In-House Counsel

Yesterday Elie wrote about the NYU “professor” who twitted a pitiable comment about obese people not being able to obtain Doctorates. The Interwebs had a field day with the comment. And the sociopaths who have every word of this site transmitted to their email just so they can snark went bananas. Two days ago, a comedienne debated a friend of hers regarding the appropriateness of rape humor, and the responsive comments were frankly disgusting. As were many of the comments directed at a Cheerios ad that featured a bi-racial family. Finally, I wrote some weeks ago about the secrecy surrounding mental health issues in our profession, and someone with no medical qualifications likened a psychotic break to over-stress in the workplace. Now, of these examples only two come directly from this site. But all of the hate, misogyny, racism, phobias, etc. are displayed here on a weekly basis. Are you really that stupid?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “House Rules: Really?..”

We are pleased to invite you to an Above the Law cocktail reception in Chicago on Wednesday, June 12th. The reception will take place from 6:30 to 8:30 and will feature a conversation with Mark Herrmann. As many of you know, Mark is Vice President and Chief Litigation Counsel of Aon, the world’s largest insurance broker. He is also a former partner at Jones Day, the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law (affiliate link), and a weekly columnist here at Above the Law.

This event will be an opportunity for attendees to hear insightful commentary from Mark, meet Above the Law writers, connect with peers, and enjoy great drinks and hors d’oeuvres. The event is sponsored by our friends at Access Data. Please RSVP below.

Ed. note: This post is by Will Meyerhofer, a former Sullivan & Cromwell attorney turned psychotherapist. He holds degrees from Harvard, NYU Law, and The Hunter College School of Social Work, and he blogs at The People’s Therapist. His new book, Bad Therapist: A Romance, is available on Amazon, as are his previous books, Way Worse Than Being A Dentist and Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy (affiliate links).

It’s time to go back to 1972 or so and start the Women’s Liberation movement up all over again. We need it.

A client, who was sexually harassed at her old firm, tells me a new fear haunts her — that her “reputation” will be transported via gossip to wherever she goes next. I asked what that “reputation” would be — I mean, how do you get a reputation for being harassed by some clown at a law firm?

“Well, they might think I’m difficult, or unstable, or a trouble-maker,” she explained.

That makes me want to scream — particularly because she might be right: Some sort of reputation along those lines might stick to her, and it might get around at her new firm. When you’re a woman at a law firm — or a woman, period — there are times when it seems you just can’t win…

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People are idiots. Maybe that should be the official motto of this column.

(Maybe, given what I wrote in The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law, that should be the official motto of my life.)

Today’s column draws, as always (except when I’m making stuff up), on true life.

A friend at a London law firm wanted to meet a senior executive at my company. I asked the executive if he cared to join my friend and me for lunch. I naturally placed no pressure on the exec: “I’m happy to have lunch with this guy alone, or I’m happy to set up something for the three of us. What do you prefer?”

Somewhat to my surprise, the exec accepted the lunch date. I told my friend. And my buddy promptly sent an invitation for the appointed date and time scheduling lunch in a conference room at his law firm, halfway across London from our corporate offices.

Get our your Bluebook and start spotting issues!

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Inside Straight: No Such Thing As A Free Lunch”

* Obama nominates a Bush Republican to head the FBI. James Comey was on all sorts of Bush short lists. Kumbaya. [New York Times]

* A nice summer reminder: this woman didn’t recover damages from Great Adventure water ride injury. Here’s another reminder: Six Flags destroys Disney. [New Jersey Law Journal]

* NASDAQ gets BTCHSLAPD. [National Law Journal]

* Meanwhile, Total Oil is also getting slapped by the SEC. Looks like somebody over there ate their Total. [Breaking Energy]

* The “elitist white boy” approach to law enforcement gets called out. Bobby Rush is now my hero. [Talking Points Memo]

* Darius Kingsley, a former Treasury official, is the new co-general counsel of JPMorgan’s commercial bank. [Corporate Counsel]

* Florida Governor Rick Scott can’t randomly drug test all state workers. I’d be in favor of random drug testing for Rick Scott voters. [Reuters]

Well, Bausch and Lomb is finally being sold. Oh, there will be some time between now and the closing, but yesterday’s announcement of 800 million dollars in cost cutting would make any in-house attorney nervous.

