* “I even got out of community service, suckers!” [AP via HuffPo]

* And somewhere, a torts professor is drafting his “false imprisonment” hypo for upcoming final exams. [Detroit Free Press]

* This is the problem with straight fashion designers. (Serious Note: Sexual violence is one of the few things I NEVER make light of, but I personally see this as a classic he-said/she-said, with a little statutory, which I consider -- rightly or wrongly -- malum prohibitum, thrown in for good measure.) [Yahoo! News]

* Train wrecks, on the other hand, are free-for-all’s: Lindsay Lohan’s dad is now a free man, and in the past, he’s been such an inspiration in helping her to lay off drugs and to cope with familial dysfunction that there’s no telling what he’s capable of as a redeemed man. [The Showbuzz]

* Justice Scalia on judicial paychecks. [Associated Press]

And meanwhile...

* "It was just a matter of time before well-heeled business and other interests would expand their influence-peddling efforts, and begin pouring large amounts of money into previously sleepy judicial campaigns." [TimesSelect (pass-through link) via How Appealing]

* No more melting coins for the value of the metals. [ABC]

* Natalee Holloway's family files wrongful death suit in Aruba. [MSNBC]

* "Accuser in Duke lacrosse case about to give birth." [SI.com]

* HP board terminates advisory relationship with Silicon Valley superlawyer Larry Sonsini. [New York Times via Dealbreaker; WSJ Law Blog]

Remember Professor Viet Dinh? If not, here's what we previously wrote about him:

Dinh represents venture capitalist god Thomas Perkins, in Perkins's (rather tense) dealings with HP's board and lawyers [concerning the HP spying controversy].

Dinh, for those of you visiting from other planets, is one of the highest-flying legal eagles in the country. He's a former high-ranking official at the Justice Department, current professor at Georgetown Law, and former Supreme Court clerk (to Justice Sandra Day O'Connor).

The American Lawyer recently published an interesting article about the HP controversy and the troubles it has caused for Larry Sonsini, one of Silicon Valley's top lawyers. We haven't had the chance to read it closely; but one of you highlighted this little tidbit:

Over a Washington, D.C., lunch in which Dinh quickly downed three glasses of wine, three orders of oysters and a seafood gumbo, the former government lawyer recalled he was startled when [Thomas] Perkins first told him about the leaks investigation.

Well! It seems that the super-cuddly professor has quite an appetite.

Perhaps Professor Dinh is still haunted by his childhood as a refugee from war-torn Vietnam? Relax, Viet -- everything is all right. You are a millionaire, and you don't need to worry about where your next meal is coming from. (And if you run out of food late one night, you can always eat the prestige of that SCOTUS clerkship.)

Our question to Professor Dinh: Given your voracious appetite, how do you stay so slim?

Where Will the Troubles End for Sonsini and HP? [The American Lawyer]
Hewlett-Packard Lawyer Dinh Gives Washington the ‘Viet-Spin’ [New York Observer]

Earlier: Viet Dinh: Still As Cuddly As Ever

* O.J.'s "confession"? The trial of the century takes a twisted PR turn, years later. [CNN]

* President Bush intends to renominate, to the lame duck Senate, some of the judicial nominees who were not previously confirmed, before the Democrats swept the midterm elections. Interesting strategy. [New York Times]

* Don't mess with Texas['s judicial independence]. [SCOTUSBlog]

* The HP debacle: you thought it was over, but really it's just beginning. Patty Dunn enters a plea of not guilty. [Los Angeles Times]

* Brutal brawl breaks out in an Ohio courtroom. [CNN Video]

Fantasy football, after the jump.

Supreme Court Scions:

* Janet Rehnquist, daughter of the late Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, is leaving Venable to start her own health care law practice. She will be based out of the Washington offices of Arent Fox.

Rehnquist previously served as Inspector General of the Health and Human Services Department, before she resigned amid controversy. It was rumored that Chief Justice Rehnquist was upset over how his daughter's departure from HHS was handled.

Janet Rehnquist isn't the only SCOTUS spawn with a successful legal career. Her brother, James Rehnquist, is a litigation partner at Goodwin Procter and a former federal prosecutor. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's daughter, Jane Ginsburg, is a law professor at Columbia. And one of Justice Antonin Scalia's sons, Eugene Scalia, is a partner at high-powered Gibson Dunn, a former Solicitor of the Department of Labor -- and an ERISA hottie.

Damage Control:

* Jon Hoak, former general counsel to NCR, joins HP as its chief ethics and compliance officer.

