Tuesday, November 3, 2009 1:01 PM - By Elie Mystal
I was in Georgia yesterday. After speaking to the Georgia Association for Women Lawyers (nice meeting you, we’ll have to do that again), and playing a ridiculous game of telephone trying to keep current with Above the Law (an HLS grad set S&C on fire on a $7,500 dare?), I was looking forward to a relaxing plane flight home.
Some years ago, my wife introduced me to the hilarity of the in-flight Sky Mall magazine. There is perhaps no finer collection of totally useless items. I wasn’t in “ATL-mode,” but this particular gift made me want to violate FAA regulations and post from the runway:
Passing the Bar
The perfect gift for law students
A great gift for law students, both throughout law school and to help prepare them for the Bar Examination. With “Passing the Bar” flashcards, your favorite law student will spend more time studying, in an enjoyable, fun setting. Fun for lawyers too!
The game includes 350 Mulitstate Bar Examination (“MBE”) Cards (featuring legal questions modeled after the MBE), and 100 Justice Cards (featuring celebrity run-ins with the law, movie quotes from notorious and gripping courtroom dramas, outrageous verdicts and alike). Additional game cards (sold separately) includes 450 questions from previous Bar Examinations, released by the NCBE.
Tipsters report that Goldman Sachs — they of the magnanimous bonuses — has sent the word out that holiday parties will be canceled this year. Even “personally funded” parties are being discouraged.
If that is what is happening at mighty Goldman, what paltry party offerings can Biglaw associates expect?
Last year’s season can best be summed up by Cravath. Usually the firm shindig is at the Rainbow Room. Last year, the party was at the firm cafeteria.
Cravath also canceled its biennial “Cravath Prom” last year. Is there any indication that the good times are coming back to Cravath?
What are the party prospects elsewhere? I would think “surviving 2009” would be a great theme for this year’s extravaganzas, if anybody has any money lying around to be extravagant with.
Perhaps I’m expecting too much? Will this holiday party season involve more coals than diamonds? Tell us what you think in the comments.
Monday, November 2, 2009 10:14 AM - By Elie Mystal
Trick-or-treaters can get into serious trouble on Halloween. Especially if their Halloween activities involve arson. Or blackface. Or guns.
A student at BYU Law School donned a costume last week that was police-raid worthy. From the Salt Lake Tribune:
When Attorney General Mark Shurtleff spoke at a BYU Law School criminal procedures class Thursday, one law student came to class dressed in full SWAT gear, including an armor belt, and some students said he had carried a gun on campus, although they weren’t sure it was real.
Yeah, that’s probably taking All Saints’ Day Eve a little too far.
This year we decided to dress up as Judge Denny Chin (S.D.N.Y.), recently nominated by President Obama to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. If you’re a criminal, Judge Chin can be quite frightening — he sentenced Bernie Madoff to a whopping 150 years.
And where did we get the idea for our costume? ATL comments (see #2 and #17).
A slideshow of photos showing us in our Judge Chin costume, after the jump.
Friday, October 30, 2009 12:11 PM - By Elie Mystal
In this season of costumed crusaders, one person has decided to dress up as a Notre Dame 1L. Only he’s not doing it to get candy on Halloween. Instead, he’s just some creepy douchebag that is rolling around.
But he’s freaked out the Notre Dame administration. They felt compelled to send around a warning to the law school:
Dear Members of the Law School Community-
Please be aware that a person identifying himself as a Notre Dame 1L student was in the building yesterday (accompanied by another person). He informally chatted with several individuals and identified himself as either Gary Stearley or Gabriel Stearley. While here, he also utilized various law school services (e.g., fax machine, NDLS logo apparel purchases from SBA). A photo of the individual (taken from Facebook) is attached to this email.
This person is not a Notre Dame student, and it is our understanding that a person with this name has engaged in false-identity behavior elsewhere in the past. The issue has been reported to ND Security. If you see this person in the building, please notify Notre Dame Security immediately at 1-5555.
In the meantime, please remember that despite the collegial setting of the law school, you should always take precautions to protect your personal property while in the building.
Should I be paranoid about pictures from Halloween being posted on Facebook? Some people don’t have their profiles set to private, and I’m worried it will come up in a Facebook or Google search (eek!). Maybe I’m being too paranoid? I don’t know.
