Judging from tips we receive and comments we read when we post about affirmative action, it seems that a whole lot of white guys in Biglaw feel disenfranchised by all this “diversity” talk. They complain when law firms have special scholarships for minorities, “diversity networking forums” for various groups, and, worst of all, cocktail parties for the gays.

If you’re an angry white male lawyer, and if you work in Chicago, you might want to attend this event:

White Men and Diversity: A Candid Dialogue

Tuesday, May 20, 2008
12:00 - 1:30 p.m.
The Offices of Katten Muchin Rosenman LLP
Chicago, Illinois

The Committee on Racial and Ethnic Diversity, in conjunction with the Chicago Committee on Minorities in Large Law Firms, will host a panel discussion entitled, White Men and Diversity: A Candid Dialogue on Tuesday, May 20 from 12:00 - 1:30 p.m.

This interactive panel discussion featuring William Von Hoene, Jr. (Executive VP, General Counsel, Exelon Corporation), Robert Yates (Editor, Chicago Lawyer) and Lawrence Gray (Partner, Locke Lord Bissell & Liddell) and moderated by Dr. Arin N. Reeves will begin a candid dialogue on white men’s perspectives on diversity efforts, the ways in which they feel included in and excluded by diversity initiatives in the legal profession, and insights on ways in which white men can become and stay engaged in creating a more diverse legal profession.

The emphasis on “candid” dialogue is intriguing. Does Katten expect its white males to show up and spout politically incorrect statements? White Males of Katten: don’t take the bait! They’re waiting to escort you from the building the moment you question why women and minority lawyers always get staffed on matters for certain clients. (Answer: It’s because the clients demand it, which explains pretty much everything in Biglaw.)

In all seriousness, White Males of Katten, we’d counsel against an excess of “candor” at said event. Complaining bitterly about how diversity initiatives are screwing you over won’t put you on the fast track to partnership. Just work hard and keep your mouth shut. Or get a sex change AND claim lesbian status (which would double your diversity value, while still allowing you to get with women).

As for the panel’s exploration of “ways in which white men can help create a more diverse legal profession,” here’s one answer: THEY CAN LEAVE.

P.S. We expected this event to be open to the public, since it is up on the web, co-sponsored by the Chicago Committee on Minorities in Large Law Firms, and featuring non-Katten panelists. But we contacted Katten and learned that, sadly, it’s not. If you work at another firm, dialogue candidly on your own time.

UPDATE / CORRECTION: As it turns out, this event IS free and open to the public. We received this correction, from a Katten representative:

The White Men & Diversity event about which you inquired is a Chicago Committee on Minorities in Large Law Firms event that is being hosted by Katten. The event is open to the public, and there is no charge for the event. Please let me know if you have further questions about this event. Thank you.

White Men and Diversity: A Candid Dialogue [Katten — Committee on Racial and Ethnic Diversity]

You don’t have to take our word for it. Just attend “Backpack Awareness Day” at Georgetown:

Backpack Awareness Day
Join us in the Chapel Area
1:30-3:30 p.m.
September 20th

Tips to Prevent Back Problems:

- Wear both straps to distribute the weight evenly

- Wear the backpack resting evenly over the middle of the back. The backpack should not extend below the low back

- Adjust the straps so they are not too loose but still allow for free arm movement and ease in putting on and taking off the backpack

- Carry only those items needed for the day with the heaviest items closest to the back

- When selecting a backpack, choose one with

- A padded back
- Hip and chest belts
- Multiple compartments
- Reflective material to enhance visibility at night

Who knew that wearing a backpack could be so hard?

As weird Georgetown Law events go, Backpack Awareness Day isn’t as much fun as GULC’s yearly 1L moustache contest. That competition, which “renders the male 1L population even more unattractive than usual during finals period,” features “a dog show-style competition, kegs, professors judging, drunk spectators, 2L interlopers, and a Burt Reynolds commemorative plate for winner.”

