Drugs

Ward v. Arm & Hammer: What Do You Think?

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Remember this great lawsuit, which we wrote about last week? In case you don’t, here’s a quick recap:
pro se Ward 0.JPG
Summary: Pro se litigant George Allen Ward is suing Arm & Hammer and its corporate parent, Church & Dwight, for $425 million. His theory of liability: failure to warn. The company failed to warn him that if he cooked up THEIR PRODUCT, baking soda, with cocaine, he might end up serving a 200-month prison sentence on crack cocaine charges. You can read the full pleading here.
Opinion among ATL commenters was deeply divided. Some found the lawsuit almost offensive in its frivolousness, while others viewed it as presenting a colorable claim.
What do you think? We’d like to know (because commenters aren’t always representative of our entire readership). Time for a quick poll:

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Earlier: The Fine Line Separating Pro Se Litigants, Plaintiffs’ Lawyers, and Law Professors

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The Fine Line Separating Pro Se Litigants, Plaintiffs’ Lawyers, and Law Professors

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Remember the Best Notice of Appeal Ever? We’ve finally found a filing that tops it.
Pro se litigants, plaintiffs’ lawyers, and law professors all share the ability to “think outside the box.” They come up with novel and creative theories of liability — ones that courts have never entertained before.
Some are crazy. Some are brilliant. And some fall somewhere in between. Consider this civil complaint:
pro se Ward 0.JPG
Summary: Pro se litigant George Allen Ward is suing Arm & Hammer and its corporate parent, Church & Dwight, for $425 million. His theory of liability: failure to warn. The company failed to warn him that if he cooked up THEIR PRODUCT, baking soda, with cocaine, he might end up serving a 200-month prison sentence on crack cocaine charges.
Ward argues that Arm & Hammer should add one of these warnings to boxes of baking soda:

“The use of this product with illegal drugs is punishable by law and is prohibited.”

“The use of this product with illegal drugs is punishable by enhanced penalties by the laws of the United States of America.”

This is just the beginning; the whole complaint is genius. It’s strangely compelling, and it gets better with every page. Also, we think it might fly in the Ninth Circuit.
We reprint the rest of the pleading after the jump. Enjoy!

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “The Fine Line Separating Pro Se Litigants, Plaintiffs’ Lawyers, and Law Professors”

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.12.06

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Traffic the Movie Above the Law.jpg* Fear not, you can continue the inexplicable and somewhat cheap practice of wearing buttons of your slain loved one when attending the trial of the accused perpetrator. [The Buck Stops Here]
* Think of the occasional theft as a write-off, which of course is moot since you’re not paying taxes anyway. And then rent Traffic, you clueless surburban kid. Disclaimer: I attended a suburban high school (but I never inhaled). [Sui Generis]
* Illinois wants to make it even easier for you to get out of jury duty. [Concurring Opinions]
* The choice of law school over medical school has its roots in our rather iffy math skills; but this is Yale Law, where the career center’s number-heavy cheat-sheet on the whole billable hours thing assumes (correctly) YLS students are the s**t all-around. [Precedent: The New Rules of Law and Style]
* We think that this four-year-old’s parents may have tried explaining the birds and the bees using such technical terms as “special hug.” We’re hoping that he did not use sound effects during the alleged, er, breast nuzzling. [Waco Tribune]
* An additional bullet-point to add to my disturbingly endless “Why Video Games Creep the Hell Out of Me” list. [San Francisco Chronicle]

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The Honorable Nicole Richie?

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Nicole Richie Above the Law pic pics.jpgAfter driving her SUV the wrong way down a freeway, famine victim reality TV star Nicole Richie was arrested yesterday for driving under the influence (Vicodin and pot, allegedly). Perhaps she’s gearing up for “The Simple Life: Behind Bars”?
Seriously, though, we doubt Richie will do any prison time. She’s in the capable hands of Howard L. Weitzman, a prominent criminal defense lawyer who has represented oodles of celebrities over the years (e.g., John De Lorean, Michael Jackson, Ozzy Osbourne, and even O.J. Simpson (briefly)).
And this cloud has a silver lining. Now that she has a DUI arrest on her record, Nicole Richie is eligible for a state court judgeship.
Speaking of state judges and DUI arrests, our reader poll is now over. We asked you:

Who acted more stupidly? Judge Patrick Young, for driving under the influence, with a senior colleague as a passenger? Or Chief Judge Jan Fiss, for getting into the car with an inebriated colleague, and then trying to empty his tinnie by the side of the road?