Planning on Going as a Slutty Nurse
Dear Planning on Going as a Slutty Nurse,
What’s so amazing about Halloween is that it’s the one day a year when you get a glimpse into the inner workings of other peoples’ minds. Everyone has an inner costume, and Halloween Purim is when it’s socially acceptable to wear it outwardly. There is a kernel of truth behind every disguise, which is why Prince Harry’s Nazi costume a few years ago was so disturbing. You can’t possibly wear a Nazi costume unless you’re at least 1/4th Nazi. In Halloween, Veritas.
Your fear of Halloween pictures showing up on Facebook really sounds as if you’re afraid of others seeing the real, slutty nurse you. A vixen. A healer. An unoriginal. This year, I considered going as Sheryl Weinstein or Blanket. Surely those costumes speak volumes.
As I’ve said repeatedly in these Pls Hndle posts (we’ve been at this for over a year, btw!), you have to be yourself, no matter what the cost. That’s why I left the law. That’s why I subscribe to Dog Fancy. If you want to be a slutty nurse, be one, Facebook and Google footprint be damned. Live free or die hard.
The service he needs rendered could be out of community building 101. Here’s the ad, via Jerks in your Area:
Need Halloween Legal Help (Greenport)
Every year I put on a Halloween haunted house for my neighborhood. In the past few years, I’ve really stepped up my game with fake blood, assorted limbs and bones (shins, arms, skulls), and lots of pop up zombies, mock executions, etc. Last year I had a bit of a legal snafu when a kid on my block had a seizure and another had to go to therapy after a bullet squib popped too close to his head. Their parents threatened to sue me and the whole ordeal was a hassle. Anyway, I was thinking that this year there are so many out of work lawyers out there that I could probably get one pretty cheap to come and hang out around the house and keep an eye on things. If another parent gets pissed off or whatever, it would be good to have someone who knows the law. I might also need you to write up a release because this year the guillotine will be real.
I’ve never really hired a lawyer before so I’m not really sure what they charge but I’m guessing it won’t be more than like $18 an hour. If you have one of those insane clown masks that would be really helpful too.
Aww, that’s sweet. That’s just how we roll on “Strong” Island.
But are former Biglaw types even qualified to do this kind of work? Let’s discuss after the jump.
What are your thoughts on whether I should take off for the Friday of Rosh Hashanah and/or the Monday of Yom Kippur? I probably wouldn’t go to synagogue (yes, I’m Jewish), but I’d like to just take the day off to, ya know, just observe the holiday in my own way. I don’t want to get on anybody’s bad side at my white shoe firm by taking days off, especially since this place has been known to conduct stealth layoffs.
Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All?
Dear Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All,
When it comes to holidays (Jewish, Christian, Baha’i, Wiccan, whatever) you need to do what you feel is meaningful, law firm be damned. Your firm may penalize you for not showing up to work, but since there’s no hell in Judaism, you can rest easy knowing that God won’t.
The corporate slogan of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, is “A sweet New Year.” For some that may mean going to temple for two days and being around family. I know for a fact that God does not want to me to go to temple and run into better looking, more successful people or the guy from my middle school class who invented topical Viagra and now has a license to print money. God wants me to start off the new year right by sleeping in and eating cheese fries. Instead of weeping and fasting on Yom Kippur, the Jewish answer to Lent, God may want you to punish yourself by reading Dan Brown’s new book or going to a Nickelback concert. There’s just no right way to celebrate.
If you choose not to take off, working through the holidays can still be a wonderful and moving tribute to your heritage. As you work through the night drafting disclosure schedules, you will experience firsthand the anguish of your ancestors who were slaves in Egypt building pyramids for the evil tyrant Ramses II.
May the New Year bring jobs for everyone and make us all repulsively rich.
Your friend,
Marin
After the jump, Death Match: Christmas v. Hannukah.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 2:31 PM - By Kashmir Hill
Hampton Behavioral Health Center is a mental health clinic in New Jersey. Its website makes the place seem quite tranquil: lots of pastels and photos of clouds. A safe place.
The tranquility was disrupted on Christmas Eve 2007 when a masked gunman burst into the clinic’s pharmacy, reports Courthouse News Service. The gunman told pharmacy worker, Babette Perry, that he had already taken another hospital worker hostage and demanded Oxycontin. Perry tried to call for help but the phone line was down.
