Football

Three years ago, the eminent civil rights historian Taylor Branch wrote a scathing essay in The Atlantic that compared college athletics to slavery. In that piece, he wrote that college sports carried with it “the unmistakeable whiff of the plantation.” Comparisons to slavery cannot be brought lightly, of course. This is not Kristallnacht after all.

Three years later, the plantation house still stands. As if we are taking a remedial class taught by Howard Zinn, we now arrive at organized labor. This week, it was reported that members of Northwestern University’s football team had filed a petition with the National Labor Relations Board in order to be recognized as a labor union. If successful, communism.

Whether you believe that college football players should be granted fifteen minute smoke breaks every four hours or not, I think it’s safe to say that we all fervently pray for the day that the NCAA perishes after a long, yet valiant, struggle with butt cancer. Because of that, there were very few outright denunciations of Northwestern University’s actions in the media this week. Still, let’s get a lay of the land, shall we?

Let’s talk Samuel Gompers. Let’s talk Hoffa. Let’s talk sports….

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Amanda Knox

* Quinn Emanuel got a pretty harsh benchslap from Judge Paul Grewal over its litigation strategy in the Apple / Samsung case, calling it “650 lawyers wide and one lawyer deep.” Sick burn, Judge. [Courthouse News Service]

* At Cardozo Law, Jordan Belfort’s former lawyer says that the movie Wolf of Wall Street “played down the sex and drugs.” Dear Lord, if that’s the case, Leo’s muse should be happy he’s alive. [DealBook / New York Times]

* “I’ve been around the block. And I’ve never seen an attorney general sanctioned.” Ahh, the rarest rose. Nevada’s AG was sanctioned for failing to provide evidence in a fraud case against a mortgage lender. [Forbes]

* Eighteen people were arrested for their alleged attempts to market and sell Super Bowl “party packs” to football fans. It’s pretty sick, but you’d got to admit that hookers and blow beat wings any day of the week. [Bloomberg]

* Law schools in the Southeast closed their doors because their states were “unequipped for dealing with the roadways.” Send them up here, we’ve got school when there’s a foot of snow. [National Law Journal]

* A recent grad of a “good school” wanted to know how to get a job, so she asked an advice columnist. Here are five of the suggested jobs she probably already applied to and was rejected from. [Fortune]

* The third time’s apparently the charm in Italy: Amanda Knox was convicted of murder, again. Foxy Knoxy must be pissed that her case has turned into an extradition question on an international law exam. [CNN]

I love the Raiders and I love being a Raiderette, but someone has to stand up for all of the women of the NFL who work so hard for the fans and the teams. I hope cheerleaders across the NFL will step forward to join me in demanding respect and fair compensation.

– Lacy T., a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, commenting on her proposed wage-and-hour class action lawsuit against the team. Lacy alleges that when all cheer squad commitments are taken into consideration, including time spent rehearsing, performing, and appearing at required events, she makes $5 per hour, which is less than the California state minimum wage of $8 per hour.

Microsoft General Counsel Brad Smith

* Microsoft’s General Counsel was once asked to help police stop a serial killer because he’s Batman. [Business Insider]

* Former Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is joining DLA Piper. A transportation expert is exactly what you need for a firm that doesn’t know where its offices are. [Chicago Tribune]

* The legal fallout of the fight between Nick Saban’s daughter and her friend is now sitting in front of an Alabama judge. One thing is certain: this case would get dismissed if somebody could’ve avoid a 100 yard FG return for a touchdown. [ABC News]

* Congratulations to Paul Weiss on winning “Securities Litigation Department of the Year.” The award could also be called, “Wow, you helped Citi get out of a lot of jams this year!” [The American Lawyer]

* A KU law grad is donating $1 million to provide scholarships to a new generation of Jayhawk lawyers to run their firm’s March Madness brackets. [Topeka Capital-Journal]

* Once again, a group is about to learn that “not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want” is not really a Constitutional violation. This time it’s snowboarders. [St. Louis Tribune]

* Justice Scalia’s snarky lesson in public speaking 101 continues to divide commentators. [The Blog of the Legal Times]

* Former Dallas Cowboys defensive tackle Josh Brent’s manslaughter trial kicked off with his attorney explaining that Brent was “guilty of being stupid behind the wheel of a car,” but not driving drunk. The toxicology expert disagreed, estimating that Brent needed about 17 drinks to reach the blood alcohol level of his blood samples. [The Expert Institute]

* Young lawyers should figure out what they want to specialize in before they find themselves looking to “open a vein.” [At Counsel Table]

* Judge Tracie Hunter may be facing a possible 14 year sentence, but she maintains her innocence. I could try to recap this story, but just read this instead. [Cincinnati.com]

* The FBI announces that there will be no criminal charges over the “scandal” in which the IRS gave heightened scrutiny to conservative groups that planned to cynically game the law sought tax exemption for their entirely, in no way political activities. As another faux scandal bites the dust, here’s a good round up of butthurt right-wing editorials. [TaxProf Blog]

* SCOTUS Benchslaps! In a lengthy footnote in Daimler v. Bauman, Justice Ginsburg accuses Justice Sotomayor of misstating the record in the latter’s concurrence. In reading the competing interpretations, it seems as though Justice Sotomayor has the most fair reading, but then again the case is 62 years old, and Justice Ginsburg was probably there when it decided the first time. [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* Investment banks are seeing potential recruits running over to the tech industry. Law firms haven’t felt the same draw, mostly because you got a law degree because you suck at math and science. [Law and More]

