Joe Patrice

Posts by Joe Patrice

Non-Sequiturs: 04.30.13

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* A patent infringement suit filed over the “hairy visor.” The best idea for combatting hair loss since SNL’s Chia Head. [Lowering the Bar]

* The Hong Kong legal community is split over the continued donning of wigs. It’s nice how China allows them to think they have a choice on such matters. [Wall Street Journal]

* Crooks are decoding remote signals for keyless entry to cars and police are encouraging drivers to manually lock and unlock their cars. Screw that. I’m an American and a small risk of losing a car is not worth spending an extra 3 seconds unlocking a door like a schnook. [Legal Juice]

* Former U.S. Judge Paul G. Cassell called for a U.S. House of Representatives panel to ask the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Brooklyn to explain why it “appears” to be engaging in “on-going violations of important federal crime victims’ statutes.” Jeez. You let a few tens of millions in white collar crime go unpunished and suddenly everyone’s jumping down your throat. [WiseLawNY]

* A sexual harassment suit can go forward against a supervisor who exposed himself to a subordinate. In his defense, she DID make the accusation that he “didn’t have any balls,” so she very technically asked for it. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Fordham Law professor Thane Rosenbaum has a new book entitled Payback: The Case for Revenge (affiliate link). I thought they already wrote that book and called it “Game of Thrones.” [Thane Rosenbaum]

* Our very own People’s Therapist on TV! He’s chatting about the new poll identifying Associate Attorney as the unhappiest job in America. Check it out after the jump… [HuffPost Live]

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Law Student Arrested for Anti-Semitic, Racist, Threatening Comments

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Exam time can be stressful. Doesn’t it make you just want to go online and post a series of pictures of mutilated Barbie dolls with captions threatening to butcher your professors?

What?

That’s just one of the allegations against a law school student charged with second-degree harassment and breach of peace. The allegations also include racist emails and harassing professors with bogus complaints…

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Judge Strips Gentlemen’s Club Case to Bare Facts

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Should the parties choose to string this case out to trial on the merits, the Court encourages reasonable discovery intercourse as they navigate the peaks and valleys of litigation, perhaps to reach a happy ending.

– Chief Judge Fred Biery of the Western District of Texas, denying a preliminary injunction sought by strip club owners in San Antonio who are challenging city regulations that would require bikini tops instead of pasties to avoid stringent licensing requirements.

(The Chief Judge produced over seven pages of genius double entendre. Check out the full opinion, which he entitled “THE CASE OF THE ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENY BIKINI TOP V. THE (MORE) ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENY PASTIE,” after the jump….)

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Non-Sequiturs: 04.29.13

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* The saddest thing about prisons getting rated on Yelp is owning the bar down the street with fewer stars. [Simple Justice]

* Sending “LOL totes glty” is a bad idea. [IT-Lex]

* The chief of the Brooklyn DA’s gang bureau probably should have spent more time with the civil rights bureau. [NY Post]

* People don’t really pay attention to the U.S. News Best Intellectual Property Program rankings — though it’d help if they did. [Science to Law]

* UNLV’s Nancy Rapoport thinks law schools are no better than Enron. That sounds about right. [TaxProf Blog]

* When it comes to the Boston bombings, Logan Beirne answers, “What would George Washington do?” [Reuters]

* Tenure has put a crimp in the ability of law schools to excel in the ranking system that considers publication. [Ramblings on Appeal]

* Kickstarter plug: A progressive Yale student took a year off to make a documentary about a conservative activist group, the Tennessee 9-12 Project, to show civility and respect. [Kickstarter]

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Patent Attorney Mad As Hell and Not Going To Take It (From the USPTO) Anymore

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There’s something beautiful about watching someone have a full meltdown. There’s a primal insanity that spews forth during a complaint-filled rant. It’s what makes movies like Network and Falling Down such enjoyable romps.

Attorneys aren’t immune to meltdowns, but they usually reserve them for a legal secretary, hapless associate, or beleaguered co-counsel. Anything to keep the episode shielded from the prying eyes of ATL.

Which makes a patent attorney’s public freakout on the USPTO itself so much more entertaining.

