There are two camps of people at the gym. There are the ones who quietly do their workout, bop to their iPod tunes on the elliptical, do some bicep curls, do some stretching, then go on their merry way, without trying to engage fellow gym users.

Then there's the camp that likes to attract attention. They're the ones who smell funny, wear weird workout clothing, hover over you until you're done using the machine they want, or make incredibly loud grunts and noises that manage to annoy you through your iPod headphones.

Our friends at sister blog Dealbreaker have been following the story of a New York stockbroker who decided he wasn't going to let that camp go unpunished. Now the case is being prosecuted. From the New York Sun:

On a summer night last year, the Studio Cycling Room at the Equinox Fitness Club on 85th Street and Third Avenue became the scene of a crime, prosecutors say, after two men, each ill-suited for group exercise in his own way, clashed over the appropriateness of making noise during a strenuous workout.

For Stuart Sugarman, 48, any amount of noise goes. From the witness stand in Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday, Mr. Sugarman told a jury about grunting during a good workout and releasing exclamations of "you go girl," and "great song."...

The evidence suggests that Mr. Carter, a stockbroker, preferred a quieter workout than Mr. Sugarman was prepared to allow his fellow cyclists.... First he cursed at Mr. Sugarman. Then he got off his bicycle to go talk with a class instructor about getting Mr. Sugarman to quiet down. Finally, Dr. Sandel testified, Mr. Carter went over to Mr. Sugarman's bike and lifted the front end off the ground, then dropped it back down, with Mr. Sugarman atop it all the while.

Sugarman says he suffered a concussion, a herniated disc, and a sustained fear of exercise, and Carter is being tried for assault. Dealbreaker reports that in court yesterday, a witness testified that when "Christopher Carter (the thrower) told Stuart Sugarman (the throwee) to shut up initially, Sugarman responded, 'Make me.'"

You go, boy!

Details Are Spun in Spinning Class Rage Case [New York Sun]
Spinning Out Of Control Because The Guy Next To You Won't Pipe Down-- A-Okay? and "No, You Shut Up," "No, You Shut Up," "You Shut Up," "You Shut Up" [Dealbreaker]
Grunting in East Side Gym Class Leads to Hospital, and to Court [New York Times]

We received over 1,600 responses to yesterday's ATL / Lateral Link survey on your law firm weight gain. Overall, you've gained a ton. Or more.

As one commenter put it:

NY to 350!

...lbs. that is...

Well, ok, it wasn't quite that bad, but two thirds of you who are currently practicing law have gained weight:

  * 13.78% of respondents gained 1 to 5 pounds.
  * 13.36% of respondents gained 6 to 10 pounds.
  * 14.13% of respondents gained 11 to 15 pounds.
  * 6.78% of respondents gained 16 to 20 pounds.
  * 6.71% of respondents gained 21 to 25 pounds.
  * 4.59% of respondents gained 26 to 30 pounds.
  * 7.35% of respondents -- and roughly a fifth of respondents who graduated in 2002 or earlier -- gained more than 30 pounds.

Just under 12% of you stayed the same. And a fifth of you are bastards reported that you lost weight:

  * 5.72% of respondents lost 1 to 5 pounds.
  * 4.73% of respondents lost 6 to 10 pounds.
  * 3.82% of respondents lost 11 to 15 pounds.
  * 1.55% of respondents lost 16 to 20 pounds.
  * 1.55% of respondents lost 21 to 25 pounds.
  * 0.71% of respondents lost 26 to 30 pounds.
  * 2.69% of respondents lost more than 30 pounds.

Most respondents are eating in the office, grabbing food from restaurants, and enjoying a sedentary lifestyle:

  * About three quarters of respondents who are currently practicing law eat at least five meals a week at their firms.
  * About two thirds get at least five meals a week from restaurants.
  * Although roughly two fifths of respondents said their firms have gyms (25% have free gyms, 15% are at firms with subsidized gyms, and 2% are at firms with no discount), 60% of these respondents "never" use their firm gym, and 20% work out only once or twice a week.

Law students fared better, but still not that well, with roughly 55% gaining weight, and just under a third losing weight. Law students were just about as likely as practicing attorneys to gain 15 or fewer pounds, but a bit less likely to gain more, and a bit more likely to lose 15 or fewer pounds. Clearly, there's room for more recruiting lunches.

So, overall, don't you feel better about yourself now?

Today's ATL / Lateral Link survey focuses on weighty matters. Literally.

In an interesting counterweight (as it were) to Kash's post about prison weight loss litigation yesterday, the Chicago Tribune had a story on a proposed law in Massachusetts that would ban discrimination based on weight. (Apparently, Michigan, the District of Columbia, San Francisco, and Madison, Wisconsin already have similar anti-discrimination provisions in place.)