But it turns out this was all just a surprise safety drill. The “gunman” was actually a fellow hospital worker. The phones had been cut on purpose. There was no actual threat of being shot or taken hostage. Woo hoo, right?
Perry was not exactly relieved by this news. She’s now having mental health issues of her own, and has filed a suit against the clinic for compensatory and punitive damages. But even if she wins, she might have a hard time spending her money.
Monday, September 7, 2009 8:45 AM - By Elie Mystal
Happy Labor Day! Hopefully you are enjoying a well-deserved day off. But to those of you who are at work, or who aren’t at work but still checking Above the Law today, welcome to Off the Record — our look back on the week that was.
ATL will be on a reduced publication schedule today, in observance of Independence Day. Most of you are out of the office, and we are too.
But not everyone has the day off. From one tipster:
While the rest of downtown Chicago is dead, away on vacation or taking the day off, Katten employees are hard at work today. The office demeanor is less than pleasant. Just another way for Katten to thank their hard working employees. Maybe we shouldn’t complain since those of us that work there still have jobs. Happy 4th of July!
Are you in the office today? Feel free to complain, in the comments.
If not, enjoy the three-day weekend. We’ll see you on Monday.
I had no idea (and evidently neither did Perkins Coie) that today was supposed to be a special day for lawyers. But apparently April 14 is the one day out of the year that people are supposed to be nice to lawyers.
There’s even an entire website dedicated to the day. The site even has some “starter ideas” on what you can do to participate in this glorious event:
*Take your favorite lawyer out to breakfast or lunch (make sure it’s not billable!). *Send your lawyer a “just because” greeting card or a bouquet of flowers. *Switch your ring tone to the “dah-dah” sound from NBC’s “Law & Order.” *Do some simple repairs around the house with a gavel instead of your trusty hammer.
Or how about paying your legal bills, so lawyers can stop being laid off?
After the jump, we reach to Steve Hughes, creator of the site (and the day), for details about how National Be Kind to Lawyers Day came to be.
The Peeps diorama above, entitled The Supeep Court, is an entry in the ABA Journal’s Peeps in Law contest. Writes the creator, Frank Salamone:
I love looking at photos of the Supreme Court over time to watch it evolve. However, the photos are often very serious and intense. It was fun to do this lighthearted take on the Court’s annual photo.
Our favorite touch: the bow tie on JPS (John Peeps Stevens). A quibble: Shouldn’t Justice Ginsburg, in pink, and Justice Thomas, in slumber, be switched in position? Compare The Supeep Court to the Supreme Court’s official photo (which reflects the justices’ seniority-based arrangement).
Update (5 PM): As some of you have noted in the comments, it appears we have misinterpreted this Peeps “portrait” of the Court. The pink one is CT, to reflect his being “a different color” than his colleagues, and the “chick” is RBG, to reflect her being, well, a chick. (And yes, commenters, we know about the new Winston & Strawn start date; we’ll include it in the next round-up of start dates.)
To see all the contest submissions, click here and scroll through the slideshow. Enjoy!
Monday, February 16, 2009 9:15 AM - By Kashmir Hill
Happy Presidents’ Day! Or Washington and Lincoln Day. Or George Washington Day for Virginians. Or Washington and Jefferson Day if you’re in Alabama. Whatever you call it, we hope you have it off; we do. In honor of the executive branch, ATL will be on a reduced publication schedule today.
* Adam Cohen asks, “Is the Supreme Court About to Kill Off the Exclusionary Rule?” [New York Times]
* A Facebook status update for Quinn Emmanuel might say “Whoops.” A firm PR newsletter bragged about the $65 million that its client ConnectU got out of Facebook… in a confidential settlement. [Los Angeles Times]
* Good news for those looking for work: U.S. Attorneys’ offices in New York have vacancies. Bad news: they may not have the money to fill the empty spots. [Newsday]
* Open-government advocates want PACER to be as easy to use as Google, and free. [New York Times]
* Lawsuit of the Day: iFart Mobile vs. Pull My Finger. [VentureBeat]
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two months now, and we’re both lawyers at big firms. We’re both pretty busy these days, so I haven’t cooked up anything for Valentine’s Day yet and I’m sure she hasn’t given much thought to it either. Thoughts on what I should do?