Prepare a Bingo card for the over-the-top references you expect to see in these rants (yep, plural). Here’s a freebie for the center square: mocking the Special Olympics…

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Non-Sequiturs: 04.26.13

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* Yesterday, we shared Paul Caron’s plan to end the sequester by forcing government officials to experience delays due to air traffic control furloughs. Well, Congress voted to end the furloughs. We should have known that once the sequester inconvenienced a member of Congress this would end. [Reuters via Yahoo!]

* Ken Langone does not agree with Richard Farley of Paul Hastings. And tells him so. Loudly. [DealBreaker]

* If you’re looking for CLE credits in Houston, check out this event where you can win a semi-automatic 12-gauge shotgun for your trouble. And it counts for Ethics! [NRA Blog]

* “Izadi suggested she could pay her law school tuition by turning tricks.” Is a pimp really that much worse than Sallie Mae? [Las Vegas Review Journal]

* Overlawyered is now part of the CATO Institute. Enjoy working for the Koch brothers! I hear they’re really easy to work with over there. [Overlawyered]

* Getting tossed from a case for “bad behavior”? That’s the Chicago way! [Chicago Tribune]

* An interview with American Lawyer Editor-in-Chief Robin Sparkman about the newly released Am Law 100 law firm rankings, after the jump….

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Lawyer Says Penis-Severing Woman Had ‘Break With Reality.’ You Think?

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Having to talk about penises all day can make anyone a little punchy. If you’ve ever attended/run into a bachelorette party, you know what I mean. And it seems the lawyers in the Catherine Kieu trial have sublimated that punchiness with some unintentionally funny wordsmithery.

If you’ve not been following the case, Catherine Kieu is on trial for drugging her husband, cutting off his member, and throwing it in the garbage disposal. The final act prevented her husband from having his wang reattached, and Kieu went to this extreme presumably to keep him from enjoying an amateur porn resurgence like John Wayne Bobbitt.

But with the trial wrapping up, let’s look back….

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Gawker Tells Judge to ‘Talk to the Hand’ in Hulk Hogan Sex Case

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Hey, we’re talking about Hulk Hogan here, so I figure a 20-year-old reference like “Talk to the Hand” is entirely appropriate.

A judge in Florida has ordered Gawker to take down a sex tape it acquired showing wrestler Hulk Hogan putting the “Legdrop of Doom” into his friend’s ex-wife, along with Gawker’s accompanying commentary and all the comments made to the post.

Gawker has taken down the video.

But in lieu of taking down the post and the comments, Gawker penned a stirring defense of the First Amendment that will also serve as Exhibit 1 in the eventual contempt hearing….

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Non-Sequiturs: 04.25.13

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* Ashley Pearson is a second-year associate at O’Melveny and has figured out what we already knew: being an associate is the worst thing ever. She’s entered a contest to ditch Biglaw and become a lifestyle photographer in Australia. To help out our colleague, be sure to “like” her FB fan page! [BestJobs Australia]

* Michael Silver thinks Jadeveon Clowney should lawyer up and challenge the NFL in court. If he’s anywhere near as terrifying in the courtroom as he was in the Outback Bowl, the NFL will be screwed. [Yahoo! Sports]

* Paul Caron has a solution to the sequester problem that just might work… [TaxProf Blog]

* Trivia competition: Identify the foreign courthouse. [The Faculty Lounge]

* Deleting social media can result in a spoliation instruction. [IT-Lex]

* Greta Van Susteren has endorsed a new book about jury duty, Why Jury Duty Matters: A Citizen’s Guide to Constitutional Action (affiliate link). I’m still waiting for her to endorse a tour guide for her favorite country. [GretaWire]

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Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged (By an Ethics Panel)

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We’ve received a spate of tips about judges losing their cool lately. Obviously most of them aren’t going around on killing sprees — or maybe they are — but several have plopped themselves into hot water in other ways.

Some argue that judges are overworked, underpaid, and fed up with disrespectful pro se litigants. Maybe, but how does that explain the Vegas judge we recently flagged in Non-Sequiturs for putting a litigant in jail for saying “thank you”? A litigant can’t get much more respectful.

For the judges we’ll profile here, the real culprit might be a potent cocktail of insecurity and a view of the law as their personal plaything….

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