Since Daily Kos has already "stolen" a poll on whether the law's a good idea, I won't ask that here -- although those of you with an appetite for debate can weigh in in the comments. But while weight debates hang heavy in the air, what I will ask is whether your time in law has expanded more than just your acumen.

So, have your salad days as an associate or law student yielded a beefier frame?

Has partnership given you more substance?

If you're an employee of the U.S. Department of Justice, and your name isn't Susana Lorenzo-Giguere, your job probably doesn't have many perks. They toss a few four-dollar meatballs your way, and public outcry ensues.

And now you can't even go to the office gym, thanks to a potential outbreak of staph infections, aka "Staphylococcus aureus." All three DOJ fitness centers are being closed for "a thorough cleaning" (which makes you wonder how "thorough" the regular cleanings are).

First the rat-ridden day care center, and now this. What next for the DOJ's beleaguered employees?

These are not the easiest times to be at the DOJ. In the wake of the U.S. Attorneys firing controversy, the Justice Department has been plagued by a leadership vacuum (not just in terms of no Attorney General, but a very high number of acting AAGs). It has also suffered from a loss of public respect and low employee morale.

But no gym? To quote Justice Scalia, "this is really more than one should have to bear."

The memo, which includes tips for preventing infection that everyone should read, appears after the jump.

We're guessing you've all seen this video of 1,500 Filipino prisoners dancing to Michael Jackson's "Thriller." It has been discussed all over the blogosphere and MSM. E.g, Gawker; Concurring Opinions; Times of London.

(We're just surprised that sentencing guru Doug Berman -- who, by the way, moderated a great panel on the federal sentencing guidelines at the recent ACS convention we attended (and will write about later) -- hasn't weighed in on this innovative approach to criminal punishment.)

In case you haven't seen it, here's the clip:

Pretty cool, eh? Professor Charles Nesson of Harvard Law School quipped, "I want to meet the warden."

Well, Professor Nesson, we can help. As it turns out, Byron Garcia -- the prison official who came up with this idea, and uploaded the video clip to YouTube -- is our uncle!

You can read our correspondence with Tito Byron, after the jump.

As we mentioned yesterday, over the next week or two we'll be doing a series of posts on fringe benefits at law firms. Each day we'll have a post dedicated to discussion of a specific type of perk.

Today's fringe benefit: gym memberships. Although you might never have guessed, based on the proliferation of pasty and portly associates, many top law firms offer free or discounted gym memberships for their lawyers.

Some firms even have on-site gyms. The market leader here may be Skadden, which has gyms in some of its larger offices, like New York and Washington. We've visited the gym of Skadden DC, and it's impressive. Personal trainers are available, and they'll even furnish you with freshly laundered workout clothes, emblazoned with the Skadden logo (down to jockstraps -- although we don't think those have the logo).

An in-house gym is great. You can head down for an afternoon pick-me-up, before settling in for the evening session of work. Or you can squeeze in a quick work-out while waiting for word processing to turn around some document.

But exercising with co-workers has its downsides. When we were at a firm, a former colleague who worked out at the super-high-end gym frequented by partners once returned in a shellshocked state. She declared: "I just saw [partner X] on the elliptical. In a tank top and short-shorts. I didn't need to see that."

Please discuss free or discounted gym memberships, in-house exercise rooms, and similar law firm perks, in the comments. Thanks.

Earlier: An Open Thread on Tech Allowances

Sunday's NYT sports section features a short interview with our favorite NFL referee, Ed Hochuli. Hochuli is a minor celebrity among football fans for two things: his brawny physique and the commendably detailed on-field explanations he gives when announcing penalties and other calls.

He's also a partner in the Phoenix law firm of Jones, Skelton, and Hochuli.

From the interview:

YOU WORK AS A REFEREE AND A LAWYER?

I am a full-time civil litigator and a full-time referee. I go and defend in court. The two jobs have a lot in common.

YOU APPEAR TO TAKE WORKING OUT SERIOUSLY.

I do. I do cardio, at least an hour, sometimes more, every day. I lift weights four days a week for another hour.

If you want to feel like a total slob, read all the details of Hochuli's diet and workout regimen here. And for the next time you're debating whether to go for a run or merely dash down the hall to the vending machine, you can buy "What Would Ed Hochuli Do?" merchandise here.

Is it any surprise that this strapping specimen of manhood has fathered six children?

We wonder what Hochuli is like to work for. Are there any JSH associates out there who'd like to give us a report?

