Divorce Train Wrecks

Sorry, Folks — You’ll Have To Settle for That Video of Britney Belching

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britney spears britney_spears naked nude breasts above the law atl britney spears topless.JPG

After details of Britney Spears’s “airtight” prenuptial agreement were disclosed, revealing that her soon-to-be ex-husband, Kevin Federline, wouldn’t get much in the divorce, we began hearing this rumor:

Fed-Ex will be a hero to stragglers everywhere, moreso even than Kato, in his leveraging: [Britney] made an air-tight prenup; he made a videotape of his adventures into what had been allegedly air-tight territory during their honeymoon. Internet P0rn distributor’s offer: $40M. Somehow I think that she is going to cough up more than that to prevent a Paris H. repeat…

But despite any spam you may have received recently touting the “Britney Sex Tape,” it seems that America’s most valuable home video is just an urban legend. From Reuters:

There is no “sex tape” involving pop star Britney Spears and estranged husband Kevin Federline, his lawyer said on Tuesday.

After Spears filed for divorce from the fledgling rapper this month, reports surfaced in the tabloid press that Federline had in his possession a videotape of the couple having sex and was considering making it public.

“There is not a sex video of Kevin and Britney in existence,” said Federline’s divorce lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan. Representatives for Spears had no immediate comment.

K-Fed really IS screwed — and all because Britney wasn’t.
(At least not on camera. Unless this publicist’s nightmare counts).
There is no Britney sex tape, Federline’s lawyer says [Reuters]
Britney Spears “STONED” acting strange UNCUT VERSION [YouTube]

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ATL Public Service Announcement: Better Get a Prenup

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britney spears britney_spears naked nude breasts above the law atl britney spears topless.JPGTo any single celebrities out there who happen to frequent legal gossip blogs, we offer you this piece of friendly advice: Before getting hitched, make your future spouse sign a prenup.
Sounds pretty obvious, right? But consider this, from Forbes’s Prenup Primer:

Last week, Britney Spears filed for divorce from her two-year marriage to Kevin Federline, whose nickname has gone from “K-Fed” to “Fed-Ex.” [A] day later, actors Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe also filed for divorce.

The difference between the two: Witherspoon did not have a prenuptial agreement, and Phillippe will likely have a claim to a substantial portion of her $60 million estimated net worth. The estimated $29 million in earnings from her next film may also be at stake — her ex could get half.

But Spears did have a prenuptial agreement. In fact, it was a 60-page agreement that protects most of her estimated $100 million fortune. Britney could get away with paying Federline a measly $300,000, which he says he is owed, plus $30,000 a month for half the number of years they were married, which would amount to one year. That’s pocket change for Britney.

More about the Britney Spears prenup, from the Daily Mail:

Britney even staged an elaborate sham wedding, again to protect her fortune.

The event, on September 18, 2004, in the modest back garden of a friend’s house in the Los Angeles suburb of Studio City, was meant to be the “real thing.” But with Federline yet to sign the pre-nup, a proper wedding could not go ahead.

So, with the paparazzi on her case, Britney decided to stage the “fake” wedding — and drew up a watertight contract to ensure the ceremony was not legally binding.

The pair were then married for real in a secret ceremony on October 6 — after Federline had signed the agreement that banned him from making any future claim against any assets his wife had prior to their marriage.

British newspapers are way more fun than ours. We love the colorful description of Spears’s attorney, Laura Wasser, as “one of Hollywood’s most ruthless lawyers.”
For an impressively detailed analysis of the legal issues surrounding the timing of the Spears-Federline wedding(s) and prenup, check out Death and Taxes — The Blog.
World Exclusive – Every detail of Britney Spears’ pre nup and £65 million fortune [Daily Mail]
Divorce Docs Prove Britney Faked Her “Wedding” [TMZ.com]
Prenup Primer [Forbes]
Sometimes I Run, Sometimes I Hide, Sometimes I Blog About Britney and K-Fed [Death and Taxes - The Blog]
The Role of the Prenup in the Timing of Britney Spears’ Divorce [TaxProf Blog]

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ATL Week in Review: November 6-10

