Staci Zaretsky

Staci Zaretsky became an editor for ATL in June 2011. Before becoming an editor, she helped write ATL’s Morning Docket under the pseudonym Morning Dockette. Her writing has been featured on other legal blogs, such as Lawyerist and Ms. JD. Staci graduated from Lehigh University, and Western New England University School of Law, where her writing was published in the Western New England Law Review. In her spare time, Staci enjoys watching reality television, shopping for clothes she doesn't need with money she doesn't have, and singing along to Lady Gaga's latest hits.

Posts by Staci Zaretsky

Kid Rock

Last September, we told our readers about a sexual harassment lawsuit that was filed by former in-house attorney and publicist Andrea Pellegrini against the Insane Clown Posse and Psychopathic Records, the controversial music group she used to work for and its associated record label. In her complaint, Pellegrini alleged that she was forced to endure “pervasive harassment” during the course of her employment, including, but not limited to, being given a “large dildo” while at work, which she politely refused to accept. Lovely.

This summer, a deposition revealed that after Pellegrini rejected the sex toy, it was allegedly given to Kid Rock by former Psychopathic employee Dan Diamond (d/b/a “Dirty Dan”). Pellegrini’s attorneys then sent a subpoena to the musician, giving him 14 days “to respond and produce the dildo.”

Two weeks have passed, and Kid Rock himself responded to the lawyers’ inquiries, requesting that all parties involved in this ridiculous dildo scavenger hunt find one and shove it up their respective asses…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Kid Rock Responds To Lawyers At ‘Sad Ass Excuse For A Law Firm’ Over Sex Toy Subpoena”

* Utah appealed its same-sex marriage case to the Supreme Court, making it the first state whose law was smacked down by an appellate court to do so. Let the countdown begin. [National Law Journal]

* In the ruling that saved Alabama’s abortion clinics, Judge Myron Thompson likened the right to have an abortion to the right to bear arms. We can think of a few people who would take issue with that. [CNN]

* In case you’ve been wondering why tax inversions are hot right now, you can blame it all on some bicycling tax and M&A lawyers from Skadden — call them bikedudes at law, if you will. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Law schools tout the fact that their graduates are finding jobs in “J.D. Advantage” positions. Meanwhile, it remains unclear how much of an advantage a law degree actually offers in these jobs. [Am Law Daily]

* In a lawsuit peppered with crazy allegations, a law prof at Florida A&M claims in a gender discrimination complaint that male professors are “paid considerably more” than female professors. [Tampa Tribune]

Jodi Arias

I do not believe it is in your best interest … I strongly urge you to reconsider.

– Judge Sherry Stephens, shortly before she granted Jodi Arias’s request to represent herself during the second penalty phase of her murder trial. In April 2013, Arias was convicted of murdering her ex-boyfriend.


Once again, we’ve had a slow summer in terms of summer associate gossip. Thanks to the plight of recent law school graduates and their ever-lasting joblessness, it’s a “buyer’s market for law firms” out there, and they’re using it to their advantage.

Summer associates have worked harder than ever before, and they’ve been on their best behavior. Trust us when we say we would have already heard about it if they weren’t, and the only sounds we’re heard have been the chirping of crickets.

We long for the days of lesbianic liplocks and helicopter hijinks, but we suppose we’ll have to settle for what the new normal has given us, which has been nothing short of boatloads of boring.

Given all goody-two-shoes summer associates this year, we’d like to think that offer rates will be absolutely awesome. Let’s find out which firms are rocking the 100 percent offer rate — information that rising 2Ls will want to know as the new on-campus interviewing season starts up…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Summer Associate Offer Rates (2014): Open Thread”

Girls in my high school briefed cases all the time, it was no big deal.

* According to Patron Saint RBG, the Supreme Court has never really come around on “the ability of women to decide for themselves what their destiny will be.” Gay people are doing well, though, so good for them. [New York Times]

* Two law professors and a consultant built a model that predicts SCOTUS decisions with 69.7 percent accuracy, and justices’ votes with 70.9 percent accuracy. For lawyers who are bad at math, that’s damn near perfect. Nice work! [Vox]

* An Alabama abortion clinic statute which required that doctors have admitting privileges at local hospitals was ruled unconstitutional. Perhaps this will be the death knell for these laws. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Idaho’s Supreme Court rejected Concordia Law’s bid to allow grads to sit for the bar before the ABA granted it provisional accreditation. Too bad, since lawyers are needed in Idaho. [National Law Journal]

* Before you go to law school, you can learn how to gun with the best of them. That’s right, you can practice briefing cases before you even set foot in the door. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

She didn’t get an offer this summer…

Clients increasingly don’t want to pay for first-year and sometimes second-year associates. Because of that, firms hire less of them.

Kent Zimmermann, a law firm consultant at the Zeughauser Group, commenting on the hiring differences between Biglaw today and the days of yore. Since it’s a “buyer’s market for law firms,” summer associates need to be impressive to receive offers.

Woo, Biglaw! Being a summer associate is the best!

It’s the first full week of August, and you know what that means: summer associate programs are wrapping up, and people are beginning to pop bottles of bubbly to celebrate their offers. Before we get to our annual offer rate round-up, we want to know which firm hosted the best summer associate event of the season.

It goes without saying that summer associate programs aren’t what they used to be, but that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t any fun to be had. Biglaw firms are still wining and dining their seasonal employees, but these days, perhaps due to a still dismal job market, summers are better at keeping their clothes on and hiding their inebriation.

That being said, we’d love to know: which law firm put on the best summer associate event of 2014?

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A summer associate livin’ the life.

* All work and no play makes summer associates sad, but they had a really great time this year, what with the lucky law students attending Broadway shows, sporting events, and Russian cabarets. Sounds like fun! [Am Law Daily]

* Alas, not everyone was getting wined and dined this summer. Some lawyers can’t even find a place to work. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the legal services sector lost ~200 jobs during the month of July. [WSJ Law Blog]

* It may be the “worst time in the history of legal education to go to law school,” but because of new programs being launched, at least some of our recent graduates will be less screwed. [New York Times]

* “The ABA is used as a whipping boy for standing in the way of innovation,” but soon it’ll vote on revisions to its accreditation standards. Welcome to the party, ABA, thanks for being late. [National Law Journal]

* It took 15 doses of lethal injection drugs to execute Joseph Wood when it should’ve taken one. Don’t worry, it wasn’t cruel and unusual punishment — the Arizona Department of Corrections says so. [CNN]

Andi Dorfman

If you weren’t in love with me, I’m just not sure why you made love to me.

Nick Viall, the runner-up on the latest season of The Bachelorette, announcing on live TV that while the show was being filmed, he had sex with Andi Dorfman, the assistant district attorney who accepted a marriage proposal from another man.

‘I get paid to play Candy Crush and do laundry all day!’

Imagine, if you will, a world where you’re able to do absolutely nothing but surf the internet, watch all the daytime TV you can stand, go on as many online shopping sprees as your wallet will allow, and like and comment on every Facebook status in the world, all while being paid your regular salary (ranging from $60,000 to $80,000), and maintaining performance-based bonus eligibility (with awards ranging from $2,000 to $3,500).

If you think that sounds great, then maybe you should apply to become a paralegal specialist for the Patent Trial and Appeal Board (PTAB), because that judicial body apparently wasted up to $5.09 million on salary payments for what was nothing more than paralegal playtime.

Ain’t life grand as a federal employee?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Paralegals Paid Up To $80K To Play Online, Watch TV”

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