Kids

Convicted Felon Battling Estranged Wife Over Daughter’s Fake Boobs and Butt in Custody Battle

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Maddy Verst

Back in January, we brought you news about a ridiculous million-dollar lawsuit that was filed by the mother of a young Toddlers & Tiaras star after her child was allegedly made out to be a prosti-tot by various media outlets.

Months later, the reality TV show has reared its pretty little head again in the courts, but this time in a custody battle for the ages. As it turns out, this doting dad didn’t want his darling daughter to be sexually exploited by her own mother, through the use of breast and booty padding.

The best part of the story is definitely the fact that this poor girl’s father — you know, the one trying to prevent his kid from becoming what pedos’ dreams are made of — is a convicted felon, on probation for child endangerment. Just wait till you see what his daughter looks like….

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Misdemeanor Offense of the Day: Judicial Cribs. Like, Baby Cribs, Not Lawyerly Lairs.

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Item that zero percent of babies needed for roughly the first 3,000 years of civilization.

Last month, I found myself in a store named “Buy Buy Baby.” That’s not a typo. There’s really a store whose very name encourages rampant consumerism for babies before they can even start forming memories.

Walking around the store, one wondered how human babies survived and thrived for 200,000 years without the $200 Rodeo Child Bike Carrier Seat, or the $650 Baby Jogger Switchback Hybrid Bike.

Needless to say, I was not impressed. At one point, I threatened to buy my baby a wheelbarrow and some duct tape to avoid the stroller hijacking. When that joke didn’t magically make the prices go down, I asked one of the sales clerks what “poor” people do when they have children.

The clerk didn’t miss beat, and said, “You don’t want your baby to feel poor, do you?”

Of course, there is a real answer to the question “what do poor people do.” They go on Craigslist and buy used baby stuff! Because nothing says “broke” like going online and buying crap for your baby that some other baby has already peed and vomited on.

But when you are on Craigslist, buyer beware. And the seller should beware too, because people who buy things on Craigslist might be idiots. That’s something that a local judge in Massachusetts is learning….

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Texas Teacher on Trial for Allegedly Participating in a Gang Bang With Students

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Hot for teacher?

Ever since Mary Kay Letourneau’s illicit relationship with an underage student hit the news in 1995, our country has been fascinated with sex scandals involving female teachers. Teacher-student sex scandals have earned a permanent place in our national news coverage, because as we all know too well, there seems to be a new incident each year. The reporting is often intense, and thanks to Nancy Grace’s television takeover, a nationwide assault on the “too pretty for jail” defense was launched into being.

Recently, female teachers have been upping the ante, having sex with multiple students in what have been described as drug- and alcohol-fueled orgies. Take, for example, Stacy Schuler, an Ohio teacher who was convicted of sexual battery after having threesomes with her students.

But the most recent teacher-student sex scandal takes the cake, if only because the allegations involve five students filming amateur porn with their teacher. Until now, we’d never heard of a case that involved so many young men all at the same time. But as they say, everything’s bigger in Texas — including the gang bangs….

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Sexy First Amendment Freedom Fighter Accused of Hosting an Underage Booze-a-Palooza

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Sydney Spies

Remember Sydney Spies, the teenage dream from Colorado who fought valiantly to get her provocative pictures featured in her high school yearbook, all in the name of free expression? Despite the threat of a lawsuit and national media coverage, all of Spies’s racy photos were rejected — but she was able to earn a spot in Americans’ hearts (and spankbanks) around the country.

The young Hollywood hopeful landed a small role in an upcoming SyFy movie, and her mother, Denise “Miki” Spies, was preparing to ship her daughter out to Los Angeles in the hopes of her making it big. Why not throw one last bash to celebrate Sydney’s single success in stardom? And that’s apparently where all the trouble began for this mother and daughter duo.

Little did Sydney and Miki know that their alleged exploits at the party would someday be able to serve as the basis for a Lifetime movie. The pair could face jail time for allegedly serving alcohol to minors — but at least they’re back in the headlines. (And this underage drinking drama could earn Sydney another line on her iMDB profile, so she’s probably patting herself on the back.)

Let’s discuss the charges that the Spies are currently facing, and all of the allegations that make them appear to be quite the hot messes….

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Lawyerly Lovebirds Accused of Planting Pills and Pot Now Face a Civil Suit From Alleged Victim

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Back in June, we brought you a story about some mom-and-dad law grads who had been accused of planting a potpourri of pills and pot on a parent volunteer from their son’s school. Kent W. Easter, a UCLA Law graduate, is (or was) a partner at Stradling Yocca Carlson & Rauth, a midsize California firm. His wife, Jillianne B. Easter, is a Boalt Hall grad and former lawyer who dabbles in crime fiction writing (and bad plastic surgery, from the looks of it).

