Divorce Train Wrecks

* The easiest way to stop James Holmes from becoming a celebrity and inspiring copycats is to stop trying to monetize the Aurora killings to turn a profit with ad revenue, but Professor David Kopel says it in more elegant terms. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Of course there’s a law school death watch list. Now, it would be nice to think that these law schools would shut down, but there are still people willing to fill the seats. You should’ve known better than to assume a silly thing like employment statistics would stop people from applying. [Legal Blog Watch]

* Divorce for men: it’s “not for women.” These family law practitioners may want to get together with Dr. Pepper for some kind of a licensing deal. [WSJ Law Blog]

* A pube sandwich is a very creative culinary treat — unfortunately, the recipe isn’t taught in sandwich artist school. FYI, the price to serve it to a police officer is $13,750. [Gothamist]

* The next time your husband complains about your sex life or lack thereof, just tell him that it’s against the law for married women to fornicate. Or that you’ve had a headache for the past few years. [Legal Juice]

Back in April, we wrote about Mark and Rhonda Lesher, a couple in rural Texas who won a massive defamation verdict against formerly anonymous online commenters. The online comments followed a trial during which they were acquitted of sexual assault. The multimillion dollar verdict appeared to set things right.

But it turns out there is much, much more to their story. Theirs is an unsettling tale of small-town justice, politics, and Mark Lesher, a lawyer-slash-“professional agitator,” who tried to do the right thing in a town that apparently wanted none of it.

Let’s start with news that the defamation verdict was overturned last month, and go backwards from there….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Don’t Mess With This Texan: He is One Tough Underdog”

* The Obama campaign is going to court to fight for their big ‘O’ trademark. I guess their claim that Romney’s centrist pragmatism was infringing on Obama’s reputation as a practical moderate fell through once Romney started pandering to his base. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Cruise and Holmes have reached a divorce settlement already. I really think they’ve lost that loving feeling. [Ministry of Gossip / Los Angeles Times]

* After a major blackout, you just know lawyers who work for power companies are going to be busy. [Legal Blog Watch]

* British judge tells Arab man “to depart on his flying carpet” to escape paying costs. In other news: even a magic carpet wouldn’t help Brits win their own tennis tournament. [Legal Juice]

* The bad judgment isn’t necessarily that a Brooklyn ADA took these pictures of himself, it’s that he didn’t scrub them from Facebook after he became an ADA. [Gothamist]

* I-bankers suck at managing their own 401Ks. Maybe that’s the corollary to lawyers being bad at representing themselves. [Dealbreaker]

* This is a brilliant look back at everything that happened with the Roberts Affordable Care Act decision, minute-by-minute. [SCOTUSblog]

When you join a cult alternative religion, it’s expected that you’re going to become accustomed to some rather unusual practices. And if that religion happens to be based upon science fiction books, well, you know that you’re going to be exposed to some crazy strange sh*t in all of life’s events. From marriage, to birth (of the silent variety), to divorce, to death, the Church of Scientology offers unique advice for its adherents to follow — advice that encourages Scientologists to abandon the legal system.

All hail the mighty Xenu, dictator of the Galactic Confederacy, who knows well the dangers of ridiculously high-priced legal bills. That’s why he isn’t a fan of modern-day divorce train wrecks. Take the recent filing between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes — not only will that cost a pretty penny to litigate, but it will bring shame upon L. Ron Hubbard’s religious dynasty.

That’s why if you absolutely must split with your spouse, Xenu will forgo the necessary funds for Scientology pamphlets used for recruiting new minions, and hook you up with your own in-house divorce attorney….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Xenu Expresses His Displeasure With Divorcing Scientologists, Encourages Use of In-House Lawyers”

How the hell are we supposed to pick our Comment of the Week when there was a holiday smack dab in the middle of the week? I mean, really, people are still nursing their Fourth of July hangovers, which made this week’s pickings a little slim.

Luckily for us, Katie Holmes fell prey to the Curse of 33, and “blindsighted” “blindsided” Tom Cruise with divorce papers, just in time for his 50th birthday. You’ve got to feel a little bad for the guy — his marriages all die quicker than Goose.

So this week, we picked the winner from the TomKat divorce post. Hold on to your thetans, folks, because we’re about to ride into the danger zone….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Comment of the Week: Praise Be to Xenu”

For those of you wondering where I’ve been the past few months, I took some time out to light my house on fire and fake my own death in court. It’s good to be back.

