As bloggers, internet addiction is a job requirement, but we hear it's a bad thing for "normal people." We've noticed quite a few articles recently on cell phone addiction and Web abuse. We think lawyers more than most may be prone to technological addictions, due to their nifty firm-supplied tech toys, many billable hours spent in front of computers, and the ever-present blackberry/crackberry.

Wired reports that one influential psychiatrist has proposed adding internet addiction to the manual of mental disorders:

In the March issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry, Jerald Block proposed that Web abuse be added to his field's bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Block cites research from South Korea, where, he says, the affliction is considered a serious public health problem, and the government estimates that 168,000 children may require psychotropic medications. In China, the Beijing Military Region Central Hospital puts the number of teenage pathological computer users at 10 million.

Like other addicts, users reportedly experience cravings (for better software, faster machines), withdrawal (logging off may cause irritability), a loss of sense of time (wee-hour fixes), and negative social repercussions (it's so much easier to date an avatar).

Check. Check. Check. No check -- our social life is just fine, thank you.

There are your warning signs for internet addiction, so look out! We wonder if carrying a PDA is the equivalent of chewing nicotine gum.... More discussion of addictions and how the love of the iPhone can lead to robbery at gunpoint, after the jump.

Is bar review class not doing it for you? Sure, BarBri property instructor Paula Franzese is a hottie. In the words of one bar review student, "I wouldn't mind doing some adverse possession on her!"

For most of you, however, bar review is more stressful than erotic. If this is the case, we have a solution. From a sexually adventurous tipster:

I thought you might find this interesting. [Caution: NSFW]

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/698614951.html.

I'm a lawyer, and my wife and I swing -- I wish I knew about something like this to help me de-stress back when I was taking the bar!

For those of you who can't click through -- the Craigslist ad has an explicit graphic -- here is the text of the post:

DE-STRESS B4 THE BAR EXAM -- WEEKLY ORGY FOR RECENT LAW SCHOOL GRADS - - 25 (Manhattan)
Date: 2008-05-28, 4:03PM EDT

The NY bar exam is coming... It's a time of intense study for recent law school graduates with a phenomenal amount of stress involved. Stop studying for a few hours and de-stress at a weekly orgy!

Every week, my girlfriend and I will be hosting an orgy for those studying for the bar and/or their partners. [We assume "partners" is a reference to significant others, not future bosses.]

We realize that the law profession is very much about one's good name and reputation, so we will host with the greatest of care and anonymity. Don't use your real name, don't talk about your school or your firm, just come and have fun.

For the love of God, do NOT discuss your law school or law firm at an orgy. Contrary to what some of you might think, Vault rankings are not the ultimate aphrodisiac.

But you will have to disclose your law school upon arrival, since it will determine your specific role in the proceedings. Tier Four grads, bring kneepads. And lots of lube.

More dirty details, after the jump.

Heading into the weekend, a post on those looking for love seems appropriate.

A tipster sent us this Craigslist missed connection that emerged from a SCOTUS hearing this week:

cute tall blond at supreme court argument - m4m - 36 (dc)
Reply to: pers-655332634@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-24, 10:46PM EDT

on 4/23. Me short with dark hair with woman. You sat behind me.

The tipster reports that "on 4/23 the court heard METRO. LIFE INS. CO. V. GLENN and MEACHAM V. KNOLLS ATOMIC POWER LAB. Which one attracted the unrequited?"

ERISA conflicts of interest and employee downsizing programs... We can see why the Craigslist poster might have been looking for distraction.

This isn't the the first time sparks have flown at the Supreme Court, though Desperately Seeking 'The Supreme Court Clerk of My Heart' got points for greater creativity in his missed connection ad.

Another tipster sent us this law school student's posting:

law student looking - 25 (williamsburg)
Reply to: pers-607649012@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-03-15, 10:14PM EDT

hey ladies!

I am 25, from San Diego, and in Williamsburg to study law... I have been here for two years and am newly single...

I have been here for two years, but all the law school girls are like friends/sisters to me - so NOT dating prospects in any way

so... I am on here seeing if any ladies want to meet up for coffee, go on a date, and get to know one another

you be: attractive, open, talkative, and intelligent
I am: same

NOT, NOT, NOT trying to use this as a sex service (If I wanted JUST sex, believe me I could get that - and so could you - easily)

Since this dates back to March 15, maybe a love connection has been made. If said Williamsburg law student wants to update us on his search for a non-law-school-lady-friend, send us an e-mail.