Apparently the Easters thought that they could get away with the perfect crime, but alas, that only happens in books written by partner wives. Now, the Easters are looking at additional legal troubles: their alleged victim, Kelli Peters, has filed a civil suit against the couple that contains some interesting allegations. In fact, the page-turner of a complaint reads like it was written by a crime writer far more talented than Mrs. Easter (aka Ava Bjork).

Let’s check out the complaint, and see what the Easters are up against….

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Morning Docket: 08.14.12

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* Looks like someone skipped professional responsibility class during bar prep: the Ninth Circuit denied attorney fees to McGuireWoods in light of an “egregious” ethics violation made in the BAR/BRI antitrust settlement. [National Law Journal]

* Apple rested its patent-infringement case against Samsung yesterday, making way for the rival tech company to begin presenting its case. Jurors must be thrilled that the end is in sight, with just 25 more hours of arguments to go. [Bloomberg]

* Remember the mom-and-dad law grads accused of planting a potpourri of drugs on an elementary school volunteer? Their alleged victim is suing. We’ll have more on this hot mess later. [Orange County Register]

* “The facts don’t seem to support a ‘stand your ground’ defense.” That’s what George Zimmerman’s attorney said yesterday, but the defense team is going to try to get the case dismissed on those grounds anyway. [AP]

* When applying to law school, it’s usually helpful to demonstrate in your application that you actually want to go to law school. Gah, people seriously need to be told these things. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* “[T]he plaintiff’s tampon was never forcibly removed by any deputy.” First of all, yuck. Second of all, you know that a crazy lawsuit must have been filed when the cops are making public statements like this. [NBC News]

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Quote of the Day: Yes, We Should Probably Go Ahead and Do That

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Before you could turn a little bit of a blind eye (to children on websites like Facebook) but if this rule is adopted as proposed it will be significantly harder to do that.

– an anonymous privacy attorney, discussing the FTC’s proposed revision to the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule. The revision would explicitly make websites, mobile apps, and data brokers all responsible for third-party data collected about children.

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Is Breastfeeding Right For Biglaw Women?

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Breastfeeding is in the news again, and as usual it’s because some man has something to say about it.

The king of the nanny state, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, is promoting “Latch On NYC” in an effort to pressure new mothers into breastfeeding. The new program asks mothers to give reasons for wanting formula bottles and for signing them out. Health care professionals are then supposed to talk to mothers about the benefits of breastfeeding.

When the mayor of your city starts dictating lactation policies, it might be time to elect a new public health dictator mayor.

I wrote a whole editorial in the New York Daily News, in which you can hear me cry “freedom” as if I was in Braveheart. Check it out here.

First he came for the cigarettes, then the soda, now the formula. Obviously, it’s Mike Bloomberg’s city and we’re all just living in it.

But is breastfeeding even a plausible option in a Biglaw environment?

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Non-Sequiturs: 07.24.12

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* Will consultation with victims’ families determine whether James Holmes deserves the death penalty? You could probably consult with a wall to make that determination and get the same result. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Just like that, with incredible ninja-like speed, someone has already filed a negligence suit against the Aurora Century 16 Theater where the shootings took place. [Gawker]

* And no, sorry to disappoint you, but notwithstanding his self-admitted teeny peeny, we don’t think that James Holmes decided to go on a shooting spree because he got rejected by a few women on Adult Friend Finder. [Jezebel]

* While we’re talking about gun violence, Mike Bloomberg has got a great idea: all police officers should go on strike until legislators push through stricter gun laws. How is a nanny state supposed to work properly when all the governesses are off duty? [Gothamist]

* Knowledge is power in the hands of a client, especially when the knowledge you’ve given them is just another tool to piss off opposing counsel during a deposition. [Popehat]

* Personal responsibility fail: allowing your 13-year-old to drive you home because you’re wasted. Fathering fail: believing that was a good idea in the first place. [Legal Juice]

* A fake TV show starring a wheelchair-bound paraplegic paralegal? You know you’d watch this. [The Onion]

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Quote of the Day: A Football Fate Worse Than Death

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Mark Emmert

What we can do is impose sanctions that both reflect the magnitude of these terrible acts, and that also ensure that Penn State will rebuild an athletic culture that went horribly awry. Our goal is to not be just punitive, but to make sure that the university establishes an athletic culture and daily mindset in which football will never again be placed ahead of educating, nurturing, and protecting young people.

– NCAA president Mark Emmert, commenting on the unprecedented sanctions levied against the Penn State football program for its involvement in former coach Jerry Sandusky’s sexual abuse scandal.

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