It didn't make our final four. But this wedding announcement, featuring an heir to the great Swingline Stapler fortune, gives us an opportunity to note that there is -- who knew? -- more than one way to staple something.

We recently learned that you can rotate a plate on the bottom half of your stapler, thereby causing the hammer to press the staple out instead of in and "pinning" the document together temporarily. Minutes of fun, people!

Back to business. Here are this week's newlywed entrants:

1. Alyson Evans and James Beha II

2. Jennifer Brosnahan and Kevin McIntyre

3. Kristen Eichensehr and Richard Ré

4. Amanda Kosonen and David Schleicher

Read up on these fabulous contestants, after the jump.

Almost half of the justices are done hiring their law clerks for October Term 2008. The latest justice to finish up: Justice Anthony M. Kennedy.

In addition to Chris Walker (Stanford 2006 / Kozinski), whose hiring has been previously noted in these pages, congratulations to the three newest AMK clerks:

1. Ashley Keller (University of Chicago 2007 / Posner)
2. Travis Lenkner (Kansas 2005 / Kavanaugh)
3. Steven Shepard (Yale 2007 / Kozinski)

It's unusual to have two clerks from the same feeder judge in the same justice's chambers. But if there's any combination that's likely to produce such a development, it's Kozinski --> Kennedy (just as Luttig would sometimes send two clerks to Justice Scalia in the same Term; also note Judge Garland filling three out of Justice Stevens's four slots in OT 2008).

Ashley Keller appears to be the first Chicago clerk in OT 2008. Also note the (unsurprising) emergence of the well-connected Judge Brett Kavanaugh (D.C. Cir.), relatively new to the federal bench, as a feeder judge extraordinaire.

The current tally of OT 2008 SCOTUS clerks, with the three new Kennedy clerks added, appears after the jump.

Not too long ago, we said we had a "gut feeling" that some Supreme Court clerk hiring was going on (despite the Court being in recess). We were right.

Meet Porter Wilkinson. And don't hate her because she's beautiful. Or brilliant. Or rich. Or the daughter of a top feeder judge and frequent Supreme Court short-lister, Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson (4th Cir.).

Or, for that matter, a future Supreme Court clerk. We hear that Judge Wilkinson's daughter -- yes, Porter is a girl's name, if you're a WASP -- just landed an October Term 2008 clerkship with Chief Justice John Roberts. Congratulations, Porter!

Not surprisingly, we hear that the young Ms. Wilkinson is fairly conservative -- in case you couldn't have guessed that from the fact that she's currently clerking for Judge Brett Kavanaugh (D.C. Cir.) (alongside the lovely, and recently married, Zina Gelman).

And where did we hear about Porter's politics? From Judge Wilkinson himself!

In late July, we attended the excellent national convention of the American Constitution Society, in Washington, DC. Judge Wilkinson was on one of the panels. In thanking the ACS for inviting him, he noted that his son is a member of the liberal organization -- but that he's balanced out by his sister Porter, a card-carrying member of the Federalist Society. We bet the Wilkinsons must have interesting dinner table conversations.

Porter Wilkinson continues the trend of fathers and daughters who both clerked for the Court (as noted by Tony Mauro). See here.

Update: A tipster tells us, "FYI, Porter was an All-American lacrosse player at UNC. See here. Her husband [Christian Cook] was lacrosse Defenseman of the Year at Princeton and three-time national champion. Formerly of the Secret Service. See here. They got married this past summer in Charlottesville."

With Porter Wilkinson added, the current list of OT 2008 clerks thus far appears after the jump.

Graduation Awards: Four in the Class of 2007: Porter Wilkinson [Virginia Law]
Carter Phillips' Kin Is Alito Clerk [Legal Times]

LEWW offers a seven-gun salute to newlyweds Zina Gelman and John Bash III, who scored a convincing victory in our July Couple of the Month vote.

Zina and John -- currently public servants in the chambers of Judge Brett Kavanaugh and Justice Antonin Scalia, respectively -- finished 16.7 percentage points ahead of the surprising second-place winners, the non-SCOTUS team of Jennifer DeLeonardo and Adam Frey.

Congratulations to Zina, John, and their poor little dog!

(For those of you who are curious, the full results appear after the jump.)

Next time you hear a cell phone go off in a movie or at the theater, and think to yourself, "What an a**hole!", remind yourself: Someday YOU might be that a**hole.

Watch this video, from the start of the Harlan Fiske Stone Moot Court finals, which we attended at Columbia Law School earlier this week. Pay special attention to what happens around the 18-second mark:

Yes, that's right. The judges entered the room, their robes billowing out behind them. The court crier made the very formal and grandiose announcement: "Oyez, oyez..." The room fell into a solemn silence. And then, at that precise moment, our computer -- which was in the process of turning on -- made that annoying Windows start-up noise. Loudly.

One could feel a wave of horrified embarrassment sweep through the audience. Justice Alito chuckled, so hopefully he wasn't too offended. But we were mortified (and rightfully so).

In our defense, this was a complete accident. We were in the process of setting up and turning on our computer, and we didn't know when exactly the judges would be arriving. We turned our computer on, and it began the start-up process (which can take a little while). Unfortunately, just seconds after we turned it on, the judges made their entrance. And even more unfortunately, as the silence settled over the room, our computer made that colossally loud cyber-fart.

In any event, our apologies, Your Honors! Please do not blame the CLS audience for this rudeness. It was completely our fault.

We took some rough notes on the proceedings. They will probably interest you only if you attended the Moot Court finals yourselves. Or if you care about the hairstyles of Article III judges.

If you want to see our commentary, it's available after the jump.

Yesterday afternoon, we attended the Harlan Fiske Stone Moot Court finals, at Columbia Law School. We interviewed the four finalists prior to the arguments.

