Comment of the Day

Comment of the Week was real goddamn easy this week.

You see, I’m the guy who thinks law schools are trolling all of you. I don’t actually think most law school administrators could possibly believe all of the things they say to their students. It’s a joke. It’s one big joke, and the only people who aren’t in on it are prospective law students.

The person who comes onto Above the Law and says, “the car is spelled LEXUS, not Lexis,” is exactly the same person who comes on and says, “I’m going to law school on the cheap because I received a LOAN through financial aid.”

We live in a world of trolls, so we might as well give a T-shirt to one of the most successful ones….

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It’s been quite an explicit week here at ATL. We’ve covered BJs, strip clubs, and oh yeah, more BJs (of the metaphorical if not literal type). Ample opportunity for snark, clearly. But I have to say, some of the best comments came from our old standby: law school drama. Our commenters know that sometimes it pays to stick to what you know.

For pure yuks, I’m a fan of Concerned Pastafarian’s comment on the story about the Jesuit law school which, in the words of one of our Twitter followers, is in the middle of a nervous breakdown:

“The tuition is too damn high!”

- Dean Mystal

That comment, a shout-out to Jimmy McMillan, is almost like a haiku. It’s brief and balanced, yet it still creates a clear, awesome picture in the mind.

But sorry Pastaman, your airborne spaghetti deity doesn’t have your back today. Like many other Americans, I can’t turn away from the ongoing trainwreck that is D-list reality TV stars and all the ways “normal,” “dignified” Americans make fun of them online….

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Maybe our readers were inspired by feats of athletic greatness in London, because people brought their A-game to the comments this week. The breastfeeding thread alone was hilarious. If Comment of the Week were an objective sport, like swimming, this comment probably would have won:

David, having the biggest breasts doesn’t make Elie the best qualified ATL staffer to write this story. Please assign such stories to one of the women staffers next time, either Staci or Danzig. Thanks!

But Comment of the Week is subjective, like gymnastics, so suck on my moobs, “Guestnoxious.” Mwahaha. I hope the ATL T-shirt was your last option for comfortable cotton clothing and you now have to wear a polyester blend for the rest of the summer.

Same goes to you, Mr. Paw, with your decision to insult esteemed columnist Brian Tannebaum in a thread that should have been devoted to insulting Cooley Law:

I was inspired to go to law school by Joe Pesci in Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. I’ve since carved out a niche practice suing children who’ve injured criminals with elaborate booby traps.

– B. Tannebaum

Tannebaum’s on vacation or he’d probably go guy outside the Albany Bar Exam on you.

Yeah, instead of these (admittedly funny) slams on the prestigious and classy ATL writing team, I’m going with comments from the post where the Florida State kid allegedly got shot by a classmate. Since he survived it’s okay to joke about it, right?

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Let the record show that a person running for President of the United States has spent a week willfully misrepresenting the statement of the incumbent president.

The “you didn’t build that” comment has been grossly taken out of context. Everybody agrees that it’s been grossly taken out of context. And yet some people keep taking it out of context to advance a point that the president believes something that he never said. I’m honestly stunned that in the so-called greatest democracy in the world, we can’t even debate things that people have actually said.

But since that’s what people are talking about, we might as well meme it up. Our Comment of the Week does just that….

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Wouldn’t it be better if law schools behaved more like college football programs? I think it’d be pretty awesome. Hear me out:

  • Elite law candidates would be recruited by the accredited law schools. Most students would get scholarships to attend law school, instead of loans.
  • Weaker candidates could still “walk-on” and pay full price, but they’d know their chances of making it into Biglaw were low.
  • Two words: Biglaw Draft. “With the first pick Wachtell Lipton selects Yang Patel Shapiro — Berkeley Law. Elie Kiper Jr. reports that this is a huge blow to to Cravath who was hoping the Chinese Jewish student with the Indian mother who clerked for Scalia and Breyer would fall to them at #2.”

And that’s just the tip of the awesomeness iceberg.

Yes, that entire little fantasy was inspired by one, seven-word comment this week…

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This week, we had many wonderful comments to choose from, simply due to the high number of entertaining stories we’ve written about. But perhaps the most entertaining of all was a story about the daughter of a legendary football coach allegedly getting into a battle royale with one of her former sorority sisters. Because when Kristen Saban dots the “i” in her name with a heart, she does it in blood.

After all, everyone knows that joining a sorority is like taking a pledge of evil — it only takes a little bit of alcohol for all of the demons to escape (and various articles of clothing to come off, but that’s neither here nor there; Google it if you like).

Anyway, let’s find out who won the honorific title of Comment of the Week….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Comment of the Week: The Pledge of Evil”

How the hell are we supposed to pick our Comment of the Week when there was a holiday smack dab in the middle of the week? I mean, really, people are still nursing their Fourth of July hangovers, which made this week’s pickings a little slim.

Luckily for us, Katie Holmes fell prey to the Curse of 33, and “blindsighted” “blindsided” Tom Cruise with divorce papers, just in time for his 50th birthday. You’ve got to feel a little bad for the guy — his marriages all die quicker than Goose.

So this week, we picked the winner from the TomKat divorce post. Hold on to your thetans, folks, because we’re about to ride into the danger zone….

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I assumed that the comment of the week this week would come from the news that Justice Roberts turned into Severus Snape and saved Obamacare.

There have been some hilarious things said about the Obamacare decision, and Buzzfeed captured the 25 funniest tweets. I even got off a couple of nice one liners. Popehat is running a whole competition for the most outrageous rage reaction from the Obamacare decision.

But the comments on Above the Law were kind of… tame. I mean, there was a lot of making fun of CNN and the usual number of people who are still butthurt that Obama is the president, but there wasn’t a lot of insight, and very little was funny. The comment with the most likes was BL1Y’s:

Why is Obama waging a war on poor people with this incredibly regressive tax?

That’s pretty good. But the general dearth of good comments in the thread made me look elsewhere for the Comment of the Week this week….

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The Reema Bajaj story has been highly entertaining. The amount of lewd comments, jokes, and puns that can be made about a lawyers and prostitution is endless. I mean, lawyers are kind of like prostitutes in the best of times.

Here, during the worst of times, it sure feels like the difference between servicing a client for $100 and being a prostitute is nil.

And if there is something that a lawyer is doing to make money, you know her law school will try to take credit in some way…

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We’ve got some major news since our last installment of the Comment of the Week series: the first winner out of four rounds of the competition has claimed his prize. Congratulations again to guest9999999, who proved that at least one person reads these columns. I suppose we’ve got to cherish the small things in life.

This week, when choosing our top comment, we decided to go with one from a post that all of the Above the Law editors thought was pretty funny, but in the end, the topic apparently made our readers believe that I was even dumber than they had originally thought — as if such a thing were even humanly possible.

Of course, I’m talking about the Cooley Law shoeshiner post….

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