This one time, at Hofstra
In honor of Hope writing that fulfilling piece about scandals at her biglaw firm, I decided I would write about a big scandal at Hofstra.
It was my 1L year. I was taking contracts, property, criminal law and constitutional law. Earlier that day I had read Marbury v. Madison. It was super awesome. Then, suddenly, I found out there was going to be a party at the most prestigious nightclub in Jericho. This club is uber prestigious, but I don't want to name it because I have changed names in this story.
Anyway, that night, after I read Marbury v. Madison, which was totally awesome, I took the Jericho Turnpike over to Jericho and approached the club. It was like a scene out of a movie. Everybody was so cool hanging out there. I was wearing my Mike Piazza jersey, with a black tanktop underneath it and a Mets lid on backwards. When I got to the front of the line, they made me turn my hat around. It sucked, it was like a total police state, the undersexed meathead bouncers were not allowing me to express myself.
So I got in and proceeded to meet up with some guys from my section. They started talking about the Rule Against Perpetuities, but I didn't want to sit there and listen to how no interest is valid unless it vests within 21 years of all lives in being. I wanted to ask them what their favorite toppings on Nathan's hot dogs were and whether they thought the Mets had a good chance to do damage in the playoffs. So I excused myself and told them I had to go to the bathroom.
I immediately met up with the cool kids from my section. They were talking about the Jets and making fun of professors, my favorite hobby.
As I polished off my first Jager bomb, I realized I was getting pretty buzzed because I had a single shot of Apple Pucker right before that. As I looked around the room, I realized people were starting to hook up. I had left the group and was standing in the corner throwing off the vibe by myself because I didn't want to talk to any more law school people because they are all so socially awkward but I am not, so I decided some alone time was best.
As I stood alone in the corner, I was watching the dynamics of the room. Everyone was impervious to the fact that their moral and intellectual superior was standing in the corner watching. One guy, who was the teaching/research assistant for our constitutional law prof was totally getting ready to hook up with this girl from my section, who I totally could have hooked up with if I wanted to because all the chicks love me. But I don't want to hook up with chicks just for the sake of hooking up. Especially not the undersexed, ugly introverted law school chicks. I'm too good for them.
I walked up to them and told the guy that if he hooked up with the girl, it would be in violation of the honor code and that I would report them. I think they hooked up anyway.
Then, the song "Nothing but a Gangster Party" came on, and this guy named Tony from Mineola grabbed the mic and every time the loop said "Ain't nothing but a gangsta party", he yelled out "ain't nothing but a Hofstra party" and everyone erupted. It was so awesome. Then, Tony and some his buddies decided they were going to Dirty Jers to scoop up some chicks, and they offered me to ride along, as long as I paid for gas and sat in the back seat of the PT Cruiser.
So we rolled out, and everybody was like "There goes Tony and all the cool guys, including Hofstra Magna." When we got in the PT Cruiser, we couldn't stop talking about the "Hofstra Party," which is what we called it after it was over.
Then, when we got to Jers (I was totally bombed from the Jager and Apple Pucker) my buddy Tony did this dance and we videotaped it. I can't believe that teachers assistant hooked up with the student. It was such a scandal, but the "Hofstra Party" and the song "Nothing but a Hofstra Party" will live forever. Here's the dance Tony did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rYcfO_BK5w&feature=related
(30) Comments
I have another scandal: that your school sucks and it's still one of the most expensive ones in the country.
Hofstra Law doesn't suck and it has good financial aid packages available. Hardly anyone pays sticker. I got a $500 scholarship my 2nd and 3rd years for being at the top of the class, douche. So for 2/3 of my time at HLS, I didn't pay the sticker price.
HofstraMagna,
Vinnie here. People like 11:52 AM dont know anything and probably go to crap law schools in the Flyover State (like RuTTTgers SeaTTTon Hall) or a second rate school in NYC (like Brooklyn, Cardoza, CUNY, NYLC, or Fordham).
HLS has one of the best endowments in the country, and I too got a scholarship (not as much as you, though) during my 2L and 3L years.
Peace, bro.
A TA hooking up with a student?! That's crazy! I hope they are not expelled for that.
I wish I could've hooked up with my TA. She was from Nassau, right near Magna.
hofstra has a law school?
5:40,
yes. hofstra's law school is in dc. tenleytown metrostop -- part of au.
