Kids

Associate Bonus Watch: What About the Children?

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stack of bills cash money.jpgWe read the message boards, so you don’t have to. Yes, you owe us big-time.
We’re mainly interested in bonus announcements. But occasionally we notice other items. Last week, we were oddly touched by this post. And today we were moved by these sentiments:

Man, this is depressing. I’ve been following this board for a couple of years as an undergrad and I really thought the partners would step up this year. Unfortunately, they didn’t and now I’m really questioning if I want to go to law school. My plan since my junior year of high school had been to go to law school, but now I don’t think its worth it.

I scored in the top 2% on the LSAT and I’m sure I could get a decent financial aid package at a good school, but if the partners are going to hoard all the money for themselves I think it’s time to give up the dream, go work in finance for a few years, then get an MBA. It looks like that will be a much more lucrative route.

I’m just glad that this board exists so that I can make the right decision now before I get stuck in a dead-end law job at BIGLAW like you guys. Thanks for getting the truth out so that those of us considering law school can make well-informed decisions.

We believe the children are our future — so we fear for the future of the profession. Law just won’t be the same without money-hungry barracudas swimming in the Biglaw waters.
No longer going to law school [Infirmation / Greedy NY]

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.15.06

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* It helps the People’s case when an alleged polygamist doesn’t look like Brad Pitt or, you know, anyone non-creepy. [AP via Yahoo! News]
* “Low blood sugar” is to an opera singer what “exhaustion” is to an anorexic poppet du jour. [International Herald Tribune]
* What would the holidays be without a child left in a car while his mother picks something up at Neimans? Don’t even think of invoking the “Last-Minute Shopping Hysteria” defense — she brought along the dog. [East Valley Tribune]
* Necessity may be the mother of invention, but obviousness is its eccentric aunt. I don’t know if that makes sense, but check out the proof of what you knew all along — that you’re completely expendable. [Temporary Attorney]
* Sad, senseless deaths. One would think that such risks would exist only in the world of criminal defense, prosecution, and maybe divorce law. [WSJ Law Blog]

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.12.06

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Traffic the Movie Above the Law.jpg* Fear not, you can continue the inexplicable and somewhat cheap practice of wearing buttons of your slain loved one when attending the trial of the accused perpetrator. [The Buck Stops Here]
* Think of the occasional theft as a write-off, which of course is moot since you’re not paying taxes anyway. And then rent Traffic, you clueless surburban kid. Disclaimer: I attended a suburban high school (but I never inhaled). [Sui Generis]
* Illinois wants to make it even easier for you to get out of jury duty. [Concurring Opinions]
* The choice of law school over medical school has its roots in our rather iffy math skills; but this is Yale Law, where the career center’s number-heavy cheat-sheet on the whole billable hours thing assumes (correctly) YLS students are the s**t all-around. [Precedent: The New Rules of Law and Style]
* We think that this four-year-old’s parents may have tried explaining the birds and the bees using such technical terms as “special hug.” We’re hoping that he did not use sound effects during the alleged, er, breast nuzzling. [Waco Tribune]
* An additional bullet-point to add to my disturbingly endless “Why Video Games Creep the Hell Out of Me” list. [San Francisco Chronicle]

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Accept the Things You Cannot Change: Blackberry Addiction

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A 12-step program for Blackberry addicts strikes us as an exercise in futility. When we worked at a law firm, we took our Blackberry with us everywhere. Once we Blackberried a paralegal from the dentist’s chair — while waiting for the anesthesia to wear off, after having four wisdom teeth removed.
In fact, establishing “Blackberry-free” time periods could end up getting you in trouble. Under certain circumstances, it might constitute malpractice. We agree with commenter Willie:

This all sounds swell in theory, but until clients agree to obey the same rules, it will be difficult to observe these common sensical boundaries.

