What does it say about the value of a law school education if recent law graduates are begging for an opportunity to work for free? I wonder if applicants for the law school class of 2013 are paying attention. We mentioned this Craigslist post in Non-Sequiturs last night:

NY licensed attorney work for free (DC/Maryland/Virginia)

2008 graduate from 1st tier law school, with one year law firm experience, licensed in NY state, DC bar pending, is willing to work for free for one year or more, in exchange for experience in civil litigation, criminal defense, family law, contract, bankruptcy. and/or property law. I am very reliable, hard working and easy to work with. I can start working immediately in the DC and surrouding [sic] area.

“Why buy [the associate] when you can get [the blood, sweat, and tears] for free?”

Look, I hate traffic cops and parking tickets as much as the next guy. I especially hate traffic cops in the greater Boston area — those people have no appreciation for the spatial genius required to park a Cadillac in Cambridge. That said, fighting the traffic overlords always felt like a waste of time.

But perhaps I was wrong. On Craigslist, there is a job posting by a company looking for some legal muscle to fight parking tickets:

EXPERIENCE IS REQUIRED

With an ever-increasing quantity of Boston parking tickets to handle we are hiring individuals to assist us in the review of Boston parking tickets for our business and individual clients. Our policy is that you can work from home with highly flexible hours. Experience is however, required.

As our hours are highly flexible you can choose to work days, nights or weekends. If you are not looking for work yourself but happen to know of a qualified professional who is, please pass this along to them.

We want you to know that we have great passion for what we do and take great pride in our relationships with everyone on our team. Accordingly, we are always looking for better ways to do things. Therefore, we place great value on your input. To be sure, YOUR ideas will be listened to.

What kind of experience is required? After the jump, we see that the company loves liberty.

Think back to taking law school exams as a 1L. Remember the IRAC method — Issue, Rule, Application, Conclusion?

One horny creative female law student in Los Angeles has decided to deploy IRAC towards carnal ends. Via craigslist, she recently filed a brief in the matter of You & Me Doing It v. You & Me Not Doing It (2009).

Read her brief, an eloquent attempt to get inside a classmate’s briefs, after the jump.

Like most people, I’m having trouble focusing on my duties given the perils of Balloon Boy, Falcon Heene. According to my television, the balloon is down, there is no boy in it, and as of now we don’t know where the boy is. And the parents were on Wife Swap. Here’s a write-up of the episode the Heene family was featured on. Crazy story.

Of course, multitasking is an important life skill. It’s a skill that one law student hasn’t seemed to master, at least when attractive women are around. Here’s the Craigslist ode from a law student somewhere in the D.C. area to an apparently stunning vixen:

Morally Bankrupt - m4w

I saw you in my bankruptcy class. I was so distracted by you that I could barely pay attention to the riveting lecture about the history of bankruptcy law. I imagine that you are a creditor and I am a bankrupt and I will have to work off my debt for you or risk debtor’s prison. You can have whatever you want; no state law exemptions. I want you to declare bankruptcy all over me.

I am sick of ending my nights pro se. I promise if you entertain my claim that you will have a huge judgment entered in your favor over and over again. We can even violate the Model Rule of Professional Responsibility and engage in a 108(j).

My interests include hilarious law-based puns; and mocking others. If you think we are a match, let’s grab a drink after class. I know it’s a weeknight but my parents let me stay out as late as I want to as long as I call by 11pm to check in with them.

P.S. I am neither the ginger nor the weird guy next to you.

Beautiful bankruptcy babe — you know who you are — it looks like you have a not-so-secret admirer. Let us know if it works out.

Morally Bankrupt [Craigslist]

I don’t think there are a lot of people who have been working in Biglaw for only four years and are sitting on a portable book of business. But, if you are, this Craigslist posting may be for you:

ATTORNEYS WITH BOOK OF BUSINESS ONLY! NYC (Midtown)

I am starting my own law firm, and will be soon opening my law firm based in downtown NY, I am currently the head of a corporate group at a large fim and I seek entrepreneurial attorneys (attorneys ONLY) to join as either potential partners or for Of Counsel positions to help establish presence in New York, and other major markets. Only attorneys already admitted in NY may apply.