Lateral Moves:

* Hedge fund lawyer Bruce Kahne, to Kirkpatrick & Lockhart Nicholson Graham, from Seward & Kissel.

* Corporate and securities lawyer Daniel Raglan, to Greenberg Traurig, from Sullivan & Cromwell (where he was an associate).

* Public finance lawyers Pauline Schneider and Darrin Glymph, to Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe (DC), from Hunton & Williams. (Schneider, a former D.C. bar president, comes in as a partner; Glymph joins as counsel.)

NY Partners Switching Firms [NYLawyer.com]
Supreme Daughter Hangs Out Her Own Shingle and More DC Lawyers On the Move [NYLawyer.com]
H-P Hires Former NCR General Counsel As Chief Ethics Officer [WSJ Law Blog]

* The Justice Department has launched a preliminary inquiry into possible collusion in the private equity industry. We say: Anyone making that much money has GOT to be doing something naughty. [New York Times]

* What, another U.S. Attorney's Office can be uttered in the same breath as the vaunted Southern District of New York? Sacrilege! (But then again, the S.D.N.Y. is only human: Michael Garcia is a suspected Cheetos eater.) [WSJ Law Blog; Wall Street Journal]

* The HP spying case isn't that different from a narcotics conspiracy case. Expect everyone to turn on everyone else. [New York Times]

* General Wesley Clark's brokerage firm declares war on a former analyst, suing him for patent infringement and cyber-squatting. [DealBook]

* Hee-hee. We love it when Bashman gets snarky (as long as we're not the target of said snark). [How Appealing]

* Another one of our useless skills, besides offering irreverent and irrelevant commentary on legal news: good penmanship. As in cursive -- 'cause we're old school. You can actually make out the letters in our signature. [Washington Post]

Oodles of juicy moves today, especially out of and into the federal government. As the leaves change, so do the lawyers.

Government to Private Sector:

* Federal prosecutor John Hueston, a leader of the team that prosecuted Enron execs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, is heading for the greener pastures of Irell & Manella.

All around the country, AUSAs with white-collar criminal experience are leaving U.S. Attorney's Offices -- including our former workplace -- for the more lucrative precincts of private practice. The trend is especially pronounced in the legendary Southern District of New York, as noted by Anna Schneider-Mayerson.

Private Sector to Government:

* Corporate and securities lawyer Michael Halloran, a partner at Pillsbury Winthrop, has been appointed to serve as deputy chief of staff and counselor to Christopher Cox, chairman of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

Lateral Moves:

* Broker-dealer compliance specialist Steven Lofchie, to Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft, from Davis Polk & Wardwell. (In this day and age, compliance is a hot area. We're guessing Lofchie got offered a nice deal.)

* Tax lawyer John Narducci, to Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe, from White & Case.

* IP lawyer Robert Wasnofski Jr., to Dorsey & Whitney, from Baker Botts.

* M&A lawyer Sandy Feldman, to Kirkpatrick & Lockhart Nicholson Graham, from Torys.

Retirements:

* Plaintiffs' lawyer Alan Schulman, of Bernstein, Litowitz -- and formerly of the indicted Milberg Weiss -- is retiring at the end of the year.

Not Going Anywhere -- Yet:

* Apple CEO Steve Jobs and HP CEO Mark Hurd are sticking around -- despite the problems that their companies face.

NY Practice Leader Leaves One Elite NY Firm for Another [NYLawyer.com]
More NY Partners Switching Firms [NYLawyer.com]
Milberg Weiss: Merger Talks Break Down; An Alum Retires [WSJ Law Blog]
Enron Prosecutor John Hueston to Join Irell & Manella [WSJ Law Blog]
The Gang That Shot Straight Is Disbanding, For a Profit [New York Observer]

* "If Mark Foley had sex with a page in the District of Columbia, it wouldn't be a crime. In the capital, the age of consent is 16, as it is in many states. That, coincidentally, is the minimum age to be a page." [Los Angeles Times]

* The Sixth Circuit has placed Judge Anna Diggs Taylor's warrantless wiretapping handiwork on hold. [Detroit Free Press via How Appealing]

* Some benchslapping of the government, courtesy of Second Circuit Judge Jon O. Newman: "Beatings? Exposure to air-conditioning after standing in the rain? Needless strip-searches? Never approached a due process violation? If I thought your client really believed that, I’ve got to tell you, I’d be really troubled.” [New York Times]

