Drinking

When CBS told Judge Joe Brown that he was getting canceled in March, it seemed as though the world would lose its second-favorite celebu-judge.

Thankfully, Judge Brown has not become a stranger. Hitting the town the other night, Judge Joe Brown allowed himself to be taped in an impromptu interview with other revelers. And what interview is complete without some young hotties draped around the subject?

No, the Judge has not gone gently into that good night.

He may have stumbled though…

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* Former federal prosecutor Moe Fodeman of Wilson Sonsini breaks down the case against Walter White. Spoiler: Fodeman thinks Orange Is the New Black for White. [Esquire Culture Blog]

* President Obama joins the chorus calling for an end to the 3L year. But when will students take all those Law and “Running a Massive Domestic Spying Operation” seminars? [Buzzfeed]

* At the end of this HuffPost Live clip, Elie suggests anti-gay clergy should unsubscribe from the Bravo network. Seems unfair to those who enjoy watching “Real Housewives of the Provo Tabernacle.” [HuffPo Live]

* Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant formed a dominant NBA Jam team. But without Grant, Pippen got dismantled by the duo of Easterbrook and Posner (and Williams). [FindLaw]

* Jim Beam has resuscitated Seinfeld attorney Jackie Chiles in a new ad campaign about suing bears for stealing honey. It mkaes slightly more sense when you see the whole ad. Slightly. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Judge E. Curtissa Colfield seems to have gotten a little drunker than she thought the other night and started berating cops. Maybe drinking is why she had that problem getting those decisions issued on time. [Legal Juice]

* Is rapping about crime probative to charges of committing a crime? Both the majority and dissenting opinion are worth a read. [Las Vegas Law Blog]

* Speaking of…. Taking the Notorious R.B.G. label seriously, here’s some SCOTUS-themed lyrics to Biggie’s Juicy. Embed after the jump….

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Cab drivers are trusted with a sacred responsibility in our society. They must drive our drunkest and most helpless citizens home when these individuals are well past the point of being able to take care of themselves. Cabbies are the modern Charon, ferrying souls across the river Budweiser so that they arrive safely to their appointed hangovers from hell.

Cabbies who violate this trust should be hunted down and punished with the full force of the law. If you can’t trust an immigrant stranger to take care of you and your belongings when you are too drunk to stand, let alone defend yourself, then the whole system breaks down.

A lawyer and local New Orleans celebrity got drunk and sloppy coming home from Bourbon Street. She alleges that her cab driver took advantage of her by recording upskirt pictures of her and her junk, then tried to extort her for money in exchange for the photos.

I know what you’re all thinking: “Why can’t this kind of thing happen to Nancy Grace?” Sometimes life’s not fair. But despite her embarrassment, this attorney did the right thing and went to the police, and now the cabbie is under arrest…

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Women get into bars and clubs for free. Men don’t. This isn’t rocket science. It’s just a way of life.

But one lawyer — one with a particularly prestigious past — has been filing lawsuits alleging gender discrimination and human rights violations, all for want of entry-fee parity at bars and clubs, for at least the last decade. He loses every single time, but that’s not going to stop him from waging his war against feminist club policies any time soon.

And now that he’s a little bit older and a whole lot grayer, he’s added age discrimination to the docket. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks — and you certainly can’t stop an old dog from comparing his trials and tribulations as the resident geriatric dude in the club to rampant racism in the Deep South before desegregation…

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Discriminatory bottle service for old dudes?

* When it comes to the Affordable Care Act’s contraception coverage mandate, corporate personhood only goes so far. Religious freedoms apply to human beings, not their businesses, and the Third Circuit agrees. [New York Times]

* According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the legal sector added 2,800 jobs in July after major losses in the two months prior. We’re sure that the eleventy billion members of the class of 2013 will be very pleased. [Am Law Daily]

* Not a Nigerian scam: Biglaw firms in Washington, D.C. — like Covington & Burling, Greenberg Traurig, and Williams Mullen — are busy chasing business in Africa. [Capital Business / Washington Post]

* A New Jersey municipal judge faces ethics charges due to his “extra-judicial activities” with an exotic dancer. It seems she appeared before him in his courtroom and in his bed. [New Jersey Law Journal]

* Tawana Brawley, the woman who dragged a New York prosecutor into an elaborate rape hoax (complete with race-baiting), is finally making payments on a defamation verdict. [New York Post]

* “Either I’m a stupid lawyer, or I’m stupid for thinking the court will enforce the rights of guys.” Former Cravath attorney and men’s rights advocate Roy Den Hollander is at it again. [New York Daily News]

* Morehouse College will be the fifth undergraduate school in the nation to publish a law journal. This is basically a case study in what it means to begin law school gunning while in college. [Daily Report]

* Things are pretty dire for New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. Not even “that [law grad] who takes pictures of himself in his underwear in the mirror” would vote for him. [Delaware News Journal]

* Julius Chambers, famous civil rights lawyer and former leader of the NAACP LDF, RIP. [NBC News]

As bar exam week wraps up, we have some delightful stories about how people celebrated the completion of what could be the last test they’ll ever take.