* It’s about time Wile E. Coyote fought for his rights against Acme’s wanton disregard for customer safety. [Pentagram]

* An interview with Stephen Neal, the chairman of Cooley LLP, probing why Cooley is such a cool firm (evidenced by their #1 ranking in the ATL Insider Survey). [The Careerist]

* There’s a proposed law in Wisconsin designed to get dads out of child support payments. I know this may come as a shock, but it was written by a millionaire who doesn’t want to pay his court-ordered child support. [Jezebel]

* Well, we suggested the NFL concussion settlement was a bum deal the other day, and apparently Judge Anita Brody agrees, halting the deal. [Bleacher Report]

Drugs make people stupid. It’s not that they impair important mental faculties in those who ingest them. Rather, they make everyone who doesn’t do them freak the everloving fudge out about them. People will literally believe anything you have to say about drugs. Drugs are like satanism was in the 1980s or religion was in the every other decade: if you are confronted with some unexplained phenomenon, drugs will help you fill in the gaps of your embarrassing ignorance. This week, for instance, we learned that one baseball writer chose to leave Greg Maddux’s name off his Hall of Fame ballot. Why? Because steroids. Confronted with an admittedly complicated issue like steroids, the writer chose to go Simple Jack on the whole process. Drugs, man.

But the idiotic baseball writer isn’t the only one whose brain bananas were agog over drugs this week. This week, we were treated to a college player’s lame excuse and a football conference’s dumb rule. Also, OJ Simpson. And the always-fantastic handwritten musings of a pro se petitioner.

Let’s talk sports…

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If you want to be a partner at one particular firm, it’d behoove you to know this guy…

* Breaking News: “An Indian diplomat has been indicted on federal charges of visa fraud. Prosecutors say Devyani Khobragade has left the U.S.” [CNN]

* The Bancroft firm just added three new partners. It’s apparently “not a prerequisite” to clerk for Chief Justice Roberts to be a partner at the firm, but it sure looks like it is. [The Blog of the Legal Times]

* Pressure is mounting on courts to recognize that Americans have a reasonable expectation of privacy. Do these people not watch Person of Interest? [Ramblings on Appeal]

* In a continuing series on why the “nuclear option” isn’t the panacea liberals thought it was, here are four reasons why Noel Canning is still a huge deal even if the Senate Democrats can force through judicial nominations over filibusters. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* A fun interview with a lawyer turned professional athletics commissioner. Specifically, the commissioner of Sterling Archer’s favorite sport, lacrosse. [The Legal Blitz]

* Vermont is looking to pass a bill affirming abortion as a right, majorly bucking the trend of the rest of the country over the last year. Sounds about right for the state with a socialist senator. [Jezebel]

* The NFL’s concussion settlement sounded kind of fishy already, but now it looks like the initial prediction is going to be way off. [PR Log]

* Turns out a former SAC Capital Advisors trader embroiled in an insider trading case was expelled from Harvard Law School in 1999 for creating a false transcript. It’s good to know Wall Street is right there for all those cast off by law schools for ethical lapses. [Dealbook / New York Times]

* More coverage of the Insane Clown Posse suit, and more insight from our own Juggalo Law. [Washington Post]

* Chris Brown rejected a plea deal on an assault charge. Any time I think of Chris Brown I think of this Key & Peele bit. And if you don’t know who Key & Peele are, then you’re missing out… [Billboard]

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As many of you know, the National Football League, is holding its annual advertising conference — colloquially known as the “Superbowl” — next month in the New York area. But because conference space is at such a premium in Manhattan, event planners placed the conference in New Jersey. Outdoors. On February 2nd. NFL planners surmise that conference attendees are so drunk and stupid that they’ll happily pay thousands of dollars to sit outside in the cold for multiple hours.

And they’re not wrong. Right now, the secondary market has the average price for Super Bowl tickets set at $3,332. If you really want to see the game that badly, I’ll set you up in my backyard with JoePa’s giant HD projector television and you can experience the delirious glory of hypothermia for only $1,000. It’s a steal! Please take me up on this offer. Otherwise, JoePa will keep his projector, and I’ll end up having to go to his place again in Kathmandu, Brooklyn.

Anyway, one fan has decided to sue the NFL over the price of tickets. He claims that the NFL is withholding seats for corporate sponsors in violation of New Jersey’s consumer fraud law…

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Amy Chua: She’s baaaaaaack!

* “Either access to abortion will be dramatically restricted in the coming year or perhaps the pushback will begin.” We’re moving back in history. Here’s hoping pro-choice advocacy will be born anew in 2014. [New York Times]

* George S. Canellos, the SEC’s co-chief of enforcement, announced his departure on Friday, and people are already wondering whether he’ll return to his old stomping grounds at Milbank Tweed. [DealBook / New York Times]

* We hope legal educators had fun at the Association of American Law Schools annual meeting, but we hope most of all that they learned what needs to change to really make legal education pay. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “I believe women lawyers can contribute a lot to the legal system.” Saudi Arabia now has its first female law firm dedicated to bringing women’s issues to the country’s patriarchal courts. Congratulations! [RT]

* A Starbucks spokeswoman issued a defense to the cease-and-desist response letter that went viral worldwide, and it reads just like how her company’s coffee tastes: bland. [International Business Times]

* Amy “Tiger Mom” Chua is back with a vengeance, co-authoring a controversial new book (affiliate link) with her husband, Jed Rubenfeld. Which ethnic cultural groups are superior? [New York Post]

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