* The other shoe has dropped in the HP leak investigation scandal: criminal charges have been filed against former chairwoman Patricia Dunn and four others. [New York Times]

* Apple joins the options backdating scandal club. [New York Times; WSJ Law Blog]

* Senate approves broad new rules to try detainees. [New York Times; Bashman linkwrap]

* Senate House grandstands over Hewlett-Packard as most witnesses take Fifth; libertarians celebrate that time wasted is time not spent passing new appropriations. [New York Times; WaPo]

* Verizon Wireless piles on against H-P. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Observers suggest Supreme Court cases over abortion might be contentious. You think? [Legal Times]

* Dozen Iraqi journalists arrested under new law against criticism of government. See? They're already following in our footsteps up to the Alien and Sedition Acts! [New York Times]

* Belgium rules sifting of bank data illegal. [WaPo]

* California court hearing testimony over how many angels can dance on the pinhead of an anesthesized Death Row inmate. [Bashman linkwrap]

* Louisiana appellate court strikes down med-mal damages cap for failure to index to inflation, providing another excuse for doctors not to return to post-Katrina New Orleans. [Point of Law]

* New York Times writes thumbsucker on the Pirro marriage. [New York Times]

1. They're both having A REALLY CRAPPY Thursday.

2. They both like to SPY ON OTHER PEOPLE (e.g., fellow board members, husbands).

3. OMG: They have THE EXACT SAME HAIRSTYLE!!!

(Gavel bang: David Minkin)

Hearings Open on H.P.’s Spying: Patricia Dunn Testifies [New York Times]
Pirro Hits Trail After Inquiry Emerges [New York Times]
Jeanine Pirro: Probe Me? Probe You! [Gawker]
Only in New York: Jeanine Pirro, Non-Discreet Stalker [Jossip]

We are guilty of dereliction of duty. We've neglected to write about the Hewlett-Packard leak investigation scandal, now unfolding in all of its glory before Congress. (Yes, that Congress: a body that knows all about unethical behavior, illegal conduct, and mind-blowing stupidity.)

We've been avoiding this scandal for two main reasons. First, it's a story that Peter Lattman and the WSJ Law Blog have really owned from the get-go. In fact, today Lattman is hanging out in Washington -- our usual base of operations -- to cover the House committee hearings on Capitol Hill. (Guess we've traded places; we're up here in New York, a few blocks away from Lattman's office.)

Second, L'Affaire HP has been such a total s**t show -- from the very start, but somehow managing to get worse each day -- that blogging about it presents no challenge. There's very little opportunity for us to add value. Reading wire reports about the scandal is already pretty mortifying (and entertaining). Do you really need a side order of obnoxious commentary when the entree itself is so rich?

But HP is the big news story of the day. It's one that our big brother is covering extensively. And we've received a bunch of emails asking for our thoughts on it. So fine, we will write about the HP spying scandal.

Actually, guess what? We just did. Fancy that!

DealBreaker's HP coverage
WSJ Law Blog's HP coverage
House Pursues Inquiry as H.P. Counsel Quits [New York Times]

Hey, it's not yet noon -- so we can still call this "Morning Docket."

(Sorry for the delay. But if you care about actual legal news, as opposed to our crude musings on them, you really should go here or here instead.)

* BREAKING: Ann Baskins just resigned as general counsel of HP. And her lawyer, K. Lee Blalack 2nd of O’Melveny & Myers, said that she will not answer questions at today's congressional hearings into the HP leak investigation scandal. [New York Times]

* Apparently Namibia is good for things other than harboring baby-bearing celebrities. Kobi Alexander -- who is not an NBA player, but the ex-CEO of Comverse Technology -- has been found in the African nation. As you may recall, after he was indicted on federal criminal charges arising out of alleged options backdating, Alexander became a fugitive. [Wall Street Journal via WSJ Law Blog]

* Not all internet sickos are creepy white men like John Mark Karr. There are a few ladies out there, too. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette via How Appealing]

* Federal prosecutors are looking into whether Jeanine Pirro, anti-porn prosecutrix and the Republican candidate for New York attorney general, illegally taped conversations of her husband, to figure out if he was having (another) affair. Her partner in (possible) crime: Bernard Kerik, the former New York City police commissioner and ill-fated pick for DHS Secretary. [New York Times]

(Anyone have a link to the tapes? We heard them on the news this morning, and Pirro repeatedly drops the F-bomb. It's pretty awesome.)