Chief Judge Fiss won by a healthy margin: 64 percent to 36 percent. This makes sense to us. As the senior member of the panel, he really should have known better.
Nicole Richie Popped for DUI [TMZ.com]
Earlier: Judges of the Day: Patrick Young and Jan Fiss

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Morning Docket: 12.04.06

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* You have a right to a jury trial, whether you want it or not. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution via How Appealing]
* Santa’s big behind is gonna make kids want to drink beer?. [CNN]
* Now my case is at the Supreme Court, and I know why; because I got high, because I got high, because I got high… [WSJ Law Blog]
* It’s sad when otherwise good people get sucked into the seedy underbelly of the Arizona bingo scene. [MSNBC]
* Nice try, Jane, but a little too late to get your job on the Intelligence Committee back. [Jurist]

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Bong Hits 4 SCOTUS

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marijuana pipe Above the Law.jpgGood stuff.
And they agreed to hear two other cases: a taxpayer lawsuit, and an appeal involving the Interior Department’s Bureau of Land Management. Control your excitement, people.
Tom Goldstein is a bit peeved at how late the Court is granting certiorari. This leaves relatively little time between the cert grant and the argument, which has unfortunate consequences:

The failure to adapt the briefing schedule to the smaller size of the Court’s docket produces expedited briefs that are less thorough and helpful to the Justices and creates a recurring cycle in which it is necessary to apply still more expedited schedules.

But we’re not shedding tears for the attorneys whose cases get granted. The opportunity to brief and argue a case before the U.S. Supreme Court is once-in-a-lifetime experience. Suck it up and deal, people.
(Of course, Goldstein — a veteran Supreme Court litigator — probably doesn’t quite the same thrill from strutting his stuff at One First Street as SCOTUS virgins.)
Supreme Court Takes ‘Bong Hits 4 Jesus’ Case [New York Times]
Court grants three cases [SCOTUSblog]
An Update on the State of the Docket [SCOTUSblog]

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Morning Docket: 11.29.06

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* The DOJ’s IG, its equivalent of the GAO, will investigate the NSA’s warrantless issuance of acronyms. [Law.com]
* Disecting the Chief Justice’s humor… lawyer style. [WSJ Law Blog]
* No name-calling: Court strikes down President’s power to designate terror groups. [MSNBC]
* Back in the Dogg pound: this time charges include “having a false compartment in a vehicle.” [CNN]

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Non-Sequiturs: 10.27.06

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* It was either this cautionary tidbit — courtesy of Tawny Kitaen, Chuck Finley’s battering ex-wife and Whitesnake video girl — or Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock’s divorce. And you already knew about the latter. [E! Online via Yahoo News]
* It’s just a peace sign, not a full-page New York Times ad. [QuizLaw]
* And in the very near future, Law & Order will rip a new one from the headlines. [Ernie the Attorney]
* Life is a series of bait-and-switches. Or how else would people get married or work at law firms? And the circle of life continues. [Law.com]

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Morning Docket: 11.27.06

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Janet Reno Above the Law.jpg* Several federal law all-stars have filed amicus briefs in the 4th Circuit — which means a lucky clerk now has Janet Reno’s autograph! [SCOTUSBlog]
* Gun makers challenge a finding that lawsuits are legal. [Indy Star via How Appealing]
* “A lineup of legal heavyweights unusual even by Supreme Court standards is doing battle in a case pitting Wachovia Corp. against Michigan banking regulators.” [Bloomberg via How Appealing]
* Appellate law 101: Careful what you say at oral argument, they’re kind of picky about accuracy. [CNN]
* “Marijuana-for-homework mom gets 3 months.” [MSNBC]

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Non-Sequiturs: 11.17.06

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nacho pyramid Nacho Libre Above the Law.jpg* If you’re going to ban junk food ads, then bring back the cigarette ads! Nothing is as glamorous as a hot girl/guy smoking languorously. I’m only half kidding. [The Guardian]
* It’s great that attorneys have lives outside the law, but these people are probably the type who refer to themselves (and by “themselves,” I mean each of their “personas”) in the third person. [ABA Journal eReport]
* Although still not legal for non-medical purposes, much to Woody Harrelson’s chagrin. [Hit & Run]

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