But if you’re desperate for a way to procrastinate, perhaps Backpack Awareness Day will do the trick.

Moustache Law [official website]

Greedy law firm associates view ATL as a helpful resource. But what about Biglaw partners? They’re greedy too, y’know.

Well, here’s something for all you partners out there. A tipster alerted us to this audio conference, taking place later this month:

*************************************************
IOMA AUDIO CONFERENCES!

ASSOCIATE COMPENSATION:

STRATEGIES TO ATTACK PAY PLANS THAT DRAIN PARTNER PROFITS

September 20, 2007 * 2:00 - 3:30 PM

REGISTER TODAY!
*************************************************

The full conference description, plus commentary, after the jump.

We’re up in New York right now for a symposium on legal writing at New York Law School. Topics to be covered include both legal academic writing, for student-run law reviews, as well as writing about legal affairs for a lay audience (e.g., through legal journalism and blogging).

The comfortable, well-lit classroom that we’re in right now has excellent wireless internet access. So we will be blogging, both about the conference and non-conference subjects, throughout the day.

P.S. We think this conference will be very worthwhile. We’re only applying the “Dubious Conferences” tag because we’re quite proud of it, and don’t get to use it enough.

Writing About the Law: From Bluebook to Blogs and Beyond [New York Law School]

The former, actually. But when it shows up in next year’s Yale Law School course catalog, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Personally we find beer kinda gross — bitter and foul-tasting. But for those of you who enjoy this beverage, check out this conference, taking place later today at the University of Oregon law school:

It’s not all malt and hops - Oregon’s brewers face an array of legal issues from intellectual property law to fundamental constitutional questions.

The 2006 Law of Beer Symposium features panelists from Oregon’s Rogue Ales and the former director of Oregon Brewer’s Guild.

It takes place on Thursday, November 16 at 7:00 P.M. in Room 110, Knight Law Center, 1515 Agate Street in Eugene. The event is sponsored by the Law and Entrepreneurship Student Association.

The IP angle we can understand, but we’re not sure about the Con Law perspective. Granholm v. Heald was about the interstate shipment of wine, not beer. South Dakota v. Dole isn’t really about beer, but about the drinking age more generally (and the spending power). And we don’t think the wheat being grown in Wickard v. Fillburn was destined to be turned into hefeweizen.

But we haven’t thought a lot about this or researched the subject. Please feel free to enlighten us as to the “fundamental constitutional questions” implicated by chugging an ice-cold Heineken.

The Law of Beer [University of Oregon School of Law]
Beer Symposium Today at Oregon [TaxProf Blog]

For those of you in the New York area, our current location — we’re up visiting from Washington, DC — here’s an event next month you might be interested in:

Sunday - Tuesday, October 22-24, 2006
Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law

Three-day conference: “Jews and the Legal Profession”, at 55 Fifth Avenue at 12th Street.

Participants include Alan Dershowitz, Stuart Eizenstat, and many others. For more information and registration, please e-mail xxx@yahoo.com or call 212-xxx-xxxx.

Other conferences you might enjoy:

— “Japanese Chefs and Sushi Preparation”

— “Koreans and the Dry Cleaning Industry”

— “Filipinos and the Domestic Arts”

We’re sticking to the Asians ‘cause, well, that’s what we are.*

Here is the conference’s website. We suggest that the organizers reach out to the “Jews and Web Page Design” crew.

Jews and the Legal Profession [Cardozo Law School]

* Three notes of preemptive defense: (1) it’s not “racist” to note that certain racial or ethnic groups make up a disproportionate percentage of a particular profession or industry; (2) this is less objectionable than a lot of material you’d see on The Daily Show, SNL, etc.; (3) we are not commenting, negatively or positively, on the contributions Jews have made to the legal profession. We’re merely suggesting that, in the grand scheme of things, there are more urgent topics out there to hold conferences about. Thank you.