Muscle Milk: drink this and you’ll write awesome pro se briefs.
I’m about to share with you an awesome pro se court filing from a law student who drinks Muscle Milk — enough of the stuff to belong to a class action of Muscle Milk consumers. Please try to envision what this submission might look like.
In terms of the student, I’m imagining a real meathead. He belonged to a frat in college. He’s not a great law student, but his family has connections that will help him land a job post-graduation. His bookshelf looks like this.
As for his pro se filing, it’s probably a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury (and Bluebooking errors). The UVA Libel Show would call it a Muscle-Milk-induced “roid rage of shame.”
But no, it’s not; it’s so much better than that. It’s actually a work of genius….
You basically dropped trou. You showed your rear end to this court. You acted like a fool in this courtroom.
– Chief Judge Jim Roberson of the Alamance County District Court, scolding defendant Jonathan Lee Gaddy after the 19-year-old pulled down his pants in court following a hearing on an underage drinking charge. Roberson had twice before instructed Gaddy to pull his pants up to his waist. After Gaddy pulled his pants down to his knees, Roberson sentenced him to a 10-day stay in the county jail for his contempt of court.
Your Above the Law editors: Joe Patrice, Elie Mystal, Staci Zaretsky, and David Lat
February is supposed to be full of hearts and love and chocolate candy, but this year, it was mostly filled with snow — and that’s why our Valentine’s Day party, which was originally supposed to be on February 13, had to be rescheduled.
That said, thanks a lot to everyone who was willing to brave the cold and came out on Wednesday night to attend the Above the Law Valentine’s Day party. This year’s festivities were extremely well-attended (the bar was packed), and the entire crowd enjoyed all of the specialty drinks that were served. Thanks to our sponsor, the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters, for making such a great evening possible.
If you weren’t able to make it out, don’t worry — we’ve got you covered. Here are some of the pictures from a night that was full of fun and fabulosity…
Thanks again to everyone who came out to the ATL Trivia night in Boston last Thursday! Over 100 law students gathered in the basement of Clery’s to vie for both honor and the goodies provided by our sponsors from Kaplan Bar Review. We’d advertised the free food and drinks and the free iPad minis and Google Chromecasts, but we also learned that Kaplan was giving away hundreds of dollars of free credit for Kaplan Bar Review courses, with everyone in attendance receiving a nice discount.
And if you’re a law student wondering when we’ll make it to your town, be patient. I know a couple of locations we’re planning to hit in the next couple of months.
So let’s recap our Boston extravaganza and check out some pictures of the action….
Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get your party on. If you’re still looking for a date to fill the empty space in the lonesome lawyerly lairs of your heart, you should come out to our post-V-Day party this Wednesday, February 26, in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters.
If you can’t attend or aren’t in the NYC area, you can still register to win one of two grand-prize swag bags, filled with everything you could possibly need to make your next date a memorable one (awesome things like Russell Stover chocolates, ATL and Business Law Center t-shirts, and an iPad Mini).
Register using the form below, and we’ll send you an email with the exact time and location of our three-hour open bar. Love is still in the air, and we hope to see you there!
Last May, a 26-year-old paralegal by the name of Julia Papazian Law was found dead in the bathtub of her boss and boyfriend, prominent Philadelphia defense attorney A. Charles Peruto Jr. The news set tongues wagging in Philly. It had all the elements of a tabloid tale: a beautiful young woman, a wealthy and successful lawyer, and possible organized-crime connections. (Peruto has represented such prominent alleged Mob figures as Joey Merlino and Nicodemo Scarfo.)
Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams convened a grand jury to investigate Julia Law’s death. This decision did not sit well with Charles Peruto, who claimed that it placed him under a cloud of suspicion that harmed his reputation and his legal practice.
With the grand jury probe concluded, District Attorney Williams made an announcement about its findings. What did he have to say?
Were you planning on joining us tonight for the Above the Law Valentine’s Day Party in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters? Well, did you look outside? Yeah, it’s kind of nasty. If you had looked outside and were still planning on coming, then you’re a damn trooper and we like you. That said, not everyone shares your fortitude, which brings us to this announcement:
We’re going to have to reschedule.
Do not fear, the party will go forward, you’ll get your chance to drink with us and win awesome swag bags, just some time after Valentine’s Day proper. Specifically, the event will now be held on Wednesday, February 26. Mark your calendars accordingly.
UPDATE (2/13/2014, 11 a.m.): Due to weather conditions and safety concerns, this event is being postponed to a future date. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
Valentine’s Day is just days away, and this year, instead of planning which drug stores you’ll hit for after-Valentine’s Day candy sales, you should consider stopping by the Above the Law Valentine’s Day Party in New York City, sponsored by the Business Law Center on WestlawNext™ from Thomson Reuters. It’s being held on Thursday, February 13th, so you’ll have plenty of time to message people on OKCupid so you can tell your mother that yes, you do have a date, and yes, you will find a nice person to marry someday.
Register using the form below, and we’ll send you an email with the exact time and location of our three-hour open bar.
If you can’t attend or aren’t in the NYC area, you can still register to win one of two grand prize swag bags filled with everything you could possibly need to make this Valentine’s Day a memorable one (awesome things like Russell Stover chocolates, ATL and Business Law Center t-shirts, and an iPad Mini).
OmniVere’s delivery of end-to-end technology & data consulting to position the company as a true differentiator in the global legal technology and compliance space.
CHICAGO, IL, September 29, 2014 – OmniVere today announced the creation of the company’s technology & data consulting arm and the addition of several industry-renown experts, including the former co-chairs of Berkeley Research Group’s (BRG’s) Technology Services practice, Liam Ferguson, Rich Finkelman and Courtney Fletcher.
This new consulting practice will provide and expand existing OmniVere eDiscovery consulting services to corporations, law firms and government agencies with a special focus on compliance, information governance and eDiscovery. This addition of this top talent now positions OmniVere as a true industry leader in the technology and data consulting space offering best-in-class end-to-end services.
Ferguson, Finkelman & Fletcher are nationally recognized experts and seasoned veterans in the areas of overall technology, electronic discovery, and structured data. At OmniVere, the team will be focused on all global consulting activities with respect to legal compliance, complex data analytics, business intelligence design and analysis, and electronic discovery service offerings.
The Trust Women conference is an influential gathering that brings together global corporations, lawyers and pioneers in the field of women’s rights. Unlike many other events, Trust Women delegates take action and forge tangible commitments to empower women to know and defend their rights.
This year, the Trust Women conference will take place 18-19 November in London. From women’s economic empowerment to slavery in the supply chain and child labour, this year’s agenda is strong and powerful. Speakers include Professor Muhammad Yunus, Nobel Laureate and founder of the Grameen Bank; Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, Executive Director of UN Women; Mary Ellen Iskenderian, President and CEO of Women’s World Banking and many other influential leaders. Find out more about Trust Women here.