Muscle Milk: drink this and you’ll write awesome pro se briefs.
I’m about to share with you an awesome pro se court filing from a law student who drinks Muscle Milk — enough of the stuff to belong to a class action of Muscle Milk consumers. Please try to envision what this submission might look like.
In terms of the student, I’m imagining a real meathead. He belonged to a frat in college. He’s not a great law student, but his family has connections that will help him land a job post-graduation. His bookshelf looks like this.
As for his pro se filing, it’s probably a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury (and Bluebooking errors). The UVA Libel Show would call it a Muscle-Milk-induced “roid rage of shame.”
But no, it’s not; it’s so much better than that. It’s actually a work of genius….
You basically dropped trou. You showed your rear end to this court. You acted like a fool in this courtroom.
– Chief Judge Jim Roberson of the Alamance County District Court, scolding defendant Jonathan Lee Gaddy after the 19-year-old pulled down his pants in court following a hearing on an underage drinking charge. Roberson had twice before instructed Gaddy to pull his pants up to his waist. After Gaddy pulled his pants down to his knees, Roberson sentenced him to a 10-day stay in the county jail for his contempt of court.
Your Above the Law editors: Joe Patrice, Elie Mystal, Staci Zaretsky, and David Lat
February is supposed to be full of hearts and love and chocolate candy, but this year, it was mostly filled with snow — and that’s why our Valentine’s Day party, which was originally supposed to be on February 13, had to be rescheduled.
That said, thanks a lot to everyone who was willing to brave the cold and came out on Wednesday night to attend the Above the Law Valentine’s Day party. This year’s festivities were extremely well-attended (the bar was packed), and the entire crowd enjoyed all of the specialty drinks that were served. Thanks to our sponsor, the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters, for making such a great evening possible.
If you weren’t able to make it out, don’t worry — we’ve got you covered. Here are some of the pictures from a night that was full of fun and fabulosity…
Thanks again to everyone who came out to the ATL Trivia night in Boston last Thursday! Over 100 law students gathered in the basement of Clery’s to vie for both honor and the goodies provided by our sponsors from Kaplan Bar Review. We’d advertised the free food and drinks and the free iPad minis and Google Chromecasts, but we also learned that Kaplan was giving away hundreds of dollars of free credit for Kaplan Bar Review courses, with everyone in attendance receiving a nice discount.
And if you’re a law student wondering when we’ll make it to your town, be patient. I know a couple of locations we’re planning to hit in the next couple of months.
So let’s recap our Boston extravaganza and check out some pictures of the action….
Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get your party on. If you’re still looking for a date to fill the empty space in the lonesome lawyerly lairs of your heart, you should come out to our post-V-Day party this Wednesday, February 26, in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters.
If you can’t attend or aren’t in the NYC area, you can still register to win one of two grand-prize swag bags, filled with everything you could possibly need to make your next date a memorable one (awesome things like Russell Stover chocolates, ATL and Business Law Center t-shirts, and an iPad Mini).
Register using the form below, and we’ll send you an email with the exact time and location of our three-hour open bar. Love is still in the air, and we hope to see you there!
Last May, a 26-year-old paralegal by the name of Julia Papazian Law was found dead in the bathtub of her boss and boyfriend, prominent Philadelphia defense attorney A. Charles Peruto Jr. The news set tongues wagging in Philly. It had all the elements of a tabloid tale: a beautiful young woman, a wealthy and successful lawyer, and possible organized-crime connections. (Peruto has represented such prominent alleged Mob figures as Joey Merlino and Nicodemo Scarfo.)
Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams convened a grand jury to investigate Julia Law’s death. This decision did not sit well with Charles Peruto, who claimed that it placed him under a cloud of suspicion that harmed his reputation and his legal practice.
With the grand jury probe concluded, District Attorney Williams made an announcement about its findings. What did he have to say?
Were you planning on joining us tonight for the Above the Law Valentine’s Day Party in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters? Well, did you look outside? Yeah, it’s kind of nasty. If you had looked outside and were still planning on coming, then you’re a damn trooper and we like you. That said, not everyone shares your fortitude, which brings us to this announcement:
We’re going to have to reschedule.
Do not fear, the party will go forward, you’ll get your chance to drink with us and win awesome swag bags, just some time after Valentine’s Day proper. Specifically, the event will now be held on Wednesday, February 26. Mark your calendars accordingly.
UPDATE (2/13/2014, 11 a.m.): Due to weather conditions and safety concerns, this event is being postponed to a future date. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
Valentine’s Day is just days away, and this year, instead of planning which drug stores you’ll hit for after-Valentine’s Day candy sales, you should consider stopping by the Above the Law Valentine’s Day Party in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters. It’s being held on Thursday, February 13th, so you’ll have plenty of time to message people on OKCupid so you can tell your mother that yes, you do have a date, and yes, you will find a nice person to marry someday.
Register using the form below, and we’ll send you an email with the exact time and location of our three-hour open bar.
If you can’t attend or aren’t in the NYC area, you can still register to win one of two grand prize swag bags filled with everything you could possibly need to make this Valentine’s Day a memorable one (awesome things like Russell Stover chocolates, ATL and Business Law Center t-shirts, and an iPad Mini).
As part of a nationwide tour, Above the Law is coming to the great city of Chicago.
Join preeminent law firm management consultant Bruce MacEwen, Katten Muchin Chicago managing partner Gil Sofer, and JPMorgan Chase & Co. assistant general counsel Jason Shaffer for a panel discussion (sponsored by Pangea3) on the evolutionary and market forces bearing down on the law firm business model. Come on by Thursday, November 20, at 6 p.m., for thought-provoking discussion, food, drink, and networking.
Space is limited and there will be no on-site registration, so please RSVP
Average law school debt for graduates of private universities hovered around $122,000 last year. With only 57% of new attorneys actually obtaining real lawyer jobs, recent graduates have a lot to consider when it comes to managing their student loan payments. Thanks to our friends at SoFi, today’s infographic takes a look at student loan debt, including the possible benefits of refinancing for JDs…
Kinney Recruiting’sEvan Jowers is currently in Hong Kong for client meetings and still has a few slots available through October 22. Evan will also be in Hong Kong November 14 to December 15. Further, Robert Kinney has been in Frankfurt and Munich this week and is available for meetings with our Germany based readers.
One of our key law firm clients has referred us to one of their important clients in the US, Europe and China – a leading global technology supplier for the auto industry – in order to handle their search for a new Asia General Counsel and Asia Chief Compliance Officer.
Kinney is exclusively handling this in-house search.
This position will have a lot of responsibility and include supervision of eight attorneys underneath them in the Asia in-house team. The new hire will report directly to the global general counsel and global chief compliance officer, who is based in the US. The new hire’s ability to make judgement calls is going to be as important as their technical skill set background.
The position is based in Shanghai and will deal with the company’s operations all over Asia and also in India, including frequent acquisitions in the region.
It is expected that the new hire will come from a top US firm’s Shanghai, Beijing or Hong Kong offices, currently in a top flight corporate practice at the senior associate, counsel or partner level. Of course, the candidate can be currently in a relevant in-house role.