawyers. [Legal Futures]

    2 Comments / / Dec 22, 2014 at 5:35 PM
  • David Boies LF

    David Boies, Movies

    David Boies Is Fighting For Your Right To Watch Terrible Cinema

    He worked for a president who liked to get blowjobs; now Boies defends a film studio joking about them.

    7 Comments / / Dec 22, 2014 at 4:10 PM
  • holiday-gifts-support-staff-paralegals-secretaries-260x172

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.19.14

    * Still looking for a great gift for your assistant? Corporette presents their annual secretary gift guide! [Corporette]

    * Marijuana law may be hot, but marijuana legalization may be in hot water: Oklahoma and Nebraska take their case to the Supreme Court that Colorado’s law is damaging them. [The Denver Post]

    * Associates are super excited about their shiny — but discretionary — bonuses. Note that base pay hasn’t taken a similar leap. Thanks for throwing a wet blanket on the season. [Law and More]

    * Who are the new lawyers in Congress? Mike Sacks profiles them. [National Law Journal]

    * The law firm trying to kill the internet is Jenner & Block. That’s unfair — the law firm employed by people trying to kill the internet is Jenner & Block. And they’re willing to write a whole letter and make a state Attorney General just sign it! That’s some pull. [The Verge]

    * At this special time of year, let’s remember who this season is all about: pagans. [What About Clients?]

    * U.S. District Judge Algenon L. Marbley just resigned to settle an ethics probe. Not as a federal judge of course, but as a trustee to THE Ohio State University. The Ohio Ethics Commission raised issues with Judge Marbley serving as a trustee while simultaneously teaching as an adjunct at the law school. [Columbus Dispatch]

    * Brad and Da Boyz with a nice little ditty about copyright infringement and fair use. [YouTube]

    10 Comments / / Dec 19, 2014 at 5:03 PM
  • Feature

    Law Schools

    Tuition Dollars At Work: Pics Of NYU Law’s Over-The-Top Faculty Party

    The only thing missing in these pictures are a couple of assistant deans having a money fight with tuition dollars.

    34 Comments / / Dec 19, 2014 at 11:36 AM
  • lightsaber

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.18.14

    * 3D printing and lightsabers and intellectual property. [Concurring Opinions]

    * Speaking of IP law, let’s talk Santa Claus and intellectual property. [Trademark & Copyright Law Blog / Foley Hoag LLP]

    * “ExamExtensionGate” stirs up conservatives, but also a lot of liberal to moderate Boomers, because… “Lazy Millennials!” Forgetting of course that law students in the 1960s did the exact same thing. But those were mostly white kids talking about Vietnam, so it’s like… different, man. [PrawfsBlawg]

    * If you’re excited to hear this year’s annual report on the federal judiciary and can’t hardly wait until Chief Justice Roberts unleashes it upon the world, perhaps you can sate your appetite with this prebuttal. [Fix the Court]

    * The Texas judge who kicked a lawyer out of court for thoughtlessly appearing with a broken leg has earned the ire of the Dallas legal community. [Legal Juice]

    * More than 70 years later, a judge concludes that South Carolina shouldn’t have executed a 14-year-old based on a one-day trial. Took ya long enough. [WTOP]

    * Interesting academic piece on Muslims in the Antebellum South. In other news, there were Muslims in the Antebellum South. [The Faculty Lounge]

    5 Comments / / Dec 18, 2014 at 5:40 PM
  • Something Stinks

    Benchslaps

    Judge Complains About Lawyer’s ‘Repugnant Stench’

    In the annals of benchslaps, this one is pretty bad.

    27 Comments / / Dec 18, 2014 at 4:06 PM
  • Rudolph,_The_Red-Nosed_Reindeer_Marion_Books

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.17.14

    * Rudolph sues for discrimination. This is why you should always let guys play in your reindeer games. [Bolek Besser Glesius LLC]

    * Congressional gridlock may call off… the Super Bowl? At least the Bears have other things to worry about than planning for the post-season. [Redline]

    * Hot damn, Keith Lee. “ABA 509 Matriculant Data On All Ranked Schools.” That’s… wow. [Associate’s Mind]

    * The Senate torture report may be an ugly, but there’s an argument that it hides a silver lining. [What About Clients?]

