Listen to Bill Alverson and this tiara could be yours.
Small-firm lawyer Bill Alverson doesn’t show up on the first page of Google if you search for “lawyer in Andalusia, Alabama,” where Alverson’s firm is based. Which might be a problem for a lawyer relying on Google to generate clients. After all, Andalusia has a population of only 9,078, so if you can’t make it onto the first page of Google there, can you make it anywhere?
But Alverson needn’t worry because his law practice isn’t an all-encompassing jealous mistress. Instead, Alverson has another kind of mistress on the side of his day job at his small father/son firm, Alverson & Alverson — dozens of them, really. As noted in this past weekend’s New York Times magazine (and today’s Quote of the Day), aspiring beauty queens retain Alverson to coach them to victory at state and national pageants.
Turns out, working with statutes and the statuesque have more in common than one might think….
‘Your hair looks like [expletive]!’ – Bill Alverson
Being in front of a jury or a judge is the biggest pageant there is. Think of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ or ‘12 Angry Men.’ It’s about empowering the people who are going to make a decision to connect the dots. I set up the dots.
If you watched The Wonder Years when you were younger, Winnie Cooper was probably one of your first crushes. If you’re too young to remember that much about this television show, think of Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World. If you’re too young to remember that television show, then we’re dating ourselves, but sorry, but we can’t help you. Google it!
It seems that Danica McKellar, the actress who played Winnie Cooper many moons ago, is still a heartbreaker. Yesterday afternoon, she announced to the world that she was engaged to a very handsome Biglaw partner.
We used to think that the Biglaw firm with the best-looking lawyers in New York City was Davis Polk, but then Paul Weiss brought sexy back in the Big Apple. Alas, their title was usurped in less than two years’ time by a challenger from another firm.
This is a clear sign of the impending apocalypse. It’s totally insane and it speaks poorly of where we are. We are so enamored with appearance and attractiveness that we are willing to totally disregard that we’re talking [about] somebody who is a criminal, someone who has a long rap sheet and a history of convictions. His current allegations involve weapons possession by somebody who society has deemed should not possess guns. If the allegations against him are true, he appears to be a very, very bad boy.
The job scene for recent law school graduates is still a little rough around the edges. Just 57 percent of the class of 2013 managed to secure full-time, long-term positions as lawyers within nine months of graduation, and those who found one of those golden tickets are clinging to them for dear life. Biglaw hiring, on the other hand, was up by about 10 percent, and the 3,989 members of the class of 2013 who are now working as associates are as happy as can be.
Enjoying their starting salaries of $160,000, many of these new lawyers are high on life. While some of their colleagues are mass-emailing pictures of their biceps to entire state bars just to get a job, these associates are kicking back in their offices without a care in the world (save for their billable hours).
One new associate felt so secure in his employment that he decided to take up a side gig as an underwear model — using his real name. Seeing as this associate has been working as an interchangeable cog in a large machine, how will his firm feel about his parading around half-naked online?
Making your way in the legal world these days is tough. We’ve seen lawyers who’ve had to turn to stripping, prostitution, and even whoring. It’s just hard to make ends meet when jobs are tight and debt’s creeping up on you.
Which is why this woman may have the right idea. She got all her stripping out of the way before law school so she could pay the bills and now she takes nude glamour shots (or at least semi-nude — she covers herself just enough) for 12 hours a week and lives the high life while still in law school. Pretty sweet deal. Her experience can be an inspiration for Belle Knox’s plan to finance law school with porn stardom.
So let’s take a closer look. And by look, I mean here are some (safe for most workplaces) pictures…
For a while, interest in the Dewey drama seemed to be flagging (at least according to our traffic statistics). But lately it has revived, thanks to the recent criminal charges against the firm’s former leaders, plus the arrival on the scene of Zachary Warren — a total Dewey & LaBoeuf-Cake.
Interest in Zach Warren has been keen — and not just because of his good looks. His tale seems to resonate with Above the Law readers because, as Matt Kaiser recently noted, “he seems like one of us.” Although Above the Law’s readership is expanding, with more than a million unique visitors a month, it’s still fair to say that a young lawyer, recently graduated from a top law school, is within ATL’s demographic sweet spot.
Over the past few days, we’ve learned more about Zachary Warren. Dewey want to share this knowledge with you? Of course we do….
The legal industry is being disrupted at every level by technological advances. While legal tech entrepreneurs and innovators are racing to create a more efficient and productive future, there is widespread indifference on the part of attorneys toward these emerging technologies.
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past seven years. You can reach them by email: email@example.com.
We at Kinney Asia have made a number of FCPA / White Collar US associate placements in Hong Kong / China thus far in 2014. Most of such placements have been commercial litigation associates from major US markets, fluent in Mandarin, switching to FCPA / White Collar litigation. Some have already had FCPA experience, but those are difficult candidates for firms to find (this will change in coming years as US firms are now promoting FCPA / White Collar to their 2L summers who are fluent in Mandarin and have an interest in transferring to China at some point).
Legal Week quoted Kinney’s Head of Asia, Evan Jowers, extensively in the following relevant article here.
There is a new trend in the market, though, where mid-level transactional US associates, fluent in spoken Mandarin and written Chinese, are interviewing for and in some cases landing junior FCPA / White Collar spots in Hong Kong / China at very top tier US firms.
When the LexisNexis Cloud Technology Survey results were reported earlier this year, it showed that attorneys were starting to peer less skeptically into the future, and slowly but surely leaning more toward all the benefits the law cloud has to offer.
Because let’s face it, plenty of attorneys are perhaps a bit too comfortable with their “system” of practice management, which may or may not include neon highlighters, sticky notes, dog-eared file folders, and a word processing program that was last updated when the term “raise the roof” was still de rigueur.