Here's our interview with Eric Chesin and Geoffrey Reed:

And here's our interview with David Gringer and Patrick Somers:

After impressive arguments, and deliberation by the distinguished panel -- Justice Samuel A. Alito, Judge Susan P. Graber, Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, and Judge Sonia Sotomayor -- the best oralist prize went to Eric Chesin. Congratulations, Eric!

America's SweeTart just graduated from the London School of Economics with an M.S. in Social Psychology. Interestingly enough, her LSE master's thesis was law-oriented: an examination of the effect of pretrial publicity on jury selection.

(Monica: Please don't treat that rolled-up diploma like a cigar. Thank you.)

Lewinsky graduates from London School of Economics [Reuters via Drudge Report]
In Search of the Impartial Juror: The third person effect and pretrial publicity [London School of Economics (Psychology Dept.)]
Nature of President Clinton's Relationship with Monica Lewinsky [Starr Report]
Now Here's an Oral Sex Scandal for You [Volokh Conspiracy]

Rumors that Justice John Paul Stevens is about to step down from the Supreme Court are a recurring feature of the legal gossip landscape. As we previously observed, JPS retirement rumors "return each spring, with the birds and the flowers."

But hey, we're good sports, so we'll blog about them. 'Cause one of these days, they might actually turn out to be true -- and we wouldn't want to be caught flat-footed. (Our personal view, though, is that Justice Stevens will leave the Court as the late Chief Justice Rehnquist did -- through death, not retirement.)

Anyway, here's the latest gossip. Per Sean Rushton, executive director of the Committee for Justice, and an active participant in judicial confirmation battles:

For the past several weeks, there has been a rumor circulating among high-level officials in Washington, D.C., that a member of the U.S. Supreme Court has received grave medical news and will announce his or her retirement by year’s end. While such rumors are not unusual in the nation’s capital, this one comes from credible sources. Additionally, a less credible but still noteworthy post last week at the liberal Democratic Underground blog says, “Send your good vibes to Justice Stevens. I just got off the phone with a friend of his family and right now he is very ill and at 86 years old that is not good.”

Rushton's rumor was picked up over at Confirm Them.

If Justice Stevens does resign from the Court, who might fill his robes? U.S. News's Washington Whispers column offers this intelligence:

President Bush isn't looking very far for his next conservative pick to the U.S. Supreme Court: His top two candidates work just 12 blocks away in the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. Insiders say Judge Janice Rogers Brown, appointed in June 2005, tops the list, followed by Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, appointed in May.

Also up: Peter Keisler, whose nomination to the D.C. court is pending. So there's no vacancy, you say? With apologies to Justice John Paul Stevens, 86, it's his seat they hope to fill.

As ATL readers know, we love ourselves some Janice Rogers Brown. But would this outspoken, conservative judicial diva be able to make it through a Democrat-controlled Senate? The same goes for Brett Kavanaugh, whom Senator Chuck Schumer once described as "the Zelig of young Republican lawyers."

So we'd be interested in your views on a question that a (clearly conservative) reader sent to us earlier today:

How about a piece on SCOTUS candidates Bush could get through the Senate now that it's controlled by Communists?

(Now now, dear reader, conservatives are trying to play NICE with Nancy Pelosi and her pals. No name calling.)

One obvious response: Maureen Mahoney (above right). We previously wrote about Mahoney in great detail over here. We expressed concerns over whether she would be perceived as conservative enough to secure the nomination. But in a Senate controlled by Democrats, being a moderate conservative -- as opposed to a hardline one -- would be a plus.

Thoughts?

Update: Lots of interesting names in the comments.

The Rumor About John Paul Stevens [Human Events]
Talking About Judge Brown [Confirm Them]
Another Reason to Go GOP [Confirm Them]
Washington Whispers [U.S. News and World Report]
Maureen Mahoney: "The Female John Roberts"? [Underneath Their Robes]

If you have dreams of clerking for Justice Antonin Scalia next year (October Term 2007), and your name doesn't appear below, sorry -- your dreams are fading fast.

Here are the OT 2007 hires of Justice Scalia (thus far):

1. Aditya Bamzai (University of Chicago/Sutton/OLC).

Here's an equation that's as reliable as E=mc2:

Clerkship with judicial superhottie Jeffrey S. Sutton (6th Cir.) + Stint at DOJ's prestigious Office of Legal Counsel = Clerkship with Justice Scalia

It worked for current Scalia clerk Louis Chaiten, and it worked for Mr. Bamzai. It could work for you too!

They don't call the OLC the "Finishing School for the Elect" for nothing...

2. John Bash (at right; he's quite handsome, and the woman he's with is simply stunning).

Bash, you may recall, was supposed to be a Luttigator -- until Judge J. Michael Luttig flew the judicial coop and winged it over to Boeing.

But Bash's story has a happy ending. He landed a clerkship with Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the latest addition to the star-studded D.C. Circuit bench. After his stint with Judge Kavanaugh, he'll be Bashing down the bronze doors at One First Street.

3. Rachel Kovner (Stanford 2006/Wilkinson). This empress of Stanford Law is rumored to have earned the highest grades in Stanford Law School history -- higher even than OT 2006 clerks David Cooper (Stanford 2004/Garland/Kennedy) and Kathryn Judge (Stanford 2004/Posner/Breyer).

Rachel's law school transcript is so delicious, the Stanford registrar's office is printing out thousands of copies and airlifting them to Mauritania.

Anyone have the 411 about the fourth Scalia clerk for OT 2007? Or some juicy tidbits about Supreme Court clerk hiring by another justice? Please send it our way, by email (subject line: "SCOTUS Clerk"). Gracias!