Bruce Wolk

erisa beauty queen.jpgNow that our ERISA Hotties Contest is over, we can opine on the nominees without injecting bias into the proceedings. So we will. Here’s our own take on the male and female nominees for hottest ERISA lawyer in America.
On the men’s side, we acknowledge Professor Bruce Wolk as a worthy winner — and the boyishly adorable Jordan Backman as a deserving runner-up.
Our personal favorite, though, is the hunky, jaw-droppingly hot Malcolm Slee. In one of his pictures, he has a refined, “model-pretty” look; but in the other pic, he exudes an irresistible, rugged manliness. Such versatility is commendable.
But Malcolm only came in fourth, with 8 percent of the vote. In our humble opinion, he wuz robbed.
If we had to pick another ERISA hunk who didn’t get as many votes as he should have, we’d go with the Solicitor of Labor, Howard Radzely. Radzely got a measly 2 percent of the vote. But consider these after-the-fact testimonials:

“Howard Radzely can ‘solicit’ me any time, day or night!”

“[Howard Radzely] has an Adam’s apple the size of Montana. So if you go for the gawky awkward teenager barely legal look, he’s your man.”

(A “gawky, awkward, barely legal” hottie? Like, say, Phil Alito?)
On the women’s side, we felt that the top two women — Sarah Downie and Jennifer Stojak — merited their high placement. But we think that more votes should have gone to Heather Meade, Jessica Janov, and Rebekah Crawford.
Heather offers up a dark, sultry, Monica-esque beauty, to all who gaze upon her visage. Lisa Rhein — a sharp contrast to Heather, but equally appealing — is a super-cute, perky blonde, straight out of a teen movie. Jessica Janov looks like she’s part of the recent Invasion of the Russian Supermodels. And Rebekah Crawford, as noted in one of her testimonials, channels the screen goddesses of Hollywood’s golden age.
But these are just our opinions. You’ve picked your winning hotties — and they are fully deserving of their titles as the hottest ERISA lawyers in the U.S. of A. Congratulations once again, Professor Wolk and Sarah Downie!

erisa beauty queen.jpgOur ERISA Hotties Contest has only been over for a day — but some of you miss it already.
Fear not. The contest may be over, but the commentary isn’t. We’ll have a few more posts discussing the competition — including our personal views on which ERISA Hotties should have gotten more lovin’ from the electorate.
After the results were announced, we contacted our two winning hotties — Professor Bruce A. Wolk and Sarah E. Downie — for comment. We haven’t heard back from Professor Wolk yet, but Ms. Downie did have this acceptance speech to deliver:

Hi. That was one hard-fought battle. I would like to profoundly thank everyone who voted for me!

My boyfriend is interested in knowing whether I get a tiara for the victory. I also think that Professor Wolk would look great in a crown of some sort.

We agree wholeheartedly. The only thing cooler than an ERISA professor lounging on the hood of his Camry is an ERISA professor in a tiara lounging on the hood of his Camry.
And hey, guess what? Noted wedding tiara designer Christina Garcia is our cousin-in-law! (She’s married to our first cousin, Jerald Garcia.) We will contact her forthwith about providing tiaras for our winning hotties.
Once again, ATL sends its warmest congratulations to Bruce Wolk and Sarah Downie on their latest professional distinction. Time to update those CVs and résumés!
Christina Garcia: Tiaras of Distinction [official website]
Earlier: Prior ERISA Hotties coverage (scroll down)

sarah downie 3.JPGbruce wolk 2.gifWe received dozens of great nominations. We produced slates of twelve hunky men and twelve gorgeous gals — all of whom practice pension and employee benefit law.

Then we opened the polls. The candidates campaigned vigorously. Just as in any self-respecting election, there were allegations of irregularities.

It was a hard-fought battle, especially in the final hours. But we made it through. And three thousand votes later, we have two winners in our first annual ERISA Hotties Contest.
Congratulations to the two hottest ERISA lawyers in America:




Sarah Downie and Professor Wolk are deserving champions. Downie’s fragile beauty calls to mind Audrey Hepburn — but with arresting, fiery red hair. And Professor Wolk, assuming an odalisque position on the hood of his Camry, proved irresistibly sinuous to the voters. (See photo below.)

As we previously stated, these results are final. Our nation survived the divisive Supreme Court decision in Bush v. Gore; but we doubt the Republic could survive Stojak v. Downie or Backman v. Wolk. So, in the interest of unity within the ERISA bar, let us all come together to celebrate our glorious winners.

(It’s worth noting, however, that both Downie and Wolk prevailed by significant — albeit not enormous — margins. You can review the final tallies for the men here, and for the women here.)

In closing, we’d like to thank all of you who contributed to make this contest such a fun and successful one: the people who nominated hot ERISA lawyers; the hot ERISA lawyers themselves, many of whom graciously spoke on the record about the race; and, finally, the thousands of voters who made this democratic process work.

And if you enjoyed this contest, please keep reading ATL. More hottie contests are on the way. And to all of you who feel that worthy ERISA hotties were overlooked in this year’s competition, worry not. There’s always next year!

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of ERISA hotties (scroll down)
bruce wolk 3.JPG

Professor Bruce Wolk, America’s hottest male ERISA lawyer. Check out that license plate: ERISA 74!

erisa lawyers.jpegOur ERISA Hotties Contest is in full swing (at least on the male side; female nominees coming soon). To review the field and cast your vote, click here.
Last night, like the responsible journalists that we are, we contacted all of the nominated male hotties for comment:

Dear ERISA lawyer:

Congratulations. You have been selected as a finalist in Above the Law’s first annual “ERISA Hottie Contest,” our quest to find the most attractive pension-and-employee-benefit attorneys in the United States. You can check out the contest here:

If you would like to comment on this honor, or if you have a “campaign message” you would like to disseminate, please let us know, and we will communicate it to the public. If you have no comment, that’s fine as well. But please be advised that we cannot accept requests to be withdrawn from the competition.

Thank you for your time and kind consideration. Good luck!

Best regards,
David Lat

We’re still waiting to hear back from most of the competitors, but we’ve already received responses from two of them: Michael Maricco and Professor Bruce A. Wolk. Check out what they had to say, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “ERISA Hotties: Messages from Your Male Nominees”