The law firm is seeking lawyers with experience in a range of different practice areas, principally in Securities, Capital Markets, FINRA Arbitration and Securities litigation, also including, but not limited to, general corporate, real estate, tax, energy, tort , intellectual property (including patent, trademark, copyright and technology licensing), white collar criminal defense, litigation, commercial litigation, international and/or labor & employment law.

Successful candidates will have self-sustaining practices as well as a strong desire to work in a collegial, collaborative, flexible and entrepreneurial environment law firm or become part of building their own firm as Of Counsels or join our starting firm benefiting from large marketing, the ability to show prospective clients that they are with a large firm rather than sole practitioneers and cross refer business clients and retain their relations with their clients and increase their portofolio.

Don’t you usually look for a professional headhunter to fill a position like this? I just can’t imagine a person with a self-sustaining practice looking to lateral over Craigslist.

Then again, check out the minimum qualifications. The candidate this firm is looking for might not exist.

Unlike some firms which post ads on Craigslist looking for attorneys to work for free, at least one Greenport, NY man is looking to pay for legal services.

The service he needs rendered could be out of community building 101. Here’s the ad, via Jerks in your Area:

Need Halloween Legal Help (Greenport)

Every year I put on a Halloween haunted house for my neighborhood. In the past few years, I’ve really stepped up my game with fake blood, assorted limbs and bones (shins, arms, skulls), and lots of pop up zombies, mock executions, etc. Last year I had a bit of a legal snafu when a kid on my block had a seizure and another had to go to therapy after a bullet squib popped too close to his head. Their parents threatened to sue me and the whole ordeal was a hassle. Anyway, I was thinking that this year there are so many out of work lawyers out there that I could probably get one pretty cheap to come and hang out around the house and keep an eye on things. If another parent gets pissed off or whatever, it would be good to have someone who knows the law. I might also need you to write up a release because this year the guillotine will be real.

I’ve never really hired a lawyer before so I’m not really sure what they charge but I’m guessing it won’t be more than like $18 an hour. If you have one of those insane clown masks that would be really helpful too.

Aww, that’s sweet. That’s just how we roll on “Strong” Island.

But are former Biglaw types even qualified to do this kind of work? Let’s discuss after the jump.

Back in the day, young lawyers would complain that they were “selling their souls” for $160K a year. But now we are in a recession and the price of a fresh soul has come down considerably. From Craigslist:

1 Soul of Healthy Young Man - $100000 (Hamden, CT)

For sale:
The gently used soul of a healthy, Roman Catholic, young twenties, quinnipiac law student.

So, let me give you some background on the product and the reasons for selling:

My student loans are piling up and I’ve realized I really don’t give a shit what type of law I practice, I’m really only in this thing to further myself economically. Problem is, my student loans are outrageous and by the time I pay them off I’ll be spending the rest of my money on Cialis and colonoscopies. I don’t want that, I don’t need that. So let’s make a fucking deal.

In exchange for the payment of my student loans you will get my soul. This is a la motherfucking carte. No organs included. No skin, no vas differens, and certainly no homunculus.

Dude, you go to Quinnipiac, can’t you get a job as a pollster?

Just the other day, we told you about a law firm that was looking for free labor from an attorney who had already graduated from law school and passed the bar. Here, this law student wants somebody to purchase his soul for $100,000 bucks. When inflated expectation meets free market capitalism the fields are soaked with the tears of the martyrs.

Read more of the ad after the jump.

There is nothing wrong with taking an unpaid internship. When you are just starting out and looking to get some experience under your belt, internships can be a great opportunity.

It’s just that usually lawyers who have been through three years of law school and passed one of the most difficult bar exams in the country aren’t in the position of having to work for free.

But times are tough. And at least one law firm in Menlo Park, California is ready to capitalize on the desperation of young lawyers. Here’s the key part of their Craigslist ad:

The current economic climate has made it difficult for young lawyers to find paid positions. Employment prospects improve with experience and a stronger resume. Good experience with a top notch firm is what we offer. If you can realistically make a six to twelve month commitment and can get by without compensation (other than billable travel, mileage, parking and related expenses), this is an excellent opportunity. We cannot make any promises of future paid positions. Candidates who have proven and distinguished themselves during internships, will be considered for future paid positions with the firm.