For all of you Chicago law students who are strapped for cash and in desperate need of a tattoo or two, we have the craigslist ad for you:

I am searching for a student lawyer who is familar with the divorce laws of Illinois. Someone who is studying family law and would help assist me in my situation. Thus far I have written out my petition and obtain documents to be filed. But, I need someone to review my petition and statement before it is presented to the court. As a token of appreciation I will issue a check of $45.00 and two tattoo needles for two free tattoos(black and grey). Check out my work on www.myspace.com/grandmas26tattoos.

We were hoping for a cool granny on MySpace, but it's actually a young woman.

Our University of Chicago tipster says:

I'm not studying family law, but if I was, I don't think I would accept payment in tattoos.

Not even "Biglaw" on your bicep?

In Search For Student Lawyer Who Is Studying Family Law (Brighton Park/ Midway) [Craigslist]

Faced with a challenging job market, law school students are turning to the web. See, e.g., 3L for Hire.

And now they're advertising on... craigslist? Well, if it's good enough for law firms -- at least the kind that require the ability to lift 25 pounds -- it's good enough for students, too.

From the Austin craigslist:

I am a second year law student seeking a summer opportunity with a DFW medium/small law firm. I attend Texas Wesleyan University and maintain a 3.22 GPA. I am a hard working, and dedicated individual. I wil be happy to provide my transcript and resume upon request.

Thank you.

Maybe this student should try posting in the "missed connections" section of craigslist? lawstudent4job - 25 - (austin).

Craigslist may work better for finding a personal relationship (or selling used furniture). Check out this ad:

Law Student seeks Cinderella - 25.

I am a 25 year old law student. 5' 9". 160 lbs. Blonde hair, blue eyes, from Kansas City. I am single, never been married, no children, and have a Bachelor of Science degree, a Masters of Arts degree, and am a first year law student. I am looking to meet a woman and take her to a formal event for my law school called "Barristers Ball" (Essentially a Law School Prom). Dinner, drinks, and dancing will be provided at no cost to you. I am just looking for a lovely lady to take to the event for "Arm-Candy." Responses must include an "Actual" full body photo of yourself and you must be willing to meet sometime soon on the weekend for drinks. I do enjoy drinking and I smoke occasionally when I drink. If this bothers you...please do not respond. Please Note: The child in the photo is not mine (It is my Nephew)...

We understand that the student in question is at the University of Miami -- a law school that has provided ample ATL fodder. Click here, then scroll down, to review UM's past exploits.

Second Year Law Student Seeks Summer Opportunity [craigslist - austin]
Law Student seeks Cinderella - 25 [craiglist - miami]

An excerpt from an ad in the "legal jobs" section of the Denver craigslist:

The ideal candidate would be admitted to practice Colorado State Bar, and have at least 4 to 7 years experience. Experienced professional demeanor in client contact both in person and on the telephone is a must. Ability to work and adapt in a fast-paced environment is crucial. The candidate should have a very high level of proficiency with MS Word, Outlook, and Excel. Experience with TABS billing software is a plus. Must be able to lift up to 25 lbs. Compensation is commensurate with experience.

Are we witnessing the start of a trend, as the market for legal talent shifts from a sellers' market to a buyers' market? This isn't the first law firm advertisement we've seen requiring the ability to engage in heavy lifting (quite literally). See also this ad (applicants must have the ability to "carry[] loads of up to 35 pounds").

Associate for Litigation Group [Denver craigslist]

Earlier: Definitely Not the Job of the Week

Who lives in Arkansas? And designs MySpace pages? And likes to post on, appropriately enough, Craigslist?

Winnable high profile ENTRAPPMENT [sic] case Lawyer needed

Need a good lawyer who is willing to get paid a little slower but also can have a logo done by me and a web page or High Definition commercial done as well. Very winnable case and high profile. Please help my brother who was entrapped. You can check out my art on my myspace page. My myspace page can be found at myspace.com/aphrodite1985.

Update / Warning: You really should know this by now, if you've ever visited a MySpace page, but mute your speakers before checking it out. Like 95 percent of MySpace pages, this one also features loud and irritating music.

Our tipster quips: "At least there's still good work in Arkansas without Wal-Mart."

Maybe the kindhearted sister should reach out to this fellow Craigslist poster. He's not admitted to the Arkansas bar; but he could probably do some legal research, since it sounds like he has some time on his hands. Who says graduates of top-tier law schools don't also suffer employment woes?

