Kids

old lady elderly woman drug dealer Above the Law Blog.jpg* This is what will happen if we don’t reform the Social Security system. [Decatur Daily News]
* There’s a reason this, like the mainstream dairy industry, is regulated. Plus, it’s not exactly suitable for dunking oreos. [Inside Bay Area]
* If you need a break from US politics, then check out the other presidential free-for-all, going down in France. [RTE News]
* Fleshbot is not just a website. [Pink Tentacle via The Trademark Blog]
* Is internet radio on its way out? I don’t much care about Sirius, but what about Pandora, or the other stations you stream at work? [Tech News World]

* Jerry Maguire is chockful of memorable quotations and yet I cannot think of a single relevant one. [Reuters]
* Cuba Libre! Each student, however, faces a potential $65,000 fine. [New York Post]
* A 7-year-old public enemy #1? Maybe on The Wire. [Racialicious]
* I love all of David Bowie’s past and present personas, including that of savvy businessman behind the so-called “Bowie Bonds.” Admittedly, my understanding of this securitization vehicle is on par with that of Major Tom’s. [Madisonian]
* Those who can’t sing/dance/pose, manage. And defraud. One has to wonder how long such a large man will be able to hide from authorities. [ABC News]

Aaron Charney 2 headshot Aaron B Charney Aaron Brett Charney.jpgOur recent post about Aaron Charney and his well-to-do family background generated tons of discussion (about 90 reader comments). We’d like to pass along two pieces of additional information on the subject.
From a tipster who went to the same temple in the Syracause area (Temple Adath Yeshuran) as the Charney family:

“The Charneys do quite well for themselves with their stores. They never seemed to be wanting for cash, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that he’s got a trust fund.”

If Charney does come from such an affluent background, it may explain his willingness to “roll the dice” by pushing forward with his lawsuit against S&C. Someone from more modest means might have taken a more modest settlement, then moved on to a job at another firm. But someone with family money to fall back on might be more willing to shoot for a seven-figure payday, knowing that he could ride out even a lengthy period of unemployment with parental help.
But our source also has this to add:

“I’m not sure if Aaron Charney’s father is the only owner of the clothing store chain. The business may be a family business with more than one owner.”

We looked back at Bob Kolker’s profile of Aaron Charney for New York magazine. Kolker identifies Charney as “[t]he only son of an owner of a small chain of men’s clothing stores in the Syracuse area.” The indefinite article — “an owner,” rather than “the owner” — leaves open the possibility of multiple owners.
So this might dilute Charney’s patrimony, if other branches of his extended family also have their fingers in the dynastic till. Unlike, say, a chunk of the Wal-Mart fortune, multiple heirs from multiple families could be quite dilutive of Aaron’s share.
Does anyone know if Aaron Charney’s father is the sole owner of the Charney chain of stores? Anyone care to estimate what the chain’s annual revenue might be?
As always, if you can shed more light on any of this, please drop us a line.
Earlier: Brokeback Lawfirm: Aaron Charney’s Doing Just Fine, Thank You

Along with London, New York is one of the great tabloid cities of the world. When we opened the door of our hotel room this morning, we were greeted by this sight:

New York Post Anna Nicole Smith Larry Birkhead.jpg

The news has been mentioned in a few places on ATL (e.g., comments, Morning Docket). But for those of you who haven’t been paying attention: Larry Birkhead is the Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy.
(Which may not result in the financial windfall that Birkhead might have been expecting.)
LUSTY LARRY LICKS ‘EM IN ANNA NICOLE DADDY DERBY [New York Post]
Earlier: Oh Crap. This Baby Ain’t Worth Millions? Then You Take Her!

Anna Nicole Smith 3 Anna Nicole Smith photo photograph pic picture Above the Law Above the Law.JPGHere’s an interesting analysis of the underlying merits of the litigation over J. Howard Marshall’s estate. It contains some bome bad news for Anna Nicole Smith’s infant daughter, Dannielynn.
From a Legal Times piece by Professor Horace Cooper (who narrowly missed being a colleague of Kiwi Camara, and probably isn’t unhappy about that):

[T]here is little chance that this child will inherit millions. Why? Because Anna Nicole Smith’s legal claims on J. Howard Marshall’s estate were always tenuous.