Oh you Harvard Law School kids! We poke some fun at the (rather silly) proposal to rename the HLS sections, which are currently identified by numbers. And then we get grief for it in the comments, including a claim that we "have very little understanding of irony or satire" (even though the survey didn't seem very satirical to us, aside from a single throwaway line about Hogwarts).*

Anyway, to satisfy any defensive HLSers, we'll now publish a tip we received that makes the Law School seem slightly less ridiculous:

[I]t's not the HLS administration's idea to do this; it is basically the idea of a single 1L. I was at the student government meeting in which this idea was first proposed, and it came from a 1L section representative. Because 1L participation is strongly encouraged, no one wanted to shoot him down (even though many people thought the idea was silly).

Someone suggested sending out a poll to see if other students agreed, and if so, the student government would pass on the poll results to the administration. My hunch is that students will vote against it, and regardless the faculty/admin almost certainly would not support the idea. That's the back story.

What a relief! Our faith in Harvard Law School's wise (and super-hot) leader, Dean Elena Kagan, has been restored.

* That same comments thread also included an odd digression on whether there are too many undergraduates at the Hemenway gym. Funny -- when we were in law school, undergrads in the gym were viewed as a GOOD thing...

Earlier: Wherein Harvard Law School Hits Itself Over the Head With a Silly Stick

Yesterday we told you the tale of Aquagirl -- the Clearly Goatlips Cleary Gottlieb summer associate who stripped down to her underwear and dove into the Hudson River. At a summer associate event. At night. At Chelsea Piers. Seriously.

In the comments, some of you updated us on Aquagirl's fate. Now we're happy to bring you this very detailed report:

I worked with [Aquagirl] at Arnold & Porter this summer. On our first day as summers, we were taken to lunch at a nearby restaurant. We were seated at round tables, with at least one partner and one associate at every table. During the lunch, one of the partners asked each of the summers to tell her something funny that had happened to us while we were working at a previous job.

After a few people told their silly, harmless stories, [Aquagirl] was up. She announced to all of us that she was the girl at Cleary that everyone had talked about last summer. She said she hoped no one would hold it against her, and that she could have a fresh start.

Um, talk about uncomfortable situation? I mean, what do you say to that?

What do you say to that? How about "You go, girl!" In a single evening, Aquagirl transformed herself from some random summer associate into a mini-celebrity of the legal profession. And instead of trying to conceal her scandalousness, she OWNED it. Magnificent!!!

One of yesterday's commenters stated that Arnold & Porter "didn't realize her Hudson-jumping proclivities." But our correspondent begs to differ:

[T]he people who interviewed her at Arnold & Porter DID know about what happened to [Aquagirl] at Cleary, and decided to hire her anyway. (Although summer gossip was that she wasn't allowed to participate in alcohol-related afterhours activities; it may very well be that she did not attend events because she was at bar review class.)

I was told that all the summers at A&P got an offer to come back, but she hasn't responded to our email chain about her plans for next year (she's clerking now).

Anyway, we're glad to hear that everything worked out for Aquagirl. Fitzgerald -- F. Scott, not Patrick J. -- famously observed that "there are no second acts in American lives." But, based on Aquagirl's post-scandal success -- an offer from Arnold & Porter, a prestigious federal appellate court clerkship -- it seems there ARE second acts in American law.

Earlier: The Cautionary Tale of Aquagirl

* If it’s about avoiding an intimidating environment, there should be a “No Hot People” rule. What's wrong with grunting if it doesn’t involve intermittent moaning? [Althouse (prior ATL post here)]

* Professor Le comments on a recent Northwestern University study of different ethnic groups’ views of affirmative action. Sometimes things are black and white. Or Asian and Hispanic. More or less. [C.N. Le: The Man, the Myth, the Blog]

* My advice for post-exam conferences if you’ve bombed the exam: Wear something tight, or learn to cry on cue. (No hate-mail, please… this is gender-neutral advice. And a joke.) [PrawfsBlawg]

* Disclaimer: Rape is never funny. But here, it provides the context for the all-too-frequent absurdity of classroom dialogue and the unfortunate extension of said absurdity into the real world legal system. [Quizlaw]

* It’s not like she mooned the President. Geez. [AP via MSNBC]

If you haven't already done so, we recommend that you read this article (and not just 'cause we're featured in it). It's entitled Scuttlebutt Central, by Stephanie Francis Ward, and it's from the November 2006 issue of the ABA Journal.

The piece is a fun and interesting read; check it out for yourself. We'll just comment on one passage that caught our eye:

A Washington, D.C., corporate associate who asked to remain anonymous admits to reading legal gossip blogs daily — a habit he says isn’t unusual among his peers.

“There’s an allure of some of these stories — like the summer associate in New York who took off her clothes and jumped into the Hudson River — so there’s sort of a universal appeal,” he says.

Allow us to supplement the record. According to various reports, the summer associate in question was at the venerable firm of Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton. The incident took place at a charity benefit held at the Chelsea Piers sports and entertainment complex. It turned out to be a fairly big deal because the SA had to be fished out of the river (either by the Coast Guard or an NYPD police boat).

