Drinking

Non-Sequiturs: 09.20.12

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Looks like Fiona was picturing all the “Criminal” headline puns that she knew were coming.

* In the continuing tales of “It’s not easy being Green(berg),” the firm is settling more than 30 claims from NFL players who say the firm didn’t warn them about investing in an unlicensed casino project. Well, at it’s least better than investing in unlicensed dog-fighting. [Daily Business Review]

* Professor Dale Carpenter, author of a new book (affiliate link) about Lawrence v. Texas, wonders: If gay marriage goes to SCOTUS, could Justice Scalia get hoisted with his own petard? [SCOTUSblog]

* Fiona Apple was arrested for pot at the same Texas border stop as Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, and hacker wunderkind George Hotz. What she needs is a good defense… attorney. [TMZ]

* If I got stuck behind one of these d-bags who pays tolls with a hundred-dollar bill, I would be more concerned about whether it’s a civil rights violation for me to smash their back window with a tire iron. [FindLaw]

* Hey beer nerds, the top secret White House brew recipe has been declassified. This is some crucial government transparency in action. [Legal Blog Watch]

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Lawyer of the Day: Assaulted By Red Bull And Vodka?

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Before there was Four Loko there was, and still is, the Red Bull and vodka. You can pour nearly any amount of vodka into a glass and just a little bit of Red Bull will cut the taste enough so that you can drink it like water. Plus you’ll get an energy kick. Back in my day, when Red Bull was still made with ephedra, that kick was damn noticeable.

Red Bull and vodka is a great way to start a night. It’s a great way to extend a night. It’s a terrible way to end a night. At the end of the night, you don’t need all that alcohol and energy. You need a cab and a glass of water.

One lawyer in D.C. learned that lesson the hard way. He had a Red Bull and Vodka right before closing time, and ended up “bleeding all over Georgetown.” Now he’s suing the bar for giving him that last drink.

And, you know, cutting off his finger…

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This Federal Judge Wants Shorter Legal Opinions; We Heartily Concur

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Let’s see. How many completely unrelated topics can you fit into one federal appeals court ruling? How about a lead defense attorney who drank a quart of vodka during every day of a capital murder trial, a concurring opinion criticizing the majority opinion — not about the case itself, but simply on the ruling’s length — aaaand let’s throw in a Mark Twain quote for good measure.

That should do it! Introducing the ruling in Holsey v. Warden. It’s quite the odd duck, so let’s take a look…

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Non-Sequiturs: 09.14.12

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SCOTUS on a motherf**king boat?

* If you want to go to law school, but you hate reading, just buy the Illustrated Guide to Criminal Law. And don’t go to law school. [The Criminal Lawyer via Boing Boing]

* Analyzing an upcoming SCOTUS case though the Lonely Island’s I’m on a Boat. Andy Samberg seriously needs to recruit some justices for one of his videos. You know the Wise Latina could throw down. [FindLaw]

* Something about politics and booze and a bar being forced to change an allegedly racist drink name. Probably for the best, if for no other reason “Marion Berry’s Dirty Asian Summer Punch” is a crummy drink name anyway. [Huffington Post]

* This guy is so bad at being a criminal, I almost feel sorry for him. Worst part is he knows it, too. [LegalJuice]

* Speaking of ineffective criminals, if you’re dating a wanted man, you might want to reconsider adding the local sheriff as a Facebook friend. [Bluefield Daily Telegraph]

* Should lap dancing be classified as an art form for tax purposes? If curling is an Olympic sport, naked hip gyrations is clearly art. [Overlawyered]

* You know those weird vaporless cigarettes that were kind of popular for a while? Well, now they have them for weed too. In other news, marijuana is still illegal. [East Bay Express]

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Lawyer of the Day: DUI Attorney Tackled, Then Arrested For DUI

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Friends, this is a fun one.

Not just because a DUI attorney was arrested for a DUI — potentially his third DUI. That story would be cool, but a little trite.