HofstraMagma,
Did you know that HofsTTTra is for Rutgers rejects. And, bitch, I got the TRIPLE R.
Vito Splendoro, J.D., M.B.A., B.A.
J.D., Rutgers
M.B.A., Rutgers
B.A., Rutgers
ROTL! Nice to see TTToilet v. TTToilet arguing over status.
Yours,
T5
Hey RuTTTgers douche, your school is a toilet and you wasted your money if you really got three degrees. Maybe, if I can get the funding to get the MBA done and a little additional funding, I'll add a Hofstra LLM (our programs include both international law and family law - what's Rutgers got, douche?) just to one up you.
Piss on a Cat
Satire aside, this story really is better than Hope Winters'.
WOW!! $500 WHOLE DOLLARS??!?! I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that Hofstra gives out such a tiny scholarship, or that you're bragging about receiving it. Probably the latter.
This is a horrible boring story written either by (1) a complete idiot or (2) a developing 'character' commenter who is so annoying that he is compelling. Even Hope Winters thinks your stories are low in content and quality.
This character is unreal. Total dedication to making fun of Hofstra and the LI/Jersey terrible culture. Bravo, but man, you have a lot of time on your hands.
Hey 2:21 - a little word of advice, NEVER put Jersey and Long Island in the same sentence unless it is something like "Long Island is so much better than Jersey..." or "The only reason I ever leave Long Island to go to Jersey is to watch the Jets." Jersey is an armpit and TTT. I rarely go there, only to watch the J-E-T-S or on rare occasions where there are chicks involved.
these posts are wonderful. i laugh out loud every time....
Tucker Max wannabe.
I just got a rejection letter from one of the Hof's clinics at which I applied for a fellowship. It was a tough clinic to get into, though.
Let's start a campaign to get HofstraMagna a position as an editor for ATL. His deadpan humor is ridiculously entertaining even as I feel bad for the Hofstra Law students who read this blog.
Hey 5:36 - I've tried applying for the editor position through informal channels, but it's clear that I'm not wanted. I would love the job because my summer unpaid internship is ending soon and I would have more time to do it. I clearly have the credentials, as I graduated Magna and have the intelligence necessary to run a blog like this. I have some pretty interesting things I would blog about, but every time I try to bring them up on here, I get flamed by tools.
Dear Mr. HofsTTTra Magnum:
My name is Roger Lou. I am not like you and am the student at American University's Washington College of Law -- best in U.S. of A.
I am writing to let you no that know one here is caring of HofsTTTra law schools, or HofsTTTra under grad, or HofsTTTra's Zarb. No one here is (but you) caring of the TTTriple H! Why you are asking? Well I will tell you why. Why is because HofsTTTra is not a good school and being of the magnum there not is like being a magnum at a real top law schools like Harvard (best in Asia) or AU (best in U.S. of A.).
Stop please writing of your comments at HofsTTTra and getting yourself a life. Thank you very much!
With respect,
诶比西
Hofstra d-bag just got pawned by an AU student !!!
official score:
ROGER LOU = 1
HOFSTTTRA MAGNA = 0
Hofstra is a school for rejects from the good NYC-area schools (Columbia, NYU
And, yes, Roger Lou just schooled HM!
I graduated from a t3 in May and want to work in the NYC area. I like finance, and Zarb has an excellent finance program. How about if we each work this year to pay down debt, and enroll in Zarb in the fall? We could share an apartment and decorate it with Mets posters (but not Jets).
10:58:
I am a SWM looking for a SWM.
HM
Guys, if you really think AU is better than Hofstra, you're morons. Seriously.
10:58 - thanks for the offer, but I'm gonna be working this next year. I'm trying to get together a consortium to keep the Jets training camp in Hempstead and I'll be too busy to work to get my debt paid down, so I'm just going to try to lay low for a while and wait for the credit market to get better and hopefully I can go to Zarb in 2009.
7:06 is not me - please don't attempt to post under my moniker. Thanks.
HofMag
Hofstramagna, you said you were your classmates' intellectual superior. A chimp could be a HofsTTTra Law student's intellectual superior, so that's not saying much.
So basically Tony from Mineola let you go with him so you would pay all the gas money. What a tool
Hofstra Homo for editor-in-chief of ATL!