Morning Dockette

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Posts by Morning Dockette

* According to this lawsuit, a medical license is just a free pass to steal people’s time and money. Clearly, the way around this is to bill the doctor for your time and then sue when he refuses to pay. [MSNBC]

* Former lieutenant Daniel Choi will go to trial this August for his White House DADT protest. Man, I love a guy in uniform. Too bad this one loves other guys sans uniform. [Poliglot / Metro Weekly]

* The Wisconsin Supreme Court reinstated Governor Walker’s controversial union law on the same day the Senate approved carrying concealed weapons. These people really aren’t communicating with each other, are they? [New York Times; Reuters]

* Trying to get ABA accreditation is a little like playing Press Your Luck. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies, stop! Elon got lucky yesterday, too. [The Business Journal]

* UND School of Law got its first woman dean, well, ever. I figured she’d look like the farmer chick from American Gothic, but I was pleasantly surprised. [The Republic]

* The King of Pop’s got legal troubles from beyond the grave. Don’t get me wrong, I love Michael Jackson, but I don’t need to smell like him (or like a child toucher, as my boyfriend noted). [New York Daily News]

* The Winklevii just… won’t… die! Well, their legal claims won’t, at least. All litigation in the Facebook lawsuit is now on hold pending a plea to the Supreme Court for intervention. [Bloomberg]

* These are the 33 reasons why normal humans love summer in New York City — but, for lawyers, some of these luxuries just don’t exist. That, or we’re too cynical to acknowledge them anymore. [Village Voice]

* Because Governor Cuomo hasn’t signed New York’s new ethics bill yet, members of the executive and legislative branches still have time to send crotchal TwitPics without consequence. [Wall Street Journal]

* With a two-week leave of absence, however, Anthony Weiner’s time may be coming really soon. And in spite of Weinergate, I still think he was super sexy defending the 9/11 healthcare bill. [Los Angeles Times]

* In case you had any lingering doubts, DOMA is still unconstitutional. Come on, just let these poor guys be poor together jointly. [Poliglot / Metro Weekly]

* The Third Circuit has cleared the way for angsty teens to post “parody” profiles of their teachers online. Oh, the fun I could’ve had back in high school with today’s technology. Now I feel old. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

* Yesterday, a children’s book author from Brooklyn was deplaned after dropping a bomb before takeoff. What kind of bomb? An f-bomb. How quickly can the airline defuse this incoming lawsuit? [Reuters]

* The CRR is fighting a Texas abortion law that was allegedly based on the stereotype that women are too stupid and immature to make decisions. I guess everything’s bigger in Texas, except for women’s brains. [Dallas Morning News]

* Teresa Giudice has proven time and again that you just don’t mess with girls from Jersey. But is getting sprayed in the face with champagne worthy of a lawsuit these days? [Washington Post]

* Dr. Pepper drinkers apparently <3 double penetration. I guess that counts as fair use, right? At least most porn stars would agree. [Copyranter]

* It figures that a lawyer from New Jersey would be accused of head butting someone. This is the guy who could be evaluating your character and fitness, bar takers. [ABA Journal]

* Yes, boys, a lap dance is a taxable service according to the IRS. Think twice next time before billing one to a client. [TaxProf Blog]

* But speaking of taxes, if you’re wondering how to get tax deductions for your student loan interest, this is a pretty good start. [Taxgirl / Forbes]

* Indiana Tech is still going to start its own law school. Because clearly we need more law schools, especially in a state that already has four of them. [Constitutional Daily]

* Thanks to his sexting scandal, Anthony Weiner is getting his own action figure. Hopefully it has a kung-fu grip. [WPIX]

* And in other breaking bajayjay news, Octopussy was convicted today of insider-trading charges. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Hey tinfoil hat wearers, when a televised moonwalk isn’t good enough, you probably don’t need a dead bin Laden photo. Suing the CIA and the DoD isn’t going to make you believe. [Daily Mail]

* Villanova Law’s administrators seem to have figured out that the best way to deal with scandal is to play a rousing game of Not-It. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

* The Supreme Court will soon rule on whether California minors can buy violent video games. Hey, kids have to learn how to creatively murder hookers sooner or later, so why not sooner? [UPI]

* Even alleged crackheads have Fourteenth Amendment rights. This one’s been approved to sue for $1.6M over his Ferrari. Don’t worry, this makes sense on Long Island. [New York Post]

* Crazy cat ladies can no longer be buried in New York pet cemeteries alongside their litters of “children.” This eHarmony girl is going to be pissed. [Wall Street Journal]

* Norman Redlich, Dean Emeritus of New York University School of Law, R.I.P. [New York Times]

Mascot for a lost generation?

