Why Aspiring To Be Perfect As An Attorney Is Actually The Opposite Of What You Need When Trying To Leave The Law

Our job as attorneys is all about being perfect and conforming. This passion for perfection generally bodes well for us as lawyers … but it’s horrible if we want to leave the law.

lawyer courthouse stepsI got coffee with a lawyer friend of mine a few weeks back. She is a partner in a solid firm, with a healthy and interesting practice, and a lot of respect. We talked family, some business and generally just caught up.

And then as we were leaving, she said “It’s great you got out.”

I thought she meant about getting out of law, but I wasn’t sure. She has a great practice, I thought, why would she not want to practice law.

So I asked her … and I was right – she didn’t want to be part of her firm any longer. Too much politics, too little collaboration, and just a general feeling that she was unhappy – her work as a lawyer was disconnected from her interests as a person.

I was very surprised. But I wasted no time talking to her about some of the steps she could take to leave the law, how she can look inward to reconnect with those unique skills and strengths of hers, how she can then work to find opportunities which align with what she is good at.

She liked what I was talking about. It was awesome. She was invigorated! I was motivated …!

… until she said “I could see myself leaving, Casey, but it would have to be the perfect opportunity for me to actually make a move.”

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My motivation came to a screeching halt. And my heart sunk. And I realized with that mindset, no matter how unhappy she is, her need to find the perfect non-legal opportunity, to avoid risk, to avoid making a “mistake”, to avoid actually trying and to avoid going against the grain was greater than her desire to be happy.

And I realized that unless her mindset changes, she likely will never leave the law. She will always be unhappy.

Our job as attorneys is all about being perfect and conforming

As attorneys, we need to be perfect (or close to it) to practice the law. We need to anticipate all or as much as possible that will happen in a given scenario or case. We have fiduciary duties. Clients depend on us. Judges judge us. We have little room for error. We need to see into the future. We are taught to follow the rules.

I’m not telling you anything we all don’t know already.

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This passion for perfection generally bodes well for us as lawyers … but it’s horrible if we want to leave the law.

Leaving the law requires us to try new things

It’s horrible because leaving the law requires us to reduce our need to be perfect all the time. Leaving the law actually requires that we make some mistakes, because it requires us to try new things, and when we try things, not all of these things result in success. But the path to success and happiness is in the trying.

And it’s horrible if we want to leave the law because leaving the law requires us to reduce our need to conform all or most of the time. When we leave the law, we are required to not worry so much about what others (the judge, senior partners, our parents, our friends, society) will think.

When we go against the grain of what we’re used to doing, or when we do something that is not exactly “right” or “accurate”, what that means is we’re likely trying something new. We’re likely doing something where the rules are not yet defined. And what that means is we’re likely never going to be perfect at it.

But that’s okay, because leaving the law lets us make mistakes, which in much of the non-legal world actually means “creating opportunities”.

Leaving the law lets us create our own rules. Or uncover them. Or give them a space to nurture and grow.

So how do we perfectionist lawyers find a way to bridge this mindset and begin to feel comfortable with making mistakes and doing things our way? Here are three ways:

1. Realize that there is no short cut or perfect magic pill or black box to help us leave the law

To get started on leaving the law, we have to make a conscious effort to face the facts right now. When we leave the law, it won’t be perfect.

We won’t find that perfect opportunity right away, slide seamlessly into a perfect job, and begin to lead a perfectly happy life.

There is no short cut or perfect magic pill or black box.

It happens gradually, it takes work, it takes deep reflection, it takes trial and error, it takes trying.

Many of us tried to create this perfect sequence when we went to law school – we thought we’ll just go to law school and tough it out and … come out the other side on the right path to everything we want in life (security, money, stature, and happiness).

And as many of us know, it didn’t happen this way.

There is no short cut or perfect magic pill or black box.

And if we keep wishing for one, then we’ll never get started.

2. And actually, we don’t want a short cut or perfect magic pill or black box to help us leave the law

Genuinely, sincerely, and productively leaving the law means to explore our own personal growth.

It means to face things we haven’t faced before.

It means to create an environment where we can build confidence and grow as a person.

It means to relish in the fact that we can propel ourselves on a journey, of mind, spirit and passion, that not only lands us a great job, but also allows us to become connected with the person we inherently are … and not some idealized image of ourselves we have been striving for.

If there was a short cut or perfect magic pill or black box to leave the law, we likely might enjoy how easy it all worked out, but we wouldn’t accomplish any of the important trying. We would not have been forced to overcome hurdles, train our mind, look for new solutions, meet new interesting people, and learn more of what else was out there.

It would be like taking steroids to hit or throw a ball farther.

It would be like cheating ourselves.

It would mean that we wouldn’t have grown.

And leaving the law is about growing … growing into ourselves and into a new (non-legal) role that aligns with our skills and strengths.

3. Wait a minute … hold on, check this out, there actually is a short cut or perfect magic pill or black box to help us leave the law

So believe it or not, there is a direct way to dive right into leaving the law that has a very high rate of success and has a profound positive effect on our personal growth and professional development.

It’s called directly facing our fears.

As unhappy lawyers, we are so afraid about staying in the law. We’re afraid we’ll remain unhappy. We’re afraid we’ll one day become the older partners we despise. We’re afraid we won’t reach our potential. We’re afraid we’ll live with regret forever.

But we’re also so afraid of leaving. We’re afraid we won’t be able to afford our lifestyle on a non-legal paycheck. We’re afraid to even pursue non-legal jobs because we don’t know where to start. We’re afraid that a HR manager will reject us.

But instead of facing these fears, deconstructing them, or analyzing them in their less ominous parts, we don’t do anything. We keep finding reasons to not leave. And we remain afraid and unhappy.

Think of that difficult case we all have had recently or the complex licensing question, or the high profile personal injury case or the pressure packed capital raise. How did we all succeed at these legal matters? We faced the issues directly, rallied our confidence, suppressed our fears, and pushed through to complete what needed to get done.

And we’ve only gotten better at this.

We’ve faced down fears before to become the lawyer we are right now.

That’s a precedent I’m sure we can use to become the person we want to become for the rest of our lives.

Casey Berman (University of California, Hastings ’99), a tech executive, and former investment banker and in-house counsel based in San Francisco, is also the founder of Leave Law Behind, a blog and community that focuses on helping unhappy attorneys leave the law.