I wasn’t able to catch Larry King’s interview with Clarence Thomas’s ex-girlfriend, Lillian McEwen. I had prior commitments (how ’bout them Cowboys). But after reading reports all morning, I can see why her memoirs are stuck in the “manuscript” stage. There doesn’t seem to be any “there” there.

Perhaps the most interesting thing we learned is that Lillian McEwen would rather date a raving, porn-obsessed alcoholic than an angry, black conservative. Don’t get me wrong, I feel precisely the same way. But if this is all the “dirt” she’s got on Thomas, then it’s difficult to see how this materially impacts our understanding of the man.

And that’s assuming that everything she said is true….

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Truck driver Vasant Reddy is not living the high life. Reddy, a Muslim, refused to transport a shipment of Miller Lite as part of his duties. He claims he was forced to resign because of adherence to his religious beliefs.

Normally refusing to deliver something would seem to be a pretty big problem if your job is to deliver things. But that’s why we have Title VII. As a religious objector, Reddy should still be able to work at his job, provided that he sincerely holds this religious objection and that making an exception doesn’t impose an undue hardship on Reddy’s employers.

Is delivering beer an essential function of being a truck driver? Let’s get into it (dear Muslim friends, you’ll probably want to skip the comments on this post)…

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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. F**k law school.

– a poster at Texts From Last Night

You know how cars can be equipped with an ignition interlock device that prevents the engine from being started if the driver is intoxicated? Can we get one of those thingies for the personal computer, Blackberry, or any other device people can use to send email? Because I’m pretty sure a Northwestern Law student could have used a little technological warning before she logged on to her email this weekend.

Over the weekend we received an email that was (I can only assume) intended for an officer on the Northwestern Student Bar Association. But it was accidentally sent out to the entire NU law school student body. Whoops.

These are the things that happen when you try to email people at 12:30 on Friday night/Saturday morning….

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Usually when we report on jobs that have been posted on Craigslist, we’re talking about some kind of horrifying example of how the open market values attorneys at about the same level it values responsible high school girls. But today we have a legal job that most lawyers couldn’t have performed in high school. At the very least, one needs to be of legal drinking age to compete for this position.

The job ad is from the firm Strike & Techel. The homepage of the San Francisco-based shop claims that the firm “practices exclusively in the field of alcohol beverage law.”

So put down your tobacco and firearms, crack open a cold one, and ponder the wonders of making a living off of alcohol… and law and stuff…

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Based on our earlier coverage of traffic stops, here are some dos and don’ts for the next time you get pulled over:

Now that we’ve covered the basics of traffic stops, let’s move on to the advanced course….

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Anne Bremner

A Seattle reader brought a remarkable tale to our attention. He sent along some links about prominent attorney Anne Bremner and her recent brush with the law, along with this commentary:

Anne is a high-profile lawyer — at least here in the Northwest. She is a legal analyst for lots of broadcast media outlets. There is lots of hubris here, so I immediately thought of Above the Law.

Does Anne Bremner view herself as “above the law”? On the night that she was arrested for drunken driving, she allegedly said all sorts of things to various police officers, including but not limited to the following:

  • “I will sue your ass.”
  • “I’m famous. It’ll be bad for you guys.”
  • “You can’t arrest me. I represent Seattle and King County. You are making a mistake.”
  • “I represent you guys. Come on, take me home.”

Sounds like a charming lass, doesn’t she? Let’s get to know her a little better….

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Michelle Marie Danicek

Sometimes law firm outings can get pretty crazy. It seems like this is especially true in Canada. Who would have thought, eh?

Last month, we wrote about a bottles-and-models party in Toronto that led to one associate losing his Canadian cookies in a cab, and a partner allegedly grinding (inappropriately) on female associates. Maybe those ladies just needed thicker skins or, in that case, booties?

Meanwhile, as we mentioned briefly this morning, a female lawyer in Vancouver did not have a thick enough head. In 2001, Michelle Marie Danicek, then 32, was a law clerk at Alexander Holburn Beaudin & Lang LLP. According to the Vancouver Sun, in April 2001 she went out dancing at the Bar None nightclub, after a firm-sponsored associates’ dinner at an oyster house.

As many of you know, lawyers are not always the best dancers. The lawyers got their grooves on, and one of Danicek’s fellow maladroit associates stumbled into her, perhaps while he was doing the “running man” (that seems Canadian).

This caused her to fall to the ground — and sustain a $6 million injury….

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It’s about time a group of summer associates grew a backbone and showed some personality. At Akin Gump, a group of summers decided to “ice” some of the full-time associates at the firm.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, BrosIcingBros is was a website devoted to friends forcing friends to chug a gawd-awful Smirnoff Ice. It’s a pretty simple concept: if someone presents you with a Smirnoff Ice, you have to drink it — unless you happen to be carrying your own Smirnoff Ice, to pull off an Icing Deflection. In my humble opinion, there are few things worse than being forced to drink a Smirnoff Ice, and it is because of the horrible penalty that this phenomenon caught on and went viral.

Sadly, the site that started it all, BrosIcingBros.com, has been stopped. Apparently the people at Smirnoff don’t understand that there is no other reasonable use for their product. From AdAge:

“[Smirnoff Ice parent] Diageo has taken measures to stop this misuse of its Smirnoff Ice brand and marks, and to make it clear that ‘icing’ does not comply with our marketing code, and was not created or promoted by Diageo, Smirnoff Ice, or anyone associated with Diageo,” the company said in a statement.

Whatever. Icing will live on as the most appropriate use for your product no matter how many websites you try to kill.

Luckily, Smirnoff can’t stop the Akin Gump summer class…

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David Cowling, Mathews, Dinsdale & Clarke partner and alleged booty dancer

Sometimes law firm after-hours parties get pretty wild. The Great Recession didn’t put a damper on one Toronto firm’s celebrations last year. In January 2009, Mathews, Dinsdale & Clarke threw a rager in honor of its annual labour law “moot” competition for Canadian law students. (We mentioned this story briefly in yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs.)

After awards were given out at a dinner, the lawyerly crew headed to Toronto night club Cheval, for bottle service and dancing. Things got a little crazy. One senior associate got so hammered that “he left the club without his coat or keys and vomited in the taxi cab as it left the club.” And one partner, David Cowling, allegedly got too friendly with some of the female associates while grinding on the dance floor.

Two associates complained about his behavior to other partners, and now Cowling is suing the two associates (who have since left the firm) for defamation and intentional interference with economic relations.

So what did they allege?

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