No, what makes this story particularly fun is that the attorney was apprehended by a passing motorist as he allegedly tried to flee the scene of an accident. The Good Samaritan motorist got out of his car and chased down our attorney on foot, all while wearing flip-flops.

Oh, and I should mention that this particular DUI attorney has a YouTube ad where he doesn’t “speak,” but has some scary music, pictures, and a screen shot of his bio.

Yeah, this is a fun one….

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Lawyer of the Day: Literally Fighting for Her Right to Party

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We’ve learned this before: sometimes lawyers and alcohol are like peas in a pod. But other times, lawyers and alcohol are like a box of dynamite and a book of matches. Get too close and everyone comes out looking a lot worse for the wear.

That’s the long and short of an incident that allegedly happened over the weekend in Atlanta, involving a Fulton County assistant district attorney.

The young litigatrix was arrested after allegedly fighting with cops outside a bar. Police had arrived to deal with her male friend, who had been asked to leave and reported for allegedly playing some unwanted grab-ass.

What a hot mess in Hotlanta. Time for ATL to pay a visit to ATL…

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A Closer Look at Adam Reposa, Everyone’s Favorite Maniacal Truck-Smashing Lawyer

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We have covered Texas attorney Adam Reposa several times over the years here at Above the Law. He’s a quixotic fellow, yelling insanely in his commercials while smashing a large pickup truck into a smaller car, labelling himself as bulletproof, and facing unusual contempt charges.

We’ve never successfully spoken with Reposa directly, but a recent interview with one of his closest frenemies, who happened to direct the famous “I’M A LAWYER!” ad, gives some cool insight into the non-traditional attorney’s persona.

In the brash, entertaining interview, Bob Ray gives real talk on Adam Reposa and explains the history of that poor pickup truck (can you say alternative fee arrangements?)….

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This Law School Mixer Had A Lot Of Alcohol In It

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Ah, going to law school in 2012

I hereby dub the class of 2015 the class of the drunks.

Yes, I know, it seems a bit unfair to nickname an entire class based on their first week of classes (and only at a few schools). But think about it this way: you already have to be kind of drunk to start law school in 2012 anyway.

Earlier this week, we did a story about kids drinking in the law school library. Now we’re getting word that a law school mixer, a freaking first week meet-and-greet, turned so drunken that people were passed out “half naked” in the bathrooms.

I’m telling you, we’re going to get stories like this throughout the 2012-2013 year. We’ve already pretty much established that people applying to law school now are dumber (at least by LSAT scores) than people in previous years. I think that as it sinks in for these 1Ls that all the information they ignored before showing up on campus was true, they will increasingly turn to the bottle….

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What, No Double-Secret Probation? Frat Sues School for $10 Million Over Suspension

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As a member of a Greek life organization, you’ll be able to learn some very important lessons with the help of your brothers and sisters. For example, you’ll learn how to mix various types of liquor to create drinks that only the bravest of human beings can stomach; how to stop funneling like you’re drinking from a teacup; how to send passive-aggressive emails; how to evade police questioning; and, most importantly, how to fight for your right to party.

That last skill is coming in handy for a fraternity at Miami University in Ohio. After being suspended for their drunken antics, the frat sued the school in a $10 million lawsuit, claiming that university officials “acted recklessly and maliciously” in imposing punishment on the frat brothers. Not only did the school interfere with their right to party, but it apparently did so in an unconstitutional manner.

This sounds like Animal House, but without the double-secret probation….

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Why Don’t We Just Do It In The Road? Because Pervy Police Workers Might Want the Tape

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Kids will be kids, right? And sometimes the exuberance of youth (and copious amounts of booze) leads lovestruck young folks to make unwise decisions — like having sex in the street.

In the old days, a beat cop would throw you in the drunk tank and let you cool off… but, oh, how things have changed in the 21st century.

After watching a soccer match at a pub this summer, one of England’s 17 zillion security cameras caught a British couple doin’ the nasty in the street. An officer was sent to break up the party of two.

But that wasn’t the end of it. A randy police employee allegedly downloaded the file, and now he’s in trouble…

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