The cuts are to come largely from the front office and management, all places where lawyers are part of the organization. I know several good people who face a period of real uncertainty as Valeant performs assessment after assessment of where cuts can be made, and then begins to swing the axe.

My town of Rochester has seen more than its fair share of decline in the last decade. Eastman Kodak is a shell of its former self, and now B&L is going to be owned by a Canadian concern; at least, if true to Canadian tradition, they’ll be “nice” about the cuts, right?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “House Rules: The Deepest Cut…”

According to vast anecdotal evidence, deep in the heart of many or most bored and frustrated Biglaw midlevels lies the dream of someday landing a plum in-house gig. The kind of job which offers reasonable and predictable hours and a decent (albeit smaller) paycheck. The kind of job where “billable hours” are someone else’s problem and there’s only one client to report to.

Going in-house is also an opportunity to become a stakeholder in a business, rather than just a “hired gun” advisor. Living that dream is our very own Inside Straight columnist Mark Herrmann, VP and Chief Litigation Counsel of Aon plc, the world’s largest insurance broker. Mark is also a former partner at Jones Day, and the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law (affiliate link). There are few with a broader perspective and deeper insight into the practice of law both in both firm and in-house contexts.

On June 12th, Above the Law will be hosting a cocktail reception at an undisclosed location in Chicago where Mark will be our guest of honor. Staci Zaretsky will be playing the role of James Lipton, and will conduct an interview with Mark to kick off the evening. Afterwards, drinking. We would like to crowdsource at least a portion of Staci’s interview with Mark, so after the jump, please leave a question for Mark in comments. We’ll select the best ones and Staci will pose them to Mark on June 12th….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Ask Mark Herrmann Anything, LIVE in Chicago”

We are pleased to invite you to an Above the Law cocktail reception in Chicago on Wednesday, June 12th. The reception will take place from 6:30 to 8:30 and will feature a conversation with Mark Herrmann. As many of you know, Mark is Vice President and Chief Litigation Counsel of Aon, the world’s largest insurance broker. He is also a former partner at Jones Day, the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law, and a weekly columnist here at Above the Law.

This event will be an opportunity for attendees to hear insightful commentary from Mark, meet Above the Law writers, connect with peers, and enjoy great drinks and hors d’oeuvres. The event is sponsored by our friends at Access Data. Please RSVP below.

Talking to my mother in Edmond, Oklahoma on Monday afternoon took a turn for the scary when she told me that Moore had just been hit by another very serious tornado and another one was (click)….

It took me two hours to reach my brother, who also lives near Oklahoma City, and who ironically enough works for a large cellular company. After my ranting about the lack of service that scared the bejeezus out of me, he informed me that while all was well with my family, Moore was devastated — again. I am guessing that some readers were around eight years old in 1999, when Moore was last left resembling Hiroshima in a Technicolor film. I am certain that some residents thought a once in a lifetime storm would never happen again, but it seems that Moore sits on some sort of Hellmouth. That’s the thing with tornadoes, they come out of the blue, there’s nothing you can do to stop them, and your only protection when you have no basement, is to hunker down in a bathtub and pray — and that’s if you’re lucky. It is the same thing with business catastrophes. And while that segue might seem rough at first blush, put in the context of this week’s damage, it makes a certain amount of sense…

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Partner asks for a draft brief by Wednesday. It doesn’t arrive on time. Partner asks Associate about the brief: “I wrote it, but the dog ate it. I’ll get you a draft next week.”

On the next assignment, Partner asks for a draft brief by a deadline. The brief doesn’t arrive on time. Partner asks about the brief: “I left the finished draft in a briefcase in my car, and a thief broke into my car and stole the briefcase. I’ll get you a draft next week.”

On the next assignment, the computer crashed at the last minute. And on the assignment after that, a junior lawyer doing some research for the brief fell ill, so it wasn’t possible to get the brief written on time.

For Partner, the solution is easy: “This clown is irresponsible. There are other associates around here who actually do things on time. I’ll stop working with the clown, and my life will be much easier. And I’ll report on the clown’s annual review that he’s irresponsible.”

For Associate, the situation is baffling: “I do great work, and I turn things in late only when fate interferes. Why doesn’t Partner work with me anymore, and why did he unfairly say on my review that I’m irresponsible?”

Another example; the corporate analogy to law firm life; and my stunning conclusion all after this enticing ellipsis . . .

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Inside Straight: Subconscious Denial And Lawyer Reviews”

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