Hotties

Cosmo's Most Eligible Bachelors

Objectifying men is hot right now. The Duke F**k List, recent Duke grad Karen Owen’s candid appraisal of the various men she slept with, is burning up the internet. Here at Above the Law, we’re getting a ton of traffic to a silly little post about some hot male ass in Chicago.

This seems like good timing, then, for the arrival of Cosmopolitan magazine’s Bachelor of the Year contest. We learned about the competition, in which readers vote for their favorite from 51 bachelors (50 states + D.C.), via Going Concern (our sister site, until recently).

Caleb Newquist of Going Concern highlighted Carl Koenemann, an aspiring accountant who looks great with his shirt off. But the bachelors up for bids also include three legal eagles: two law students, and one practicing lawyer.

Perhaps you’ve met one or more of these hunks. Let’s get to know them a little better (and check out some shirtless pics), shall we?

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So, where’s it at?

Which firm is harboring the most luscious buttocks in all of Biglaw?

Might it be yours?

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Ed. note: The following piece was authored by The Legal Tease, of Sweet Hot Justice fame. Check out her other musings from Sweet Hot Justice here.

You may have noticed that people working in Big Law are more pissed off than usual lately. And I can’t say that I blame them. The threat of associate layoffs still looms large. A six-figure salary barely keeps you off food stamps. White shoe firms are crawling with bed bugs. And herpes. But it looks like there’s a new kid on the block — a pair of kids, actually — gaining traction as the latest target for Big Law acrimony, at least if the state of affairs in and around my firm is any indication: Boobs. Or more to the point, how front and center they should be when it comes to dressing for work.

Now, arguments over appropriate sartorial choices for the workplace, breast-related or otherwise, are nothing new. Panels have been convened over them. Entire websites have been launched about them. Lawsuits have been waged because of them. But when the argument focuses on the degree of exposure — or lack thereof — of female breasts in the workplace, especially in a legal workplace, that’s when tempers really start to get out of control.

I can tell you’re already starting to get a little hot under the collar, aren’t you? OK, look, let’s all just calm down, take a deep breath, and take a tour of some photographic evidence….

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Anna Nicole Smith: her candle burned out long before her legend ever did. And the great beauty’s legend continues to grow, over three years after her untimely death in February 2007, as litigation involving her estate contributes to the development of a rich body of law regarding bankruptcy and probate law — in a tribunal no less distinguished than the Supreme Court of the United States.

Over at USA Today, Joan Biskupic has this report:

The Supreme Court agreed Tuesday to hear an appeal from the estate of Anna Nicole Smith, the late Playboy model and TV reality-show star, in the decades-old dispute over an inheritance from her tycoon husband.

The action, involving a sensational set of characters in an otherwise dry case at the intersection of probate and bankruptcy law, came on a day of varied court business that included acceptance of 14 new cases for the 2010-2011 term that officially begins Monday.

Sounds scintillating. Let’s get all up in Anna Nicole’s business, shall we?

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If you’re like most people who have an important drug test coming up — say, for a new law firm job or for probation (kind of the same thing) — you probably prepare by doing things such as guzzling water, sucking pennies, or ladling your roommate’s urine into a pocket flask.

A somewhat less effective way to prepare involves going on a cocaine and amphetamine binge hours before your drug test and hoping for the best. But that didn’t stop Lindsay Lohan from trying last week:

Lindsay Lohan’s probation has been revoked and a bench warrant issued for her arrest…. Although the bench warrant was issued, it’s being held — i.e., on hold — until Friday at 8:30 AM, when Lindsay is ordered to appear in court.

The move by Judge Elden Fox comes after Lindsay failed two drug tests recently … one showed the presence of cocaine and another showed amphetamines.

Under the terms of her probation, Lindsay could get 60 days for her latest misstep, and the bench warrant comes just weeks after Lindsay completed a 14-day jail stint and 23 days in UCLA’s in-patient celebrity-enabling sanctuary rehab for another parole violation.

As an occasional taxpayer (albeit in a different state), I’m annoyed California has to waste precious time and resources monitoring and jailing Lindsay, when they could be doing something useful, like banning Jay Leno. As a lawyer, I’m itching to blame someone or something(s) for her downward spiral, and I have found the proximate clause: her boobs.

Let’s take a closer look…

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The new season of The Apprentice: Recession Edition premieres tomorrow night on NBC, and if you weren’t planning on watching it because it’s the 87th season and nobody cares, you just might want to reverse course. No fewer than five unemployed lawyers — cupcake-wielding Brandy, ex-beauty queen Nicole, fashion-obsessed Mahsa, old person Clint, and Prince Harry-lookalike James — are competing to be Donald Trump’s main minion this season. Above the Law scored an advance interview with one of them.

