Barack Obama

The 2008 Secession Proposal

In the wake of last week’s election, citizens from all 50 states have signed petitions calling for secession from the United States. These petitions have been filed with the White House’s “We the People” website, an initiative of the Obama administration to encourage public involvement in government. Once a petition reaches the threshold of 25,000 signatures within 30 days, the White House forwards the petition to its policy experts to draft a formal response.

It’s kind of ironic that these neo-secessionists submitted their formal demands through a government initiative specifically created by Barack Obama. It’s ironic because, while each state’s petition varies a bit in substance, the crux of every petition is “we don’t like that crazy Kenyan socialist president.”

Just to recap: Kenyan Head of Government. Not Kenyan Head of Government. Kenyan. Not KenyanKenyonNot Kenyan.

As of this hour, only a handful of states have reached the signature threshold to trigger an official White House response. Wanna take a guess which states are ready to bail? If you guessed “states that have past experience with secession,” you’d be right. Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas have all finished their secession petitions.

Do these petitions signal a new round of secession?

(SPOILER ALERT: No)

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Megyn Kelly

* Barack Obama will not be invited to party with the Supreme Court justices to celebrate his reelection — which is too bad, because from what we hear, they really know how to get down. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Here’s a protip that essentially comes straight from David Petraeus. You can add these to the list of crazy things that your jealous mistress will say to any other woman who so much as looks in your direction. [Althouse]

* “Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?” Career alternative for this attorney: bludgeoning Karl Rove with witty election night insults for his failure to admit Obama won Ohio. [Daily Beast]

* Here’s a list of the five kinds of partners you’ll typically find in Biglaw. All you’ve got to do is find their weaknesses, and use them to your advantage. [Greedy Associates / FindLaw]

* In the days ahead, should law schools cut tuition or cut class size? Obviously the solution is to do a little from column A and a little from column B, but you know they’ll never budge on tuition. [PrawfsBlawg]

‘I’m coming for you, SCOTUS.’

Legal elites fared well on election night. For example, Harvard law professor Elizabeth Warren is now Senatrix-elect Elizabeth Warren, after expertly landing Langdell Hall on top of Scott Brown (“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little pickup truck too!”). As a Divacrat — I support strong, strident, brilliant (sorry Sarah Palin) women, regardless of their political party — I’m already fantasizing about Clinton/Warren in 2016.

Joining Warren on the Senate floor will be another great legal mind who spent some time in Cambridge, Harvard law grad and former SCOTUS clerk Ted Cruz. The Morgan Lewis partner is one of several current or former Biglaw attorneys who won office on Tuesday. (For more, see Am Law Daily.)

The biggest winner of the evening, of course, is also a legal elite: President Barack Obama. He’s a former law professor, like Warren; an HLS grad, like Cruz; and the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review. Things don’t get much more elite than that.

And in the legal world, things don’t get much more elite than the United States Supreme Court. This brings us to today’s question: What will a second Obama term mean for the Supreme Court?

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* Now that Barack Obama has secured his seat as a two-term president, in-house counsel in the financial sector can kiss their dreams of Dodd-Frank being repealed goodbye. Here are some issues to think about in light of its new footing. [Corporate Counsel]

* “We’re in the early innings of adjusting what value means.” And these days, it looks like “value” is synonymous with “making less money.” Given the results of this third quarter analysis, it’s quite clear that flat is still the new up for Biglaw. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Blow my whistle, baby? A DLA Piper partner filed a $4M suit against the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency on claims he was maliciously prosecuted as revenge for whistleblowing. [Daily Business Review]

* After being arrested on domestic violence charges, it seems that Steven Guynn of King & Spalding has left the firm. He doesn’t need to sweat his unemployment, because his house is for sale for $3.3M. [Am Law Daily]

* From Biglaw to Midlaw: Morrison Cohen, a midsize firm, managed to poach a partner from Willkie Farr. But how? Apparently this guy was no longer interested in billing “$900-plus” per hour. [New York Law Journal]

* Former Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords will be present at Jared Lee Loughner’s sentencing hearing today, though it is unknown if she herself will speak. His expected sentence is life without parole. [ABC News]

First, let me get this out of the way:

Yes, Republicans are waking up this morning to the horrible realization that women and minorities get to vote in this country.

And gays. Oh, yes, gays and lesbians had a really good day yesterday. Republicans are licking their wounds by telling us that Obama had a very narrow victory and that this is still a “center-right” country. And maybe that’s true on economic issues. But on social issues? Homophobia was rejected last night. In its place, weed won. Think about that. After a 0 for 32 success rate with same-sex ballot initiatives, two states legalized gay marriage by popular vote, Washington will almost certainly affirm the legislature’s legalization of same-sex marriage, and one state declined to outlaw it. And we have our first openly lesbian Senator.