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Shakira Above the Law Legal Tabloid Nude Pictures Naked Pictures Nude Pics Shakira Shakira Shakira.JPG* The Democrats are in the House — and Senate, too. Say hello to the new chairmen of the Senate Judiciary Committee and the House Judiciary Committee. (And goodbye to Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.)
* It was a big week for politics — and celebrity divorces. Parting ways: Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
* Dewey Ballantine + Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe = Sexytime!!!
* Hit movie Borat + Two dumbass frat boys = Lexytime!!!
* “Shake-It-Like-Shakira” contest + Drunken Jersey girl = More Lexytime!!!
* Rumors of Justice Stevens’s retirement: Greatly exaggerated? Or for real this time around?
* Speaking of the SCOTUS, here’s a fun fact: “It is unlawful to… make a harangue or oration… in the Supreme Court Building.”
* For the record, onetime Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork “doesn’t go seducing women at a convent.”
* News flash: Your friends who went into investment banking make WAY WAY WAY more money than you. (Unless you’re a new Wachtell Lipton partner, in which case they make WAY more money than you.)

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The Edwards Angell / Palmer & Dodge Merger: Because Size Does Matter

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Edwards Angell Palmer Dodge Above the Law Legal Blog.JPGIn light of the recent spate of law firm mergers, one can’t help wondering: How do these unions generally turn out? Are they storybook romances, in which the two law firms live happily ever after? Or do they turn into dysfunctional relationships, which the partners regret getting into?
In its weddings pages, the New York Times sometimes checks back in on a couple whose nuptials were announced in the Times years ago. Sometimes these couples are still happily married, with a gaggle of kids; sometimes they have gone their separate ways.
Imitating this tradition, the National Law Journal checks back in on Edwards & Angell and Palmer & Dodge, on the first anniversary of their November 1, 2005, merger. This particular merger was the law firm equivalent of a “shotgun wedding”: it took place quickly, with relatively little premerger planning.
The verdict? After some initial growing pains and culture clashes, things are fine. The larger combined firm is scooping up some excellent business. Here’s the money quote:

“Lawyers speculate whether size matters,” said co-managing partner Terrence Finn. “We’ve come to the conclusion that it does.”

Britney Spears, on the other hand, respectfully dissents.
A ‘Leap of Faith’ Merger, One Year Later [National Law Journal]
Kevin Federliine Holds Cellphone With Penis [A Socialite's Life]
Earlier: Breaking: Britney Spears Files for Divorce!!!
Mark Vincent Kaplan: Lawyer to Layabout Lovers

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Morning Docket: 11.09.06

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Capitol building Above the Law Legal Blog 2.JPG* Democrats likely to officially declare victory today in the Senate; Allen “has no intention of dragging this out.” [CNN; Election Law Blog]
* Thank you sir may I have another… .life sentence; Malvo gets life in Maryland. [CNN; Washington Post; Baltimore Sun]
* Another one bites the KCl in Texas. [CourtTV]
* KFed wants the kids, yo. I still say DFACS should take ‘em. [AP via FindLaw]
* California sex offender law found temporarily blocked by judge one day after being approved on the ballot by voters. [AP via FindLaw]

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Mark Vincent Kaplan: Lawyer to Layabout Lovers

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cris judd chris judd kevin federline Above the Law Law Blog.JPGWhen we wrote about the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline divorce yesterday, we solicited interesting tidbits about Spears’s high-flying divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser.
We haven’t heard much about Wasser. But we did get this funny factoid about Federline’s counsel, Mark Kaplan:

This is a great tip, if you have a good history of celebrity divorce: Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, was CHRIS JUDD’S lawyer!!! I assume I don’t need to explain to you why this is funny.

For those of you who do require explanation: Cris Judd is a dancer and actor, best known not for his professional accomplishments (whatever they might be), but for his failed marriage to Jennifer Lopez. Judd, a former backup dancer to J.Lo, was her second husband — or possibly her third, if you believe those rumors of a brief marriage to David Cruz.
Family law practitioners in Hollywood tend to develop specialty niches. Some represent wealthy husbands, seeking to divorce their first wives with minimal financial pain. Some represent the jilted spouses, seeking to take their husbands for all they’re worth. Some defend paternity suits brought against promiscuous celebrities.
And some Tinseltown divorce lawyers, like Mark Kaplan, represent future Trivial Pursuit answers.
BREAKING NEWS: BRITNEY & WHATSISNAME SPLIT [The Smart Patrol]
Earlier: Breaking: Britney Spears Files for Divorce!!!