We're not sure if she ended up getting an offer. But given what a summer associate has to do NOT to get an offer -- e.g., first- or second-degree murder (manslaughter, no big deal) -- we wouldn't be surprised if she did.

More juicy details here and here.

Scuttlebutt Central: Legal gossip blogs appeal to a nation of associates hungry for the local scoop [ABA Journal]
Summer Stories [What's Up With Wake Law?]
Summer Associates [CU bLAWg]

This hasn't turned into a lawsuit -- yet. But we can see one coming from a mile away. And local law enforcement did get involved.

So it's appropriate fodder for Above the Law. Here's the story:

You can lift, strain, crunch and sweat all you want at the Planet Fitness in the Dutchess County village. But whatever you do, do not grunt.

Yep, "NO GRUNTING." It says so, in black and white, on a sign posted at the gym. One former member learned the new rule the hard way.

"This is really absurd, especially the part about the grunting," said Al Argibay, a corrections officer who learned first-hand "no grunting" means exactly that.

A corrections officer who likes to grunt? Color us surprised.

Argibay said he was at a multi-press station, getting ready to squat about 500 pounds, when the forbidden sin happened. "I let out a grunt, squatted down, back up, grunt again. That's it," explained Argibay. "Basically, grunt, grunt, basic breathing in heavy, and breathing out."

Grunting is commonplace at most gyms, but not Planet Fitness, which discourages so-called "musclehead behavior."

There's even a flashing light and siren on the wall, labeled a "lunk alarm," which sounds if someone grunts or drops weights on the floor.

[Gym manager Carol] Palazzolo admits she called the cops on Argibay. The Wappingers Falls police report said officers were asked to "escort a member out of the club for grunting while working out... which is not conforming with the rules of the establishment."

Calling the cops may have been an overreaction. But even though the story is written in a "Can you believe this?" tone, we're sympathetic to the gym manager's side of the argument. Exertion at the gym is all well and good. But loud, showy grunting goes too far, and interferes with the workouts of other patrons.

Update: Ann Althouse has a similar reaction.

(Other pet peeves at the gym: super-sweaty people who don't wipe down the equipment after they're done; people who use the weight machines in spastic fashion, generating loud, clanging noises with each rep; and people who hog certain machines, sitting there for minutes on end, and shooting dirty looks at anyone who approaches to ask if they might work in.)

Man Escorted From Planet Fitness Gym For Grunting [WCBS - New York via Drudge Report]

Lately you haven't been sending many legal celebrity sightings our way. C'mon, guys -- we know you can do better. If you harbor doubt as to who constitutes a "legal celebrity" in our book, please review this post.

Due to your delinquency, we'll have to resort to some rather hoary sightings. Here's the first, inspired by our recent post about legal hotshots chowing down:

As for food sightings, I hear that Leonard Leo has his own wine locker at Morton's. One day this past summer, he was there and Miguel Estrada was in the next booth.

For those of you outside the Beltway, Leonard Leo is Grand Poobah of the Federalist Society -- ringmaster of the good Senatrix's "vast right-wing conspiracy." Miguel Estrada -- aka "the kid from Teguicalpa" -- is the brilliant Latino lawyer, and former nominee to the celestial D.C. Circuit, who is often talked about as a possible SCOTUS nominee (in a Republican administration).

And what do great legal minds do to work off all those calories? Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Judge Consuelo Callahan (9th Cir.), and Judge Kathleen Cardone (W.D. Tex.) are aerobics aficionados. And all three, coincidentally, used to teach it. Justice O'Connor led the female law clerks in aerobics at the Supreme Court; Judge Callahan was an instructor at Jack La Lanne Fitness in Stockton, California; and Judge Cardone led classes at EP Fitness in El Paso, Texas.

Meanwhile, Justice David Souter, feeder judges J. Harvie Wilkinson (4th Cir.) and Diarmuid F. O'Scannlain (9th Cir.), and ex-Judge Michael Chertoff (3d Cir.) enjoy running. And they're not the only ones:

An older sighting (March), but a good one. I was driving my car in Georgetown one Sunday morning behind a jogger (blue/black long spandex pants and windbreaker). He was trotting right down the middle of the street, leaving no opportunity to pass on either side.

We followed behind him for about 2 blocks, going an infuriating 4 mph. When he hits the end of the block, he turns and starts jogging the opposite way, and now he's heading straight in our direction. It was unmistakably Justice Stephen Breyer.

We commend Justice Breyer for his fitness regimen (which may explain why he's one of the more svelte of the justices). But please, Your Honor -- show some consideration for the motorists.

(Yeah, we know -- those brick sidewalks in Georgetown can be a real bitch. But remember the words of Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger.")