Let’s look at the positives of not earning any money and do a reader poll after the jump.

Are you a laid-off lawyer who has been spending way too much time on Facebook? Here’s a way to turn that “résumé gap” into job experience:

Director of Social Media

Medium-sized Atlanta law firm seeks candidates interested in a part-time or full-time social media position. The primary responsibility of the Social Media Director will be to actively promote our growing law firm using a variety of social media such as Twitter, Facebook and our existing web-site. Projects include: managing the firm’s Twitter, Facebook and web-site account, research current and relevant legal stories in the news and republish to social networks and firm web-site on a daily basis, communicate through social web-sites about all specific practice groups and their developments, update marketing team on a weekly basis with web-site content.

Managing a professional presence on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites felt like a full-time job to me. But I didn’t know you could draw a salary for it.

So what are the qualifications for this position — and, more importantly, the salary?

Yesterday, the Vault rankings were released. It is time to dig into them.

To refresh your memory here are the top five firms according to Vault:

1. Wachtell
2. Cravath
3. Skadden
4. Sullivan & Cromwell
5. Davis Polk

As we noted yesterday, the only change in the top five is Skadden jumping over S&C. Is that fair? A lot of you opined that Skadden’s prestige score was settled before it starting deferring associates. But surprisingly few of you noted that Skadden paid out bonuses that were double what Cravath, S&C, and DPW paid.

Is twice as much bonus money worth one extra spot in the rankings? Vault’s managing editor, Brian Dalton, suggests that Skadden’s bonus carried some weight:

Skadden had a good year, climbing over Sullivan & Cromwell to take the #3 spot. Among other factors, the notion of ‘half-Skadden’ is a potent one, though not quite enough to carry the firm past Cravath. (Mildly ironic in that Cravath’s bonus decision spawned that meme.)

Truly striking is the reach of the Skadden brand: Third in the Boston regional ranking, second in Chicago, and—taking over from Latham—No. 1 in Northern and Southern California. (Vault’s regional rankings are calculated using only the votes of the survey respondents in the particular region.) By contrast, in its hometown of New York City, Skadden places fifth. (These regional rankings are coming soon to the site.)

After the jump, should any of these firms in the top five move over to make room for somebody else?

A tipster drew our attention to this Craigslist ad in Chicago, observing:

Check out the awful job being made available to new law grads in Chicago. Fifty percent lawyer work / fifty percent secretary work — for the amazing amazing salary of $27K a year. Plus you get to commit for a whole year!

It’s amazing. I’m sure people are flocking to it.

Sadly, in this economy, people probably are flocking to it. After all, $27K > unemployment benefits. Remember how this joke job listing received over 100 responses?

The Chicago posting begins:

Small high quality congenial Loop law firm with national securities arbitration and corporate practice seeks recent Law Grad (top 25% of class) for one year position that will involve 50% lawyer work and 50% paralegal / word processing. Excellent learning and training opportunity.

Indeed. Some of those Word macros are pretty tricky! No wonder you need to be in the top 25 percent.

But wait, there’s more….

A reader sent this Craigslist ad along, noting the “uninhibited freedom of expression afforded to smaller firms” in their advertising as opposed to “uber-processed biglaw ads.” Yes, MidLaw and SmallLaw, thank you for providing the fuel for our Adventures in Lawyer Advertising series.

The advertising California-based firm, Le Pelletier, has one of the strangest websites we’ve ever seen. There is only one attorney listed: the firm’s managing partner, Erin Carlstrom Pelletier. Her LinkedIn profile says she is a Yale undergrad, Pepperdine Law ‘08 grad, who apparently started her own firm.

In case you can’t read it, here’s an excerpt from the ad:

Do you need a stealthy warrior specially trained in the unorthodox arts of law? How about a team that can sneak under the cover of darkness to silently assassinate your debt? Le and Pelletier, LLP can be your ninja! We will stalk your enemies like a shadow and strike before they ever knew what hit them.

The rest of the text and some gems from the firm’s site, after the jump.