* The long and tortuous path to legislation governing the treatment of terror detainees may be reaching an end -- and not a moment too soon, since this story is kinda hard to follow. And a bit boring. And torture generally doesn't lend itself to humor opportunities. But see here. [New York Times; How Appealing (linkwrap)]

* We described the HP leak investigation scandal as a "made-for-television movie" well before Rep. Dianna Degette (D. Colo.) did. [WSJ Law Blog]

* We're several days late on this; but it's just as well. We're not touching this controversy (see photo below) with the proverbial 10-foot pole. [Althouse; Feministing; Althouse; Feministing]

But just out of curiosity, ATL readers, what's your first reaction to this photo of Bill Clinton and a group of bloggers? Please place your responses in the comments to this post.

* HP looked into having spies infiltrate the offices of CNET and the Wall Street Journal by posing as clerical employees or cleaning crew members. This scandal gets more insane by the day. [DealBreaker]

* Have an iron stomach? Looking for a quick way to make $75,000? [TortsProf Blog]

* We agree with Professor Dimino's students -- we'll take a statutory class over Con Law any day of the week. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Lawyers don't have a monopoly on mumbo jumbo. [Securities Litigation Watch via DealBreaker]

* It's about time: Washington women get on the footwear bandwagon. [Washington Post]

* The Judicial Conference of the United States, the policy-making body for the federal judiciary (but not the SCOTUS), has announced measures to improve the judiciary's self-policing and public accountability. They include required installation of "conflict checking" software -- get with it, Your Honors, that's long overdue -- and enhanced disclosure concerning judicial junkets. [New York Times; Washington Post]

* Speaking of judicial naughtiness, a commission headed by Justice Stephen G. Breyer has concluded that the Ninth Circuit mishandled its investigation of Judge Manuel Real -- who is now facing an impeachment inquiry. [Los Angeles Times via How Appealing]

* The latest news in L'Affaire HP: Lawyers all around! HP general counsel Ann Baskins has retained white-collar specialist Cristina Arguedas, and Larry Sonsini has retained Michael Madigan, of Akin Gump. [The Recorder; WSJ Law Blog]

* Trying to come up with legislation to govern interrogation and treatment of terror suspects: Still a big ol' mess. Wake us up when something's actually accomplished. [Washington Post; New York Times]

* More back-and-forth between the Bush Administration and Congress concerning rules to govern the interrogation of terror suspects. The White House sent Congress a revised proposal last night; a deal could be reached by the end of this week. [Washington Post]

* More developments in the HP leak investigation scandal. The most interesting: even Larry Sonsini (at right), HP's lead outside lawyer, was pretexted as part of the probe. Heh. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Former Enron exec David Delainey is sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison. [Houston Chronicle via WSJ Law Blog]

* Freelance video journalist and blogger Josh Wolf, who refused to comply with a grand jury subpoena seeking his footage of a political protest, is headed back to jail. [Associated Press]

* Judge Manuel Real (C.D. Cal.) will testify before Congress in response to GOP efforts to impeach him. (Judge Real, by the way, is quite a character; we'll probably have more to say about this later.) [Daily Journal via How Appealing]

* Another day, another deepening of the doo-doo over at HP. Now the plot is taking on a "made-for-television-movie" feel: "[D]etectives tried to plant software on at least one journalist’s computer that would enable messages to be traced." [New York Times]

* National security adviser Stephen Hadley indicates that the White House is trying to reach a compromise with Republican Senators over what the CIA can and cannot do when interrogating terror suspects. [New York Times]

* A medical examiner hired by successful Supreme Court litigant Anna Nicole Smith performed a second autopsy on Smith's 20-year-old son over the weekend. The cause of death has not yet been determined, but heart disease, stroke, or a "congenital anomaly" have been ruled out. [Associated Press]

* Options backdating defendant William Sorin was outside general counsel at Comverse Technology -- a rather unusual arrangement. Sorin was awarded millions of dollars worth of stock options, even though he wasn't even a salaried employee of the company. [Corporate Counsel]

* A happy 67th birthday to Justice David H. Souter. And some advice: Don't eat that cupcake sent over by Ann Coulter, even if she did stick a cute little candle in it. [How Appealing]

* Anna Nicole Smith, the buxom ex-Playmate and victorious Supreme Court litigant, supports a formal inquest into the mysterious death of her 20-year-old son, Daniel Wayne Smith. [Associated Press]

