On Sunday night, I was sitting on my couch eating Chicken McNuggets®, when Lat Skyped™ me. The following is a faithful transcript of our conversation.
Lat: Hey Juggs, I’ve got an assignment for you. Wait, why aren’t you wearing a shirt? Me: Why are you wearing a top hat? L: Touché. Listen, I have an idea for a pretty delicious story. Did you read that article in the Times about Headline News’s coverage of the Casey Anthony trial? M: I only read Mad Magazine. L: Okay, well, listen. Is there any way you can put on a shirt? M: *mumbles angrily and stomps off camera to find a respectable shirt* L: Okay, cool. Listen, that post you did about Jose Baez got some deliciously high page views. This trial is apparently through-the-roof popular and I think I know what you can do to cover it. M: Go on. L: I want you to… wait for it… spend a day watching Headline News. You watch the coverage, scribble down some thoughts and… presto! We’ve got ourselves a delicious post. M: Do I have to wear a shirt? L: Jesus, what the f**k is it with you and shirts? No. God, I don’t care. Wear whatever you want. Just watch TV and write down your thoughts. You think you can do that? M: Sure. I’ll be like Marlow, exploring the Heart of Darkness. L: That’s another thing. Your random literary references. They barely make sense and I’m pretty sure you haven’t read any books. M: Your top hat’s stupid. L: Okay, just do this. Ciao. M: Seacrest out.
Anyone who is a lawyer knows that sinking feeling. The feeling that comes when someone else finds out you’re a lawyer and starts telling you about whatever garden-variety awfulness has visited their lives. They prattle on about who knows what, because you’ve tuned out. But they keep going and the inevitable finally arrives at the end of their embarrassing story. “So you’re a lawyer. What should I do?”
If you’re quick-witted enough to come up with a response and slow-footed enough not to run away, you tell them that there are lawyers with really big advertisements in the yellow pages who could probably help them out. You grab your pizza rolls, Funyuns, and Olde English, and you slowly back out of the store.
This is what you do when you’re wise enough to know that being a lawyer doesn’t mean you can tackle any legal quandary or situation. When you know that there are situations better served by better lawyers. This is what you do when you are not named Jose Baez.
Baez has made quite the name for himself as the attorney for Casey Anthony. She’s the chick accused of killing her daughter, and Baez is the freshly minted lawyer who thinks he has the right stuff to keep her from being executed by the state of Florida.
Spoiler alert: Jose Baez does not appear to have the right stuff, at least in my opinion. After the jump, learn a bit about Señor Baez, his kooky past, and his unwavering commitment to himself…
During her short lifetime, Anna Nicole Smith managed to sell sex, jeans, weight-loss pills and, with her reality show, a sense of superiority to millions of Americans who could take some solace in the fact that they were not that messed up. She was voluptuous, then she was just plain fat, then she was voluptuous again and, all the while, she slurred her words and giggled through a series of unfortunate events that were all surely her own doing, right? She asked for all of this, right? The deaths and bankruptcies, rises and falls. She had it coming and when her life became entangled in a series of lawsuits, well… that was the natural outgrowth of a life lived so stupidly.
And then she died. Because, of course she did. And the lawsuits refuse to die. Because, of course they do. As noted last fall on this website, the Supreme Court took up one last (?) appeal in the case involving Anna Nicole Smith and sex and money. Except, the Court employs euphemisms like jurisdiction and congressional intent and non-Article III bankruptcy judges, because heaven forfend or something.
As her case flops and wheezes its way to the finish line, now is the perfect time for a look back at Anna Nicole’s life….
The phone’s been ringing off the hook here at the Circumcision Law Desk all weekend, so I apologize in advance if this post comes off sounding a bit distracted. Oftentimes, the intersection of foreskin and law is a lonely corridor filled with nothing but shattered dreams and crying babies.
Over the weekend, the New York Times published an article that did a pretty good job of illuminating where we are at in the pitched legal battle over circumcision. As mentioned at the end of the last dispatch from the Circumcision Law Desk, the forces of full-bodied penises have turned their attention to passing legislation that outlaws circumcision.
As Elie pointed out two weeks ago, San Franciscans will be voting this fall on whether to ban circumcision. And they’re not alone.
After the jump, find out what happens when people stop being polite and start trying to pass laws that outlaw circumcision and, in the process, piss off an entire religion (and blogger Andrew Sullivan)….
