Fabulosity

A Random Friday Poll: The Hairstyles of Judge Janice Rogers Brown

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janice rogers brown two hairstyles.JPGOn Fridays, we administer random reader polls here at Above the Law. Last week, for example, we asked you to vote for your Favorite Supreme Court Justice.
(That poll is now closed — and Justice Scalia won, in case you’re wondering. But we’re still taking votes in our poll for LEAST Favorite Supreme Court Justice.)
Today’s poll is a little less weighty. It relates to Judge Janice Rogers Brown, who currently sits on the super-prestigious D.C. Circuit (from whence many Supreme Court justices have come).
Judge Brown, a former justice of the California Supreme Court, is a smart, outspoken judicial conservative — a judicial diva, if you will. She also happens to be an African-American woman. Not surprisingly, JRB is frequently mentioned as a possible Supreme Court nominee in a Republican administration.
Enough background. For your reference, the top right photo is “Bangs Janice,” and the bottom right photo is “Perm Janice.” Here’s the poll:

Which hairstyle is better for Judge Janice Rogers Brown of the D.C. Circuit?
Bangs Janice
Perm Janice
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


We look forward to the results. Thanks for voting!
A Preemptive Rebuttal to the P.C. Police: We do NOT need your lectures on the long and complex history of African-American women and their hairstyles. We are NOT making any grand statement on issues of self-image and self-representation, the highly charged intersection of racism and feminism, or any other weighty subject.
This poll is nothing more than the federal judicial version of the “which look is better” polls that appear in celebrity mags like US Weekly and In Touch. We just want to find out which JRB hairstyle our readers prefer. (We have an opinion, but we’ll keep it to ourselves for now.)
In future polls, we will ask ATL readers about the hair and fashion choices of lawyers and judges from every conceivable demographic group. So don’t read anything into this poll. We’re starting with Janice Rogers Brown because, well, we think she’s magnificent. And we want her to have the full benefit of these poll results as she styles herself for future public appearances.

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Lady and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: Wedding Photos That Rock

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“Okay, Judge Bork. Smile and say ‘The Original Understanding’!!!”

(Also: Is that Harvard Law prof Laurence Tribe standing behind Robert Bork, or just someone who looks a lot like him?)

Earlier this week, we gave you a detailed report about the fabulous nuptials of Ted Olson — the winning lawyer in Bush v. Gore, former Solicitor General, and current Gibson Dunn partner — and his beautiful and brilliant bride, Lady Booth.* The Olson wedding was attended by the crème de la crème of D.C. and conservative legal circles.

Now we have an update to our prior coverage, an ATL exclusive: WEDDING PICTURES!!! And they’re not boring, like the ones your college roommate makes you look at every time you visit her house. Did Justice Sandra Day O’Connor attend your college roommate’s wedding?

Check out the pics — there are just a few of them, it won’t take you long — after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lady and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: Wedding Photos That Rock”

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Paris Hilton: When the Polls Will Close

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paris hilton.jpgVoter turnout in our ATL reader poll, Who Is the Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary?, has been surprisingly good. Not as good as turnout in our ERISA Hotties Contest; but certainly stronger than the anemic response to the August 2006 Couple of the Month survey.
If you haven’t already voted, you can review the field and cast your ballot by clicking here. Please note that the poll is being administered by Pollhost. As a result, we have no control over any technological glitches (e.g., being told you already voted when you didn’t — this is probably because someone else in your office already did, and Pollhost treated that IP address as yours).
At the current time, Judge Alex Kozinski of the Ninth Circuit — the reigning male Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary — has a strong lead. But his colleague on the Ninth Circuit, Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw — the federal judiciary’s #2 Female Superhottie, as well as its #1 Gay Icon — is running right behind him (her Manolos be damned).
Here’s what one reader had to say about the results thus far:

I am astounded by the vote tally. Judge Kozinski is no Paris Hilton. He’s more like Sean Puffy Combs.

