Crime

The Lawyers Representing Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

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So they finally read Dzhokhar Tsarnaev his rights. Good thing we have that public safety exception to the Constitution. Who can be bothered to hold fast to our most sacred rights and liberties when there might be something bad happening! Obviously, once he was read his rights Tsarnaev immediately stopped talking and the government was unable to protect us from… oh wait, that didn’t happen. Tsarnaev kept talking (or nodding, as it were), even after informed of the basic rights guaranteed to him as a U.S. citizen.

But he did communicate that he couldn’t afford a lawyer. Luckily for him, the magistrate judge who read him his rights at his hospital bedside came with federal public defender in tow.

Let’s meet the people who will do this distasteful work so the rest of us can crucify the guy while being confident he’ll get a fair trial…

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Allegedly Cover Up Rape = Contract Extension. Good Job, America!

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Steubenville, Ohio, the small town that taught (or at least, “should have taught”) Americans that rape cases are often the subject of powerful efforts to cover up the truth, has decided to reward the highest profile alleged cover-up artists. Because, ugh.

There are basically two related legal arguments for extending the contract of Steubenville head football coach Reno Saccoccia: (1) unless and until he is convicted of something, the school shouldn’t act on mere allegations; and, (2) if the school parted ways with the coach, it exposes itself to a later employment claim.

These arguments are stupid….

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The Greatest Trick The Government Ever Pulled Was Convincing The Public The ‘Hacker Threat’ Exists

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Ed. note: This post appears courtesy of our friends at Techdirt. We’ll be sharing law-related posts from Techdirt from time to time in these pages.

The US government is already fighting wars on several fronts, including the perpetual War on Terror. “War is the health of the state,” as Randolph Bourne stated, and the state has never been healthier, using this variety of opponents as excuses to increase surveillance, curtail rights and expand power.

Bruce Schneier highlights a piece written by Molly Sauter for the Atlantic which poses the question, “If hackers didn’t exist, would the government have to invent them?” The government certainly seems to need some sort of existential hacker threat in order to justify more broadly/badly written laws (on top of the outdated and overbroad CFAA). But the government’s portrayal of hackers as “malicious, adolescent techno-wizards, willing and able to do great harm to innocent civilians and society at large,” is largely false. If teen techno-wizards aren’t taking down site after site, how is all this personal information ending up in hackers’ hands? Plain old human carelessness.

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  • 19 Apr 2013 at 12:20 PM
  • Crime

Prosecutor Says This Ricin Guy Is A Real Whackjob Too

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Note that even this guy doesn’t actually use ricin.

In news that doesn’t involve 19-year-old, “dark-skinned” Russian/Chechen nephews held up in Watertown with FAKE Twitter accounts, there’s some more information this morning on the coward who allegedly sent ricin to the president, a senator, and a judge. Think Walter White, only without the badass.

We don’t plan to publish a lot of content today, given the circumstances. If we return to a state of “peace” today, we’ll certainly get back to trying to make that sure that Gawker sorority chick ends up applying to law school.

But since the ricin story relates to the general “Jesus Christ” WTF-ness of this week, let’s examine the new details on Paul Kevin Curtis, suspected ricin mailer nutbag…

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Is Suspect #2 in the Boston Bombings a Law Student?

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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Since last night, much has been discovered about the suspects in the Boston Marathon bombings, including their names: Tamerlan Tsarnaev (Suspect #1) and Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev (Suspect #2). While Tamerlan died overnight in a police firefight, Dzhokhar remains at large. On his Vkontakte page, which is essentially the Russian version of Facebook, Dzhokhar notes that his personal priorities are “career and money.”

Now, everyone who hasn’t been following the news about the employment/debt crisis for recent law school grads knows that if those are your aspirations in life, you should head to law school.

So, is Suspect #2 a law student?

(Now with important UPDATES after the jump.)

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Even When Mass Shooters Are Broke, Somebody Has to Pay

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We have a liability gap when it comes to mass shootings and gun violence. It turns out that the perpetrators of violent crime often don’t have the deep pockets necessary to pay for the medical bills and the pain and suffering of their victims.