* SCOTUS groupies, rejoice: Same-day transcripts of Supreme Court oral arguments will be made available, for free, on the Court's website. [Washington Post; SCOTUSblog]

* The Pennsylvania Supreme Court strikes down the legislature's attempted repeal of judicial pay raises as unconstitutional. As a result, Pennsylvania Supreme Court justices' salaries will increase to about $171,000, and Common Please judges' salaries will increase to almost $150,000. Not bad for being an icky state court judge. [How Appealing (linkwrap)]

* Boy that was fast: notorious plaintiffs' lawyer William Lerach, a former partner at the indicted law firm Milberg Weiss, has filed a derivative lawsuit against the HP board. [The Recorder via WSJ Law Blog]

* Michael "Under God" Newdow, the Energizer Bunny of questionable litigation, is at it again. [Law.com]

* More wrangling between the White House and Congressional Republicans over military tribunals and permissible interrogation methods for terror suspects. We hope this gets resolved soon, 'cause our attention span just isn't that long. [New York Times]

The recent HP leak investigation scandal has drawn into the spotlight a legal celebrity of the first rank: Viet Dinh. Dinh represents venture capitalist god Thomas Perkins, in Perkins's (rather tense) dealings with HP's board and lawyers.

Dinh, for those of you visiting from other planets, is one of the highest-flying legal eagles in the country. He's a former high-ranking official at the Justice Department, current professor at Georgetown Law, and former Supreme Court clerk (to Justice Sandra Day O'Connor).

Despite his platinum-plated résumé, Dinh is a grabby l'il guy. Here's the lede of Anna Schneider-Mayerson's very interesting profile of Dinh, in the New York Observer:

On the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, Viet Dinh, one of the lead architects of the controversial Patriot Act, was standing in his Washington, D.C., office, waxing poetic about Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor.

“Justice O’Connor, I love her so much,” the 38-year-old law professor said. “I love her so much. She’s the best.”

As if to return the compliment, her image, in the form of a photo portrait signed to her former clerk “with respect and affection,” smiled back at him.

Hugs all around!

The effusive Dinh is, according to Schneider-Mayerson, "an avid and nonpartisan hugger." As he readily admits, "I always hug [conservative lawyer] Ted Olson and [ACLU executive director] Anthony Romero,” he said.

Does this surprise us? Not in the least. Learn why, after the jump.

We have oodles and oodles of moves -- some actual, and some rumored -- to share with you today.

Lateral Moves:

* Antitrust lawyer Jeffrey Brennan and mass torts/products liability lawyer Kathleen O'Connor, to Dechert, from the FTC and Merck, respectively.

(Can O'Connor be the "Countess of Toxic Torts"? The title of "Queen of Toxic Torts" is already taken -- by Skadden's Sheila Birnbaum, with whom we are obsessed.)

* Leveraged finance lawyer Christina Ungeheuer, to Latham & Watkins (Frankfurt), from Milbank Tweed (Frankfurt).

* William Nordwind (legislative and government affairs) and Michael Volpe (labor), to Venable, from Capitol Hill (an interminable subcommittee name) and Clifton Budd, respectively.

* Financial restructuring lawyer Stephen Peppiatt, to Bingham McCutchen (London), from Shearman & Sterling.

* Trusts and estates lawyer Kenneth Page, to Hughes Hubbard & Reed, from Coudert Brothers (where he headed their T&E practice).

Also, here's more detail about a move that we wrote about last week -- the move of Dennis Orr and three colleagues from Mayer Brown (NY) to Morrison & Foerster (NY).

Shoes Waiting to Drop?

* Over at scandal-ridden computing giant HP, Ann Baskins "remains employed by the company as general counsel." But her days may be numbered. (The commenters at the WSJ Law Blog are certainly calling for her head.) [WSJ Law Blog]

Think Tanks:

* William Gale has been named Vice President and Director, Economic Studies, at the Brookings Institution.

NY Lawyers Switching Firms [NYLawyer.com]
MoFo New York hires four-partner litigation team from Mayer Brown [Legal Week Student]
H-P Mess Casts Harsh Spotlight on Ann Baskins [WSJ Law Blog]
Gale Named VP & Director of Economic Studies at Brookings [TaxProf Blog]

* Law professors remember 9/11. [TaxProf Blog]

* Heh, now we know what the law clerk to retired Justice O'Connor will be working on. [SCOTUSblog]

* HP and Wilson Sonsini: in bed together? [WSJ Law Blog]

* But enough about you; let's talk about us. [FishBowl DC]