You wouldn’t think it would be hard to find a group of unemployed Chicago lawyers these days. There are a lot of them lying around. But can they overcome the collective action problem to join together for an epic bender? Let’s turn to Craigslist to find out.

Here’s the text from an ad that went up earlier this week:

Looking for Desperate Lawyer! (Chicago Metro)

Seeking desperate lawyers to form drinking club. Job duties include drinking with the thousands of other out of work/can’t get a job/fresh from passing the bar grads like self who lack the connections/money necessary to find even minimal legal employment. Must be fluent in Scotch-Whiskey, Irish-Whiskey, Smithwicks, Bass, Harp, and any other sophisticated blue-collar drink. Occassional duties of blacking out from excess alcohol will be called upon as needed.

People who dig criminal defense and wasted hundreds on Lexis/Westlaw for their overpriced Illinois books will be given extra consideration.

Interested applicants may respond to the email listed above for further consideration.

Matt/David
www.myspace.com/mattdavidfilms

Oooh, they have a website. Let’s check out the virtual backstory after the jump.

The Illinois Attorney General, Lisa Madigan, has scored a victory for prudes decency and safety. Craigslist will be removing its erotic services section in the next seven days:

llinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan says that Craigslist is getting rid of its “erotic services” ads and will create a new adult category that Web site employees will review.

This would never have happened if Roland Burris was still around!

In fairness, who knows how long Craigslist could have fought off all the subtle prostitution available on the site.

The efforts by Madigan and other attorneys general came after a lawsuit by Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, in which he claimed that Craigslist was “the single largest source of prostitution in the nation.”

But once people started dying over this stuff, it was probably just a matter of time:

Craigslist came under renewed pressure to remove the ads after Philip Markoff, a medical student in Boston, was charged with the April killing of a masseuse he met on the site.

Craigslist will start offering an Adult category which is more closely monitored by employees.

You know it just got a little easier out here for a pimp.

Illinois AG: Craigslist is getting rid of ‘erotic services’ ads [Newser]
Madigan: Craigslist To Drop ‘Erotic Services’ Ads [CBS 2]

A few readers have sent along the link to this Craigslist ad for an “ASSociate Attorney” based in midtown Manhattan:

Small, congenial law firm needs top notch associate attorney to join our exceptional team. Please do not apply if you do not meet the following requirmenets: [sic]

1. Top half of the class at Harvard, Yale, UPenn, U Michigan, or Georgetown; top 10% at U Chicago, Boalt or UCLA. Top 1% everywhere else.
2. Law review and/or moot court experience a MUST.
3. Federal Clerkship REQUIRED.
4. Must be willing to accept $28,000 per year. $10,000 bonus for billing over 2500 hours a year. The bonus is pro-rata more, so it is worth the extra billing.
5. Must be willing to make coffee every hour, on the hour. The position is open becuase [sic] our last associate sustained severe burns from the hot plate in which the coffee post rests. We had to discharge him as he required too much “leave” time.
6. Insurance after two years, with employee contribution at 50%.
7. Must be willing to share a desk with a paralegal. She said you can have the top drawer.
8. Must be in the office by 8am, and remain until 10pm. On Fridays, you can leave by 9:30pm.
9. Must be a team player.

Please send resume to the link above. Good luck- hope to see you soon!

We ASSume this is a joke. It’s not the first time an attorney frustrated by the job search has used Craigslist humor to vent.

We’re curious, though, about the law school biases. You only have to be top half at U Penn to meet their requirements, but you have to be top 1% at NYU or Columbia. What’s up with that?

UPDATE (12:16 p.m.): The man behind the ad steps forward. It’s not his first appearance on these pages. And he gives us hope that the job market may just be improving, after the jump.

