Baseball

* A DWI attorney shows up to court drunk. Kicker? He was in the wrong courtroom. Still, the best way to defend a client is to stumble a mile in their shoes. [KRQE]

* A sitting appellate judge shares his poetic stylings. [Law Poetry]

* Here’s a brutally honest letter from a hypothetical senior Biglaw partner to a new associate. Since this week established that we need to point this out, this is a satirical letter. [Associate's Mind]

* Well, this is a pretty comprehensive tirade against a judge. It makes calling a judge a “cock” seem tame. [Legal Juice]

* Harvard Professor Noah Feldman talks about democracy. He thinks monarchies have funny traditions. I guess he’s talking about the royal family of Canada. [Zach Talks]

* EA can’t use the First Amendment to get out of the right of publicity problem it faces with its college football video game. And the death watch on the NCAA continues. [IT-Lex]

* Supreme Court justices employ more strident language in dissents. We didn’t really need a study to prove that justices get salty when they lose. We could just watch Scalia invoke Godwin’s Law. [Washington Post]

* Last year, Ryan Braun, proclaiming innocence, successfully appealed his suspension for steroid use. Right now Braun’s appeal seems a bit disingenuous. [Sports Illustrated]

* Bipolar man who pretended to be a lawyer sentenced to three years. How will he pay off his fake law school debt? [New York Post]

* U.S. District Judge Daniel Hovland has enjoined North Dakota’s new abortion law. Turns out it wasn’t viable. [USA Today]

* In the wake of Hollingsworth, Modern Family star Jesse Tyler Ferguson forged his own modern family when he married lawyer Justin Mikita over the weekend. [Los Angeles Times]

* Rachel Jeantel, the controversial prosecution witness from the George Zimmerman trial, says the experience has inspired her to become a lawyer. That’s an unfortunate lesson to take from the trial. [Newsone]

* The most interesting thing about the decline of Biglaw is how long a completely nonsensical business model persisted. [Slate]

Last week it came to our attention that everyone’s favorite diploma mill law school, the Thomas M. Cooley Law School, has a baseball stadium.

Not that Cooley is fielding a team; it bought sponsorship rights for a pre-existing stadium, not unlike other fine academic institutions such as the University of Phoenix.

We did some digging and got the details on this ballpark.

For example, did you know it’s actually been rated the second-greatest ballpark in the country? That’s right. The Cooley rankings say so….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Cooley Law School Stadium: The House That Broken Dreams Built”

Ed. note: In honor of the July 4th holiday, we do not expect to publish tomorrow. We will be back on Friday, July 5th, although on a reduced publication schedule.

* These are the five cases likely to come up after Fourth of July weekend. The “boating accidents” case reminds me of a poor teen clerk telling Homer Simpson that he couldn’t operate a boat while drunk and he responded, “Sounds like a wager to me!” [The Expert Institute]

* This lawyer is also a professional at shooting off fireworks. In this job market, it’s good to have a career to fall back on. [Indiana Lawyer]

* This is the holiday to go take in a baseball game. If you’re in Michigan, you can watch the Lansing Lugnuts vs. the Lake County Captains at Cooley Law School Stadium. Wait, Cooley has a stadium? [Battle Creek Enquirer]

* The Texas Criminal Defense Lawyers Association is planning a series of readings of the Declaration of Independence. You know, in case you have absolutely nothing to do in Texas tomorrow. [KLTV]

* On a similar note, in Massachusetts, there was an annual reading of Frederick Douglass’s famed take on the Fourth of July from the perspective of abolitionists. [Cape Cod Daily]

* In non-holiday news, the George Zimmerman trial ground to a halt today when Skype testimony was bombarded by pranksters constantly pinging the witness’s account. Video after the jump….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 07.03.13″

* As we wait for the biggest cases of this term, the question that seems to be on everyone’s minds is: “What would Justice Kennedy do?” We might find out the answer today if we’re lucky. [New Yorker]

* At least we know what Justice Kennedy wouldn’t do. He’d never disrespect his elders like Justice Alito did yesterday after rolling his eyes at Justice Ginsburg while on the bench. [Washington Post]

* Meanwhile, although the Supreme Court punted an important affirmative action ruling yesterday, Jen Gratz’s life has been defined by a more meaningful one made about a decade ago. [Washington Post]

* It’s not what you know, it’s who you know: Covington, the firm where ex-DOJ lawyers go to make money, is representing some very big tech companies in their dealings with the NSA. [Am Law Daily]

* Fox Rothschild picked up a small Denver firm to reach a “critical mass” of attorneys in its new office and offer full service. FYI, “full service” in Colorado means weed law now, you know. [Legal Intelligencer]

* “[G]iven the significant decline in law school applications,” Cincinnati Law is pushing for a 30 percent tuition and fees reduction for out-of-state students. That’s a step in the right direction. [WCPO ABC 9]