Unless you’ve been living in a volcano for 36 billion years, you’ve heard that Katie Holmes ascended the Bridge to Total Freedom last Friday by “blindsiding” Tom Cruise with divorce papers after five years of sham marriage. Bookies in Vegas no doubt saw this coming, given his marriage record and the fact that everyone claims to know someone who’s worked for him who says he’s totally gay. But unlike the rumors that dogged his last divorce (Nicole was apparently slated to receive a huge chunk of change under her prenup if they made it to ten years, so he divorced her after nine), this time the rumors center around Scientology…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Fame Brief: Katie Holmes Ascends the Bridge to Total Freedom”

Alec Baldwin was such a stud.

* Obama’s win for health care reform didn’t result in a polling bump for him, but it did result in an even higher disapproval rating for SCOTUS, at least as far as Republicans are concerned… [POLITCO; CBS News]

* … which may be why Chief Justice John Roberts escaped to “an impregnable island fortress” to avoid the Right’s fury, criticism, and scorn as soon as he could after the ACA opinion dropped. [New York Times]

* “[W]e have learned from the mistakes that were made.” That lesson only cost a few billion dollars. GlaxoSmithKline will pay $3B in the largest health-care fraud settlement in U.S. history. [Wall Street Journal]

* After losing a bid to quash a subpoena, Twitter has to turn over info about an #OWS protester’s tweets. OMG, please respond to that thing in 140 characters or less. [Bloomberg]

* Unlike most recent law school grads, Yale Law’s Vanessa Selbst hasn’t been hedging her bets in bar prep classes. Instead, she went all in, played her cards right, and won $244K at the World Series of Poker. [ESPN]

* Divorce really does bring out the best in people. Alec Baldwin says that if given the chance, he would murder his ex-wife Kim Basinger’s lawyer “with a baseball bat.” Gee, tell us how you really feel. [New York Post]

Divorce, so I hear, is not a fun experience. Emotions run high, hearts get broken, money has to be divided among hostile parties. The last thing you want when you’re going through divorce is to have the judge handling your case scream at you in court, in front of your soon-to-be ex-wife, threatening to put you in jail, and saying he dislikes you so much that he should recuse himself from the case.

Sounds pretty terrible, right? Maybe even unbelievable? Well, straight from West Virginia, we’ve got video of our Judge of the Day doing just that…

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Beth Shak

For some women, designer shoes are like works of fine art. With soles that can warm any fashionista’s soul, designer shoes are things to be cherished, nay, worshipped. And if you’re wise, you already know better than to mess with a woman’s shoe collection — especially a woman whose million-dollar shoe fetish inspired her to brand her groin area with a red-soled Louboutin tattoo. But unfortunately, some men still haven’t gotten the memo.

In a hand that professional poker player Beth Shak probably wishes she hadn’t been dealt, her ex-husband has decided to go all in with claims made in a new lawsuit against her. Hedge fund manager Daniel Shak, of SHK Asset Management, isn’t hedging his bets when it comes to allegations that his ex-wife hid a costly collection of designer assets in a “secret room,” thereby shielding her from forking over the big bucks in their divorce settlement.

What does this pretty poker player’s ex-husband seek, and just how many pairs of shoes does Beth Shak own?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Poker Player With Full House of Designer Shoes Gets Sued By Ex-Husband Over Her $1M Collection”

For most luxury shoppers, a trip to Neiman Marcus is the stuff that dreams are made of. After all, bags overflowing with designer merchandise can usually put a smile on any face, no matter the cost. But for others, such a shopping excursion just serves as a reminder of all the sex, lies, and betrayal that go hand-in-hand with a bitter divorce.

Because apparently when your husband stops in to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars in merchandise year after year, it’s essential for your former personal shopper to allegedly swipe his “credit card” — over, and over, and over again….

At least that’s what one divorcée in Texas is alleging. She filed suit against Neiman Marcus after the luxury retailer refused to take back $1.4 million worth of gifts that she attempted to return after discovering her ex-husband’s alleged affair….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Divorcée Sues Neiman Marcus for Refusal to Accept Return of $1.4M in Gifts From Allegedly Cheating Ex-Husband”

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