We see this reader’s point. First, Paris Hilton is a woman — and oh what a woman! So the three female judges may have a better claim to her bejeweled mantle than the two men.
Second, the Kozinski-Combs comparison is strong: both men are international superstars, with devoted fans, who are believed to enjoy tequila and fabulous parties.
(But, with all due respect to Judge Kozinski, Sean Combs is a better dresser. The black velvet tux that he wore to the Oscars two years ago is way more stylish than any black robe.)
With the voting well underway, it’s time to declare when the contest will end. The polls will close on Tuesday, September 26, at 1 PM (Eastern time). This will allow the candidates to campaign over the weekend (e.g., by spamming all their former clerks). It will also allow West Coast readers — and contestants — to vote one last time when they get into work that morning.
We wish these five distinguished jurists the best of luck in their quest for this distinction. If they have any campaign messages to disseminate, we invite them to email us.
Think about it, Your Honors. Wouldn’t “The Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary” look great in the “Miscellany” section of your Almanac of the Federal Judiciary write-up? Fun stuff!
Earlier: ATL Reader Poll: The Paris Hilton of the Federal Bench

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ATL Reader Poll: The Paris Hilton of the Federal Bench

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paris hilton.jpgToday is the first day for judicial clerkship interviews under the official Law Clerk Hiring Plan (which some judges follow, and some judges don’t). We’re going to celebrate the occasion with a judge-related poll.
Here at Above the Law, we love ourselves some Paris Hilton. She’s beautiful, blonde, and rich. She’s fabulous and glamorous. She’s a gifted model, actress, singer, dancer, and businesswoman. (And yes, she’s good at that, too.)
Here are some quotes from a recent New York Sun article about Paris that capture some of our feelings about her:

Says Camille Paglia: “She feels the Zeitgeist. She has that dancer’s feel for the camera, for the observing eye, and she produces fantastic still pictures.” Ashley Barrett, global PR director for Coty Prestige, has added, “She is very clever about giving the press what they want — provocative fashion, an ever-increasing list of projects, scandal. She gives great paparazzi.”

Some people deride Paris Hilton as being “famous for nothing” or “famous for being famous.” We disagree; but if this were true, it would only make Paris more fantastic. It would make the purest incarnation of fame possible: fame undiluted by the distracting presence of accomplishment.
And, as everyone knows, we also love ourselves some federal judges. So here’s today’s poll:

Who is the Paris Hilton of the federal judiciary?

Here are the contenders and what they share in common with Paris:

Judge Maryanne Trump Barry (Third Circuit): ’cause she’s a filthy rich heiress (daughter of the late real estate magnate Fred Trump, and big sister of The Donald).

Judge Alex Kozinski (Ninth Circuit): ’cause he’s a genius at self-promotion.

Judge Richard Posner (Seventh Circuit): ’cause he’s a multitalented public intellectual.

Judge Shira Scheindlin (Southern District of new York): ’cause she’s a Gotham-based biatch difficult woman.

Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw (Ninth Circuit): ’cause she’s a blonde diva — and HOTT!!!

Who is the Paris Hilton of the federal judiciary?
Judge Maryanne Trump Barry (3d Cir.)
Judge Alex Kozinski (9th Cir.)
Judge Richard Posner (7th Cir.)
Judge Shira Scheindlin (S.D.N.Y.)
Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw (9th Cir.)
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


HAPPY VOTING!!!
Update: Paris Hilton: When the Polls Will Close
Paris Hilton: She’s With the Brand [New York Sun]

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An Open Letter to the Empress of Palo Alto

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rachel kovner.jpgBased on the feedback we’ve received, it seems that you share our obsession with the brilliant Rachel Kovner.
In case you don’t know, Ms. Kovner is (1) the best student in the history of Stanford Law School (“the Empress of Palo Alto”); (2) a future law clerk to Justice Antonin Scalia (“Nino’s Girl”); and (3) the daughter of the $2.5 billion man, Bruce Kovner.
(The rather odd picture at right is from her Facebook profile. Don’t ask us, we’re as confused as you are.)
One thing we’ve heard is that Rachel, despite her brilliance and her wealth, is a quiet and unassuming young woman. She doesn’t call attention to herself; to the contrary, she eschews the limelight. She doesn’t like people knowing that her dad is the 93rd richest man in America (a fact that’s in the public domain, readily ascertainable by anyone with Google).
Now all this is quite understandable. After all, Rachel doesn’t want certiorari petitions sent to the Supreme Court with footnotes like this: “If the Court declines to hear this case, petitioner respectfully requests that this petition be construed as an application for a $5,000 loan from Ms. Rachel Kovner, so petitioner can get momma a facelift.”
But it’s just not a realistic approach to the world for someone in the Jimmy Choo shoes of Rachel Kovner — as we will now explain, in this open letter.