Winnable high profile ENTRAPPMENT case Lawyer needed [craigslist]
Seeking Law Clerk Position [craigslist]

You can find the weirdest s**t on Craigslist:

I'm creating a proposal for a downtown performance art show based on US sex laws - the quirkier the better. There are many lists online of these laws, but it's really hard to find the actual statute or case number. In some cases, they either don't exist or are changed to sound funny but the actual law is not so strange. Like, if its illegal to bring an animal into a public space, you could say that porcupines are not allowed at the opera but then neither is a dog. So much for your funny porcupine law.

The strength of the show is based on the truth - like the real Texas law where having 7 or more sex toys in your possession is "intent to distribute". I'm looking to see if some defunct laws ever existed - like the supposed Florida law that banned unmarried women from parachuting on Sundays.

If you even understand what I'm going for and have access to a law library (online or brick&mortar), please contact me.

Cheers,
Gabrielle

Our tipster writes: "I'd take it on myself, but I'm not sure how I'd bill it. I know Loyola 2L is pretty hard up; perhaps he could use the extra bucks. Plus, something tells me Gabrielle's gotta be hot (Roissy would surely agree)."

Gabrielle: you might want to drop Howard Bashman a line. He is a recognized authority on sex toys (as a legal if not practical matter).

Update: A diligent associate at a bonus-bestowing firm recommends A Guide to America's Sex Laws, by no less an authority than the eminent Judge Richard Posner.

But this sex law compendium might come with a big red flag over it, in the wake of Lawrence v. Texas. The diligent associate points out: "Note that it's out of date, coming as it did in the Bowers era."

RESEARCH - Strange Laws for Performance Piece (Lower East Side) [Craigslist]

Several readers drew our attention to this fascinating article from our local free weekly, the Washington City Paper:

Wanted: Gullible Lawyers
By Arin Greenwood

I was hired over e-mail. A boss I never met promised me $14,000 a month. How could I fall for that?

Two tipsters have done an especially good job teeing it up, so we'll just quote from their plugs:

"Have you read this? Very entertaining story about a lot of people who got scammed on craigslist, a sizable portion of which were lawyers. Most interesting is the author's take on what the goal of the scam was."

"This is so interesting! Even if you don't write about it (which you should: any story that includes a hapless and pathetic Columbia law grad, an Indian lesbian, Rupert Murdoch, and 15 lawyers embroiled in a scam de l'amour deserves the full treatment from ATL, no?), you just must read this! Delicious!"

We concur. It's a bit long, but a wild (and worthwhile) story. Check it out here.

Wanted: Gullible Lawyers [Washington City Paper]
the fake job.. turned into a real article [Arin Greenwood]

A tipster drew our attention to this Craigslist posting, to which he appended a single line of commentary: "Discriminatory? Ha Ha."

It seems that only the title of the posting implicates motherhood. The main body of the listing refers to the candidate as "he or she," and the job responsibilities do not require a maternal figure. E.g., breastfeeding the CEO is not required.

Moms Wanted - General Counsel, Part time/flexible hours (Midtown East) [craigslist]

Remember our lovelorn Craigslist poster, with a hopeless crush on the dazzling Denise McNerney, Merits Clerk of the U.S. Supreme Court? It appears that he may have a rival for the affections of this comely clerk.

From today's Legal Times:

[T]here was a large and enthusiastic turnout at Georgetown University Law Center April 26 as the Supreme Court Institute recognized four senior officials of the Clerk’s Office: Chief Deputy Clerk Chris Vasil, Deputy Clerk Gary Kemp, Deputy Clerk Cynthia Rapp, and Denise McNerney, the merits clerk. Even Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg stopped by to shake their hands.

Solicitor General Paul Clement extolled the Clerk’s Office.... Sidley Austin’s Carter Phillips seconded the motion, describing McNerney as the most important woman in his life — after those in his family.

Yikes. Carter Phillips is quite a romantic rival. He's one of the country's most celebrated Supreme Court litigators; a very wealthy man, as a longtime Sidley & Austin partner; and even a former Supreme Court clerk, to Chief Justice Warren Burger.

But look, underdogs can prevail in these battles for the heart of a beautiful woman. It happens all the time. Like in the movies.

So c'mon, Mr. Craigslist Poster -- send some flowers to Denise McNerney, c/o U.S. Supreme Court, One First Street, Washington, DC 20003. We're rooting for you!

P.S. We'd love to get our hands on a photo of Ms. McNerney. If you can help us out, please email us. Thanks.