James Weir, 31, was a second-year litigator in Clifford Chance’s New York office before getting laid off because of the economy back in October 2008.  Unable to find work, this Duke undergrad and ’06 Georgetown Law grad became a “couch surfer” (according to his Apprentice bio), brazenly unafraid of bedbugs (I asked), who spent his time applying for jobs, watching a lot of Netflix Instantly Viewable, and learning to stain furniture (presumably on purpose).

In our brief interview, James reveals ATL’s role in his casting (!!), shares the two things he wishes he said on air, and tells us what his mom really thinks about all of this…

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Anne Bremner

A Seattle reader brought a remarkable tale to our attention. He sent along some links about prominent attorney Anne Bremner and her recent brush with the law, along with this commentary:

Anne is a high-profile lawyer — at least here in the Northwest. She is a legal analyst for lots of broadcast media outlets. There is lots of hubris here, so I immediately thought of Above the Law.

Does Anne Bremner view herself as “above the law”? On the night that she was arrested for drunken driving, she allegedly said all sorts of things to various police officers, including but not limited to the following:

  • “I will sue your ass.”
  • “I’m famous. It’ll be bad for you guys.”
  • “You can’t arrest me. I represent Seattle and King County. You are making a mistake.”
  • “I represent you guys. Come on, take me home.”

Sounds like a charming lass, doesn’t she? Let’s get to know her a little better….

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Another day, another law student turned beauty queen. If you can’t get a legal job in this economy, you might as well settle for a free car and a year’s supply of make-up, right? It’s certainly better to get the cosmetics for free than to steal them — just ask Caroline Giuliani (Rudy Giuliani’s attractive daughter, who could herself be a beauty queen.)

Last week we wrote about Chantal Raymond, a gorgeous graduate of Harvard Law School who was recently crowned Miss Jamaica World. Today brings beauty pageant news from across the pond, reported by the Telegraph:

Jessica Linley, 21, defeated 60 other contestants to win the title at the annual pageant in Birmingham. The statuesque blonde – who wants to be a solicitor – will now represent her country at the Miss World contest in China next month.

No, not that kind of solicitation — although the luscious Linley could make a mint in that older but less learned profession. “Solicitor” and “barrister” are British terms for “lawyer.” (For more on the difference between the two, see here.)

Let’s learn more about Linley — for example, where does she go to school? — and maybe see another photo or two….

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Poor Dalmatians....

It looks like Wyclef Jean can’t run for president of Haiti. But elsewhere in the Caribbean, visitors from the mainland are being welcomed with open arms. A reader at Harvard Law School reports: “A member of the Class of 2010 was just crowned Miss Jamaica World 2010. Not sure if she had an offer or is deferred or what.”

(Although she’s a freakin’ beauty queen, note how the tipster immediately turned to discussion of her law firm employment status. Welcome to HLS!)

The news is true: Chantal Raymond, who graduated from Harvard Law a few months ago, is the new Miss Jamaica World. As noted in the Jamaica Observer, Raymond will represent the island nation at the Miss World competition later this year, in Sanya, China.

Yes, we know: pics or it didn’t happen.

We have the pictures. And yes, of course the pageant included a swimsuit competition….

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Yesterday we covered the divorce of golf sensation Tiger Woods and his stunningly beautiful wife, former model Elin Nordegren. We noted that Nordegren was represented by McGuireWoods. Although McGuireWoods is a top firm, especially in its home state of Virginia, it’s “not known for its matrimonial practice,” as Nathan Koppel of the WSJ Law Blog observed.

How did McGuireWoods land this plum assignment? Several of you pointed it out in comments, and Brian Baxter reported on it over at Am Law Daily. The short answer: family ties. To quote the slogan of McGuireWoods: “Relationships… drive results.”

A statement issued yesterday by the divorcing couple noted that Nordegren was represented by, among others, a McGuireWoods attorney by the name of Josefin Lonnborg. The divorce was filed in Bay County Circuit Court, Florida; Josefin Lonnborg practices in London. Why was a corporate lawyer out of the U.K. involved in a U.S. matrimonial case?

Here’s why: Josefin Lonnborg and Elin Nordegren are twin sisters. And despite her impressive legal credentials — Lonnborg speaks fluent English and Swedish, has worked at law firms in Stockholm and London, and has a Master of Laws degree from the London School of Economics — she is more than just “lawyer hot.”

Yes, we know: pictures or it didn’t happen. So, pictures.

Warning: although the images below are perfectly safe for work, gentlemen may wish to be seated at desks before viewing, to avoid unseemly displays of… enthusiasm.

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