And once the courts act, they will likely extinguish the claim altogether. That means Dannielynn is more likely to be saddled with legal bills and other debt from litigation associated with her mother’s estate than she’s likely to inherit any portion of Marshall’s estate.

We’ll spare you Professor Cooper’s detailed examination of the case, which deploys such fancy-pants legal terms as “de novo” and “res judicata.” We’ll just give you his bottom line:

A separate trial in the Bahamas is going forward to determine who Dannielynn’s biological father is. Once that is answered, will the biological father continue his efforts to secure custody after all the legal claims on the Marshall estate are extinguished?

I predict that once those claims are finally exhausted, even King Solomon himself might not have the wisdom to find a father for this baby.

And Judge Larry Seidlin is no King Solomon.
Anna Nicole’s Daughter Is No Million-Dollar Baby [Legal Times]

moon moons mooning Above the Law legal tabloid blog.jpgWe adore quirky lawsuits brought by high school students against school administrators. There’s something about the high school setting that fosters oddball litigation. E.g., “Bong Hits 4 Jesus”; Gifties v. Tards.
Here’s the latest such tale, from the AP:

A high school senior acknowledges he went too far when he mooned a teacher. But he thinks the decision of school officials to send him to a new school for the rest of the year was too harsh, so his family is suing.

Tyler Tillung, 18, mooned a teacher “suddenly and without thinking about the consequences” in February, according to the lawsuit filed Tuesday. The teacher had declined to let him into a Feb. 21 school lip sync show that was full.

Lip sync shows: not just for show queens. Anyway, here’s the school’s response:

“Without knowing the allegations, we’re confident in the administration’s position on this case,” [School Board Attorney Jim] Robinson said. Palm Harbor principal Herman “Doc” Allen described the mooning as “disgusting” and the teacher as “traumatized.”

Traumatized? From seeing a little teenage ass crack? Seems like an overreaction.
(Unless the kid suffered from this problem. Then all bets are off.)
Fla. student who mooned teacher sues [Associated Press]

* Those wacky middle-school art teachers. [Daily Southtown]
* Not the lawsuit we’d expect from an office party gone wild. [CNN]
* Metal will always be big in Scandinavia. It’s not like a German couple calling their kid “Knight Rider.” [Yahoo! News]
* He’s free at last, the douche is free at last! In my defense, it’s been a boring day. [San Francisco Chronicle]

We tend to doubt it. The source for the underlying exposé, World Net Daily, is perhaps best known for a piece entitled Soy Is Making Kids Gay.
But we pass this along for your consideration. Do with it as you will.
Alberto Gonzales’ Gay-Teen-Sex Cover-Up Shocker! [Wonkette]
Embattled AG now accused in teen sex scandal ‘cover-up’ [WorldNetDaily]

* This isn’t Wim Wenders’s Paris, Texas, but in a way, people are still lost. [Chicago Tribune]
* Speaking of Paris, Texas, here’s some trivia for you: the brother of one of its stars’ former partners (and father of one of her children as well as Pam’s new competition on The Office) was nominated to the federal bench last week and seems well-liked by all. Wasn’t that fun? [Seattle Times]
* More lawyers needed! For real. [Legal Profession Blog]
* I’m not judging the child-rearing methods (kiddie yoga! kiddie discos! kiddie Mandarin!) of urban yuppie/hipster parents, but nothing beats old-fashioned tough love. [Mail Tribune]
* It’s the crocodiles that made her look fat. “Crocs” make only fat people look fat. [Live Science]
* The weather’s warming up, so what better time for a cook-out? [New York Sun]

Eminem Marshall Mathers Above the Law blog.jpgPeople in certain lines of work — e.g., litigation, rapping, blogging — develop pretty thick skins. If you get attacked, insulted, and criticized on a daily basis, you stop noticing it pretty quickly.
So why is Eminem so sensitive?
(He claims he’s going to court to protect his 11-year-old daughter, Hailie, from being exposed to negative comments about her father. But we suspect she has plenty of other issues.)
Eminem goes to court to shut Kim up [Detroit News via Drudge Report]

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