* This guy had the chance to go to law school, and I bet he’s really kicking himself now after choosing to be a member of the Boston Red Sox bullpen instead. Poor kid, he could’ve had it all. [MassLive.com]

* Today is most likely going to be a banner decision day for the Supreme Court, so in wild anticipation, SCOTUS expert Nina Totenberg was on call to answer some need-to-know questions for the people about the innermost workings of the Court. [NPR]

* One of the opinions we hope will drop at the Supreme Court today is that of the Fisher v. Texas affirmative action case. If you want some hints on how the three justices who attended Princeton (not counting Kagan) might rule, check this out. [Daily Princetonian]

* Justice Samuel Alito is out in Texas where he threw the first pitch — “a bit wide of the plate” — in last night’s Rangers game. Will SCOTUS unleash anything important in his absence? [Washington Post]

* Meanwhile, while we eagerly await decisions in the gay marriage cases next week, consider for a moment the possibility that this is all just but a gigantic train wreck waiting to happen. [New Republic]

* Things are heating up in North Dakota where the battle over abortion regulations continues to rage on. What a shame, especially since we supposedly took care of this stuff in the early 70s. [ABC News]

* “If this is what these women signed up for, who is anybody to tell them differently?” Two pimps were acquitted of sex trafficking after prostitutes testified on their behalf. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

On Tuesday, I wrote about my own student loan debt. And how someone needs to do something quick about it before it, and things, get out of control. It took a great deal of personal responsibility on my part to own up to the fact that the government needs to bail me out. While I agonized over the decision of whether to come out against my own financial ruin, I eventually decided that if I could save one student from a lifetime of crippling debt, one adult from poverty, one person from pawning off their Billy Ripken f**kface baseball card just to buy eggs, well… I hope that one person is me.

In related news of Randian pluck and rugged individualism, America’s baseball teams have been swallowed whole by a hungry horde of destitute billionaires. The latest in this very proud lot is the Ricketts family, who bravely spent close to a billion dollars of someone else’s money to buy the Chicago Cubs. This week brought news that the clan may move the Cubs out of Wrigley Field, their home and frat boy toilet for close to one hundred years. And why is such an iconic urinal being threatened?

Because the owners of the Cubs don’t have as much money as they pretend to have. And because someone must pay. And that someone is someone else.

Let’s play two…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Wrigley Field Beset By Wealthy Man Looking For A Handout”

Ed. note: This post appears courtesy of our friends at Techdirt. We’ll be sharing law-related posts from Techdirt from time to time in these pages.

At times, there’s no one in a more unenviable position than the chairman of the FCC. When not dealing with larger issues like net neutrality and wireless competition, you’re at the beck and call of every member of an Overly Concerned Citizens’ Group that feels the need to start a letter-writing campaign any time an expletive hits the airwaves.

Bono fired off an f-bomb at the Grammys and someone let Nicole Richie make the most of her what-am-I-for fame by giving her a microphone and allowing her to explain how difficult removing cow shit from a Prada purse is. The Second Circuit Court of Appeals has twice found the FCC’s rules on so-called “fleeting expletives” to be a violation of the First Amendment. That, of course, matters little to angry letter writers who somehow believe The Children will be encouraged to swear by potty-mouthed celebs…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Red Sox’ David Ortiz Unleashes An Expletive During Televised Speech; FCC Says ‘F**k It’”

Jose Canseco

hey buddy I also think waterboard and shoot but scalia was clear in hamdi dissent that citizens get due process.

– Former MLB player and self-confessed juice head Jose Canseco, explaining to Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric, via Twitter the reason why Dzhokhar Tsarnaev shouldn’t be treated as an enemy combatant.

* The New York Post responds to critics of its Boston attack coverage. [The Onion]

* I’m just going to quote our tipster on this one because I cannot improve upon his commentary: “Because we should publicize every time a Donald Trump lawsuit fails.” [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* DOUBLE F**KING NEWSFLASH: this pissed off sorority girl will write the BEST cease and desist letters someday. [Gawker]

* CVS: the place with the helpful, anti-Asian racist staff! [Associated Press via Yahoo! Finance]

* The Supreme Court stands up to warrantless searches. Sort of. [Simple Justice]

* Sports franchise owners totally rip off the communities they supposedly serve? [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* You’d think an intellectual property firm would know better than to commit copyright violations. [Law 360]

* Good news, law students! You can get a casebook for the low, low price of $200! [PrawfsBlawg]

* Rachel Ray sued for negligence in trying to help a teen lose weight. If the goal was weight loss, Rachel should have just forced the girl to exclusively eat from Rachel Ray’s cookbook. Nothing can turn someone off eating like that. [US Weekly]

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