Bad Ideas

tajudeen-oladiran.jpgLast week, we posted a highly unusual motion from Arizona. Attorney Tajudeen “Taj” Oladiran filed a “Motion for a [sic] Honest and Honorable Court System” in his racketeering case against Suntrust Bank before the “dishonorable” Susan Bolton.
Taj was extremely disappointed in a ruling by Judge Bolton, calling her “a brainless coward.” He ended the motion with the following:

[M]any good lawyers in town told me the bank’s executives would never be deposed, and that the case would go nowhere. I stupidly stuck to the notion that everyone is equal under the law etc. Boy was I wrong…
My thanks go out to Larry Folks and Kathleen Weber [Ed. Note: opposing counsel] who both warned me that I would lose (I should have listened to them).
I apologize to all my clients. I know, I’m sorry does not repair the mess I made but, that’s all I’ve got.
To my family, words can’t express my apologies; please remember me kindly.
Finally, to Susan Bolton, we shall meet again you know where. :-)

Some readers of last week’s post worried that was a suicidal sign-off.
We got worried too when Taj failed to respond to our emails and phone calls of the past few days. Today, we sent him a Facebook message. When our phone rang with a strange number this afternoon, and the voice on the other end had a Nigerian accent, we were relieved.
Taj lives! He sent us a lengthy missive. Here’s an excerpt:

I hope my explanation will stop the jealous haters that sent me nasty comments from holding their breaths in anticipation of news that I’ve committed suicide. Sorry, no such plans. The Whistleblower Pleading is not about a suicidal lawyer, it is about how an out-of-state bank that made bad mortgage loans in Arizona was able to obtain a horribly biased ruling in its favor. An occurrence that I thought was impossible in the federal district court. .

Full statement, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Taj Lives! (And He’s Pissed)”

tajudeen-oladiran.jpgTajudeen Oladiran is an Arizona attorney who is currently of counsel at Aguilera International Counsel. A Biglaw refugee, he spent a year at Greenberg Traurig, as well as a year working for the Arizona Attorney General’s Office.

Given those credentials, we were surprised that he would file one of the craziest motions we’ve come across here at Above The Law.

From the U.S. District Court of Arizona:

Taj crazy motion.jpg
It is a motion in a case that Tajudeen Oladiran and his wife filed against Suntrust Bank for racketeering. We gather from the motion that Oladiran was not pleased with the ruling by “the Dishonorable Susan R. Bolton” (as she’s identified in the caption). Oladiran wrote: “I just read your Order and I am very disappointed in the fact that a brainless coward like you is a federal judge.”

A lesson on how not to address the court, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Motion of the Day: “We shall meet again you know where.””

Falcon Heene balloon boy.jpgOn Thursday morning, a “homemade flying saucer” took off from the Colorado yard of Richard and Mayumi Heene. The Heenes drew nationwide attention when they claimed that their 6-year-old son Falcon was inside.
When the saucer finally landed, Falcon did not glide down with it. Instead, he was hiding in the family attic. The Heenes said he was hiding because he feared punishment, but he told CNN that he “did this for the show.”
Now it looks like the Heenes were full of hot air. Robert Thomas, a former assistant to Richard Heene, penned a column for Gawker calling it all a big hoax by his attention-hungry boss, claiming to have discussed a plan like this with Heene earlier this year. Plus, Thomas says the attic in the Heene home is virtually inaccessible and that Falcon would have needed help to fly up there.
The authorities appear to agree and announced last night that they will be filing charges. From the New York Times:

The office did not identify the specific charge or charges on Saturday, but said a Class 3 misdemeanor charge was possible, according to The Associated Press. False reporting of a crime falls under that class of misdemeanor.
The sheriff, Jim Alderden, said a Class 3 misdemeanor “hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances.” He added, “We are talking to the district attorney, federal officials to see if perhaps there aren’t additional federal charges that are appropriate in this circumstance.”

It’s too bad the balloon did not make it across state lines.
Charges to Be Filed in Colorado Balloon Incident [New York Times]
Exclusive: I Helped Richard Heene Plan a Balloon Hoax [Gawker]

orly taitz.jpgOrly Taitz is a California attorney described by Wikipedia as “a leading figure in the ‘birther’ movement, which challenges whether Barack Obama is a natural-born citizen eligible to serve as President of the United States.” She started the Defend Our Freedoms nonprofit in order to wage the birther battle. We’re glad to see that its website does not have a photo of Obama with a question mark; instead, it has a tasteful image of Taitz’s head photoshopped over the Constitution, the American flag, and ALR volumes.
Earlier this year, Taitz went to federal court (M.D. Ga.) to request a restraining order on behalf of Army doctor Connie Rhodes preventing Rhodes’s deployment to Iraq. Taitz claimed that the deployment order was illegal because President Obama is not legally president, and attached among her evidence the obviously-faked Kenyan birth certificate for Obama that has circulated on the Internetz.
Federal judge Clay Land aborted that birther suit and reprimanded Taitz for filing a frivolous lawsuit. Shortly thereafter, Connie Rhodes wrote Judge Land a letter saying she found out about the lawsuit via media reports and had neither asked Taitz to represent her nor wished to resist her deployment.
Yet Taitz is still laboring over this suit and filed an order challenging Land’s dismissal of the case. He responded by giving her a two-week deadline to explain why he shouldn’t sanction her and fine her $10,000. On the deadline, she filed a motion to recuse Land from the case. He didn’t like that…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawyer of the Day: Orly Taitz”