* The bankruptcy judge has made several decisions to keep Chrysler afloat including allowing a $4.5 billion credit line from the U.S. and Canadian governments. [The Detroit Free Press]

* State attorneys general will meet with Craiglist to discuss the elimination of advertisements for “illegal sexual activities.” [The Associated Press]

* In the Court’s first public appearance since Souter announced his retirement—there were many announcements of decisions and upcoming cases—but no mention of the elephant in the room. One case that will be decided is whether it is cruel and unusual punishment to give minors life sentences for serious crimes like rape. [The Washington Post]

* A group of biker lawyers has gotten together to form a small Los Angeles firm that represents victims of motorcycle accidents. [The Los Angeles Times]

* The story of a Beijing lawyer who took on Communist officials in court is evidence of how little freedom Chinese citizens really have. [The Los Angeles Times]

Yesterday, we posted about a non-lawyer, Bert J. Van der Werff, who was offering answers to legal questions for five dollars.

With a rapidity that would make the American Bar Association proud, commenters seized upon this hapless student’s ethical violation, and put the fear of God into him. Van der Werff reports that he received numerous emails from Above the Law readers, explaining that him that he was putting his entire career at risk.

And you know the commenters weren’t kind either. From Partner Emeritus:

My first question to this peon would be what is the New York criminal statute that makes it a crime to give legal advice without a law license?

And there was this:

It doesn’t matter if you hold yourself out as a lawyer. Providing legal advice for money constitutes the unauthorized practice of law, assuming you aren’t a licensed attorney at the time. By the way, I’ll answer any and all questions, legal or otherwise, for $1B each.

And this:

I hope he isn’t using his free student lexis and westlaw access. It is a violation of the terms he agreed to when he accepted his ids.

They will both come and charge him for useage and that will cost him more than what he is charging per search

And much, much more.

After the jump, Mr. Van der Werff posts an apology.

Today, Craigslist brings us the latest example of a (soon-to-be) lawyer trying to make it work in this difficult economy. Here’s the ad:

I am an experienced law student willing to answer your legal questions. The fee is $5 per question. To take advantage of this offer email your question to [Redacted]. You will then get a response with your answer. Must pay through PAYPAL ACCOUNT. ALL EMAILs must include the following information:

NAME
ADDRESS
TELEPHONE NUMBER
CITY/STATE
YOUR QUESTION

Now, it’s been a while since I took the MPRE, and I was all kinds of hung-over when I passed it. But isn’t there some kind of — I don’t know, rule — about giving legal advice when you are not a lawyer?

Seriously though, he doesn’t “hold himself out to be a lawyer,” so maybe that helps?

Either way, Bert J. van der Werff is just a guy trying to make some money during rough times. We speak with the student after the jump.

So, you know how we at Above the Law love to bring you something a little bit later in the day for our west coast and late night readers? I bring this up lest you think I have masturbatory ulterior motives for the timing of this post.

So, this lady is apparently a law student somewhere in Miami:

Click below the fold for the rest of this story. (Arguably not safe for work, children, Jesus, reasonable people, Princess Leia, or PETA).

Earlier this month, duty called us to a midtown Manhattan bar to cover a Pink Slip Party for our sister site, Dealbreaker. Geared toward those laid off from Wall Street, the “party” was a depressing scene meant to bring job-seekers together with potential employers. There were more recruiters than potential employers around, though, and there were lines of people in suits waiting to sit at booths to go over their resumes with the recruiters.

Job seekers are similarly disadvantaged in the legal market, thanks to continuing layoffs. One unemployed lawyer is trying a novel new approach. He wants to turn the headhunter payment arrangement inside out, and pay a recruiter to find a job for him. From his Craigslist ad:

This economy sucks. It probably sucks for recruiters too! Therefore I want to make life a little more interesting. This may not be a huge amount of money, but if you’re already on commission it’s more than usual I imagine.. For any recruiter that helps me a permanent position as an associate attorney in relevant areas (defined below) I will pay the following immediately:

$60,000- $69,999 per annum I will pay you $3,000
$70,000 - $90,000 per annum I will pay you $4,000
$100,000 + per annum I will pay you $5,000

I am also looking for contract work in the short term. I will pay $300 for anything which is supposed to last more than a month.

This seems to make sense. Sometimes job seekers are advised to avoid working with a recruiter because it makes them more expensive, since the employer has to pay the recruiter a fee on top of the new hire’s salary. If the new hire foots the recruitment bill, the game changes.

Some people don’t like this idea. The Craigslist poster, who asked to remain anonymous, has had some angry responses, after the jump.