Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

ATL,

I was wondering whether I should get/admit to getting plastic surgery.

My issue is that if I was in L.A., I would have done it already, but Chi-town is different, and I want my co-workers to take me seriously notwithstanding the potential surgery.

Sincerely,
Too Sexy for My Face

Dear Too Sexy for My Face,

At approximately 8:43 a.m. on November 1, 2001, in an office on Central Park South, Dr. Michael Evan Sachs punched me in the nose with his scalpel. Five days after his precision beating, I removed the bandages to reveal a magnificent elf shoe perched in the middle of my face. Going into the surgery, I hoped that a new nose would solve all my problems. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.

There’s nothing inherently shameful about plastic surgery; some of us were simply born monsters and require surgery to address the situation. The only shameful thing about the whole ordeal is hatching some ludicrous story to explain away your new feature(s) or banking on the fact that your colleagues aren’t observant people and don’t live for this sort of shit. If you show up at work with two Christmas hams stuffed in your shirt or half of your nose hacked off and still pale despite your “Costa Rica trip,” your colleagues will notice, mainly because they aren’t morons. And because they’re tactful professionals, they won’t confront you about it, they’ll just tear you to shreds behind your back. Keeping quiet about it doesn’t make you look discreet, it makes you seem ashamed. If you remove the shame from the equation, the vicious gossip loses its sting. There’s not really anything further for people to discuss about your surgery if you’ve already told them everything yourself.

Stop being corny and worried about whether your colleagues will think you’re vain. Of course you’re vain if you’re getting cosmetic surgery, and there is no sense in wasting time or energy disabusing yourself or coworkers of the truth. Be true to yourself, even the plastic parts.

Your friend,

Marin

Elie objectifies us all, after the jump.

It’s not often that the worlds of law and fashion intersect. There’s much more overlap between the worlds of law and finance, ably covered by our colleagues at Dealbreaker.

But an investigation by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo into the practice known as “astroturfing” offers us this opportunity to give a shout-out to the glamorous world of beauty and fashion. Read more (and comment) over at our sister site, Fashionista.

Cuomo’s Beauty Crackdown [Fashionista]