Joe Patrice

Posts by Joe Patrice

Cinemax is a premium cable network with only two missions: to show all the third-rate movies in HBO’s catalog that HBO would never want associated with the flagship network[1] and to show softcore porn. That’s it. It has no other role.

Which is why it’s curious that an actress who signed on to play a part in a Cinemax TV series was so shocked to learn that they actually wanted her to take her clothes off and simulate sex acts while embroiled in what — I’m guessing — is some plothole-ridden murder mystery.

Anyway, she was shocked, and since this is ‘Murica, she sued and then Cinemax and its parent entities sued back with the help of a certain Biglaw firm…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Actress Shocked — Shocked! — To Learn Skinemax Wanted Her To Do Softcore Porn”

* Want to see a really terrible version of 12 Angry Men? Watch it in Louisiana or Oregon, the two states that allow criminal convictions even when jurors are holding out. The Supreme Court has an opportunity to fix that, let’s see if they will. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Speaking of 12 Angry Men, this chart of the Dungeons & Dragons alignments of each juror is entertaining. [Imgur]

* The judge in the Janice and Ira Schacter kerfuffle invoked Above the Law in her decision as proof that the accusations against Ira Schacter were in the public eye. Thanks for specifically promoting us over the rest of the NY media Justice Laura Drager! [NY Post]

* Watch a bunch of law students talk about cats on Facebook. Will it end in douchebag posturing and threats of lawsuits? Of course it will! [Legal Cheek]

* “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” was disciplined for operating a Facebook page for people complaining about the police. He’s suing. Better question is what does a “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” even do? [IT-Lex]

* Allegations that Disney ripped off the trailer for Frozen from an animated short. They should really let it go. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Chief Justice John Roberts says he’s a minimalist. He’s wrong. [Election Law Blog]

* Microsoft stopped supporting Windows XP. The IRS decided to keep going with the old product. So now your tax records are at risk. Enjoy the fruits of budgeting with anti-IRS legislators! [TaxProf Blog]

This probably isn’t a surprise, but the market still sucks for newly minted lawyers. The ABA has published the employment data it gathered from affiliated law schools, and the best way to spin this is as a “modest uptick.”

So if you’re a 0L super psyched about going to a subpar law school, this is cold, hard data that should terrify you. Terrify you even more than the indebtedness stats. Except you’re not going to be deterred, because you think you’re the exception. Like the high school girl convinced that Jimmy isn’t going to cheat on her like he did his last five girlfriends. Good luck, kid.

For the rest of us, let’s take the temperature of the legal market while we await the law school press releases telling us it’s not so bad.

And, hey, it looks like there may be one tiny ray of hope in these numbers. Don’t worry, I did say “tiny”…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “ABA Job Numbers Are Out — Market Still Sucks”

* Justice Scalia was asked, “Why should society be bound by laws that were passed only by white male property owners?” If you guessed he’d eschew a substantive response in favor of a condescending sarcastic quip, you’re right! [Wall Street Journal]

* 2L who based his student government bid around a self-made rap video failed to secure election. He was probably screwed the moment Dr. Dre entered the race. [Daily Business Review]

* Nursing home sued for hiring male strippers for patients. Lawsuit aside, wasn’t it a bit much to make them dress up like Matlock for their act? [NY Post]

* A firm is handing out pairs of Google Glass to clients to record how their injuries impact their daily lives. Next up: a firm specializing in the injuries caused by wearing Google Glass to record how injuries impact daily lives. [Slate]

* Big corporations are filing junk patents. Will anyone put a stop to them? Of course not. [Politix]

* It’s time to put a stop to shady tax preparers ripping off low-income families. That way low-income families can go back to being ripped off by every other avenue of American society. [New York Times]

* Managing your Facebook account can give rise to spoliation. So you’d better be happy with all those pictures you’re tagged in before you get in a legal scrape. [IT-Lex]

The NCAA claims to be committed to a “culture of personal responsibility and individual accountability.” Unfortunately that culture does not extend to its leadership, who whine and bully with the best of them when the law doesn’t let them indulge their every whim.

