Juggalo Law

Posts by Juggalo Law

Morning Docket: 05.17.11

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* Dominique Strauss-Kahn will go to Rikers for three or four years just to prove his point. [CNN]

* A South Carolina jail is being investigated by the Justice Department for allowing its inmates to read only the Bible. Instead of a joke, how about you goofballs learn something and read this article that Christopher Hitchens wrote about the King James version of the not-quite-great book. [Charleston Post and Courier]

* Hide yo kilos, hide yo weed. Cause they searching errbody. [Los Angeles Times]

* Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is not a fan of that state’s gay gross-up. “More like gross-out” he muttered, before kicking a teacher on food stamps. [Washington Post]

* Everything you didn’t know you wanted to know but were afraid you forgot to ask about the NFL lockout ruling from yesterday. [SI.com]

* King & Spalding continues to burnish its brand in the gay community through its work with the Houston Astros. ¿LOL Que? [Am Law Daily]

* “Dougie” rapper now movin’ like Bernie. Sorry… I had to. [NPR]

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Morning Docket: 05.16.11

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* So you’re trying to tell me that a French dude came all the way to America to sexually assault one of OUR maids? That makes no sense. [BBC News]

* Starting today, Chicago will be the site of a terror trial. Speaking of Chicago, did you guys see Taj Gibson’s dunk last night? Sweet sassy molassey! [Chicago Tribune]

* Some Yale Law grads start online legal tabloids. Some help resettle Iraqi refugees. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, whatever that gross phrase means. [Associated Press]

* Elena Kagan gave the commencement speech at New Mexico Law yesterday, but the local ABC affiliate couldn’t be bothered to spell her first name correctly. [KOAT Albuquerque]

* Coach Sweater Vest has lawyered up. [CBSSports.com]

* “Ms. Balbert asked him if the same woman who was so drunk that she was throwing up ‘was the seductress in the bedroom.’” [New York Times]

* Read this story about solitary confinement. Put yourself in Professional Reading or something. [Solitary Watch via Andrew Sullivan]

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Morning Docket: 05.06.11

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* A bunch of kids are suing the federal government and state governments over greenhouse gas emissions. Frankie says relax, nerds. [New York Times]

* Challenges to Obamacare will get their first appellate hearing in Richmond, Virginia, next Tuesday. Classic states rights location. Classic. [USA Today]

* For the second time, jurors in the Raj Rajaratnam case have asked to hear phone calls recorded by the government. On them, Rajabba can be heard breathing heavily. Wheezing, really. [WSJ Law Blog]

Phoebe Prince

* Both Bryan Cave and Holland & Knight are being hit with lawsuits. Both bemoan the litigiousness of modern American society. [Am Law Daily]

* Elly May Clampett is suing Mattel over their “Elly May Barbie.” Bratz has filed an amicus brief. [CNN via ABA Journal]

* The Phoebe Prince bullying case ended not with a bang, but a whimper. [Boston Globe]

13 Comments

Morning Docket: 05.05.11

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Kid who didn't do as well as his parents.

* DOMA dude Paul Clement filed his first brief as lead counsel for 26 states seeking to nullify Obamacare. In a land of socialist, freeloading, hippie queers, one man stands alone. [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

* Actually, that’s not true — The Cooch has Clement’s back (twhs), Tweeting all the misspelled and hilarious punchlines that are fit to print. [The Virginian-Pilot]

* Eric Holder defended the legality of the Osama killing on Capitol Hill yesterday. In prepared remarks, he said, “If history has taught us anything, it’s that you can kill anyone.” [CNN]

* I don’t want to intrude on Lat’s beat here, but Ponzi schemer Scott Rothstein’s pad sounds pretty nice. Bet it even has a foyer, whatever the hell that is. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Irving Picard has asked a judge to allow him to start making disbursements to Madoff’s victims. Victims stand to receive a coupon book valued at over 200 dollars, a free subscription to Cat Fancy, and a lifetime’s supply of Spanx for Men. [Reuters]

* Chris Simms, guilty of poor quarterbackery, was found not guilty of smoking drugs and driving. [New York Post]

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Morning Docket: 05.04.11

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* The poster state for Planned Parenthood may be picking a fight with the Obama administration over funding Planned Parenthood. [Los Angeles Times]

* Yesterday, Justice John Paul Stevens delivered a speech on the need for legal representation of immigrants. Es muy importante. ¿Puedo ir al baño? Gracias. [New York Times]

* Justice Stevens also criticized a recent Supreme Court decision on prosecutorial misconduct in his speech. Said the current Court is one bowtie short of a… then he trailed off. But he’s pretty sure they got what he was saying. [WSJ Law Blog]

* In the wake of the King & Spalding mess, a look at how other law firms vet controversial clients. [Am Law Daily]

* “Wife of stoned QB passes on taking the stand.” [New York Post]

* The U.S. government has filed suit against Deutsche Bank, accusing them of fraud. Something something schaudenfraud. [Washington Post]

* Medical-pot dispensaries in Washington fear raids, crave Doritos. [Seattle Times]