Love to Love You Baby
Dear Love to Love You Baby,
Valentine’s Day is a special time for you and your girlfriend to celebrate your love for each other. Valentine’s is also a day of shameless bragging, a day when bitter co-workers must be awed and silenced. On this day of reckoning, women objectively compare their own relationships to that of their friends and colleagues and determine whose is superior based on outlays of cash. Even if your girlfriend says that she hasn’t been thinking about it, I can assure you that this is an outrageous lie. The absolute minimum you need to do if you want to continue dating is to send flowers to her office this Friday so that her beauty and worthiness above all others may be extolled throughout the land. Flowers given in private on Saturday are about as brag-worthy as working for Jacoby & Meyers.
Beyond this critical public gesture, you need to determine what level of expenditure is required in order to avoid a fight. Personally, any Valentine’s Day that does not consist of being woken up by someone fanning me gently a with palm frond, having my steps dogged with crushed rose petals and being whisked to dinner in a gilded chariot where I am presented with lingerie made from the finest silks in Cathay and $500 in cold hard cash, I consider to be an unmitigated disaster. Doubtless your girlfriend feels the same.
Of course, naysayers will contend that Valentine’s is a Hallmark holiday, invented by florists and chocolatiers to gouge people out of hundreds of dollars. You may have heard absurdities along the lines of, “We don’t celebrate Valentine’s because it’s stupid” or “We don’t need a holiday to show our love for each other.” Let us not dwell further on these obvious defense mechanisms and transparent falsehoods; we all know that the amount of money spent is directly related to the amount of love in one’s heart.
Your friend,
Marin
The Love Guru tells us what women want after the jump.
Today we celebrate the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the pioneering civil rights leader. If you’re not at work, we hope that you are enjoying the day off. (We are around, but will be posting less than usual.)
If you are at work, be proud. We’re pretty sure that equal opportunities to be productive cogs in the capitalist machine, regardless of race color or creed, were part of Dr. King’s dream.
If you are looking for something to do, we suggest that you treat today as an opportunity for public service. You can look up a service project in your area at MLKDay.gov or you can join the incoming president.
If you think about it, it kind of makes sense. You’ve just been through the holidays, which is nothing more than an annoying reminder of all the love and happiness other people pretend to have. Meanwhile you’re sitting there trying to choke down a forkful of stuffing while your spouse drunkenly tells the exact same story you’ve heard on the order of 1400 times before, not counting the time you actually witnessed the described events.
So you try to zone out in front of the tube, but the Television God has determined that if you purchase a new Lexus you’ll feel like a kid again. As if some girl who is so rich her family could afford a real live pony is going to go all weak in the knees over a freaking SUV. But whatever, the economy is so bad you can’t even afford a canister of “new car smell.”
Holidays and poverty, they’re murder on marriages. In the U.K. the lawyers are prepared:
And with 17 per cent of divorced men blaming financial problems for the end of their marriage, the credit crunch is putting extra pressure on relationships in trouble.
The report doesn’t discuss how American divorce lawyers deal with the first full work week after Christmas, but in Britain they apparently call it “D-Day.”
The traditional New Year rush to end marriages after the stress of Christmas means divorce lawyers brand today D-Day, or Divorce Day, kick-starting their busiest week of the year.
After the jump, we’re reminded that divorce rarely if ever helps anything.
Dear readers, welcome to 2009. The year just ended was a difficult one, for the legal profession and for the country as a whole. Let’s hope the new year brings better news.
But will it? Take our reader poll below, and offer your specific predictions about 2009 in the comments.
If you’d like to help Above the Law get the year started on the right foot, please do us the honor of voting for us in the ABA Journal’s Blawg 100 contest. Voting ends tomorrow, so this will be the last time we’ll bother you with a plug. To vote, click here.
I was in Georgia yesterday. After speaking to the Georgia Association for Women Lawyers (nice meeting you, we’ll have to do that again), and playing a ridiculous game of telephone trying to keep current with Above the Law (an HLS grad set S&C on fire on a $7,500 dare?), I was looking forward to a relaxing plane flight home. 
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What’s your Halloween costume this year? A 
Dear ATL,