Witness the NCAA’s annual Final Four address over the weekend. NCAA President Mark Emmert and Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby told the press that they are prepared to forfeit millions rather than accede to a legal obligation to share any revenue with players. This isn’t the first time NCAA Bigwigs have lobbed the threat of blowing up their own cash cow rather than share with the kids risking injury in the gladiatorial pit for the benefit of universities. Last year, Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said that his schools would quit Division I athletics if the Ed O’Bannon case rules that schools can’t unilaterally sell the likenesses of players for profit.

There’s a certain majesty in being so committed to cutting off your nose to spite your face….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “NCAA Bigwigs Threaten To Slash College Sports If They Can’t Have Free Labor”

Surprisingly this lawyer isn’t named “Captain Obvious.”

He’s James Kidney, an SEC Enforcement lawyer who joined the agency in 1986 and served there ever since with a four-year detour to work at Aetna. At his well-attended (about 70 people) retirement party, he fulfilled the dream of every retiring employee and called out the B.S. he’d witnessed in his years on the job. And at the SEC, that B.S. dealt mostly with a revolving door culture of fearful superiors more interested in harassing low-level offenders while turning a blind eye to anyone with responsibility on Wall Street.

This must have been an awesome party.

What else did he say?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “SEC Lawyer Uses Retirement Party To Call Out Agency As A Bunch Of Timid Wusses”

It’s time to answer the age old question: how useless are political science majors?

Actually the question is what undergraduate majors provide the best credentials to a law school admissions officer deciding how to best game the U.S. News rankings create a mutually rewarding academic environment. Political science majors don’t look so hot as a category. Even philosophy majors do better than poli-sci students on the LSAT. I guess realizing that law school is the only marketable skill they’ll be able to get since Slavoj Žižek already has “being paid to spout off about ‘The Real’ while dressed as a homeless man” locked up is a powerful incentive to study.

Professor Derek Muller of Pepperdine Law took the time to crunch the numbers for the 2013 incoming class and arranged the findings into a handy chart.

So how did your major fare?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Who Are The Smartest Law Students? LSAT Scores And GPAs Arranged By Undergraduate Major”

The cold call is miffed
and there you are
you’re squirming for your life
you’re a falling star
And all the years
no one knows
just how hard you worked
because you’re Tier Four…
One Shining Moment, your debt’s piling up
One Shining Moment, your career’s frozen in time

It’s over. After 5 rounds of voting, we finally have a champion in the ATL March Madness tournament. Thanks to your voting, we can crown the Worst Law School in America. The championship featured 1-seeded Thomas M. Cooley against 8-seeded Liberty.

Did this tournament end in an upset?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “ATL March Madness: The Worst Law School In America — Champion”

* Never text angry. A New York judge just put the kibosh on a man’s suit to secure the return of a $53,000 engagement ring from his jilted would-be wife because he sent an ill-advised angry text. [MyFoxNY]

* A German judge allegedly sold thousands of answers to law exams. When authorities closed in, the judge went on the run before being caught with “€30,000 in cash, a loaded pistol and… a 26-year-old Romanian woman.” Who knew bar exam answer keys were the new Blue Sky. [The Local]

* Here’s the 50 Most Comfortable Prisons in the World. Hopefully the judge above will land in JVA Fuhlsbuettel Prison. [Arrest Records]

* Judge lambasts the Bronx DA’s office after an ADA failed to reveal evidence that would have freed a man held at Rikers Island on bogus rape charges. Unfortunately, this isn’t surprising. [New York Daily News]

* Elie says stuff about bullying. [ATL Redline]

* “Kosher hot dog case presents a real constitutional pickle.” *Rim shot* [Reuters]

* Ever wonder how much it costs to open a solo practice? A new solo practitioner opens his financials. [Associate's Mind]

* Don’t call tuition cuts “bold.” [Law School Tuition Bubble]

* Here’s a 30 for 30 spoof about the history of gunners. Embedded after the jump… [TaxProf Blog]

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 04.07.14″

It’s been an eventful couple of weeks between the NCAA Tournament and the Worst Law School bracket. Maybe the Warren Buffett billion dollar bracket didn’t work out, but I am guaranteed to win the ATL bracket, which is pretty sweet.

So you will forgive me for not noticing this until now. While perusing Law School Lemmings, I noticed this gem:

Maybe this is the sort of program I needed before I tried to fill out my bracket…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law School Adds Horse Racing Concentration — Pay Off Those Loans By Figuring Out The Ponies!”

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