None of these stories are coming out of Massachusetts, which means that none of these people finished the bar while being harassed about their fundamental religious rights. Instead, we have stories about beer and (unrelated) car accidents.

But we’re going to start with the guy who left the bar exam in a limo, because clearly that’s the right thing to do…

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* A DWI attorney shows up to court drunk. Kicker? He was in the wrong courtroom. Still, the best way to defend a client is to stumble a mile in their shoes. [KRQE]

* A sitting appellate judge shares his poetic stylings. [Law Poetry]

* Here’s a brutally honest letter from a hypothetical senior Biglaw partner to a new associate. Since this week established that we need to point this out, this is a satirical letter. [Associate's Mind]

* Well, this is a pretty comprehensive tirade against a judge. It makes calling a judge a “cock” seem tame. [Legal Juice]

* Harvard Professor Noah Feldman talks about democracy. He thinks monarchies have funny traditions. I guess he’s talking about the royal family of Canada. [Zach Talks]

* EA can’t use the First Amendment to get out of the right of publicity problem it faces with its college football video game. And the death watch on the NCAA continues. [IT-Lex]

‘Man, I could really use a soda.’

It turns out that I care about the global population of sharks way, way more than I care about the epidemic of obese people in New York. Not only that, but I have much more faith in the ability of laws and governments to do something to protect sharks than they can protect fat people from themselves.

Today has been an interesting day for the nanny state. An appeals court has once again knocked down knocked down New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s overbroad soda ban. And New York Governor Andrew Cuomo signed legislation banning the sale of shark-fin soup in New York.

I couldn’t be happier with both developments…

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Why would a lawyer think that being a lawyer would help him get into this place?

I get it, having to stand in line to get into a club is annoying. It’s emasculating. You feel if you were more famous or important or rich, you’d be let in right away. And usually you’re right. Standing in line for a club is like public confirmation that you are not that cool.

But let me tell you something, saying “I’m a lawyer” doesn’t make you cool. In fact, it creates a rebuttable presumption that you are an uncool d-bag who says things like “rebuttable presumption.” Certainly, flashing your little “lawyer badge” that you got from the prosecutor’s or attorney general’s office is not going to help you cut in line. You really think these bouncers want your judgmental and probably litigious ass up in their clubs?

Earlier this year, we had a Florida prosecutor you tried to use his badge to get into a strip club. Now we have another Floridan who thinks being a lawyer should get him ahead, but instead it just got him arrested…

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The remnants of the Grateful Dead (Furthur) came to town last week. I was unable to attend, as I was putting on a five-hour benefit show the next day, and I knew a party the night before would not be good for me. Well, the band only got part way into the second set before stopping the show due to “weather.” Granted, there were thunderstorms about, as a cold front was finally lifting the oppressive heat wave of July 2013. But no rain was reported at the venue, and no “weather” ever materialized. Putting on my foil-hat character for a bit tells me that Bobby is still not well, or recovered enough from his bout with something or other earlier this summer. YouTube the clip of “Bob Weir falling” and see for yourself. It is not only sad to see a legend in the throes of some sort of addiction, but it is frustrating as a fan — to pay good money for a show, only to have to leave early because one of the stars couldn’t keep it together.

I have written before about mental illness in the profession, but a more insidious and pervasive issue is alcohol and drug dependency. Everyone who uses has their own story and background about how they got into alcohol or drug use, but I want to focus on the atmosphere in the legal profession: that you cannot have a gathering of attorneys without letting the booze flow. Beginning as a summer associate, and on through your career, wherever you end up, alcoholic beverages, and to a lesser extent drugs, become an omnipresent factor in your daily life. I am not here to preach or judge, just to offer a cautionary tale.

It might also have to do with the fact the we are boring as hell when in a group, and the only way to loosen up is to imbibe….

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