As for the so-called “BlackBerry orphans,” kids who feel neglected by their Blackberry-obsessed parents, the solution is simple. Follow Arianna Huffington’s example: get your child a Blackberry of her own. Then she’ll spend all her time emailing with her friends, instead of bothering you while you’re trying to get work done.
It’s never too early to give your kid a Blackberry. Even babies can appreciate them:
Blackberry baby.JPG
BlackBerry Orphans [Wall Street Journal]
BlackBerry Addicts: A 12-Step Program [WSJ Law Blog]
Earlier: Law Firm Associates: How Not To Deal with the Late-Night Munchies

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Morning Docket: 12.08.06

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* Thou shalt not kidnap your child to keep her from getting married. [CNN]
* This really happened? [CNN]
* Supreme Court takes antitrust case involving investment banks. [New York Times]
* Specter introduces legislation designed to blunt the effects of the Thompson memo. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Same-sex marriage still legal, eh? [Reuters via Yahoo!]

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.07.06

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Nike baby.JPG* Let’s see…a corrupt Laguardia Community College instructor on the one hand, and students dumb enough to think that a slightly better grade in computer science will compensate for the fact that they attend Laguardia Community College…I won’t comment, lest you think I’m elitist or something. [Newsday]
* Sponsoring babies, but not the Sally Struthers way. [Madisonian]
* And another way in which babies can pay off. [Cookie; The Poop]
* We too are hoping the judge’s mishandling of this case comes back to bite shoot him in the ass. [Legal Reader]
* So Tom Brady is like one of 5 football players I actually recognize. (I’m exaggerating of course — I’m counting Tiki Barber as two.) Well, he’s suing Yahoo! for improperly using his image in its promotion of Fantasy Football. (Which is strange since he did not sue SNL for skits that made him look as interesting as a brick.) [The Smoking Gun]

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.06.06

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* Pity the petty, Tommy Bahama-wearing victims of the defectively long and narrow armrests of Metro-North commuter trains. [New York Times]
* Dr. Daniel goes to prison after lubing up the Beverly Hills ladies… in a bad way. [Los Angeles Times]
* Small firms are great and all, but can they afford the luxury of a Holiday Extravaganza in the cafeteria? [Build a Solo Practice, LLC]
* A crime against the Christmas spirit? No, just a mom charging her kid with petty larceny. [The Smoking Gun via CrimLaw]
* Remember that ninth-grade health ed presentation on the dangers of smoking, with the gross photos of cancerous lungs? That is when the statute of limitations should start running. (The SOL in trans-fat cases, because it’s only a matter of days now, should run the day you realize you can’t see your penis anymore.) [Point of Law]

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Morning Docket: 12.05.06

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bingo Above the Law.jpg* This, this, and this from How Appealing on the race in public schools cases argued before the Supreme Court yesterday.
* And for the second straight day, someone blames their crime on bingo. [CNN]
* A “temporary” solution for being burned out on biglaw. [WSJ Law Blog]
* I guess this is kinda like the flip-side of using someone as a human shield. [CNN]
* Always get it in writing, especially when it comes to constitutions. [Jurist]

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.01.06

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* LexisNexis paid someone to conclude that 71 percent of adults who have never witnessed some pot-bellied schmuck leering at a female intern at the office holiday party were probably passed out near the punch bowl, or singing Don’t Stop Believin’ on the karaoke stage. [Martindale-Hubbell’s Lawyers.com]
* And here we were worried that all of these social sites would make shut-ins of our bright young kids. [NorthJersey.com via CrimProf Blog]
* This time, it’s okay to throw out the lawyer with the bathwater. [f/k/a]
* All we know is that the Aristocrats joke is not protected, probably because every version is vile and really not that funny. Of course, many comedians would disagree. [Hollywood Reporter]

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Non-Sequiturs: 11.28.06

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* Thesauruses can still do the trick. Who knows if I would have passed AP English without one? On the other hand, one of the perks of public high schools is having your Cliffs Notes-cribbed essay graded by a teacher qualified only to teach woodshop and coach girls’ softball. [New York Times]
* What would the Supreme Court say about McDonald’s plans to patent its sandwich-making process? [CNN Legal Pad]
* Ah, law school flirting is just so cute. [Overheard in New York]
* While the poodles seem to be safe, babies, sadly, are not. [WCSH Portland]
* Blood money, in a way. Because someone killed my will to love. [Newsweek via Overlawyered]

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