* Alabama’s new immigration law is hardcore, but may lead to an uptick in employment prospects. Those tomatoes aren’t going to pick themselves, you know. [Reuters]

* This New York fire department proves that if your career involves sliding down poles, you may as well cup some balls in the process. [Gothamist]

* Apparently, if you try to womanize tall, young, hot nymphs on the state’s dime, you may be entitled to civil immunity. [Green Bay Press Gazette]

* But if you’re a lowly furniture store manager, sneaking up on a co-worker and bopping her on the head with your d*ck falls outside the scope of your employment. [ABA Journal]

* I just saved 15% on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident. I committed a violent felony, too, but who cares about tutti-frutti details like that. [CNN Justice]

* Is the Lost Generation suffering from Jan Brady syndrome? Probably. We certainly bitch and whine and moan enough about being neglected. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Paul Clement laid down the law, or lack thereof, when it came to yesterday’s oral arguments on Obamacare in the Eleventh Circuit. [Reuters]

* “Hey, I have some cases that could exonerate your client, and you have a law firm job for my nephew. Wanna trade?” Best conflict of interest case ever. [Los Angeles Times]

* Americans like revenge a little bit too much. A public tar and feathering isn’t enough for our sleazy politicians. We have to legally lambaste them, too. [NPR]

* An Ohio judge has put the pervy masses on red alert about free upskirts at the county courthouse. Ladies, you may want to break out the GPs for motion sessions there. [Columbus Dispatch]

* Um, Mississippi, did you not get the memo? You were supposed to stop putting black kids in chains almost like 150 years ago. [Times-Picayune]

* Geriatric Florida lawyers want to exchange all pleadings on the email. In a place known for its technological deficiencies, this could be kind of dangerous awesome. [Sun Sentinel]

Yeah, but are bison community property in Wyoming?

* Just a little off the top: this prisoner is suing because Virginia won’t give her the kind of cut that she wants. [Wall Street Journal]

* There are probably more bison than gay people in Wyoming, but now the latter can get divorced there. All two of them. [ABA Journal]

* Bloggers from Garden State now have more limited coverage under the state’s press shield law. In true Jersey style, all the action in this case happened on a porn site. [Reuters]

* If I were the muse for this pro-life billboard, I’d be more embarrassed about dating the guy pictured than the abortion in question. He looks like he plays a lot of D & D. [Healthland / TIME]

* I’m usually a fan of toilet humor, but this lawsuit gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “dropping the kids off at the pool.” [Birmingham News]

* Now that real weed is legal in Connecticut, fake weed might be criminalized. The stoner-like logic of lawmakers knows no bounds. [NBC Connecticut]

* DSK pleaded not guilty. In more interesting news, hotel maids are lobbying for panic buttons. Help, I’ve fallen onto a foreigner’s penis and I can’t get up? [Bloomberg]

* The Supreme Court confirms that it isn’t cool to give a guy blue balls, especially when it’s on tape. A ten second rub ‘n tug just doesn’t cut it, ladies. [CNN Justice]

* Paying a disputed bill with 2,500 pennies is douchey conduct for sure, but not disorderly. [News Feed / TIME]

* The Maine Senate rejected a bill outlawing violence against fetuses. What’s aggravated assault against a fetus, anyway? Most people probably hope that procreating while ugly doesn’t count. [Associated Press]

* How can you get in-state tuition if you’re here illegally? Doesn’t that kind of not make any sense, like, at all? [Los Angeles Times]

* The Supreme Court refused to hear Wesley Snipes’s tax case simply because they’re hoping that the actor will consider filming the prequel to Blade while in jail: Shank. [Reuters]

* Are you ready for some football? YEAH! Well, too bad. You’re not going to get any because of the NFL’s Hail Mary motion. [CBS Sports]

Patti LaBelle (via Getty Images).

* “One man’s evil empire is another’s home team.” Working for Darth Skadden can make a lawyer switch to the dark side pretty quickly. The Sith must have great benefits. [New York Times]

* It’s more often that you find illegal immigrants waiting for you at Home Depot than illegal paint. [Los Angeles Times]

* Lawmakers in Connecticut make history with their mandate for paid sick days. Apparently they aren’t reading Jay Shepherd’s column — that, or they’re just spiteful. [Hartford Courant]

* You know, it’s hard out here for a pimp, especially when the California Supreme Court expects hos to sign non-compete agreements. [San Francisco Chronicle]

* An important memo for all bros: if you think you can sue Patti LaBelle and get away with it, you’re wrong. You will be sent into active duty. [New York Daily News]

* I, too, would be traumatized after trying to give a deer a pearl necklace. [New York Post]

* Sean Kingston may have to pay a fine for crashing in a manatee zone. This would provide more fodder for the commentariat if he had crashed in a walrus zone. [Digital Spy]

* In soviet Russia Florida, homeowner forecloses on you! What sweet, sweet justice it must be for a foreclosure defense attorney to have had a hand in this debacle. [Daily Mail]

* Drowning in loan debt? There’s a niche for that! A Connecticut lawyer is paying off his $160K of law school loans with a client base comprised of — you guessed it — lawyers. [Hartford Business Journal via ABA Journal]

* In New York, new “while black” violations seem to pop up every few months. Apparently, riding in a taxi is now a friskable offense. [Metropolis / Wall Street Journal]

* Madoff investors aren’t happy about the fact that that Irving Picard charges $5,803.00 a day. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. He can’t help it that every day he’s hustlin’. [Bloomberg]

* More and more women are climbing the law school deanship ladder, but what I really want to know is why all of these successful women are trying to make themselves look so butch. [National Law Journal]

* Those of you who are trying to lawyer-proof your rapey behavior taking the New York bar exam may want to check out this article about DSK’s sexy past for a refresher on the rules of evidence. [Reuters]

* “An inveterate scam artist whose misconduct extends across decades and borders.” Facebook’s answer in the Ceglia case makes it sound as if this dude is a movie villain. That would sound great in a trailer. [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes]

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