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Morning Docket: 05.03.11

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* This article details how the killing of Osama bin Laden was legal. That old honey badger Elie says he doesn’t give a s**t. [Christian Science Monitor]

* Former Winston & Strawn partner Jonathan Bristol pleaded guilty to money laundering charges yesterday in connection with Kenneth Starr’s Ponzi scheme. You know what’s a cool word? Disambiguation. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Tivo reached a settlement with Dish Network yesterday. Let’s just fast forward to the next one, shall we? [PCWorld]

* What’s the biggest impediment to “women of color” getting ahead in the legal profession? Finding a purse that matches their shoes! Am I right ladies??? [The Careerist]

* Facebook is being sued for letting kids like advertisers’ products. I can’t think of anything, so here’s a dog in a Wonder Woman costume. [Bloomberg via ABA Journal]

* This article suggests that lawyers need to have some minimal level of competency. Another thing that would have been great to know FIVE YEARS AGO, Northwestern. [New York Times]

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Morning Docket: 05.02.11

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* The Osama Obit. [Washington Post]

* Adam Liptak asks whether the King & Spalding affair is a tipping point for gay marriage in this country. Any Scorpions fans in the house? [New York Times]

* This profile of “court-appointed bloodhound” Irving Picard fails to delve deeper into the dog/man hybrid and its potential to wreak havoc on our nation’s animal shelters. [Salt Lake Tribune]

* Alabama may be close to enacting an “Arizona-style law cracking down on illegal immigrants.” I suggest they wait until the rebuilding efforts are completed. Just saying. [Fox News]

* An extremely detailed breakdown of the temporary stay ordered last Friday in the NFL labor dispute. For a slightly less detailed breakdown of the NFL labor situation (along with an amazing picture imagineered by yours truly), click here. [SI.com]

* Sammie Alito refused to intervene in the Corps of Engineers’ plan to blast a levee and flood Missouri in an attempt to alleviate flooding concerns elsewhere. Reached for comment, Alito said “No, I own an iPod. What are you talking about?”. [BusinessWeek]

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Law Schools Lie Like A Dog… Or A Rug. A Dog On A Rug.

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I graduated from Northwestern Law in 2009. It is now 2011, my loans are coming due (real due — not the fake, put ‘em in forebearance, due of yesteryear), and I am currently “employed” doing two things: reviewing documents at an embarrassing hourly wage on projects that start and stop without any sort of consistency, and writing “jokes” about the Microsoft Zune every weekday morning, every other week. To borrow from David Foster Wallace, this is water.

And so it is with a sick sort of pleasure that I read Professor Paul Campos’s very interesting piece on The New Republic website yesterday. Coupled with Elie’s post on the Biglaw bloodletting, the article tells me what I’ve wanted to know and, in fact, what I’ve been telling my mom for two years now. Namely, that MJ was right. I am not alone.

What is the true state of unemployment for law school graduates? Professor Campos has crunched some numbers….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law Schools Lie Like A Dog… Or A Rug. A Dog On A Rug.”

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Our Long National Football Nightmare Is Not Over, But Maybe?

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Earlier this evening, U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson (D. Minn.) ordered an end to the NFL lockout. Football is back on! Maybe! Or not! Not at all? Who knows?!?!?!

Yes, Judge Nelson ordered an end to the lockout today. Watching ESPN is like a trainwreck for those who crave certainty in their news reports. The NFL has already said it will appeal and seek a stay of Judge Nelson’s ruling.

If a stay is granted, well… we’re back to the lockout status quo. If a stay is not granted, then all hell will break loose and the NFL will be broken up into a bunch of Baby Bells? I think? I think that’s the implication of all the antitrust stuff that’s floating around?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Our Long National Football Nightmare Is Not Over, But Maybe?”

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Morning Docket: 04.22.11

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Harvard Law School

* Attorney Jason Goldfarb pleaded guilty to securities fraud and conspiracy yesterday in a case that originated with the Rajabba investigation. Here’s his firm website photo. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Harvard Law is being investigated for violating Title IX. As someone who did not attend Harvard, I assume IX rhymes with sticks. Which brings me no closer to understanding exactly what was violated here. [Harvard Law Record]

* The Bonds trial ended just in time for us to get super-psyched about the Roger “Frosted Tips” Clemens perjury trial. Let’s start boning up on it! [Reuters]

* Mexico is considering filing a lawsuit against U.S. gun manufacturers. Poor Mexico, so far from God and so close to Remington. [CBS News]

Frank and Jamie McCourt, in happier days.

* Here’s a thorough breakdown of the McCourt mess, including details on the ongoing Bingham divorce debacle. [Am Law Daily]

* So there’s a Canadian lawyer who looks like Kate Middleton? Yeah, well my buddies say I look like Hedo Turkoglu. #humblebrag [Vancouver Sun via ABA Journal]

* Fox News wins the headline contest for Obama’s new gasoline price task force. [Fox News]

* It’s Friday. Let’s consider the better bonobos of our nature, guys. [Times Higher Education]

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