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Non-Sequiturs: 11.07.06

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chelsea clinton nude naked topless above_the_law.JPG* It’s becoming a trend. Another member of the bar takes his own life after being accused of sexual misconduct. [New York Times]
* Let’s keep it light, shall we? Yup, Britney has finally wised up. The bad news is that she lost her lawsuit against US Magazine; the court held that Britney asked for it. No word on what the judge thought of that other infamous video. [Defamer]
* Will feckless music heirs, like Hugh Grant’s character in About a Boy, actually have to get jobs? Even though Courtney Love recently sold part of her stake in Nirvana’s song catalog, I think Frances Bean is still pretty safe. [Lessig Blog]
* Take a cue from Chelsea Clinton, who was up and ready to vote before 6 a.m. today! Wow, celebrities ARE just like us. (Well, no, not like me, since I, like most BigLaw attorneys, straggle in, like, around 10 a.m.) [Empire Zone]

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Breaking: Britney Spears Files for Divorce!!!

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britney spears britney_spears naked nude breasts above the law atl britney spears topless.JPGMidterm elections, consider yourselves upstaged. Pop princess Britney Spiers is divorcing her wastrel husband, Kevin Federline.
More details, from TMZ (which broke the story, and has a copy of the divorce petition (PDF)):

[T]he legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, [cite] “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees….

Spears has hired powerhouse celebrity divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, who has repped a number of celebs, including Angelina Jolie, Nick Lachey and Kiefer Sutherland. We’re told Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe asked Wasser to rep both of them in their split, but Wasser declined for personal reasons.

We’re all in favor of keeping marriages together. But this split may be for the best. K-Fed was bad news from the start.
If any of you have worked with or litigated against Spears’s attorney, Laura A. Wasser, and can tell us a little more about her, please drop us a line.
Britney Spears Files for Divorce [TMZ.com]
Britney Spears FINALLY Divorces K-Fed [Gawker]
Britney Spears Divorcing K-Fed, Immediately Begins Search For Next Bad Relationship [Defamer]
Britney Spears Files For Divorce, Quashing Further Use of ‘Spederline’ [Jossip]
Laura Allison Wasser bio [Martindale-Hubbell]
Divorcing Stars Pick This Group: Top Hollywood Divorce Lawyers [USA Today]

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Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: Splitting Up, Lawyering Up

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cruel intentions.jpegAfter enduring copious coverage of Heather Mills’s and Sara Evans’s marital woes, we finally get to read about an A-lister’s split. From TMZ.com:

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. The couple’s rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says “We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.”

This is too bad. Reese and Ryan were one celebrity couple we actually kinda liked.
Divorce papers haven’t been filed yet, “so there’s still some hope,” say the Popsugar folks. But we’re less sanguine. Per TMZ:

Sources tell TMZ Witherspoon has contacted celebrity divorce lawyer Robert Kaufman, who has represented Jennifer Aniston, Roseanne and Lisa Marie Presley.

Sounds like Reese will be retaining Kaufman any day now (if she hasn’t done so already). And once you’ve retained a divorce lawyer, you’re more than halfway there.
Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe Split [TMZ]
Reese and Ryan Split??? [popsugar]
To high-rent family lawyers, keeping secrets quiet is key [Los Angeles Business Journal]

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Non-Sequiturs: 10.27.06

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abstract art contemporary art.jpg* Look at us, we’re patrons in training! Our law firms are getting funky with their art. But let’s hope they draw the line at installation art. [New York Observer]
* If you want something dirty, keep up with the Heather Mills / Paul McCartney divorce. The divorce papers were leaked, and everybody’s getting sued. [Daily Telegraph]
(Because, honestly, who the f&*k is Sara Evans, and does she have only one leg?)
* If you want something really dirty, both literally and figuratively, read about the prosecutor who allegedly had sex with a paralegal — in a stadium bathroom stall. [Seattle Times]
* I wonder what happens to puppy killers in jail? [Washington Times]
* I think Elmo has always been on something. Or maybe it’s just an overactive thyroid. [KVBC]

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