But, like Théoden King, it was not Obama of Chicago that lead gays and lesbians to victory out of the Deeping Wall of inequality. Obama was a late and unsteady comer to the fight for equal rights.

In fact, don’t think any national politician can claim the mantle of “leader” on this issue. Instead, I think that the law, through its protectors on our nation’s courts, have brought the people around on this issue….

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Did Sandy’s thumb tip the scales in favor of Obama? Yesterday, we asked you, the ATL readers, and the answer was an emphatic no. For just last week, you predicted a comfortable reelection, despite the contemporaneous claims of a dead heat. And you were right. So, apart from the election, where the Superstorm seems to have been of little account, we wondered how Sandy (ed. note: are we still talking about the damn storm?) was, in your view, handled by your employers and schools.

Responses to our ATL Insider Survey tell us that, generally speaking, lawyers rate their employers highly in more abstract areas (e.g., “satisfaction” and “culture”) and lower in more concrete categories (e.g., “compensation” and “training”). Last week, we in the Northeast megalopolis all faced the very concrete challenge of Superstorm Sandy. Since then, we’ve covered how many firms have acquitted themselves admirably in the wake of the storm, with pro bono efforts and charitable contributions to support relief and recovery efforts.

But how about during the run-up to Sandy? Yesterday, we asked our readers who live and work in Sandy-impacted areas to assess the performance of their schools or employers in the face of the storm: how prepared were they? Was sufficient technology in place to continue operations? And how are things going now, a week later? This, in addition to a question about how the storm might have affected the outcome of yesterday’s election. Read on for the results….

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* “We know in our hearts that for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.” Barack Obama was re-elected as president. Bring on the hope and change! No, seriously. [New York Times]

* In news that shouldn’t come as a surprise, regardless of who won the presidential race, there are still post-election voting issues that will likely be resolved in the courts. [Blog of Legal Times]

* But what we really want to know is who will be our country’s next attorney general. Because if anyone can fill Eric Holder’s shoes, it’s Preet Bharara, the U.S. attorney for the S.D.N.Y. [WSJ Law Blog]

* In other important news, several states approved gay marriage ballot initiatives, and others legalized marijuana. But hopefully you don’t have a case of the munchies yet — federal law still says it’s illegal. [CNN]

* They helped American citizens “ba-rock” the vote: hundreds of law students from around the country rallied around the craziness of Election Day to volunteer their assistance to worthy causes. [National Law Journal]

* Biglaw firms in NYC are still reeling after Hurricane Sandy. While WilmerHale set up temporary offices last week, both SullCrom and Fried Frank could be out of commission for weeks. [Reuters; New York Times]

* At this point, in-house counsel are kind of like the McKayla Maroneys of the legal profession, because they are seriously unimpressed with outside counsel’s efforts to improve services and fees. [Corporate Counsel]

* Judge Theodore Jones, associate judge of the New York Court of Appeals, RIP. [New York Law Journal]

* It’s the most wonderful time of the year. [National Law Journal]

* If it’s close, Ohio could keep us waiting for weeks. [New York Times]

* But it might not be close. [FiveThirtyEight / New York Times]

* And afterwards we can all have a joint. [San Francisco Chronicle]

* It’s important to on a day like today to remember and be thankful that we don’t live in Russia. [Jonathan Turley]

* Because in America, we can sue over blood thinners that make you bleed. [ABA Journal]

* Anyway, if you want my prediction for tonight, keep reading….

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Happy Halloween! Unless you live in New Jersey.

Based here in New York, I’ve spent the last several days watching the news while drinking copious amounts of whisky (klassy hurricane tip: pour the whisky directly into the can of coke — it saves washing a glass later if you’re worried about losing water!). The stream of images showing devastated areas is truly horrifying.

Thankfully my bunker of an apartment survived unscathed, but that did not excuse me from my own share of post-traumatic stress. But in my case it was seeing a number of lawyers-turned-politicians parading across the news channels displaying their own law firm certified brand of crisis management and triggering flashbacks to my years in private practice.

When we suffer the zombie apocalypse (which could happen as early as next Tuesday) or any other movie-level disaster, if we continue to place executive power in the hands of lawyers, we’re all screwed….

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Seeing as half the Eastern seaboard is underwater or in the dark or throwing a massive party, perhaps the only other topic Americans care about right now is — you guessed it — next week’s presidential election.

Most of us know how granular the campaigning has become these last few weeks, as the candidates vie for the heart and mind of the ever elusive swing voter. But for some time now, both Mitt Romney and President Obama have taken advantage of another highly detailed, technical voter research strategy. They dig up electronic information about voters using data-mining techniques pioneered by everyone’s favorite American institutions: online retailers.

Yep. Because the process voting for president is just the same as deciding what new XBox game to buy…

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