P.P.S. No, this Denise McNerney isn't the one that we're looking for -- she's too old. We understand that Denise McNerney of SCOTUS fame is in her early 30's.

Clerk Power [Legal Times]

Earlier: Desperately Seeking 'The Supreme Court Clerk of My Heart'
'The Supreme Court Clerk of My Heart': Not Talkin' About Pam Talkin

We recently posted about an amusing Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad (text here; no longer available on CL itself). It was posted by a lovelorn, 30-year-old male, with a crush on a female Supreme Court employee who shows up to oral argument in tails.

We wondered whether our poster might have a crush on Pamela Talkin, the Marshal of the Court. Although she may be a little old for the typical thirty-year-old, Talkin does wear tails to oral argument. And some guys have a real thing for older women.

In the comments to our post, however, several of you helpfully suggested that the woman in question might be Denise McNerney, the Merits Clerk, who "is often in the courtroom in tails." Ms. McNerney was described as "very attractive," "stunning," "in her early 30s, nice, and drop-dead gorgeous."

So what did we do? We contacted the original Craigslist poster, by email, and asked him for more details about his crush.

Our correspondence with him appears after the jump.

Check out this posting, currently on the "Missed Connections" section of Craigslist:

My words come to you by ‘Writ of Certiorari’ from my heart. I have an ‘Opinion’: You are without a doubt the most perfect girl on the Hill. I look forward to argument days just so I can see your smile and say hello as you pass me in the Courtroom hall.

Some days you are in your Clerk uniform tails and some days you are not, but you always look stunning. When I see you across the way during arguments it is hard to concentrate on keeping the record.

Now that this session of Oral arguments is over I am bummed because I never really had the chance to talk with you. So here on Craigslist I am bringing an ‘Appeal’ to take you out to coffee sometime?

On 'habeas review', my heart is doing time and you have been found guilty.:0)

C.R.

But this CL poster is not in search of a Supreme Court law clerk, since the object of his desire wears a "Clerk uniform -- tails." The law clerks generally wear standard business attire.

So which SCOTUS employees show up to oral argument in tails? A knowledgeable source tells us:

The reference may be to the Marshal of the Court Pamela Talkin, who does wear tails to oral argument. See here (Talkin describing her uniform as "a formal morning suit with tails, pinstriped slacks, and a vest").

The Clerk of the Court is William Suter. He also wears tails to oral argument.

But Bill Suter is a man. And our lovesick poster is an "m4w" (man seeking woman).

Oyez, oyez! Pam Talkin, it seems that you have a secret -- and considerably younger (30) -- admirer. And he's very interested in "drawing near" and "giving attention" to you, at a neighborhood cafe.

Update: One commenter wonders whether the woman in question might work in the Solicitor General's office, since the morning coat is the official uniform of that office. But we're not so sure, since (1) there are very few women in the SG's office right now, and (2) our understanding is that female members of the SG's office generally wear dark suits to oral argument (as opposed to the full-blown morning coat outfit of their male colleagues).

But look, we can't rule out this possibility. Does anyone familiar with the current membership of the SG's office have thoughts on this matter?

Further Update: Check out this excellent comment:

Denise McNerney, the Merits Clerk, is often in the courtroom in tails. And she's very attractive. It is highly unlikely that Deanne Maynard, Patricia Millett, or Lisa Blatt from the SG's Office is the object of the Craigslist poster's affection. None wears tails. All are married.

The Supreme Court Clerk of my heart - m4w - 30 [Craigslist]

* Worst Craigslist prank we've seen in a while. [News Tribune]

* Leaves homemade videos of karaoke sessions and musical burping in the dust. [MSN]

* Whenever you fall into a funk and feel that you have nothing to show for your life thus far, think of this sad lawyer, who has only placed a $2000 reserve value on her entire life. [Star Tribune]

* Looks like a heavy courseload. [QuizLaw via Jesus' General]

* Senator Brownback doesn't include women of reproductive age in his litany. But you can't protect everyone, can you? [Mirror of Justice]

* I once sent out letters like this to production companies, volunteering my script-reading services, and one guy took the time to tell me to f*%k myself because what the hell did I know about scripts. But I'm sure this guy will have much better luck. [Prettier Than Napolean]

* Let's all be thankful that cosmos weren't served. My gender-neutral marketing and client development strategy would be to recruit only hot associates of both genders and all sexual orientations, and pimp them out to clients as appropriate. [WSJ Law Blog via Professor Bainbridge]

* Looks like it's every man for himself. [Overlawyered]

