Are You Forcing Your Life? Or Living Your Life?

Whether you believe in anything other than what you can see with your own eyes, there are always things at work in the universe that we may not understand.

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There is something about law school, they say, that makes everyone a little competitive and nutty. There are horror stories of law students sabotaging outlines, playing mind games with each other, cheating on exams to get ahead, etc. so that the Type A nutters can get the best grades, earn the top job out of school, and “win” at life.

Believe it or not, those people exist in the yoga world, too. I’ve known plenty of yoga teachers that hold on to class times with the tenacity of a tiger with a raw, bloody steak in its mouth, and other yoga teachers that badmouth and undermine other teachers or other studios as a tactic to “keep students.” It’s not just law school; it’s not just lawyers; it’s our misguided human conditioning to win, to succeed, to get ahead, and to think we can outsmart and control everything that happens in our little worlds.

Whether you believe in anything other than what you can see with your own eyes, there are always things at work in the universe that we may not understand. We think, it has to be this way, and we try to force things to fit into a neat little box.

Usually, that forcing–the pushing and pulling and throwing elbows at anyone or anything that gets in your way– is a sign that something is off. How to know if you’re forcing something? The thing that you’re forcing in your life will feel “icky.” (It’s a technical term.) You might feel a tightness in your chest when it crosses your mind, anger arising when things don’t go “your way;” a sense of being overly tired when you have to deal with it, trouble sleeping when you remember it in bed, or you may just have an overall sense of “this is not ok” somewhere in your being. Whatever the icky feeling is, it’s usually a sign that it’s time for something to change.

What can you do then?

  • Option 1. Continue forcing the issue/thing/situation and drive yourself crazy. We’re humans, and we’re taught from the time we’re children to try, try, try again. Unfortunately, this approach can lead to consistent banging of the head against the wall until one day, our heads are so bruised and our bodies so tired that we just cry, “uncle.”

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  • Option 2. Take a step back, evaluate what’s not working for you, and change something about it. Sometimes, we’re so mired in an issue that we can’t see the obvious solution that is right in front of us. Taking a step back from it can mean: talking to a wise friend who can listen and help you take a more spacious view. It can mean sitting in meditation and allowing thoughts to appear and arise without running off into the sunset with them. It can also mean taking time off from work, a relationship, or a project, so you can have a clearer view of what feels like the right way to approach it. And when you find that bigger, more expansive way of seeing the issue, a solution (big or small) will likely appear. Evaluate the situation, take action, make a change, and move forward. Even if you make a “mistake,” you will undoubtedly learn from the experience and have a better idea of what feels like the right next step.
  • Option 3. Focus on something other than the icky issue. I had dinner with some friends the other night who are both on the verge of leaving their careers. They’re taking steps to simplify their finances and their lives so they have the freedom to do so, but they both recognized: the way they’re living right now (unhappy in their current jobs, and hyper-focused on what will happen in the next, uncertain step) isn’t working for them. So they’ve decided to focus on something other than themselves and do volunteer-type work. Because when they look back on their lives with the wisdom they’ve gained from experience, they can see: life was most rewarding when they weren’t trying to “make it work” to fit a plan. Life was rewarding when they were so engrossed in living that it just flowed naturally.
  • Option 4. Pray/surrender. I know G*d is a taboo subject for many folks, but you don’t have to believe in G*d or pray to G*d for prayer to have its benefits. One of the greatest things about prayer is an aspect of surrender–saying, ok, life, I really don’t know what to do here, can someone help me, please? Not knowing, setting down an issue (and all of the drama that goes with it), can be a gift. Because when you put aside your ego and your wants and desires and ideas of how you think a certain thing should be, you give space in your life for something to take shape that you weren’t expecting. You don’t have to pray to G*d, you just have to be willing to let go, breathe, and surrender to the current of life.

Life isn’t about forcing or “making it work.” It’s not about knowing all the answers, making the most money, crushing your opponents, or making your life fit your agenda. Life is about living, moment to moment, day to day, and watching what unfolds before us.

Megan Grandinetti is a wellness & life coach, yoga teacher, and recovering attorney. Learn more about Megan, and receive a free 10-minute guided meditation, by visiting www.megangrandinettiyoga.com and signing up for her email list.

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