* Barring a last-minute deal, John Edwards will be indicted today. Life can seem pretty unfair sometimes. This isn’t one of those times. [ABC News]
* Civil rights groups have filed a class-action lawsuit against the state of Georgia over its new immigration law. These two have a history. [Reuters]
* Outsourcing firms are creating jobs for U.S. attorneys. Which will make for an awkward next interview for me when I blurt out that I loved “listening to that one Punjabi MC song where he goes lalalalaladoydoyduhduhlalala.” [New York Times]
* Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is joining Katten Muchin Rosenman as “of counsel.” Which promises to be a boon to their snow-clearing, graft, and patronage practices. [Chicago Tribune]
* South Carolina may be jumping on the E-verify train. Whatever, the sopapilla scene in Charleston was lame to begin with. [The State]
* This article details new regulations of for-profit colleges and characterizes these schools as ones that “get billions of dollars in federal aid but leave many students with crushing debt and credentials worth little on the job market.” As opposed to… [New York Times]
* A young autistic man (who, by the way, can’t paint for s**t) was sentenced to two years in jail for assaulting a policeman. [Washington Post]
* The Seventh Circuit benchslapped Hogan Lovells over a misleading brief. Judge Posner claimed it hurt him more than it hurt them but you know that’s a lie and why did he have to wear his rings, you know? [Thomson Reuters via ABA Journal]
* Manny Pacquiao settled his defamation lawsuit against Oscar de La Hoya and promoter Richard Schaefer. Buboy couldn’t be happier. [Sacramento Bee]
* A pit bull in Seattle bit off a man’s lip and was sent to a dog sanctuary outside city limits. The owner of the dog has now lawyered up in an attempt to get his dog back. To be fair, “Two Lip Charlie” should have been happy about losing his dumb nickname. [Seattle Post Intelligencer]
* Opponents of “three strikes” hope that the SCOTUS decision requiring California to reduce its prison population by 33,000 inmates will help them to repeal three strikes. Four balls, standing eight count, and wicked googly are among sports terms vying to take its place. [San Diego Union Tribune]
* A law firm librarian in New Jersey is suing her old firm and police for being falsely arrested and accused of pulling a fire alarm in the law firm’s building. This lawsuit is long overdue. Dewey even need to check out the complaint? Folio microfiche rare books. [New Jersey Law Journal]
Ed. note: Today we remember and thank those who have died in military service to our country. In honor of Memorial Day, Above the Law is on holiday (and we hope you are too). We will return to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.
* Can’t really improve on the Deadspin headline here. “Ric Flair Found In Contempt Of Court For Owing Wrestling-Merchandise Company $35K. Whooooo!” [Charlotte Observer via Deadspin]
* Judge Owen Panner of Oregon recently benchslapped the mortgage industry. I’m beginning to think the mortgage industry was plagued by sloppy practices. [Oregonian]
* The Obama administration has started to focus its enforcement efforts on employers of illegal immigrants. Apparently you can become president of this great country without showing proof of citizenship, but you can’t work in the kitchen at Fuddruckers. This guy knows what I’m talking about. [New York Times]
* It’s not dark yet for free speech warrior and all-around deviant Larry Flynt. But it’s getting there. [The Independent]
* Ever wondered whether nose jobs can be copyrighted? No? Oh, never mind. [PrawfsBlawg via Gawker]
* You know summer’s coming because another politician is accusing the oil industry of fixing prices. You also know summer’s coming because it’s getting warmer, you dummy. [New York Post]
* Moammar Gaddafi, the NATO bombing campaign, and two French lawyers who clearly absorbed the lesson of To Kill a Mockingbird. [Washington Post]
* Finally, it was revealed over the weekend that Justice Sotomayor received $1.175 million from Alfred A. Knopf for her memoirs. Zune Zune Zune!. [New York Times]
When Focus on the Family CEO Jim Daly recently conceded that opponents of gay marriage had “probably” lost in their efforts to convince young Americans that gay marriage is evil baloney, there was much celebration in circles that celebrate such things. I have it on good authority that Elie let out a big whoop upon hearing the news. Then he quickly got angry as hell about something or other. That guy.
Now that Christian conservative groups have given up trying to convince young people that gay marriage is wrong, they can redouble their efforts on the cinematic front. And that is something that we can all agree is great. Just great.
After the jump, enjoy the trailer for a movie that promises to do for the abortion issue what a banana did for the evolution issue (evolution is not an issue).
The film is called Come What May, and it involves a moot court competition and young love. And dead babies? Yeah, it mentions that once or twice….
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past six years. You can reach them by email: email@example.com.
We currently have a very exciting and rare type of in-house opening in China at one of the world’s leading internet and social media companies. Our client is looking for an IP Transactional / TMT / Licensing attorney with 2 to 6 years experience. The new hire will be based in Shenzhen or Shanghai. Mandarin is not required (deal documentation will be in English) but is preferred. A solid reason to be in China and a commitment to that market is required of course. This new hire will likely be US qualified (but could also be qualified in UK or other jurisdictions) and with experience and training at a top law firm’s IP transactional / TMT practice and could be currently at a law firm or in-house. Qualified candidates currently Asia based, Europe based or US based will be considered. The new hire’s supervisors in this technology transactions in-house team are very well regarded US trained IP transactional lawyers, with substantial experience at Silicon Valley firms. The culture and atmosphere in this in-house group and the company in general is entrepreneurial, team oriented, and the work is cutting edge, even for a cutting edge industry. The upside of being in an important strategic in-house position in this fast growing and world leading internet company is of the “sky is the limit” variety. Its a very exciting place to be in China for a rising IP transactional lawyer in our opinion, for many reasons beyond the basic info we can share here in this ad / post. This is a special A+ opportunity.
If your firm is in ‘go’ mode when it comes to recruiting lateral partners with loyal clients, then take this quiz to see how well you measure up. Keep track of your ‘yes’ and ‘no’ responses.
1. Does your firm have a clearly defined strategy of practice groups that are priorities of growth for your office? Nothing gets done by random chance, but with a clear vision for the future. Identify the top practice areas for which you wish to add lateral partners. Seek input from practice group leaders and get specifics on needs, outcomes, and ideal target profiles.
2. In addition to clarifying your firm’s growth strategy, are you still open to the hire of a partner outside of your plan? I’ve made several placements that fit this category. The partner’s practice was not within the strategic growth plan of my client, but once the two parties started talking with each other, we all saw how it could indeed be a seamless fit. Be open to “Opportunistic Hires.” You never know where your next producing partner might come from, so you have to be open to it. I will be the first to admit that there is a quirky element of randomness in recruiting.
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