    * What isn’t the D.C. Circuit doing today? [Constitutional Accountability Center]

    * Document reviewers may have known that emails weren’t really private for years, but other professions understood the lack of true privacy much longer. [Law and More]

    * David is interviewed about Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [ABA Journal]

    * Bill O’Reilly invites on an “HLS student” — who is also a conservative commentator — to say a bunch of racial codewords under the guise of exam extensions. Look, I wouldn’t ask for an exam extension if my leg were caught in a bear trap, but you know what? I couldn’t care less if other people got extensions. Quit your whining (and appearing on TV) and go study for your own damn self! [Fox News]

    8 Comments / / Dec 17, 2014 at 5:30 PM
  • bears helmet

    Sports

    Lawyer Charged With Shoving Chicago Bears Owner

    Thankfully no one (in the stands) got a concussion.

    19 Comments / / Dec 17, 2014 at 2:16 PM
  • 640px-Viagra_in_Pack

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.16.14

    * Law firm suffers Viagra hack. If it persists for more than four hours… [Legal Cheek]

    * An in-depth and frightening look at “Witness 40″ in the Ferguson Grand Jury proceedings: a bipolar woman with a long history of making racist comments who lived nowhere near Ferguson and testified only after Officer Wilson’s story was revealed — which she parroted back. Bob McCulloch thought this was a stellar witness. Bob McCulloch is also bad at his job. [The Smoking Gun]

    * Charleston local government wants InfiLaw out of town. Is there anyone left who wants InfiLaw to take over Charleston? [TaxProf Blog]

    * Congratulations to U.S. Attorney Sarah Saldaña on her confirmation as head of ICE. [International Business Times]

    * Pet piercing will soon be illegal in New York, so get that dope nose ring for your dog today! [Lowering the Bar]

    * Canadian “band” Skinny Puppy demands $660,000 from the U.S. government for using their music as torture material without permission. As a compromise can we just pledge to strap Dick Cheney down and force him to listen to 15 consecutive hours of Skinny Puppy and call it a day? [Gawker]

    * Cleveland WR Andrew Hawkins pens a thorough, even-handed takedown of butthurt police union leaders demanding he apologize for taking the stance that police should try not to kill unarmed 12-year-olds. So apparently this is what the Browns are good at. [Talking Points Memo]

    * David chats about the backstory behind Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link).

    20 Comments / / Dec 16, 2014 at 5:28 PM
  • iStock_000009828476_Large

    Biglaw, Bonuses

    Associate Bonus Watch: Gibson Dunn New York Bucks West Coast, Matches DPW

    The tale of Gibson Dunn’s bonuses gets a bit more sordid.

    10 Comments / / Dec 16, 2014 at 4:31 PM
  • benchslap

    Benchslaps, Quote of the Day

    Judge Benchslaps O’Melveny With Rolled Up Newspaper

    Biglaw firm representing a media company with a dog logo gets sent to the doghouse.

    5 Comments / / Dec 16, 2014 at 4:00 PM
  • iStock_000049210626_Large

    Biglaw, Bonuses

    Associate Bonus Watch: Which Biglaw Firm Is Shortchanging Its Associates?

    Which firm is acting the Scrooge this year?

    19 Comments / / Dec 16, 2014 at 11:13 AM
  • 220px-Tori_Spelling_at_The_Heart_Truth_2009

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.15.14

    * Allegations abound that Tori Spelling’s signature was forged on a bunch of settlement documents. But she says it’s hers. What wacky adventures will Donna Martin get into next? [National Enquirer]

    * A reminder to send in those holiday card contest submissions by Wednesday! We’ve seen some fun ones so far, but don’t let your firm be left out. [Above the Law]

    * The 11th Circuit’s ECF system appears to be infected with a virus. Crackerjack technology work there. [South Florida Lawyers]

    * Nothing really new here, but it’s a very specific, personal account of the broken law school model. [The Gazette (Cedar Rapids)]

    * Meanwhile, Dean Daniel Hamilton of UNLV Law joins the chorus of deans pitching the “because everyone’s figured out law school’s a bad deal it’s suddenly become a good deal.” [Vegas Seven]

    * Aaron Sorkin stands up for his Hollywood buddies and that means he’s fig leafing rampant racism and sexism. [Redline]

    * Former SF mayor Willie Brown is confused by the nomination of Leondra Kruger to the California Supreme Court because she lives in D.C. He asks whether “there [were] no qualified African Americans in California?” Perhaps, but as a former SCOTUS clerk, Chicago Law instructor, U.S. deputy assistant attorney general, and assistant to the solicitor general there are few more qualified people anywhere for this job. [SF Gate]