Dear Ms. Kovner:

Greetings from your friends at Above the Law. As you surely know, we have written about you extensively in the past week. See, e.g., here and here.

We understand from some of your friends that you are a modest and low-key person, uncomfortable with being the center of attention. But given who you are, your aversion to the spotlight is simply untenable.

With your blinding intellect, and your father’s mountains of hedge-fund cash, it was only a matter of time before the world discovered you. Greatness knows no hiding place. The proverbial cream rises to the proverbial top.

So Rachel, dear, listen up. You got a Supreme Court clerkship, and we didn’t; so maybe we’re in no position to give you advice. But we ARE a little older than you, and we’ve been around the block, so please permit us a few words.

Here is today’s lesson (which we hope you’ll learn with the same diligence that earned you the top grades in Stanford Law history): There is nothing more important than fame.*

Yes, fame. Celebrity. Your name on everyone’s lips. People knowing who you are, even though you have no clue as to who they are. An off-the-chart Q score. People constantly talking about you — for good or ill. Take to heart the words of Samuel Johnson: “I would rather be attacked than unnoticed.” Or this old adage: “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.”

Remember the saying “Whoever dies with the most toys wins?” It should be updated for today’s world: “Whoever dies with the most Google hits wins.”

As we’ve said again and again, Rachel, you are fabulous. A superstar. And you need to stop denying or hiding from that reality. You are one of the greatest legal minds of your generation. And your father is one of the world’s richest men.

So start playing the part. Find your inner diva, and let her shine. Show up tomorrow in Judge Wilkinson’s chambers and shout, at the top of your lungs: “I am Rachel Kovner. Hear me roar!!!”

Sincerely,
Your Friends at Above the Law

* Incredibly enough, the phrase “there is nothing more important than fame,” placed within quotation marks, generates no Google hits. The same thing goes for the more concise “Nothing is more important than fame.”
Well, that’s about to change…
Earlier: More on the Fabulous Rachel Kovner
Definitive Proof that Life Isn’t Fair

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More on the Fabulous Rachel Kovner

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rachel kovner.jpgIt appears that our post yesterday on Rachel Kovner — the young legal genius clerking this year for Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson (4th Cir.), and next year for Justice Antonin Scalia — has struck a nerve. It’s been getting emailed around, and we’ve also gotten a lot of mail about Ms. Kovner.
So we’d now like to supplement our prior report on Rachel Kovner, aka “the Empress of Palo Alto” (for having the highest GPA in the history of Stanford Law), aka “Nino’s Girl” (for landing a much-coveted Scalia clerkship). Here are the points we’d like to make:
1. Yesterday we described Rachel Kovner as “staunch conservative”; but that assessment has been questioned. If you can shed some light on this issue, please email us.
2. We’re sorry we don’t have a photograph of Rachel Kovner (which would allow you to see if she’s as beautiful as she is brilliant). The picture at right — seemingly of a camel’s head, framed by cut grass, in the flatbed of a truck — is from her Facebook profile. But there are no actual photos of Rachel in said profile.
3. For the record, we bear no ill-will towards Ms. Kovner (who is a wonderful person by all accounts; see point #4, infra). To the extent that you detect some snark in yesterday’s post, please understand that it has nothing whatsoever to do with Rachel. It’s all about us, and our self-professed envy.
Here’s how we would summarize the main point of our prior post:

Rachel Kovner woman is a legal genius. Her résumé — Harvard College, Stanford Law School, #1 in the history of her law school, Stanford Law Review (senior articles editor) — is a work of art. She’s clerking for one of the best appellate judges in the country, followed by one of the best Supreme Court justices. And, to top it all off, her dad is worth $2.5 billion.

Why can’t God spread that stuff around? Why do some people lead incredibly charmed lives, while the rest of us wallow in mediocrity and sorrow?

“Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears…”*

But this should in no way be read as saying that the Empress of Palo Alto doesn’t deserve every accolade she has earned; it’s just our own petty player-hating.
After all, we also envy Adrien Brody’s body, and Bill Gates’s billions. But we recognize that they worked hard for these things and fully deserve them. (Yes, we know that some of you think Bill Gates and Microsoft are instruments of Satan; but you see what we’re trying to get at.)
4. Despite her incredible brilliance, writing talent (for which she won a prize while at Harvard), and vast familial wealth, Rachel Kovner is a down-to-earth and wonderful human being. Sources describe her as “very modest,” “low-key,” and “sweet — but in a delightful rather than cloying sort of way.” According to one source, Rachel is “so wonderfully modest, you would have no idea of her background [as the daughter of a billionaire].”
In short, Rachel Kovner is a superstar — but she hasn’t allowed her brilliance and her wealth to go to her head. We look forward to reporting on her conquest of the legal world in the months and years ahead.
YOU GO, NINO’S GIRL!!!
Rachel Kovner, We’re Not Worthy [WSJ Law Blog]
NewsMakers [Harvard University Gazette]
Rachel Kovner [Facebook]
Inbreeding at One First Street [Underneath Their Robes]
Earlier: Definitive Proof That Life Isn’t Fair
* Okay, you’re right: We actually never get tired of listening to the sound of our tears.

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ERISA Hotties: Prizes for the Winners

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erisa beauty queen.jpgOur ERISA Hotties Contest has only been over for a day — but some of you miss it already.
Fear not. The contest may be over, but the commentary isn’t. We’ll have a few more posts discussing the competition — including our personal views on which ERISA Hotties should have gotten more lovin’ from the electorate.
After the results were announced, we contacted our two winning hotties — Professor Bruce A. Wolk and Sarah E. Downie — for comment. We haven’t heard back from Professor Wolk yet, but Ms. Downie did have this acceptance speech to deliver:

Hi. That was one hard-fought battle. I would like to profoundly thank everyone who voted for me!

My boyfriend is interested in knowing whether I get a tiara for the victory. I also think that Professor Wolk would look great in a crown of some sort.

We agree wholeheartedly. The only thing cooler than an ERISA professor lounging on the hood of his Camry is an ERISA professor in a tiara lounging on the hood of his Camry.
And hey, guess what? Noted wedding tiara designer Christina Garcia is our cousin-in-law! (She’s married to our first cousin, Jerald Garcia.) We will contact her forthwith about providing tiaras for our winning hotties.
Once again, ATL sends its warmest congratulations to Bruce Wolk and Sarah Downie on their latest professional distinction. Time to update those CVs and résumés!
Christina Garcia: Tiaras of Distinction [official website]
Earlier: Prior ERISA Hotties coverage (scroll down)

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Liza With a “Z” — and a “VD,” Too

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liza minelli.jpgWe’ve always had a great deal of affection for boozy chanteuse Liza Minnelli. Why? Check out this surprisingly eloquent squib from her Wikipedia bio:

Minnelli’s work in Cabaret molded her popular image, from the black helmet of hair and extravagant eyelashes that have remained her visual trademark to the perception among many that she shares Sally Bowles’s combination of fragility and toughness, her hunger for affection, and her heedless detachment from the ordinary.

This explains why Minnelli has such a large following among “friends of Judge Wardlaw.”
Indeed, some people suspect that Liza’s latest hubby, David Gest, might be among their number. And based on how ugly their divorce has gotten — MEOW!!! — it’s not an unreasonable theory.

David Gest, the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, asked a judge to set aside his prenuptial agreement with the star, the latest development in their lengthy divorce battle.

Gest’s lawyers told State Supreme Court Judge Harold B. Beeler on Friday that Minnelli hid the fact that she was infected with herpes, was an alcoholic and prone to violence. Had Gest known, the lawyers argued, he never would have entered into the prenuptial agreement.

Minnelli’s lawyer, Israel Rubin, refused to comment on specific allegations. “This whole thing is ridiculous,” he said.

Minnelli claims that Gest is trying to “attack and embarrass her publicly” with these allegations. If so, it’s not working. With each new revelation, the diva only grows in our esteem.
Gest Wants Minnelli Prenup Dismissed [Associated Press]

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The Latest Legal Fashion Craze: Expressive T-Shirts

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project runway with judge kozinski.JPGAnother day, another circuit court decision involving a school kid with a wise-ass t-shirt.
Earlier this year, the Ninth Circuit dealt with the case of a kid who wore a T-shirt to school that read, “Be ashamed, our school embraced what God has condemned. Homosexuality is shameful.” (The kid lost; and that’s why they call it the Ninth Circuit.)
Today, the Second Circuit also ruled in favor of the student, on these facts:

[T]he images depicted on the shirt were a martini glass, three lines of cocaine, a razor blade and a straw. According to the court, the alcohol and drug-related images were intended to portray President Bush as a former alcohol and drug user.