There’s been a lot of press about how gun manufacturers and sellers were able to lobby Congress for sweetheart shields that protect them from being held liable when their products kill people. But in fairness to the gun lobby (I can’t believe I’m saying that), holding products manufacturers liable just because other people use those products illegally would be a neat legal trick. I mean, we basically blamed Big Tobacco for the bad choices of their consumers, but that’s only recently. The gun lobby now is every bit as powerful as tobacco was in the 1960s.

Of course, the Sixties marked the end of Big Tobacco’s heyday, so there’s hope.

In any event, we’re not going to hold gun manufacturers liable for injuries sustained by victims of mass shootings. And the criminals have no money. And the same people who want us to have as many guns as possible also don’t want us to have universal health coverage so that nobody goes bankrupt dealing with their injuries. So it would seem that most victims of mass shootings are SOL.

Unless the victims are lucky enough to get shot up while on the private property of a rich company… like in a movie theater or something….

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Do I Really Need To Explain To Fox News Why Miranda Warnings Are Important?

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So yesterday I was flipping between Fox and MSNBC as they continued their battle to see who could be the first to report that the other one was wrong. During the “they made an arrest in the Boston Marathon bombings… oh no they didn’t” kerfuffle, I got sucked into the Megyn Kelly program which devolved into a discussion on whether or not the ALLEGED suspect should be Mirandized when he is caught, or “sent right down to Guantanamo.”

It occurred to me that there are whole throngs of humans out there, Americans, who honestly believe that reading somebody his rights or making sure a suspect has access to a lawyer is deleterious to justice, as opposed to being one of ways we ensure justice is done.

I trust there aren’t any real lawyers out there who believe that rights hurts the administration of justice as if life is one big freaking episode of The Closer….

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Watch Jodi Arias Make Dick Jokes on the Witness Stand

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Typically when people get shot in the head, they do get very angry.

– Jodi Arias, as depicted by comedian Courtney Pauroso, in a parodic video of “never before seen testimony” from the Arias murder trial. In case you haven’t been watching HLN, Arias is accused of killing her ex-boyfriend, Travis Alexander, who was stabbed 27 times, shot in the head, and had his throat slit. Arias claims she killed him in self defense.

(If you’re interested, keep reading to see the hilarious video.)

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Fap Law: A Meditation on Masturbation

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“You do it to yourself, you do. And that’s what really hurts.”

– Radiohead, Just

A few weeks ago, I blew your collective mind with a post about marijuana cigarettes and the lawyers who love them. Everyone agreed that it was a true revelation and a rare insight into the human condition. Lawyers stopped each other on the Subway, put down their five-dollar foot longs, and talked about pot use and what it means for lawyers who are still struggling to find jobs in an economy that deems them superfluous and sometimes even magnanimous about their superfluity. The words. They just pile up sometimes, one after another.

You know what else takes the edge off?

Good old ‘bating. Partner drops a big ol’ pile of suck on your desk at 5 p.m.? Might as well ‘bate. Judge says your motion is denied? ‘Bate. Your client is found guilty of ‘bating? Well, we’ll get to that.

When it comes to lowering stress, there’s not a single thing better than masturbation. It’s sex with someone you love, as Woody Allen once said (before he impeached himself on issues of appropriate objects of love).

Yesterday, New York Magazine highlighted a movement to deny oneself… oneself. And if you or David Lat or anyone else not named you or David Lat thinks I can’t stretch the connections between that New York Magazine article and the legal community into something approaching an entire post, you’re sorely mistaken.

Because we’re about to talk about the most Learned of Hands….

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Explosions Hit the Boston Marathon

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As you have probably heard by now, multiple explosions just went off near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. The situation remains in flux, but early reports from the Boston police claim that at least two people have been killed and 23 people have been injured. You can follow the latest news about this tragedy at Boston.com, Fox 25, the New York Times’s Lede blog, and social media.

The Boston Marathon is one of the greatest events in American running and, for that matter, all of American sports. Lawyers and law students have performed very well in it over the years, as we noted back in 2007.

Please keep the Boston marathon victims in your thoughts and prayers.

UPDATE (8:00 p.m.): At least 100 people have been injured, according to Boston.com.

Two dead, 23 injured in Boston Marathon explosions [My Fox Boston]
Many Hurt in Blasts at Boston Marathon [New York Times]

Earlier: Congratulations to the Boston Marathon Finishers

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