    * There’s been a void in all our hearts since we lost the genius UChiLawGo Tumblr. Hopefully its intellectual successor can fill that void. [UChiLawls]

    15 Comments / / Dec 15, 2014 at 5:02 PM
  • Tyra Banks RF

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.12.14

    * An “America’s Next Top Model” contestant sued Tyra Banks, claiming she was disqualified from the title because Banks found out she had worked as an escort. You’re looking for people who can walk back and forth in heels over and over. Who did you think was trying out for the show? [Courthouse News Service]

    * Dewey know which DLA Piper department head just declared personal bankruptcy? [New York Times]

    * Coming soon to the hipster haven near you: the artisanal attorney. Hilarious satirical piece by John Frank Weaver. [McSweeney’s]

    * Are you getting married? Are you planning to change your name? Huge mistake. The name part at least. Maybe the married part, I don’t know your deal. [The American Lawyer]

    * The Onion surveys the reaction to the Columbia Law exam policy. [The Onion]

    * You can’t force welfare recipients to get drug tests. Which was kind of obvious but still required a court to weigh in. [Pathologyblawg]

    * A New York judge allegedly stroked his secretary’s face, forced her to give him hugs, and regaled her with explicit tales of sex with his mistress. [New York Post]

    * There’s a wealth of information in this post about the ABA 509 Information Reports. Keith Lee does a year-over-year comparison of the top ten and bottom ten schools, looking for trends. [Associate’s Mind]

    * A BC government official has revoked approval of a law school based upon a pledge to discriminate against “the gays.” [Trinity Western University]

    9 Comments / / Dec 12, 2014 at 5:03 PM
  • lottery

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.11.14

    * A registered sex offender wins the lottery. $3 million buys a lot of windowless vans. [Orlando Sentinel]

    * Judge to federal prosecutor: “You’re branded as a liar and you’ll remain a liar for the rest of your life.” [New York Observer]

    * A New York lawyer has been arrested and charged with running down 5 people in Herald Square. Alcohol and crack pipes are involved. And topless selfies. Look, you’re going to see more on this from Staci in the morning, so just sit tight. [Inquisitr]

    * If you want to live in a mansion, all you need to do is forge a few documents. [Gawker]

    * The Supreme Court of Canada says cops can search your phone when they arrest you. But only to check the Habs score. [Ars Technica]

    * Another installment of Posner on Posner. This time focusing on the First Amendment. [Concurring Opinions]

    * This week we learned there’s a thing called “rectal feeding.” Professor Michael Dorf on why it’s totally a war crime. [Dorf on Law]

    * How many law schools will close by 2020? [TaxProf Blog]

    * Want to be on the LSAC Board of Trustees? It’s not like they have any glaring problems that require a leadership change. [LSAC]

    33 Comments / / Dec 11, 2014 at 5:04 PM
  • photographer-3-camera-photo-picture-pic

    Legal Ethics

    Attorney Facing Suspension Has Nude Pics Past

    Look, I get the inherent appeal of a chronological narrative, but sometimes you just need to lead with your big guns. Like nude pics.

    34 Comments / / Dec 11, 2014 at 12:02 PM
  • 1024px-Flag_of_Alaska.svg

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 12.10.14

    * An Assistant DA in Barrow, Alaska, was shot and killed the other day, allegedly by a man jealous that his ex-girlfriend had started dating the ADA. [KTUU]

    * Legislature amends law “to protect quacks.” That sounds like a good use of their time. [Slate]

    * David appeared on Today’s Verdict to discuss his new book, Supreme Ambitions. Also on the show was the creator of Lawsuit — The Game, featured in our holiday gift guide for lawyers. [BronxNet]

    * “How Many Bites Do Sloppy Lawyers Get At The Apple?” Oh. I get it. [Redline]

    * Lawrence Mitchell is back and talking about inequality. It’s much more what you’d expect from a legal academic than poetry about ogling women in the park. [Washington Post]

    * Sometimes even squishy toys take a hit: Nerf ordered to pay $73 million in back royalties. [North Dallas Gazette]

    * Congrats to Gawker General Counsel Heather Dietrick on her new role as President. [New York Observer]

    * Sad news: Kirkland associate and Northwestern Law ’13 grad Jeremy Adler died unexpectedly last week. Our thoughts are with his family and friends. [Inside Bay Area]

    1 Comment / / Dec 10, 2014 at 5:31 PM

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