The school allowed a large picture of the president’s face, wearing a helmet, superimposed on the body of a chicken. The shirt identified Bush as “Chicken-Hawk-In-Chief.” But it demanded that Zachary cover the alcohol and drug-related images. He did so with duct tape on which he wrote “censored.”

Zachary and his parents then filed suit claiming that he had been required to cover the images in violation of his free speech rights.

These cases are quite en vogue. And even though the slogan wasn’t on his clothing, don’t forget the kid with the “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner, which Ken Starr is appealing to the Supreme Court.
We like these cases, ’cause they’re more interesting than typical appeals court fare. But they must be quite a headache from the perspective of school administrators — and certainly another argument in favor of dress codes.
Picture this: “Express Yourself,” a Project Runway challenge in which the designers would have to produce an “expressive” outfits. Wouldn’t that be great?
But don’t hold your breath waiting for this. Last year we submitted a feedback form to the Project Runway website, suggesting that they hold a judicial robe design challenge — with the wild ‘n wacky Judge Alex Kozinski as the guest judge. Alas, they haven’t gotten back to us.
‘Offensive’ Speech Gets Narrow Reading at 2nd Circuit [New York Law Journal]
Rehearing on T-shirt is denied [San Francisco Chronicle]
Project Runway [official website]

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Letter from the Editor: Welcome to Above the Law

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above the law logo.JPGBack when we practiced law, and we’d tell people what we did for a living, they’d have different reactions. Sometimes they’d say “Oh, really?”, in an impressed, you-must-make-six-figures sort of way. But sometimes their eyes would glaze over — and they’d excuse themselves to go refill their drinks.

Why? Because many people think that lawyers are boring. And sometimes it seems that the more lawyers people know, the more likely they are to think this.

It’s true that many areas of law — and yes, many lawyers — are painfully boring. But the legal profession can also be gossipy, wacky, frivolous, and fun. And this is where we come in. We are Above the Law, and we’re here to make the law entertaining — or get RSI tryin’.

Above the Law will be defined less by specific subjects within the law and more by tone or worldview (Weltanschauung, if you will; and you will, ’cause you’re pretentious). We’ll write about all things legal — law firms, judges, law schools, cases — as long as we have something mildly amusing, or at least obnoxious,* to say about them.

Blog ipsa loquitur. Here are some features you’ll find in these pages (and our extensive archives):

1. Legal Eagle Wedding Watch. We review the New York Times wedding announcements each week, pick out some couples with lawyers, and score them — on their résumés, families, balance, and beauty (if pictured). Then we calculate overall scores and declare a winner. FUN! (We’ve been at this for a few weeks now; click here and scroll down for the Wedding Watch archives.)

2. Lawyerly Lairs. Real estate and shelter porn for the J.D. set. We take you inside the lavish homes and resplendent offices of America’s top lawyers and judges. Don’t blame us if your keyboard ends up covered in drool. (Previously covered: Greta Van Susteren and John Coale’s New York digs.)

3. The Eyes of the Law: Legal Celebrity Sightings. When you called your sister from Starbucks, in a tizzy after seeing Ted Olson, she asked: “What about Mary-Kate and Ashley?” But don’t despair; we understand.

4. Advice for the Lawlame. We take the painfully earnest questions submitted to the popular career advice columns at NYLawyer.com — and offer up responses of our own (examples here and here).

5. Hotties Contests. And lots of ‘em. You get to vote on the hottest judges, law professors, and legal journalists — among many others. (First up: ERISA lawyers. Don’t say we didn’t warn you — NSFW!!!)

This is just the beginning. But we can’t do it all on our own; we need your help. Please send us juicy gossip, salacious rumors, and brilliant story ideas, by email (to tips AT abovethelaw DOT com).

We may reprint or write about what you send us, but we’ll keep you anonymous. If we’d like to attribute anything to you by name, we’ll obtain your consent. If you’d like to tell us something completely off the record, that’s fine too — just make that clear when you contact us.

Enough lawyerly caveats; billable time is a wastin’. How long will it take before somebody sues us? Let’s find out!**

* Back when we were in the third grade, a classmate’s parent — who was chaperoning us on a field trip — told us we were “obnoxious.” We should have known, right then and there, that we were destined for the blogosphere.

** This is a joke. We would never publish anything with knowledge of its falsity, or with reckless disregard as to its truth.

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