Remember Jane Allen Clark? She’s the Texas attorney who originally used the quasi-racy photo on the left for her lawyer profile on the state bar website. After we wrote about it, she replaced it with the more staid portrait on the right:
Jane Allen Clark Jane Clark Jane A Clark before after Texas State Bar lawyer.jpg
But where did that first photo come from? An eagle-eyed reader drew something to our attention….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Further Misadventures in Lawyer Advertising: Where Did Jane Clark Find Her Hubba-Hubba Photo?”

Belmont Law.jpgSomewhere there is a giant invisible hand that really enjoys jerking around the earning potential of attorneys in good standing. Belmont University is opening a new law school next year. The Tennessean reports the latest evidence that university presidents hate lawyers:

The Belmont College of Law would be the state’s sixth law school, the third in Nashville and the first new law school to open in Middle Tennessee in a century.
“This is far, far, far bigger than anything we’ve done before,” Belmont President Bob Fisher said. “Twenty years from now, there could be 2,000 Belmont law school graduates out in the community, hopefully doing some good.”

Excuse me.
After wiping off the blood streaming out of his eyes, Elie bangs his head on his desk. Unsatisfied, Elie removes copies of Streetcar and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof from his bookshelf and throws them, burning, from his window, while shouting general obscenities at any he believes to be from the great state of Tennessee.
Fine, so Bob Fisher doesn’t mind keeping local lawyers financially hobbled due to the oversupply of attorneys. Surely the local bar association will stand up for its current members:

News of the new law school has been a closely guarded secret. W. Scott Sims, past president of the Nashville Bar Association, issued a quick statement greeting the new law school as a “wonderful addition” to the legal scene.

At tonight’s performance, W. Scott Sims will be playing the part of Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House.
You know what? As bad as this is for students at Tennessee’s other law schools, how colossally dumb are the people who sign up for a Belmont law degree next year?
Tuition details after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Belmont (TN) To Open New Law School — Just Because They Can”

Asian Angels withdrawn canceled.jpgLast week, we reported on a questionable offering in the Lexis-Nexis Rewards Program store: an “Asian Angels” calendar.
Shortly after our post went up, the calendar came down. It seems that legal research companies respond well to media coverage.
But the calendar, despite being quickly withdrawn from the Lexis swag offerings, still incurred the ire of the Asian Pacific American Law Students Association at UC Berkeley.
Read their response, plus a statement from Lexis, below.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “No More Asian Angels For Loyal Lexis Users”

Lexis logo.JPGLexisNexis has a rewards program that allows loyal users to accumulate points for certain research activities and then to use them to “shop from millions of items.”
One of the items makes us want to give LexisNexis an “ex” rating. An ATL reader and loyal Lexis-Nexis user pointed the item out to us, writing:

Search for it in the rewards store. It’s available for 1261 points. Pretty shocking if you ask me. The calendar that is, not the price.

We’re red-flagging this. Check it out, after the jump.

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Saul Ewing male dancers erotic secretary.JPGBy day, Jarriette Richie was a legal secretary. By night, she was one of the small business entrepreneurs who are so important to the vitality of the American economy. Not only that, Richie’s business provided services to a critically underserved community. Richie was the proprietor of Show ‘N Tell Entertainment — which arranged erotic male dancers for ladies exclusively.
But you know how difficult it is to get credit in this economy. And Richie needed to fly dancers and guests down to Puerto Rico for an “event.” So, she had to improvise.
The Washington Post picks up the narrative, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Legal Secretary of the Day: For the Ladies”

porn pornography XXX video.jpgWe’ve written extensively in the past about law students and lawyers taking their clothes off for the camera. For whatever reason, most have been women. For example:

  • an associate from Thacher Proffitt (& Wood — hehe), who previously posed for Playboy;
  • a U. Miami law school graduate, who also posed for Playboy;
  • a UNC law student, who auditioned for Playboy’s pages; and
  • a Brooklyn law student, who appeared on Playboy TV.
  • But we are equal opportunity oglers here at Above the Law. We’re more than happy to write about naked male hotties (or clothed male hotties, at Davis Polk).
    Meet “Jacob” (surely not his real name). He’s a male law student who has turned to performing in gay pornography to pay his tuition.
    NOTE: We’ve included a screencap. It is safe for work, but it does include shots of a shirtless man, which some may find risqué. Accordingly, we’ve posted the image AFTER THE JUMP.
    Do NOT click on the “Continue reading” link below unless you are prepared to see some skin. Thanks.

    double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Career Alternatives for Attorneys: Gay Porn Star?”

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