* With the advanced state of medical technology, it won't be long before some pol subjects every pregnant woman to a recording of her fetus pleading, "Please, Mommy, don't kill me!" [MSN]

* What on earth was he planning on doing with all that money? I'm thinking a tragic Gatsby-esque scenario. [ABA Journal E-Report]

* Did Craigslist receive a threatening phone call from the Starbucks legal department? I've never been a barrista, but even I could not help but shake my head in amusement and utter, "So true, so true." [Starbucks Gossip]

* In law school, I stuck to those guys in the backrooms of dive bars, who lent me tuition money on a handshake. Now that's honest business… Of course, now they've pimped me out to a law firm. [New York Times]

A tipster sent us this Craigslist posting, with a query: "I wonder if this gets expensed to clients?"

National law firm with large Los Angeles offices seeks a Barista!!!

Huge law firm with an in-house coffee bar. The hours are Monday-Thursday from 8:30-5:30. You will receive full benefits, parking, etc. Time and a half if overtime is needed.

The firm is looking for someone bright and quick! If you have experience at a coffee shop or other food services company that is a plus. A college student or recent college graduate who is looking for a job 4 days a week would be perfect!

Ivy league caliber firm with top benefits, super casual dress and fun environment.

Please email a formal resume in WORD format. All inquiries 100% confidential.

It's a brilliant idea on the part of the firm. Keep your associates as heavily caffeinated as possible -- and allow them to get their fix without even leaving the building.

Anyone know what firm is in the market for a barista?

Update: Based on the comments thus far, Quinn Emanuel is the leading suspect. If this is correct, what happened to their last barista? (Did he or she get promoted to associate, after claiming to have passed the bar?)

BARISTA - at Large Law firm [craigslist]

* And you thought your parents were embarrassing when you were a pre-teen. [Associated Press via Times Leader]

* Now I know not to act upon those revenge fantasies I’ve had of playing the same prank on that female senior associate who yelled at me last week. [New York Daily News]

* Also an anti-competition issue — this way, the strip clubs don’t cut into the business of massage parlors. [Louisville Courier-Journal via How Appealing]

We hope that you've recovered from any Halloween festivities you attended last night. For those of you who took your children trick-or-treating, we hope the kids have come down from their sugar highs.

We didn't receive much in response to our request for funny, law-related Halloween stories. But we can offer you a few random links (some Halloween-related, and some not):

* Check out Denise Howell's frighteningly witty, delightfully seasonal Blawg Review. [Bag and Baggage, via Blawg Review]

*A little bit of Halloween "issue spotting." Yes, T-Ping your neighbor's mailbox could get you in trouble. [WSJ Law Blog]

* More Halloween "issue spotting" -- with some not-so-veiled lawyer advertising thrown in. [Animal New York]

* Costumes: they're not just for kids anymore. In this case, the government has filed a motion for its witnesses to wear "light disguises." [Southern District of Florida Blog]

* Something sure to strike fear in the hearts of the Elect: You can clerk on the Supreme Court, build a career as a successful litigator, make partner at a top law firm in your state, and STILL be declared "unqualified" for the federal bench. BOO!!! [Mississippi Sun-Herald via How Appealing]

* Something sure to strike fear in the hearts of conservatives: A new law review for the legal left. [Harvard Law & Policy Review]

* Not explicitly Halloween-themed, but scary. [Craigslist]

* Very scary: the childlike font the Fifth Circuit employs for its captions. It makes you want to ask the Clerk of Court if he was happy with last night's candy haul. Oh, and the opinion is interesting too. [Fifth Circuit (PDF) via How Appealing]

Earlier: A Happy Halloween from ATL

* For those of you hipsters moaning about gentrification in your respective cities (but really, where is this clamor louder than in New York City?), is this what you mean by "keeping it real"? [New York Daily News via Althouse]

* While we all know what happens to pedophiles in jail, this guy should at least be thankful he didn’t find himself on the receiving end of Chris Hansen’s indignant gaze on national television. [New York Law Journal (free access available for only one more week)]

* Anything to avoid the future in-laws. [MSNBC]

* Judging from your response to our round-up of Craigslist postings, we know you’ve also partaken of those delightful “Missed Connections” on more than one occasion. Fodder for a future Non-Sequiturs. [Kizmeet]

* Is this any stranger than women applying mascara in the car? Yeah, someone should put a warning on mascara. And, as a sidenote, how cute is it that Professor Childs hosts an indie kids’ music show with his own kid? [TortsProf Blog]