May 2009 must be a month of mixed emotions for Andrew Giuliani, son of former New York mayor (and unsuccessful presidential candidate) Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani the younger sued Duke University for kicking him off the golf team.

On the positive side, he graduated from Duke this month (even if he did miss the graduation ceremony). On the negative side, he lost his breach of contract case against Duke — and now, thanks to the humorous opinion by a little-known North Carolina judge, he’s being subjected to a quadruple bogey of humiliation.

Magistrate Judge Wallace Dixon dismissed Giuliani’s suit with golf references playing through the whole 12-page opinion. Here’s a sampling of leads from various news sources:

ESPN: Suffice it to say that in U.S. Magistrate Judge Wallace Dixon’s opinion, ousted Duke University golfer Andrew Giuliani’s lawsuit against the school did not make par.

New York Daily News: Andrew Giuliani’s bid to sue Duke University for kicking him off its golf team ended in the rough this week.

New York Times: A federal magistrate judge with a taste for sports metaphors has found that Andrew Giuliani’s lawsuit against Duke University for letting a coach push him off the university’s golf team is “a swing and a miss.”

San Jose Mercury News: A judge treated Andrew Giuliani’s lawsuit with all the gravitas it deserved — which is to say, there’s a legal document in North Carolina that was inspired by “Caddyshack.”

The News and Observer: The son of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani tried to make a federal case against Duke University for kicking him off the golf team. But a federal magistrate says Andrew Giuliani’s case belongs in the drink.

The News & Observer wins the contest for wonkiest golf metaphor. Excerpts from the opinion, after the jump.

Aside from occasional flurries of Golden Tee dominance, I rarely watch golf unless Tiger Woods is prominently involved. This makes me just like everybody else, a fact that the L.P.G.A has apparently noticed.

After unsuccessful attempts to woo Tiger into a sex-change operation, the L.P.G.A has a new marketing strategy: English-speaking golfers!

Starting in 2009, the ladies’ professional tour will suspend golfers who are not conversant in English.

Lest you think the ability to speak English has little to do with the entertainment value of hitting a ball and then walking after it, think again. Lisa Galloway, deputy commissioner of the tour, thinks that speaking English will help the sport attract sponsors and fans:

For an athlete to be successful today in the sports entertainment world we live in, they need to be great performers on and off the course, and being able to communicate effectively with sponsors and fans is a big part of this.

The lawyers weigh in after the jump.

We might have a more formal write-up about this later, perhaps from sports law blogger Marc Edelman or Duke alum Kashmir Hill.

For now, however, here’s an open thread for discussion of Andrew Giuliani’s lawsuit against Duke University, over being kicked off the golf team.

P.S. We’d take a stab at tackling this ourselves, despite a manifest lack of expertise in golf or Duke, but we’re preoccupied right now with matters relating to our move back to New York (happening tomorrow).

Andrew Giuliani v. Duke University: Complaint (PDF) [Popehat]
A Stumble On The Fairway Of Life [Popehat]
Andrew Giuliani files lawsuit against Duke [New York Newsday]
Giuliani’s son sues Duke over golf dismissal [AP]
Fore! Andrew Giuliani Swings Away, Sues Duke Golf Team [WSJ Law Blog]